If Only. #Z2AChallenge

If only happiness was contagious.

ak

As I traverse through the multitudes and the abstractness of today, the maligned reality of life, the world befalls in a transcendence. What  is reality? What is fantasy? What is happiness? What is sadness? The questions form a web of complicated mess. Yet, the intriguing part of the endeavour of searching for the unknown and questioning the morality is understanding the stories they have to tell. For life is nothing but a carefully structured stories. 

They say eyes are the gateway to one's soul. 

The obvious question to which is how much can be learnt from the most incredible pair. The much more obvious question is how much truth is there to it. No science can prove that eyes told a story. But science does tell you that eyes are the most expressive even when they don't have to do anything. I fell at the behest of understanding the stories, said and unsaid. The animated conversing eyes, the silent preservering, the dark gloomy, the blazing angry, the sympathetic soft , the expressive deep, the reserved shy, the sleepy lazy, the happy content.

The most intriguing part of understanding the language of eyes is that when you find the happy eyes, you feel that involuntary happiness. It's more of a reflex than a conscious decision. You slowly sink into that feeling and it doesn't matter whether you understand the reason or not, but you are a part of their surreal world as you embrace the happiness. That's when the conscious kicks in. Because it just got comfortable with something sad and this alien emotion called happiness is invading its' space, trying to take over the their kingdom and it does its best to keep it out. Then it takes over. There is no more surreal world. The eyes, those eyes still beam with happiness inviting you to embrace it, sand forget about everything that haunts and distraughts you. But it's too late and you just look at the happy eyes and hope that one day you will see those same eyes, that same feeling in the person standing in the mirror. 

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#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Happiness #Feelings #IfOnly #Emotion

#AlphabetO #LetterO #Day12 ( Day 14)

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This is written under #IfOnly series

Surprise, surprise!

The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

-Dalai Lama

What would you do when the most unexpected things happen? How would you react? Normally, that doesn't happen to me, like never ever. So when faced with one such reality, I had to pinch myself a couple many times, until it gradually sank in. 

It was early December and I was lazing in my room, when I get an unexpected call . The call brought me to my senses. I was 80% asleep. I washed my face, just to make sure that i wasn't actually dreaming. Turns out, I wasn't. Boy, was I glad! It was a trip to Goa and 60 people were selected, of all who had applied. The trip however was short, was a great one though. Being the classic introvert, I resorted to being myself. And that was I, being the less talker, or none at all. There were couple lot of times when people out the same at the end of the trip. Well, all great things come to an end and the trip ended on a happy note and people on the trip were extremely  grateful and happy.

As understandable, there was a WhatsApp group but it had just the half of the whole crew while a part of this group had decided to make a separate group for people who had interacted with each other and have bonded over quite well. I thought of asking them to add me, but come on who was I kidding  , my interaction with anyone consisted not more than two sentences or none at all. So, I couldn't possibly ask to be a part of it. 

A day later, I woke up to find 400 odd messages of WhatsApp in my notification tab. It was insane. I remember muting all the groups and was confused as how I was getting the updates. It was the group that I thought I could never be a part of. I had met only a few of them and the rest just knew my name and nothing more. So, excuse my excitement when I was part of this group and well, confusion filled dilemma as I realised I would have a hard time coping with the crowd. 

Well, I have cumulated the first convos I ever had with some of the people of the group. And I really wish to meet the other people whom I didn't get a chance to meet, even though I got a chance to meet. Enough of confusion, here it goes :  

BlogwatiG :

The person because of whom I was part of the group. Literally, if it were any other person well except Anks who would have created the group, believe me, I would have been duly excluded.

Me : *After finally settling with the leftover lunch since I reached late*

BG : "You can't sit here."

Me : *Assuming someone is already sitting there, I pick up my plate to move to another place*

BG : "Am just kidding!"

Me : *A little flustered* Oh Ok.

BG : "Why did you come so late?"

Me : "The flight got delayed"

BG : "Why did it get delayed?"

Me : "Some issues, I guess!"

Not to mention but along with the flare of writing and reading, she is a singer who can sing and rap, cool friend, Mom, all-in-one-package well, the list will go on and on. 

Sid B : 

The #SuperDad, who can not only cook great food, but stories as well. Fiction, humor, reviews, you name it, he has it under his cap. 

