Exactly, my point!

The clouds turned dark. The sky divided. The whiter the lighter, the darker the heavier. The universal equilibrium balance. The is a war among the mightier; in this case the heavier i.e. the darker. The sounds of battle echoed the whole dark sky. The result was tremendous downfall and strikings, everywhere. 

There is an emotion. An emotion hidden beneath the rigid plastered smile. The words are deceiving, just like the smile. But you will never know. The lies are just too perfect. The face is just perfect. On the long run, these words hurt more than anything. But who cares now, it is after a while, isn't it?

The say rain washes the emotion. I don't know about emotion but it does wash away my hair style. I spend like an hour decorating, I mean aligning my not-so-long-yet-long hair into a perfect one. And then there is rain. Thank you so very much. Now I look like a idiot. Which you always have been! So, why bother? And weren't you speaking about emotion and rain? When did you jump from train onto a flight? You are ruining it, bro! Yeah, yeah! Rain and emotion! Umm... that's pretty much it. Hopeless. 

I am a little lost. A little flustered. A little bewildered. The words escape my sight. my plight, my mind. I end up at the corner of the room which feels so cozy yet scares me to death. Ah! Death. Why are people so scared of it ? Don't we all know it is inevitable. But there is always a constant war to live a little longer. Blah! What not have people done to live a little longer for the life they don't know the future of. And what not the people have done to gift the inevitable gift of salvation that was thought only god could grant. 

What am I speaking? Death! Life! What an intellectual topics to ponder about, discuss about! Now, lets not get myself started with the aforementioned two things. I will preach, sure thing, but of something I know nothing about. Then again, you wouldn't know because I could be that ninety year old guy, full of experience and preaching about the divine knowledge. Yeah, I pretend. And I prefer to be good at it. Let me just put an end to your misery but not talking about it anymore.

There are thoughts which battle the insides of my mind. That, which never sees the light of the day. You know, I actually try to fish those thoughts out from the vast ocean filled with such well.. to be frank.. nonsense. The problem, if you ask is that the fishing rod is broken. If that's not it, then the fishing line is tangled somewhere in that mess. I try to find excuses. And haha believe me I am great at it. Perfect. Or may be not.

Now, I need a coffee. What? Now? The clock is chiming at 3. I was just kidding. I just had two whole bars of chocolate. Now, you! Stop right there. I got an extra one, just for you only. You can calmly keep down whatever that is in your hand that was supposed to fly out of your hand and hit my head. Take a breath. Phew! That was close. You are just exaggerating. Am I ? Damn! I thought you would never know! 

"Dude, you are good with words!", said a cousin of mine. Well thanks buddy. But come one, frankly I am not. Who am I kidding? I totally suck. Okay, I take it back. There are a few people like one or two who would track me down and put a gun to my head and probably would say, "Say it one more time, and the bullets' yours, for life. Period". (If they are reading this, they would probably know). And more over you should know I am just playing the beat-the-bush-from-behind card! What the hell is that? Who knows! Just came to my mind. It is actually like saying something that you don't believe, but you do believe is true and at the same time you feel that the others believe your little something, which you don't believe is true. I thought you never did/do drugs or drink as a matter of fact! What the hell is that supposed to mean? I didn't get a thing besides 'believe'?

 And dude, stop asking me so many questions. I am getting confused what lie I told the last time. So, what lie did you tell now? That I suck at writing. Oh, No! What have I done? What have you made me do? Oh, You are good at this. I mean you are such a really bad person. How can you make me turn my own words? 

People are getting confused over here. Are they? No, I don't think they are. When they opened my blog they knew what they were dealing with? You seriously believe that? How could someone possibly know that you could be some confused, pessimistic, hypocritical self obsessed person! Whoa! That's a high talk from a person like you. And moreover who are we talking about ? Oh, don't tell me thats' me! Because that wouldn't be be true.  

Okay, tell me one thing - What did you want to convey in this post ? Frankly speaking, God knows. Come on, God doesn't have a clue. Exactly, my point. 

P.S. I'd be changing my display name, most probably. So better watch out. No, it ain't cool. That's the reason I am warning you beforehand.

Adios. Sayonara.

Just Rambling.

The future is unknown and unpredictable. But what I feel is that it is in grave danger. It's mostly us, playing our parts perfectly or not. It's upto you to decide what kind of a player you are. I just can't go around telling that you aren't playing your part well.

When I see the present scenario of the country, I am completely and utterly flummoxed. The recent news that dwells about the division of a state. I am not that much into politics. As a matter of fact, I hate Politics. I used to think that the states were made on the basis of the language so that a particular junta of people who would have no problem speaking with one another could coexist without any setbacks. But that seems to be totally wrong. We speak about being united as one. And we still go on breaking up the unity. May be the phrase'Unity in Diversity' need just a little more diversity. People and their insane quests. It would be no surprise if each city is formed into a new state. 

Well, lets' get down to business..

Red heels. Short skirts. Turning heads. A hundred eyes. It's actually funny, or I don't know what it would/should be called, but when a girl passes by , there is rhythmic movement of heads, like the waves in the ocean. A few whistles, a few comments, a few flimsy filmy songs. A countable angry stares. It is very much the routine since like forever. Do you all agree with me? Of course you do. I seriously don't know whether the person who is responsible for causing this action for a few minutes enjoys or just hates it. Women are hard to understand! No doubt. But I feel they hate. Though, I would agree if you say there are a few people who want to seen, who want to be center of attraction and probably dress as if they are walking down the red carpet or whatever! But teasing with eyes , or whistles or comments or gossips or the list goes on.. doesn't make anyone comfortable. 

Where do I belong ? Where do I stand in this crazy act that people do? I don't know, you tell me. Usually, I am the guy who when spotting a head-turner exclaims with some adjectives and then I look at those other turning heads and hundred eyes, which like I said move rhythmically. Well, that's fine because looking at something beautiful isn't a bad thing after all. But then, I hear those comments and those weird songs / likewise things. That what doesn't feel right! Unknowingly, I curse those people. People should learn to appreciate and admire than violating. Oh, you couldn't even begin to imagine the thoughts that go through each and everyone of those minds. And that I.Fucking.Hate.