Me : "Hey, Ajay here."

Sid : "Hey. Did you just arrive? Go and see what is left in the lunch. It's almost empty. And no, I didn't finish it off!"

Roshan : 

The viral doctor, in short term. Having worked and written about his experiences as a doctor, he is a walking celebrity. A famous blogger, not to mention and being great with words, humor and food, he is the complete package. 

Ankita Bhatia Dhawan :

#SuperMom, having denied the title a couple many times, she truly deserves it. Juggling between family, work, blogging and kid, she is a lot many things than what catches the eye.

Anks : "Hi, Ajay Kontham?" *Someone asked staring at my hand written name tag*

Me : *With a completely perplexed face and trying to figure out who knew my name in the city where no one has ever met me and contemplating who this gorgeous lady was* Yes. *Finally realizing who she was.* [Clearly the dp's don't do justice, at all.]

Anks : "Did you recognize me?"

Me : *Having finally figured out a second ago* Of course, Ankita.

Anindya Basu :

A blogger with a flare for photography and making everyone drool over their screen with the Food photos. Let me tell you, he makes everyone jealous with the candid photos of food. *Did I say food? Food!!! Umm, wait I will catch you guys after an hour!*

Anin : "Hi Ajay"

Me : "Hey Anin, what's up?"

Anin : "Not drinking?" *pointing to some alcoholic beverage in his hand*

Me : "Ah no. I don't drink."

Anita : 

The talented and utterly sweet blogger who is currently pursuing PhD and is already an entrepreneur. I mean come on, what else isn't she capable of? I really want to see her to-do list, which probably might have all the list items scratched off. 

Ankit Chugh : 

Apparently, the love guru, self proclaimed ofcourse. All these married guys have this knack of giving ex...expurrrr...expert advice on love and relationship.

Pink : 

Flair for poetry, creativity and everything pink, and oh yes unicorn, I think its' called a stuffed animal. To top it all, she is one awesome cook making delicious food ( well it looks delicious in the photos, and I am sure it will taste equally great but still have to test the waters...erm food). Besides being a cook and a creative writer, she is funny and really cool person.

Me : "Hey" *Making a spock hand*

Pink : "Hi *High Fiving* .... finally met you at the Airport"

Me : *Already confused about the high five* "Umm..wha... Yes, finally, right."

UK : 

He goes by the name Fashionable foods, which should mean he is into food. Well, he is. And besides that despite knowing that we are a bunch of crazy people, he leaves no opportunity to prove the point. Well, he did say he is into pulling everyone's legs but apparently its just mine. Yes, I too don't know why given the fact that he hasn't even met me or seen me either. May be because all others are girls whom he adore, guys whom he respect which leaves me. Talk about partiality, right? And not to mention his super power, seriously kuch bhi bolte hai. No it doesn't make sense. But he calls it being crazy mad. Dude, I get it. Why so adamant on proving it?

Zee : 

One utterly talented and hard working person, following her true passion by working tirelessly and sleeplessly. And also teaching her passion to the like minded folks. As if that wasn't enough, she is funny and cute and smart. 

Pooja Mahimkar :  

I don't know more than half of the people. But I can still speak about them because in the course of time, I have interacted with them in a way or two. Poo and Vee, I haven't interacted much. Though I have hopped on their blog, but frankly speaking, I can't talk unless I know them even in a minute way. But with the conversation she has with others, I can say that she is cool person, sweet and well, needless to mention a great blogger and also she is a video blogger, if I am not wrong.

Vaishaki Mishra :  

Same is with Vaishaki. I wish I had met them, but well, let's not dwell in the past. Well, I wish I had interacted with them in the past month or so. But frankly, it's not easy for them to talk to a stranger and be completely snug about it. Well, I can't blame them when I am the silent guy. Nevertheless, what I have observed is she has a knack for photography, a backpacker or lets' just say traveler and an athlete!

Ragini Puri : 

She is utterly sweet and equally funny. And again needless to mention, a great blogger, traveler and a great writer. Though I have met her, but I haven't met her, as in saw her as she spoke to all of us guys who were heading back to Bangalore. I am invisible remember? No, but yes, figuratively, I am. Well, I do wish to meed in person, someday again.

So, when you have an award winning blogger, a viral machine doctor, a godmother, as awesome lifestyle blogger, a food blogger, a photographer, an entrepreneur, a full time blogger, well bonded people and the powerpuff girls, I am an odd piece. So, excuse my delay in adjusting to the uber awesome group and thanks to my introvert nature, it is not my cup of tea. Being said that, I have been invited with open arms yet, I am the only one picked on, even though the context goes over my and everybody's head, I have a target spot on my back. Sometimes, it's just easy to not be a part and give an opportunity.

Well, #WeAreFamily, sort of. So, I guess, I am part of the madness or awesomeness *ahem* umm no? Ok. Madness it is.

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Wait.

Image Courtesy

Wait. 

Hold on a second and look around you. 

What do you see ? Happy faces, sad faces, confused faces, many faces. Life, we are living it, slowly yet fast. But when you stopped and look around what did you see? What was your min thinking? What was happened around you in that frozen moment? Life. You saw life happening around you, in that frozen moment you saw a hundred perhaps a thousand emotions from people, emitting radiantly. But, we are in a hurry. The phone rings, the bus stops, the boss calls, the mother sends a message. Life, happening simultaneously, must move on. Why are people running? Why are people not in the present? Where the people? The concern for tomorrow, the present is tucked away. And what happens to the things that people forget, or should I say choose to ignore? We ignore, we ignore the present. 

So, wait. 

Hold on a second and look around. 

Sink in the multitude of emotions, beauty, people; sink in the life, the present.

Investigation Discovery

The Murder Mystery Guy

#SixStrangers

Guy 1 : I don't care, okay?

The dust settled finally. Though the mind had its presumptions and conclusions and they were heading towards a good way. There was an eminent doom, this day or the other. The mind has a way of assuming and concluding things. Though it didn't hurt anyone to be a little optimistic, but this pretty petty little mind had other plans, to be always worried. Eventually, after slipping out of the office and taking the wrong bus (again) and finally settled at the one coffee shop that was perhaps 3-5 miles away from my residence. Though, the people behind the coffee counter were quite friendly, unlike the I don't care guy who I was with for five days. And they even knew my order by this time. How cool is that? No discounts though? That bulky service and whatnot tax was still imposed on me.

The coffee cup went dry and the night sank into more silence and was getting darker by each minute and I had five miles to cover. Thankfully, I knew the way and I never got the pleasure of using the Google Maps after the first few days. As I talked to myself back to my guest house, I had a feeling I won't like what I would see when I reach my room. I had enjoyed the solitude for the past one week, enjoying the space for two people and walking around naked (not exactly but still). I crossed my fingers just in case. Turns out, the fingers crossed doesn't work. Dammit. 

There was a bag and neatly arranged bed and a pair of shoes. It was safe to say that it wasn't my bed nor were the shoes mine, because my bed ain't tidy and I was wearing my shoes, but no one was around. Dinner. Yes, it was dinner time already. Though I had enough coffee and cake for the night and my dinner was served along with the five mile walk. I got freshened up asap and fired up my laptop. That is my involuntary response after I reach my room. Yes, I pity my laptop too. I was trying to get my vibe back. A couple of days before anything of this happened, I had a very good vibe and I was getting pretty decent ideas to write and words were just pouring out. And since the knowledge of this transition, to new place and work, just put me in a different position and I lost that so called vibe somewhere. So, I was reading to get that jibe back, just as then the door opens and a five foot, a little bulky figure walks in. I look up to find the figure moving towards its bed and setting it up. But this time he did introduce himself. After the exchange of formalities and why I got stuck here and why he came, it came to a halt when there was nothing more to discuss about, for that night. And he continued watching TV and I got back to my reading whatever that I was reading.

It really gets awkward when there are no topics to talk about. Eventually, people start talking about their interests. Apparently, this gentleman was watching only one channel for the past two days. So, our new friend was a mystery loving guy and add murder to the word mystery and he is like a moth to the fire. Basically, it is an investigative sort of show which went by the name of ID (Investigation Discovery) where people show the real life murders and enact what had happened as the victims/people involved narrate their story. This guy is a big fan of that and whenever he gets a chance, he starts telling a story about what he say the other day, what he saw before I came back from office. It was going non stop from there. I had no idea what to say after a few 'oh', 'oh really?'s' and plastered that interested -inquisitive- so-what-happened-next look. I never knew there were muscles / nerves that would twitch after a certain point of time. I was more concerned about maintaining that look than listening to what he was saying. Thank god, there wasn't a viva at the end of the story. After he had finished narrating his story, that show would eventually come up on the TV, because it is run on repeat the whole day. Though at the end of the week, there were no more murder mystery stories. His tenure was over. And I was still counting my days as of when I might get out of that place.