The Spam.

One man's desperation is other's opportunity. Dude, what the hell was that? Totally Irrelevant! These days to be in a relationship is more like a necessity than something (called love, duh!) happening for a reason. I hear people talking about it all the time. But in my circle of friends it mostly the people who still aren't into a relationship. They would brag about it and then again deny getting into one. Come on people. Make up your mind. 'And that includes you too, AK.' 

So, the question could be Why am I bragging about it all now? Good Question. No reason. Lets' clear the air. First of all, I suck at those things. And I see people talking about it almost every f#ing place. Nobody gives me a break. Like I said, necessity. May be it also states the social status of a person. And come to twitter, #ForeverAlone #Love #Sex #BlaBla #ThatShitThisShit hashtags keep flying around. Reading every aspect of it does give thoughts about that idea of being in a relationship. Come on, Grow up! Whom are you kidding? You and that ? *Jumps off a building*.

Okay, whatever! Lets' see the following transcripts. I should have hidden/masked the names? the email ids? , well I ain't so nice either. And let me get this straight, this is one of the biggest of the spams. Luring people into the so called hmm..erm.. shit / whatever ! 

So, once I played along to see what would happen next. Some chick from the west emailed me. I emailed back. Then came an email saying that she has a million bucks (the insurance money) which was given to her as their parents died in some kind of a war. So, she doesn't trust anyone from her country, I don't know about their relatives. But she wanted someone trustworthy and there I was, she said. Some trust issues, she has. Come on, seriously me ? I don't even trust myself and some stranger who doesn't even know my name (yeah, I sent a fake name) would trust me. And the thing was that she would come to this country and I have to pay for the customs to clear that million bucks. So, who's ready to kill me! *Kills myself*! That was like two months ago. And in the previous month, I got a few more.

# 1

# 2

# 3

So, you see I am getting a lot of chances here from people I don't even know. And these people, what should they be called? I don't even understand who gets time to create such SPAM mails. And then automate it! Come on, when I reply in the meanest way possible, the reply is something like "I am glad you too feel the same. I am looking forward to continue our friendship. bla bla bla.. *inserts a pic in a bikini* bla bla " . Okay, I am out of here. 

Adios

Art of Losing.

The last couple of months, I am kind of losing myself. Losing myself ? I wouldn't put it that way. Let's just say I am confused, for the time being. They say Technology is a curse. And I am just doing that, making it true in every sense. It is supposed to make life easier. Well, it is. A part of the like gets easier while the other part rots. But we are, okay, I am so immersed in the other part that I don't think about the other rotting part.

I have been off lately as you can see. I haven't been writing much these days. My idea of write almost everyday has gone down the drain. Not that I have succeeded in any of my ideas. But this was the least I could do. And now it looks like I can't even do this. Everyday, when I open my laptop, I first click on this blogger link and try to jot down the events of the day or at least everything I thought of writing for the past few weeks. It is nothing new that my writing has deteriorated, not that it was great earlier. Lets' just say I am in my worst writing phase. And to add to it, for the last week I was so adamant on writing that I have made it a point to write whatever may be the situation. Then there is my laptop. Thanks to it, for helping me beat the cr*p out of it. And still it doesn't work. The new disease that it has got is auto-restart, an addition to the earlier disease auto-shutdown. I usually thought it must be the over heating that is causing it to auto-shutdown. But for a couple of weeks now, it is auto restarting even before it even goes to the Log on screen. Thank you, dear laptop for encouraging and also persuading me to write even more. Even now I am writing as fast as I can before it restarts again. The last post encountered 6 restarts and 3 shutdowns. Well, that should make me enough frustrated already. 

Readers. There is nothing new about the receding count of the people that read my blog. And the previous posts were so nice that people have finally stopped visiting my blog altogether. But I was shocked and a bit amazed when an old friend of mine said he sometimes reads my blog when he is bored. Whoa, Wow! Though I can easily count the people reading this 'whatever it is called' on my finger tips. Anyways, thanks dude. And also thanks to the people who are visiting. I really appreciate it. It is you people who encourage me to write even more. So, thank you so very much. But what caught my eye was that I haven't been posting anything for the past few weeks, I mean months and the last time I checked, the stats said something else ( 200 + ) . Come on, what is happening ?Is that all spam ? #Damn

Twitter. Well, Twitter is not new for me. I started using it when I was in my first year. But most people whom I know, are not so much of a fan of Twitter. I used to tweet back in those days. And no I don't tweet these days. I just read other tweets and retweet them. That's pretty much I do almost every day, I mean the whole day. So, to keep myself updated with the tweets of a few known people and blogger friends (I can call them/you people friends, right?), I enabled the notifications. And what happens when you own a smartphone is that the updates come directly to your phone. Cool, innit? Yeah. What more is that there is a tweet notification in the notification bar, then a SMS to the phone about the tweet ofcourse and also an email notification. So, when a person tweets, I get almost three tweets. So, when I keep my phone in silent mode and look it after say like half an hour, I find a huge number in the notifications.

iPhone. Don't you find the people who own an iPhone just being too cocky about their new possession. The problem is that a guy in my room just bought an iPhone. Not actually bought it, more like brought it from abroad and that also the old piece which is iPhone 4. Owning an iPhone is not the problem, the attitude is the problem. Okay, you own an iPhone, but just don't brag and drag about it about. Come on, seriously. I too own a smart phone, the new one, as a matter of fact and just costs exactly the same as the new iPhone and my friends didn't even know about it for 2 weeks. 