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#Kolkata, #KolkataDiaries, #People, #Murder, #Mystery, #InvestigationDiscovery, #Day13

The meet.

Part 1 : It all began ... 

Part 2 : Insanity has a new meaning 
Part 3 : Sinking in 
Part 4 : Steep Slope 

Part 5 : The lost art
Part 6 : That twist of fate
Part 7 : Crushed

"Hi."

"Hey, I am Ajay".

"Nice, here's my visiting card".

It has been nearly two months in the city and the contemplation of exploring has been shoved down the drain. It was mostly either the same mall or the same coffee shop. Boy, I am such a bore! Argh. And I was a little infuriated when I learned of the IndiBlogger meets happening back in the city where I was supposed to be. These Blogger meets are fun. And they happen so rarely that I wouldn't miss them unless they are in the far away city. The reason for I being furious was the I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place and on top of it, my stay got extended. But. But. But there was a meet scheduled just one week away and I was like, "Finally, some adventure, Yaaay!", I shouted sitting in the room staring at the computer screen. I had been in the room the whole weekend and the room was getting bored of me and me staying in the room.

The reason I go to these meets is to meet new people. But being an introvert, I don't get to meet anyone. And whomsoever I get to meet move on to better people. I wouldn't blame them, because I was being me. Frankly speaking I take time to adjust, I guess. I know I am just making up excuses and all. Eventually, I met a few people though and I am not sure whether they would remember be now or not. But I would really recommend not to start a conversation with "Hey, this is my visiting card", perhaps start by telling your name. The usual team activities took place and the group that I was in named themselves "Alpha Q". Yeah, not so cool, or even appropriate. But lets' not pass judgment on the stupidity. 

And the biggest trouble I face all the time is answering the question : "So, what do you blog about?" Frankly speaking, I just write random things, everything and anything that comes to my mind, half of which doesn't even make sense and this is a personal blog or sorts. Though I write poems(sort of) occasionally, stories too. And I have another blog for expressing the story in a frozen moments - photography blog. I have never rehearsed the answer for this question and it feels like answering to an unknown question during a viva. But here I know the answer, yet I don't know what to say. Eventually, I ramble, and I do that so bad that the person listening will be like what-the-hell-is-this-guy-even-saying does-he-even-write? Note to self : Get your act straight about what I blog? 

Eventually, it ended with a paint-your-dream-house brochure while my camera has another lonely day though I had hoped to get some great clicks in the day. 

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#Explore, #Kolkata, #KolkataDiaries, #Work, #Deputation, #NewAssignment, #newToTheCity, #Impression, #BloggersMeet, #People, #Day10

Insanity has a new meaning.

Mid Life Crisis July.

Part 1 : It all began ... (continued)

My attempts to dodge the bullet were completely futile. It was a point blank shot. After a fair exchange of calls, I was ready with a suitcase and a nutcase, a colleague I mean. It's like the more I had tried to avoid this guy, the universe has a way of punishing me somehow. On top of it, I had to stay with him for another two months. Nevertheless, he was the only guy I knew, so I played ball. 

#ArtOfSayingNo bites in the ass.

As any logical person would do, I did my part of booking not one cab, but two. The right term that we are looking for is illogical person. Who books two cabs? Dude, I just want to be sure. You know if in case the first cab driver falls asleep. Meanwhile, I am advised on how to do my journey as if I was doing this for the first time. The nutca.. I mean the colleague calls up and advices to share the cab. Now, this guy has a very good reputation of not doing what he tells to do. But then again, the cab fare would be whooping huge and sharing it would be a sensible idea. Or so I thought. "No" was at the back of my head and yet I agreed. What was supposed to be an economical escapade turns out to be a pocket burning - oh wait let me put out the first first. I had to pay nearly twice of what would have been the amount had I travelled alone in peace. 

Here's the story of how I got screwed up !