Relationships. Okay, I am out of here. Come on, I shouldn't even be speaking about it. But the boredom at office is sort of compelling me to. One of the new guy into the office has a crush on a certain lady. Not, this lady isn't the first one, not the last one. He has his options ready and usually says to me you have keep fishing until you catch a fish. As being single those thoughts do creep into the mind. And then I strike those from my mind because I know myself and I ain't capable of that. Then you see people in groups of two almost every f#ing place. And then again, those thoughts again creep back in. But nothings gonna happen, because first of all I won't try and then again I am no good. So, people I mean girls, You got nothing to worry about! But if anyone's interested, you know where to find me. Did I say too much? #OkBye #Awkward

Pseudonym. I have been beating the crap of my brains inside out and outside in as well. The cloak of invisibility is difficult to adorn, mostly after all that I have done. It took me like 4 years for a decent number of people to read my blog. Thank you all. And again if I start all over again, first of all I won't be able to do that, and secondly my writing is just easy to find out. So, why do I want a pseudonym? I wish I could answer that. I feel its better to be the puppeteer than being the puppet. Because if I were former, I could change the puppets but since I am the later, I can't change the puppet. You get the point right? No? Okay Fine. Lets' not talk much about it. I myself am getting confused here. 

So, by now I might have successfully proven that I have lost my mind ! 

aRound Me.

"Oh boy, someone make that guy stop". This was my first reaction when I was literally dragged into a project and I was along with a known acquaintance. After a month of extreme torture or non-stop babbling, mindless queries I finally got free from his clutches. I thanked God. Then there was work, which kept me busy and away from his mindless inquisitions. Believe me you don't such kind of a person besides you. Inspite of eating the little brain that I have been saving from getting lost, he worries too much and then doesn't keep it with himself. The thing is that he says everything that's on his mind when he is supposed to say. But for him, it is not over yet. Later when we go for a break, he inquires about how he said. "How did I speak with him?" "I think I said it a little harshly." "I think I was demanding." "I think I was .... bla bla.." . I mentally block my ears and don't listen to his bullshit. 

I usually do things alone. Not that I don't like the company of a few good friends. I always encourage that. But it seems like the people whom I call friends are a bit different. It was actually good until my school, then I moved to a new place and people were strange and eventually I changed. 

Now let me give you a picture of the people whom I am around with. Lets go with office. The starting few lines are about a guy who got into the same line of work as mine the same time. As a matter of fact at the same time, actually. Now after a few months of working our asses off, the module that we were working on was stopped due to some technical reasons. Fine, whatever. But the last month of that module/or whatever that is called, in order to meet the deadlines, an extra bunch of people were called upon doubling the number of people who were already working on it, you know, to increase the productivity. Well, it took almost a month for them to understand what was actually going on and what they were supposed to do and we were supposed to teach them, which is usually called knowledge transformation. Cool, right? Yeah, I thought so too. A few days was fine. When I started explaining them the work, explaining the software and the tool. After a week, they started asking the doubts. Actually that was supposed to be good, I mean asking doubts is always healthy. But not repeated doubts, repeated questions. It was as if they didn't even listen the first time I was telling them. They used to bring a book, okay. more like a two pages of questions as if I was appearing for a final exam. The next, the same questions but the order is different. Then I started doubting myself that was I not explaining properly or what. That was out of picture because I was explaining everything from top to bottom that wasn't explained to me either. The same thing took less than a week for me to learn. So, when I could do that anybody can do that. That was that easy. The only thing I didn't do was over-think, like these dudes. Phew! That was one hell of a month. Then that module stopped. 

I thought it was over, finally. So, now I was actually without any work or with any project. Not that I was with a project earlier. I was just a helping hand in the corporate melodrama. I really don't understand why this company recruits tons of people each year as if they have abundant projects and requirements, but come on, look at us. It is over a year and we still don't have a project. And the recent news says that they will recruit 47k new people. Are you out of you f#ing mind? Come on, seriously look around your messy backyard before you think of expanding it.

I was actually without any work. But I was supposed to keep reading something or the other till I get dumped into a project. So, there I was silently minding my own business reading, hmph..erm.. I mean doing nothing on my system when that new gang arrives at my workplace (cubicle). The office is usually silent, as always. But these guys just disrupt the perfect balance of silence with their nonsense chatter. I tell them to keep their voice down. They do that for a second, then again its the same old story. After a few minutes which looks like a century, a century of literal-torture they leave me to get back to whatever I was doing earlier. After a few minutes they are there again, to make my miserable life eve more miserable. To avoid any awkwardness in the office floor and also not to disturb the people who are actually working in the floor, I drag them for a cup of coffee. Phew! Thats' a relief. Or so I thought. Now in this openness, the pitch is higher and the talk even more non-sense. The problem is that they don't usually think what others might think. Or is it just me? Or may be I am just the problem. The thing is that as we are without any work, these people give the impression that we are just passing time talking, drinking coffee and having a nice time at office and also disturbing other people who are actually doing their work. So, is that only me who think like that? It is fine for one day, two days, a week tops, but for the past one and a half month? Come on, give me a break. Only god can save me from this torture. 

Next comes my roommates, the vulgar batch. They don't give me a break. It is good that I am almost out of my room for the major part of day and evening. But the problem still persists. Thats' why I am usually seen with headphones plugged in. Everytime I go out with this batch, I regret it to the core. They talk rubbish, I mean real sh*t, all the vulgar sh*t, act like sh*t and behave the same. It surprises me that they are more intelligent than me and still they act like unmatured adults. For god's sake they are working. One of the guy is a nice guy who doesn't encourage them but as a part of the group he also gets involved. And again, this is the same guy who says we should enjoy and starts behaving like a college student. And then they talk. It is usually said that "A person is best judged by the friends he has". So,by that I could proudly say that I am __________________. (Okay, that's one for you, but I think I kinda know the answer).

I actually stopped writing this post in the middle, or to be precise even before I even started it. I didn't wanted to talk about other people. I wrote a few lines and then dropped it. The next day when I was in office, those people were literally asking for it, I mean they were in their usual self and that was compelling me more to write. But I didn't, and then again the next day, the same story continued. Now, they were asking for it each and every day. So, here it is. 

#Office #Friends #Rubbish #Ranting #Life #Random #Work

A No Title Post.