The flight was at 11. We had to reach by 10 atleast. I thought of better and decided to reach by 9, just in case if there is heavy traffic (which happened to be there) and it was a peak hour of the morning where everyone is going to office. I booked the cab for 8 but as I was about to leave the nut calls me to say that We shall share a ride. The basic price was 600-700 bucks, so sharing would have been a great idea. Who wouldn't agree , right? After all is settled and the address shared, I get another call from the nut asking me to come to a said location. I had luggage with me and inspite of that heavy things, I decided to do exactly that. After dragging for a few meters and then hopping on a auto rickshaw, I reach the said location. It was already half an hour past 8. I stand there for about 20 minutes and then I get a call. I was hoping that he is going to stop where I am standing. But he says that I had to come a little more further. So, I drag again for a few hundred feet again. And phew, finally meet and thought I can finally rest. As it turns out, he was booking the cab. There. After all this time he was booking the cab he came in. The same one. 

There is one thing any person would do. Lets say I want to go to the airport and a friend is tagging along. I book a cab to the airport and pick up the guy along the way and head for the destination. Sensible person. And if I was any one close to being stupid, I would book a cab to the friends location. And book another one from their location to the airport. And if I were insane, I would book a cab to the friends' place and make them walk for about 5 miles and then try to book the same cab. 

Time jus hit 9 and I was already getting impatient. I didn't want to go on this assignment in the first place. Then I had to share the journey with this nut. After what felt like eternity and trying to book the same cab, I finally get lucky but not so lucky. 2.0x Surge since it was peak hours. God Freaking Damn. I was happy that we will finally start moving. But guess what, Hello traffic. We reach the airport, just in time, thankfully and since I was in a hurry and the cab fare would be deducted online, I just bolted out. But this genius hadn't paid the fare for the journey he had done to come 5 miles away from my place. I pay half of his, which I don't know why I did totalling the sum to 1800 bucks. God freaking damn. Since half of it was online, I didn't know how much it got deducted at that time. Totally ripping experience. 

To this day, this nut owes me 1500 bucks but he has conveniently forgotten.

To be continued...

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#NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) #Day4

#Flight #journey #Cab #nutcase #people #stupidity #WhatTheFuck #KolkataDiaries #KolkataDay0 #newToTheCity #Day4 #ajaykontham #ak #diaryOfAk

Breaking Fast.

Knock Knock. 
Anyone there ?

# 1

Where did the author go?

I have wondered the same for quite some time. What happened to writing and what happened to the whole write a story sequence? What happened to poetry and what happened to publishing a novel? What happened to  amaze the shit out of people and leave them in thought, deep ones? What happened to starting controversies and be at the middle of it? Or. What happened to that guy who talked and talked, umm correction, wrote and wrote, about the things he wanted to do and couldn't do? What happened to making people bore their senses out and yet look for the compliments? What happened?  I never knew being in love would keep one so busy and occupied. I never knew that having a girlfriend would be so distracting, distracting from the whole writing drama. I had thought that it would bring out the poet in me, or a writer in me, or may be the creative side in me. May be it takes time. Perhaps, tomorrow you will read a different me. Or. May be I was just lying about the whole thing, the later part of the opening paragraph. Of course I was. 

Nice people.

He said he had never seen any nice people in the city while I listened to him as he drove me to my place from the airport. I asked him how he came to settle here. His wife worked in the city, he said. He talked nice, buttered with words and sugar coated honey. He took the wrong turn while he inquired about the competition he might be having from a city too far away, perhaps it was an analogy to reassure himself that he is in a better state and that he is getting the same kind of money had it been a different city. Or perhaps it was just small talk. Though, I did ask him what made him how he felt about the city as he was a year old into the city. That was when he said that there weren't enough nice people. By nice, he meant honest people. He left me with a question when he ripped open my purse emptying it. The question being "Was he a nice person?"

Plate Full.

I had made a few plans of my own. But then someone else joined in the plans. Oh no, not just joined, barged in and walked all over it. Being the overly gentle person that I was, which I don't believe but still, I welcomed them and let them mess up with their dirty shoes. Time chimed and whisked faster than the blink of an eye. The unexpected guest took the initiative as if he knew how things worked. Zipper zapper. Honks and paralyzed air. This bull and that cow. Just in time for the flight and a very rich cabbie. Yes, something went wrong. I wasn't thinking clearly. The unexpected fool(the other F word appended with an er) was well, doing justice to his name while cabbie was playing the best trick he possibly could. I could care less. Actually, I do care and I should have, had it been any other day. I just had a lot on my plate and that plate was not looking so good. 

Double Date.

The smell of coffee pulled me towards it. It did every single time I walked past it. The coffee machine. Your choice. All you need is a coffee cup. I retired that day sipping coffee from the coffee shop I found on my way back. And it got me thinking. Everyday spending for coffee doesn't seem ideal when I could get the same for free. So, the next day ( a week later) I buy a coffee cup. Fancy. Magic cup, they said. Cold one color, hot one color. Day 4. Someone steals it. Prank, I reassured myself. But I didn't know anyone. Then, I tried to search, but I being new here wasn't the best way to embarrass myself. I conclude that some MF might have took it while I made some angry remarks at the stranger and then at God. (Why God? Oh, you have in for a treat. But that depends on how this turns out to be). Two days later and after searching for a few shops, I finally take the same cup. It is as if nothing really happened, like no one even stole my cup. I don't know why I did that. I really don't. But then again, when have I thought clearly.

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This is just the beginning. But then again, it could be the end. The verdict is in your hands now. 

The stranger you haven't met. Yet.

The morning is bright and shining its glorious light waking you up from your dreadful sleep. You never gave it much thought. It has always been the kind of feeling, that your mind and heart are at battle over something, which you are not quite sure what it is. You have been thinking, which is unusual. It is not like you don't think, you do think occasionally but you don't think too long on a something or to be precise about her. You are still not sure who she is, what she is, but still, you ponder into the oblivion trying to figure out what is it that you are feeling, what it is that is keeping you awake all night. You saw her a couple of times and you felt the same thing every single time she made her presence felt to your eyes. You are confused. 

You see her again. The first time was more of a glimpse, a blurred image dangling in your conscious and that, which left you sleepless. You are not feeling quite right. Something is happening, is it your mind or your heart? 'Argh',  You let out sigh because you feel that no matter how round the earth might be, there was no way you would be able to see her again. But may be it was your fate or destiny or some similar catch-phrases or perhaps say a miracle, you rub your eyes just to make sure you didn't slide into that small bubble called dream. She was real. She is real. You see her. You forget something, to look away. Your eyes trail her every move. You slowly realize that everything except her is in the colors of two, black and white. She was in bright colors, looking splendidly under the warm morning sun.

She takes a seat across you, but a little far. You have the urge to take a closer look, may be even sit just right across her. But you don't want to give her an impression that girls get when they realize that a guy is creeping up closer. You want to sweep her off her feet with the agility and charm and you realize that you need to work out a bit. You shake the thoughts and drown into the dream like reality. You are awake yet lost. You see the bright brown eyes shining with charm as of there is a twinkle in them and you realize that they are smiling. You watch the  eyes brimming with innocence and which could smile. You have looked at the mirror a million times and your's never did. She takes out her book to read and trails the spoon in the across the edges of the coffee cup. She drowns herself into that book. She is in another place, another world that the book had to offer. She smiles once in a while and your heart melts as if she looked at you smiled. You see the dimples in that brief moment and sink in the candidness of her perfection. You see the curve they make and  you feel the heart racing, beating loudly as if you had sprinted non stop for a very long stretch. Your eyes do the magic of taking it all in, slowly sinking in the beauty as the breaths become heavy.

Your phone rings a couple of times. Probably it was work or some customer care trying to promote their new offers on the network or may be it was your mom checking up on you whether you had your lunch or not. But you are too busy, or perhaps too lost to respond. You slowly notice the soft curls dangling, like a chandelier, bright, think and dark, shining and exquisitely beautiful. May be you are smitten by her beauty that you find everything beautiful, but no. You have never seen anyone like her who would keep your heart racing and on your toes and lost at the same time. You are pushed back to earth when someone stands in front of you obstructing a beautiful view. Your colleague tracks you down and literally drags you to work. You know that it was an important day at work, but you had forgotten about it. You shake your head and embrace the reality. You turn to give her a final look before you dissolve into the crowd hoping that she gives you a peek. You have this weird feeling, churning in your stomach that this will be the last time you will see her. But, hope is all you are left with.