I walked up to the door, opened the door and smiled. I smiled as I always smiled. I was faking it. They never knew. No one ever knows, as a matter of fact. Well, the fact that this so-called fake smile of mine has become the real smile. Real smile? Wait, how does it even look like? 

I always adorn a face, a face  with a mask which just hides who I am. If you ask me to explain myself, I might fail. Because if I could, I would. I have been escaping, dodging and whatnot to keep myself up. Now the question - What am I hiding - escaping - dodging from ? 

I was shivering from inside, for the little mistake I did, for the white lie I told, for a thing I was supposed to do but didn't do. You got the picture, right? I was shivering as if I was at -100 degrees place. That would kill me, right? So was this. But I always have a way out. No, actually I don't. I try to make a way out and I fail at it terribly. But my mind is never at rest. It keeps analyzing ahem plotting escape or whatever it is called. I usually would be on a different planet while I keep the mind busy hmm, well plotting and the consequences of the perfectly scripted plot. By the end of the day I have create more plots than I could usually remember seeding all the possible consequences. While I am immersed in this conversation with hmph, well myself and scripting and re-scripting the scene of consequences, my mom asks about how the lunch she prepared was. It is then I realize that I was having a lunch. I smile and say its awesome. I am dragged back to reality and realize that the lunch was indeed awesome. Phew! Why was I not enjoying the moment. Well, its me. That thing can never happen. Moving on. After all this bombarding my already unsteady mind with more such thoughts, some of the plots just go as waste. I feel I just overdid or lets say over-think.

When I feel that I have successfully evaded one problem, another one pops out. Someone please give me a break! We usually call that someone Karma. Clearly, Karma or whatever it is called, it just f*cks me vertically, horizontally, elliptically, asymmetrically,  isometrically,! (Whoa! That's a lot of *-ally's ! ) It sure does know a way to creep its' way back just to surprise me, as if I am not surprised with the previous hmm..er. surprise. 

It's work overload. Though I was work-free till last week and moreover I liked the work before that week. Now the work sucks big time, like VERY BIG TIME. And there is this thing called higher-studies. For god's sake I am not at all an Multi-tasker and on top of it I am not even good at one task at a time. So, I have to manage two things. But lets' talk facts here for a second. I do neither. NONE. If that's the case, then I shouldn't be scrubbing my brain on things that I am clearly not doing well, I mean not doing at all. Yeah, that's what I thought. But it seems I have to manage the people who keep me on my feet with the questions - Did you do the work ? Did you study last night ? What are you doing now? Are you able to manage time? May be you should just leave the job? May be you should just take up a new job ? When will you get a project ? What have you decided with your life? What are you plans ? How are you planing ?  Why don't you apply for transfer? Are you happy with the job? Do you want to continue in this company or what? 

Dear God, WhyDontYouKillMeAlready? 

On a different note, I have opened this blogger more than I have checked the my Facebook for notifications. But, there were no notifications nor did I write anything. I felt like writing, but Every.Single.Time I just couldn't write. I am starting to forget that I used to write. It has already overtaken my mind like 80 percent of my mind. I started asking myself, I used to write? When was that? Yeah, you see I am losing - Losing my mind, I guess. Seriously, what's going on with me? 

Day 189.

I took a walk to clear my mind. But I am too lazy. Still, I took that walk. I really needed that clear mind. I wanted to think straight. I went for a coffee shop, drowned in a cup of coffee and a pastry. As the mind was slowly clearing from all the fuzziness. I started hearing voices. The people who were sitting on the next table. "What the fuck is wrong with people?" "Hey, that's fucking awesome". "Where the fuck did you get that from? That is so lovely!" "You must be fucking kidding me". "That's fucking great man! How much does your mom get per month". Thank you. Just Unbelievably THANK YOU, for letting me have a great coffee experience and yeah, also for clearing my conscious. Now, I could think more clear. 

I plug in my earphones and stroll down. The wind is cold. Ofcourse, that is the after-math of the rain. The has been dark-ish cloudy blue when I started out. Now it is almost dark. The music playing in my head is just too inconsistent, as I was just not getting the right song. Vexed, I kept it on shuffle and left it alone to alone. Fortunately, the song was pretty nice - slow and soothing sort of. I walked as I enjoyed the cold air sweeping across my face. And the mind finally eased itself. The song was over and then it turned to some rock-pop song. I felt like this : 

Oh Yeah! I was feeling like that but there were no pretty girls though. And also the song wasn't Bootylicious. But you can't blame a man for the imagination and the so called interpretation in their own way. Well, I was on my way back though a rarely used road, giving me more space to hmm..er..think. I finally reach my room, feeling a little better than the usual and step into my room to find the gruesome problem of the bachelor that is killing the people. 

Well, you know what it is. If you were thoughts were something related to Love, well...you are nearly there. There are some other things as well. To start with, the looks. There is a constant fight...hmm..er.. delusional talks between the fair and not-so-fair people in my room. The fairer side don't do much because well you know they are already fair. The other side of the line people are much more concerned about the complexion. I am usually out of those conversations because they are just so boring like the TV soap operas. The problem never ends and everyday the story begins at the same point, the same problem, the same people and obviously the same talk. So, where was I? Yeah, the complexion. Now, there is something more. The receding hair line. There are people who are so worried about the receding hair line that they are afraid that no one would ever want to marry them in the future. I laugh to that, like ROFL. What could be the better of it is that a guy went to the doctor spending like ten thousand bucks, and now get this, that was just for consultation. Hats Off. You will surely get Aishwarya Rai as your wife, oh wait she's taken. Well, whoever is available just because you have an awesome hair, developed by eating pills and gulping unknown liquids. Congratulations. 

And another thing which is bother the youth of this century is the #ForeverAlone tag inside their mind. Well, we all know that it isn't remotely possible. But the fear still persists. Everybody wants to be in a relationship. It is like a must-and-should thing. Or so it seems. Now that I am pretty much jobless with a job, I just roam around the coffee counter in the office and skimming through the pages on my computer. And there are people like me as well. I am not much into the relationship thingy, because for starters I know That's never gonna happen for me. Even if it were to happen, from my end though, I am one thousand percent sure that it won't happen from the other end. So, anyway, there is this guy who keeps trying into getting into one where ever possible. He has a crush on someone, of course he does. But he is kind of afraid to approach. Clearly, I don't know a thing about that approaching, or those cheesy lines *ahem* lies *coughs* . I clearly cannot do that, Seriously. But he asks me for advice. Dude, I don't know a thing. You are asking me as if I am an expert in giving advice about the so called love. So, on a casual conversation with a friend I asked her about the whole concept of getting into it. The reply was something like - First of all you should keep talking to people, talk a lot. Or You should be Super smart. Then Talk about the things what the girl wants to hear. And it just happens when you meet the right girl. Well, isn't it pretty clear from the first line itself? Talk, keep talking? Me? Talk ? Me? Yeah, I can't believe it myself. So, there is no discussion further, is there? Period. 

By the way, what I realized is that the people reading my blog have started Hash Tagging in their blogs or in the comments. I am starting a trend, it seems. :P #JustSaying #HashTagging And I just hash tag everywhere - Blogs, Comments, FB, Twitter, Chats, SMS, everywhere. 

#JustRolling  #KillingTime  #Rambling

Day 188.

Perception. Passion. Deception. Beauty. For every artist there is an inbuilt anatomy which enables them to visualize things in a different perspective which other people usually do hmm..er.. in a normal way. There is something hidden in almost everything. Most of the time we are so busy that we overlook things. But for some people, it is just common. They perceive things from a different perspective and that gives it a whole different meaning to the usually normal thing. But it is not necessary for other people to understand it, some people don't eve get it. Take me for example. When I see a painting, a painting of something related to nature. Well, there is so much that we don't usually see even though the painting is just plain simple. It needs getting into the artist's shoes and examine their perspective. Okay that was about something which was easy to perceive by just looking. Now there are so many things which look, well... abstract sort of, or just a black line on the white canvas, or sometimes even complicated. I would rotate that image 720 degrees flipping it inside out, zooming in-out, scanning every possible detail. But that is just out of my league. The point is it is not always easy to get into others' shoes and understand their perspective of whatever that is of concern.

I claim myself to be a writer. Okay, you can stop laughing. The truth may be true of false, I don't know. But I am trying to fit in the shoes though I know they are of the wrong size. Well, take this then. I claim myself to be a photographer, an amateur per say. Thank you, for not laughing this time. So, I can say that I have a knack for seeing things in a different perspective. So, being a writer and a photographer, I have two tracks running in my mind. One track which analyzes whatever I see and what it conveys. The other track describing it to myself. Oh, yeah - My mind does say - This is so going into my blog. But lets talk the facts and get some things straight here. I have been over thinking. And no, I am not a superhuman to do two things at a time, analyze and describe it. It is practically called - Over thinking. 

Moving on. I bought a new phone. The first phone I bought for myself. All the previous phones were like bought by someone else, for someone else, I used them before they could lay their hands on them. And by the way, Yeah I have always used the costliest phone in my family. So, while scouting for the new phone on all over the internet and  eavesdropping on other's phone where ever possible, I have so many choices and pointing on one particular phone was simply impossible. So, my dad suggested a phone. That was a nice phone. But there was slight problem - Since it is a new phone almost everyone I knew started flashing that phone before me. So, that got me into thinking - I am just following the trend, ain't I ? , if I am taking that phone. I researched some more and finally bought a phone which none of my friends or their friends(probably) would ever buy. No, it is not an iPhone. iPhone is just too common these days. And like I said, I am stepping out of the trend of synonymous. So now the problem is that I am glued to my phone like 25x8. Yes, you read it wrong, or you just have to imagine how much time I spend with it. Wait, that is not the problem. The problem is that I have stopped reading my novels, which have been yelling at me for like three weeks now. 

So, I haven't been writing for a couple of weeks as you could have observed. Well, what should I say, I have been too busy. The project that I was allegedly working on was stopped abruptly due to some reasons. And from then I have been pretty much jobless, but I have been attending office like the Sunday church. Oh wait, strike that, I am not even doing that, visiting church. It has been ages since I had last went to a Church. Oh, Damn boy, I gotto to get myself together, right here, right now. I have been telling myself that for the past few years now. Do you think there is any hope. 

Did I miss anything in this post? Oh Yeah, a lot. A lot about Life. You must have known by now that I am an renowned scholar on various topics, especially about Life. I just rock the boat, don't I ? Well anyway, seems like I have a lot to write about. One day at a time, One day at a time. This is day one, and I have no idea when will be the next day. Tomorrow, dude. As if I didn't know that. Thanks for clearing my conscious. Sorry, I don't think its still clear. I want to sing. I want to write. I want to dance. I want to love. I want to roam. I want to click. I want to read. I want to be at peace. I just want to die. Period. 

#Rambling #DontBlowYourMind

Something I will never Understand.

Day 168

Life is mundane. There are always two sides of a coin. We flip a coin and expect something to come up. Lets say, Heads. We say heads in our mind, telepathically telling the coin to turn up as Heads. Then we are disappointed. So, we flip the coin again. And again we are disappointed. To even the odds, the coin is flipped for the last time and as usual we are disappointed. The coin here is the culprit. It did not oblige to the telepathic messages that were send to it. 

You can call me a gambler. For starters, I have no idea how the game is played. But anyway I gamble. I might have lost a hundred games. I will come back again, trying my - what we usually call - luck. This time I feel, I am sure to win, and win BIG. I put all in. And every time it is the same thing that I fail to recognize even after a thousand plays - thousand plays of losing. Because they said, have hope, don't give up. It has never worked - whatever that hope is - whatever that not-giving up is. 