You retire for the day to the same coffee corner after a series of endless seminars, presentations and meetings. You look around. You know that it was pointless, yet that little thing called hope never gives up. He reluctantly sips his coffee re-imagining the afternoon, her. Suddenly, you smell a lavender filled the air and you feel the silk brushing your hand and someone pretty stands in front of you. It was her. You don't believe you eyes. Yet, you don't want to pinch yourself. Even if it a dream, you don't want to end. You sink in the sweetest voice, like an enchantment that is binding you in comfort, while the heart starts racing so fast that you feel like you will pass out anytime soon. You stumble to figure out what was happening around you and she says, "Is this seat taken?" holding her vanilla filled chocolate pastry melting in its warmth. You try to appear calm and coy at the same time while your mind races through a million alternatives to say to her in response and you say "No,.. please .." gesturing her to take the seat. Your mind is now an unstoppable wagon draining out of words to say, to strike a conversation. You come up with a million alternatives yet you don't know where to begin. You curse yourself under your breath. You want to make a lasting impression, but how is haunting you to death. You finally make up your mind and as you try to say it you feel a gentle push on your shoulder, "Is there anything you would like to order", says the waiter gesturing that it was time to close up. You look across your table and the realization weighs you down. You can't believe it was a dream as it felt surreal. You dozed off to her thoughts after a couple of minutes and it had been hours while the coffee became cold. And deep down you feel that there is a chance somehow, somewhere in the near future that you would see her again and strike up the conversation that you have been building up and that the next time you don't doze off.

#IAmYouChronicles

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P.S. : This is a work of fiction. No, it hasn't happened to me. I wasn't describing my experience. Yes, I hope for that to happen someday to me. 

This day...

The gender disparity. Aren't we tired of it, already? I see people judging, passing comments, making rules, banning stuff and taking it up a notch by going social. I just saw a guy taking a picture on his phone standing between two cars in the middle of the road, with no regards for the general public whatsoever obstructing the traffic in the busiest hour of the day and he loves his car, so what? Having a car and a smartphone doesn't make one an ideal person when his intention is to put it on the social media either trying to get "justice" or blame someone. But, but then again there are people whom we call educated, but yet they don't seem so educated. Let me quote my dear colleague who stress on a statement at least once in a day. His statement : "Girls shouldn't be allowed education". So the logical question would be regarding you, "Should you be allowed education?" But you are already educated, aren't you? And it clearly looks like you are not. Not even a bit. 

A few months earlier, there was a debate going on at the corner of the office floor where the ladies were defending their stand while this gentleman (I am being polite here. Sorry. This stupid person who claims to know everything but is actually a dud) decided to voice out his opinions stating that the women are supposed to be confined to homes. 

A valid counter argument was made which goes something like this : 

It could bee dated back to the inception of time that the man is the provider of the family and that women are restricted to homes. In the early days before people started socializing, a family in general needed food for survival. Then it was decided that man would go out to fetch some food since he is physically stronger and also that it would be logical that he would do the hunting while the women would take up the responsibility of protecting the home and taking care of their childred. (So who is the hero here?) As the time drifted it just got imbibed into the minds of the people that women are supposed to be confined to home doing the household chores while the men are the money making machines. And people are still following it as it has been a culture that has been set by ancestors(what? what kind of shit is that?). I mean, I don't understand. With changing time, people are supposed to update themselves staying within the realms of the present, the now. Are we still hunting with stones and sticks? Are we covered in mud, covering ourselves with leaves and animal skin? Haven't we changed? Yes? Haven't we become more social, advancing and improving ourselves woh time? Yes? Then why not the thinking? There are educated people and then there are educated fools. I am sorry to say that the latter aren't educated at all. It would be a disgrace to fools also. When such an argument is made making the men feel a little under the foot, there arises the ego problem. Oh, man and his ego, his superiority status, his heart breaks when a woman beats him, be it anything per say. That hurts self proclaimed ego maniac at the right spots and his response is to defend his age old status with idiotic baseless logics and well of course his stupidity.