A very good friend of mine said, what can she tell about Life to a person who writes thought-provoking posts about the so called Life. I agree or disagree ? I don't know. But if she says so, she must be right. But inside my mind, I hear a mocking sound echoing - "Seriously, You?" Now there is dilemma. And I fall into a vast space of void where the path that I want to / should take is well... Void. I write about Life, sure. I write to understand it. It has never been my area, and never understood its way of working. I am always amazed, ...hmm..er.. amazed is too brilliant of a word... and then I would be lying if I said that.. I am always in awe, in hysteria, in confusion (sometimes) and scared (all the time).

There is a war in the mind, a never ending war. The desires (read:weapons) of a person snatched away and left alone to battle. It burns me from inside. But like they say, there is always good at the end of the road, or precisely there is light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, yeah, I agree none the less. There is light, sure, indeed. But I am on the other side of the tunnel where it is dark and well let me burst the bubble and just say, I am walking to the wrong end of the tunnel feeling that it is the right path. 

The war, that war, which never ends no matter what. I just hope for a day when the sun shines brighter and the grass is greener. I hear someone saying 'It already is'.. 'Why don't you see it?' I don't know, why I can't or is it I shouldn't? I don't know what is it. That smile that is on the face is a reflection of an agonized mind. That sort of agonized that never stops thinking, that never stops flipping the coin even when it knows the result won't be what is expected, that puts all the money in the game of cards which it sure knows that winning is out the picture. "Excuse me, why don't you get under the roof. You are soaking wet." I snap out to the voice of a stranger to find myself staring at the ground beneath me drenched in water as the heavy drops from the sky kept piling up, and as the rain lashed the very part of me. What was I thinking? I did not know. I never knew. May be I never will. 

Blind.

" A person is what they make of themselves. "

I know I have been a mistake. Period.

The sun hid beyond one's reach among the grey clouded sky. There is light, but the source invisible. Why do I feel the same? That my thoughts are clouded and the decisions that I make are not so correct. Well, I have never made a good judgement, ever. So, may be I am just like that - Bad Judgement. 

There has been never ending debate and a war-sort-of in my mind. I feel that my insides are burning, burning red hot and venting is out of picture. I tried to shout, write, scream, whatnot. I am just a sucker at that. Can't blame anyone except me. And I see people looking at me, trying to be something greater, where as I not not even willing to climb the ladder. Why, you ask? I ask myself the same question a hundred times over in a single day. 

It's easy, to blame, for every petty-little thing that happens which you haven't wished to have happened. And whom is at blame here? I should say myself? But that's a different story because nobody wants to believe that they themselves could have got it wrong. There is always one person who seems easy to blame, the dear God. In happiness, who is he? In sadness, he is the rescuer and an element of blame. Ah, I know I may be the only one blaming, but it is hard to accept that I am the person who is responsible for the actions that I do/did and will do. 

Now, I made a mistake. A big one , indeed. Something that is irreversible. And something if not have done would have blamed myself for eternity. Now I blame myself for doing it. So, what is it? I do - I blame myself. I don't - I would have blamed myself. This sounds like a very tricky situation. What should I do , then ? Its' like that the blaming never ends, and especially when its' me IT.NEVER.ENDS. 

But most importantly, I am scared. I really don't know. I have been scared before but not like this. I am in a dilemma and as they say at the crossroads, crossroads of life. I have made a decision a long back, but never got to implement it, because I never stopped blaming. Blaming who? Our friendly God. Because I tried and failed at it, repeatedly. 

I am fed up of all this blame-game that I started and that never ever ends. And I wanted to end this once and for all. Again I tried, I just couldn't. I hope I stop this nuisance that I started long back and just put an end to it. 

Because at the end of the it's always dark, no matter what. One has to find their own light and let it be a guide. But I just see darkness everywhere even when there is bright light. May be I am just blind, or just blind to hope. 

Dear God, 

Be the Light in darkness, 

And be the guide to the blind.

For I can see not a light, 

In the daylight of life.

Show me where the sun rises

Guide me in its path.

For I am lost, 

In the journey called Life.

I extend myself to you, 

Hope to reach your hand.

- One Lost Blind Guy

___________________________

Day 162.

1. I have been lately off. This includes I being too irregular at blogging and then again when I write something, I am not perfect. Ok, I agree that I wasn't perfect in any of my earlier posts. But you can't blame a man for trying . Okay. So, from posting a blog-post each day, I trickled down to posting, oh wait, I am not even posting. I really miss writing and whats' worse is I want to write but just unable to pen down. Well, that is the reason in the decreasing readers and the comment count. No wonder. But, a comment on my one of my post caught my eye. Yeah, all the comments on my blog catches my attention, so did this. But this was different and I am indeed obliged to post it here. You will also get the reason after you go through it. So, it was a comment by Kriti Bhatnagar on the previous post titled "The World Conspires Against Me". 

"
Oh no...the world doesn't conspires against you... :l

My friend...you got to change your point of view... B)

Why work hard when you can take it light... ;)

Pull back your chair...and your sense...a coffee might delight! :P

Why was it so bad with your day? :O

Which novel are you reading by the way? o.O

But I'm glad you let the hungry-for-ages guy ahead! :P

Don't worry bwwoy, things will be alright time to get back to your bed! :D

As per the God is concerned...just don't worry... :)

There's a hell lot of traffic...he usually remains in hurry! ;)

"

Now, that rhymed and was one of the best comment I ever received. I replied to this comment that this comment was so going into my blog, so here it is. 

2. People are different in their own way and that makes them unique. And when these many unique people exist in the space around us, there is always a chance to find some commonalities among people which leads them into becoming friends. Now, let me be clear, I am unique in my own way, ok, I agree in a weird way. Facts apart! I am not too good at making friends. Okay, I shall stop, I am not in a place to talk about something that I don't really know about. So, what I wanted to tell is about the conversations that we have with people. I am a little too movie-frenzy and also of tv-series. So, I have a habit of talking in the same way. I would use the words like "True Story", "Legendary" , likewise.  So, occasionally  I when I use these words, I get a reply asking for the reason or what it was. Like when I say "You are an intelligent guy and everybody knows it. #TrueStory" . Yeah, I hash tag also in chats. If you don't use those, then you should probably ping me or buzz me. So, when I mention like that, they ask what story! I feel like #FacePalm. And you can actually see me do that when I am asked like that. First thing is that most people don't watch tv series like I do and also they don't know these things. How can anyone miss any of those series? Now, they will tell they didn't watch the F.R.I.E.N.D.S series. No Offence. Anyways, there is still a possibility that people are just not interested in TV series. 

2.a. Okay, fine. Let's say a few people are just not interested in watching tv series. But then when a guy who is so excited to watch a Superman movie asks you what are Superman's powers, then I feel like someone should kill me right there. I mean come on, how can anyone miss Superman from childhood. If it were Shaktimaan, may be its fine because I could consider that they might not have had Doordharshan at their homes when they were kids. But Superman? ....Kal-El? Clark Kent ? Nothing rings a bell, huh ? 

3. It's almost 16 days in the month of June and I am still stuck at 3 posts so far. That's insane. No, it is not about the number. It is about what I am doing with the time that I have. What have I been busy with? I question myself to find myself pondering into space of void. Eventually, I snap out of it may be my when my laptop suddenly shuts itself down because it just got overheated ..well... without doing anything. I power it back on throwing some wind or should I say air, whatever! I blow at the fan trying to cool it off as if I am icing it with my breath. May be my breath itself fuels the heating process! We will never know, because we will talk about my breath any more. So, what have I been doing? Thats' a question I often forget answering. Ok, what was the question again?

4. The journey from office to my room is getting weirder by day. Usually, it consisted of a nice dinner at KFC or Pizza Hut or McDonald's after I got down from the bus and a small walk like the length of the river Nile to my room. So, what was it like before it started getting weirder? Well, after the nice little dinner... hmm.. I wouldn't call it little... rather a hefty dinner, I stride back to my room at my fastest pace with my hands tucked in my pockets. And this is the time when other people also return to their homes/rooms. So, I start capturing faces mentally in my mind as in like a cache to entertain me in the way along. It starts from the nice corner seat in the KFC. And by the way, for your information, here faces= girl's faces. I capture as many as I can. I know I know, I said stopped ogling these days, but you can't blame a man for trying. Okay, so after covering the length of river Nile and when I am just about to reach my room, I see a dude. On my way, I have seen may dudes. And I cancel all of them from getting into my mind. But this one is kind of odd and this dude deletes all the captured faces. The reason you ask? I take a turn and there are like four building before I could reach my room. So this Mr.Dude walks on the road in his boxers with nothing above the waist line. Now, does he have a Six Pack body? NO. But what he has is a tight boxers as if he is going for a dive or something and add to it the rain-forest on his chest. Beautiful sight, indeed. Now, that's how one ends a day. Why does he do that, to which I have no idea. If he is trying to woo someone, well.. he is doing a very good job at it. 

P.S. : Day 162 here means it is that day in this year. Well, I wrote this post then, but never got a chance to complete it. Anyways, now I did post. 

The World Conspires Against Me.

So one day last week, I was so pissed with the things that were happening to me that I literally cursed God. Yeah, Call me an idiot. Getting on with someone who is the ever-easy-to-blame person on the face of earth. Ok, the point is not who is the easiest one to blame. The point is I said, "Bring it on" to dear God. I was so angry that I had no choice but to respond in the similar fashion.

So, the next day I wake up late. Oh, yeah. It is ON. Anyway, I get ready in time and leave to go for office. I was stopped by the land lord asking for the monthly rent. I said I was getting late and that the money was in the room and also that I would give him once I come back from office at night. But he wasn't convinced with whatever I said. I went back to my room and almost threw the money on his face.

I reach office just in time. I usually don't have breakfast. But I always have a cup of coffee and lately I am giving it a pass as well. I really don't know the reason. Anyways, I sit at my cubicle. As usual I am assigned some work and I get right on it. I had assumed that the faster I complete, the more free time I would get. I was wrong about that, which I came to know after a few hours. Well, anyway I being the what do we call .. Whatever it is called..  I completed my assigned work in a stipulated time. I was literally free after  that. But I am not, in the sense of other people. It works something like this : If you complete your work, it is good. But then again, you can take up some of the others' work and help them complete. The Bullshit ! Why should I take up the work assigned to someone else? I complete work on time. There is a strategy for that - Calculated time. I have lunch in just about time and get back to my place and continue with my work - No other avocations. And now you know why I stopped having my coffee. But it struck me hard. The people other than me are actually enjoying their stay and working as cool , hmm, strike that as vaguely as possible. And why was I being the hard ass working guy when I am not even billable/or more like not into project. The irony lies in what we call the hierarchy. There are a bunch of people who work under a few people. These bunch of people are termed as freshers and are taught how to do a work. That's a good thing. But there lies the back drop. The people whose work is shared with these newbies is like their complete work and they enjoy giving orders and more work to meet their deadlines. The Shit. What's the "f#'ing" part is that the people who work rather than giving the work are under appreciated. Oh, yeah. They appreciate by saying - Good Job. You completed the work on time. Or Good, keep it up.  But the actual people who get the credit are them from the hierarchy up above them because the people on the top row don't even know that there are some new guys who are working and helping in reaching the deadlines. Well, that's a whole different thing. And that's how it always works. I am just getting accustomed to this madness. Oh, yeah, I am freaking angry. Not on the hierarchy or the work hmm…what is it called ? Hmmm.. Whatever ! What pissed me off is the work, that to be other's work, just because they were too busy taking breaks and chilling the time.

I am obliged to do other's work as well. And to escape that I grab a place in the canteen and dip into a cup of coffee. Not enough sugar. Damn! I was sure I added more than necessary. I don't understand why the sugar is not sweet enough, or is it my taste buds not working at all? Whatever! So, I spend a mighty time doing nothing. I completed drinking coffee in a minute, though my plan was to stretch that a bit longer for thirty minutes. And then I turn to my phone - Battery only one bar. I turn to my iPod. 10% remaining. Perfect. Just Freaking P.E.R.F.E.C.T. With no much choice left with me, I slide back into my chair in front of my system hoping to get some time to set up the new mail account that I had been trying to set up for the past week and may be read a few blogs, though most of the sites are blocked, so I read my own blog. Yeah, I read my own blog. Weird innit ? So, I was just about to open my blog when one of my supervisor drops by my side and says about swapping the places with someone who is in the other room due to a fracture because of which it would be easier for that person to interact with the colleagues more easily if she were to come to the room I am in. We usually call these rooms as ODC. So, I had no chance to say anything but to accept it. Now! The computer that I am using is an upgraded system. An upgrade from 1 Gigabyte Ram to 4Gigabyte Ram and what more? Windows 7! And what more ? Office 2013! And all this was going to some other person. I actually thought that this was a temporary transition, that the person has a fractured leg and I would get back to my place once the leg is back in perfect condition. But at the end of the day, I came to know that it was a permanent shift. Damn.

So, anyways, the day at office ended and I was back on the way to my room. I was reading the novel which is going at a very slow pace than I thought. Fortunately, there was a traffic jam. And because of which the usual 45 minute journey took nearly 1 hour 30 minutes. And by the time it came to my stop, I was damn hungry and the time was like 2245 hours. I quickly brisk-walk to KFC, only to find a little long line. Ok, I thought  I could wait for say 5 minutes and it would be my turn. Actually, the day was so sucking that I thought of skipping the late night dinner. But I had no idea what overtook my mind that I stood there in the line at KFC. One more person to go and then it was my turn. Then, the guy behind me says that he is getting late to catch the bus and asked if its' okay to jump ahead of the line. When I was entering KFC, I say them carrying heavy luggage inside. So, yeah, being the nice guy I let him jump ahead of line. And I was just figuring out the day about how lucky I was. Don't mistake the work lucky with something like good luck. Oh, that is a far distant thought and never near me, ever. Believe me on that. Oh! I was angry. Damn freaking angry. I was swearing almost the whole day and the day doesn't get any better. Now this guy who jumped in front of me was like he was buying the whole of KFC. It took like eternity to give the order and then another lifetime to get his order ready. I was having second thoughts of having dinner that day. I wanted to get back to mu roon without having dinner more than 20 times in a span of 30 minutes. Oh, Yeah! That was the time it took for him to get the guy-who-jumped-in-front-of-me's order.

And I am having a feeling, it is just the beginning. Because the next day was almost similar to that day.

P.S. Nothing more to say. I am just angry, I guess. 

Woo.

@Previous Post : Whoa! Whoa!! What the hell was that? I have had the idea of AK losing his mind, but didn't know it was at this extremes. I am still trying to understand when did I miss such a thing. I have to be more careful around AK now. Never know when he becomes all stupid and starts babbling about things unknown. And also what the consequences would be.

The warm sunshine fell upon the moist roads which reflected the gleaming sunshine back. It was then that the warm rays fell upon a perky thing. Elegance. As the bright sunshine bathed the reddish-black hair, it just added to the already elevated beauty. The wind played with the hair which made it much more adorable. What made it more perfect was her smile, which showed content and hope. 

It was late morning or say early afternoon. I was standing at the bus stop. And it isn't that sunny either. But people (read : girls/ladies) prefer to cover themselves like some Taliban, covering their face in its entirety. And add to it there are these sunglasses that covers almost everything. Well, what can I say, they are the perfect Taliban minus the guns. So, once in a while some of these people don't wear those trendy sunglasses. It was then I saw, those greenish-blue eyes. Well, first thing - It is just not common to find blue eyed people. I don't know what or anything about the eyes-telling-something. But this was different. Ok, I don't know how to tell, but my expression was like O.M.G plus Holy Mother of God. Those were perfect, just perfect, you know.

Ok, dude. We get the point. You have seen some extraordinary people in the recent past and are awed and equally amazed at them. Move on. 

Wooing Part I

Scene I

Wooing Part II

Scene II

So, then I realized there is no end to this madness. I could go on and on and describe every other person I come across. And there is no limit to the number of such people and also that This.Madness.Of.Mine.Never.Ends. 

Realization - The hard way.

So, I actually stopped even glancing because I know I would end up writing more nonsense than I can actually imagine. And it was then I started another madness of mine. This time its not people. Now, it was cars. Recently, a month back I was standing at the bus stop along with a friend of mine. I had always thought that the boys always loved their toys and when it comes to cars there is no backing off. So, in a normal conversation I asked him which was the car that was heading our way. I was actually surprised to seen him unable to answer. First of all that car is the most common and the most widely used car since long time. Ok, I thought may be it was an old car and may be that he is into new cars. So, I pointed in the direction of a new car which literally stopped in front of us. Now this one is also widely used. What made it funny was he jumbled all the company and the brand names and came up with a new car name altogether. I tested him with some more cars just for the fun of it because sometimes the names also had bike names and sometimes just random stuff. For a second, I felt like he was bluffing all this time, but he wasn't actually. 

Now, though since he moved to a different place he doesn't come to the bus stop, I still keep my brains busy with the awesome cars the pass by. And once in a while there goes a sports car. 

The Jaw falls again.

Yeah, my jaw drops, again. Not because it is a two-seater sports car. But that sports car is a convertible. And that too driven by a lady. *Tries to put my jaw back in place*. Well, its no big deal, right? Yeah, it isn't. But it is, when the car zooms past the heavy-crowded traffic with ease. 

P.S. : Sorry about the previous post. I wanted to write in that post only, but then I realized I was out of time and had to run for office, since the time was ticking away faster than expected and also I have been a little lazy lately and my mind is just not cooperating, about which I might write some time soon. Anyways, apologies and really thanks for dropping by.

Woo.

Wooing Part I 

Scene I

Wooing Part II

Scene II

Wooing Part III 

Scene III

To be continued...

Because I gotto ...

Defying Time

... because I gotto run for office.

P.S. : Yeah. You are thinking right! I too have no idea WHY I posted this one. *Thinking hard*. *Thinks even harder* Ok. Bye. Times Up. I really gotto run now.