The paradigm is that we are moving forward with time but unknowingly stepping backwards by blindly following what our so called ancestors have laid for us, the people who we are consider to be more intelligent than the people we are now. So, this estranged intellectual speaketh his mind. His argument is that it has been told by the so called learned ancestor junta (the society-rules creator or whatever they are called or referred to as) during the inception of creating a rulebook for the society, for the religion for the people of the country. A handbook of sorts that was quite acceptable at that time because firstly, at that time people were divided into different sections based on the work they did, which meant that whatever the people-with-a-feather-and-ink said was imprinted on the rocks and were laid as the foundations for the future generations. Please note that these people were well versed in all books and had knowledge of the umpteenth level. Fast forward to now, that rule book has become obsolete and needs to have some real changeover, like rewritten from the scratch. But... but people still hold it to make a point that their great ancestors weren't stupid to write this stuff down and pass this "knowledge" over so many generations. Nobody was/is calling them stupid, they were intelligent during their time and their confines knowledge at that time can't be used as reference in this time zone hundred of years later. Wake up.

Anyway, my dear colleague had the audacity to say that the girls shouldn't be allowed education and even if they did receive formal education, they shouldn't be allowed to work. And the very same reason he gave for marrying a non-working girl. He actually made it a point while searching for a suitable bride to his parents. And then, he doesn't want to any of the working ladies(sitting all around him) to meet his wife because they would give her new ideas, their share of knowledge on maintaining things and likewise which in turn might back fire at his plans when his housewife decides to start making plans and taking initiative at work. I don't know whether his ego hurts seeing women being independent and successful or what, he is simply unhappy with the whole ladies working breed. When the information about his sister who works for a MNC and earns thrice of what he does is put as a statement, he is mum about it. There has been constant efforts going on around the world to level the gender gap in education, in work place, in a nutshell everywhere. And that is the very reason for implementing the reservation for women to cut down the disparity. No amount of logical arguments could convince an illogical mind which stays adamant on suppressing the opposite gender and confining them to homes. I wonder what he would do if he has a daughter one day. Would he confine to his thoughts by restricting her to education and working, her dreams to be precise. Only Time Will Tell.

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Having said that, its just not this thing that bothers me. These days a lot of things are coming into light, a lot of things are happening which are centered or surrounding women. I can't even begin to describe and comprehend what is happening around and what we have come to. Its just heart breaking. I wish people grew up a little bit. Just a little bit would be a great leap.

PS: There might be a lot of places where you might find things changing drastically from one momentum to another. It is because I haven't been able to write in a single flow( Writer's.. Blogger's block and too much procrastination). So, apologies for that. I need to be more thorough and consistent while writing.

The Limelight.

The song resonated in its rhythm

Filling the corners of the theater

In silence, the audience tuned in

To the melodious brilliance

The mind swayed in the swiftness,

While the soothings hit every nerve

As the intensity of the voice was felt

The gravity of the words sank in

Unbounded by ones' thoughts,

The mind freely fell into bliss

It wasn't just a song, but

A composition of tormented feelings

Stories vibrated in the ambiance

Echoing the pain, the struggle

The world came to a still

As the final song was performed

The people admired in awe

He breathed in the appreciations

Before him was a dream,

A fulfilled lifetime ambition

As the limelight glimmered

Slowly, he opened his eyes

To find himself alone

Standing in the old coliseum.

- Ajay Kontham, '15

Left alone.

In a city not far away from here, there lived a guy with a personality, a splendid one fortunately. And as we all know that a great personality comes with a lot of baggage and fortunately for him, the baggage was all the good stuff. He had a great work, not what he had dreamed of as a kid, but it pays the bills. Well, "When there's money, everything is probably fine", isn't that right? Anyway, after a few escapades with a few friends from work or a few from his earlier association with the town he was from, college and the school, he had his share of fun whenever he had the chance. Moreover, there were someone to give him a nudge for a weekend getaway or likewise. 

As life balanced on the tight rope between the present and the oblivion, he grew on it, the life. He switched jobs, shifted places and met some of his college mates from his town. As he was battling between different chores and keeping up with little things like promises to his friends was on the downfall. As if the the routine juggling wasn't enough, he also found his love, his college sweetheart who had come to he big city looking to do something big and meaningful just like he did. As fate might have it, he was drawn to her with invisible strings which he terms as "complicated". 

"Complicated! What do you mean complicated?", an inquisitive friend of his asked.

"You wouldn't understand", he said with a sigh! 

"Complicated. Life is complicated, sure. Love is complicated, more sure about it. But that's what life and love are all about, a challenge to simplify it, un-complicate it.", his friend argued like the great philosopher he thought he was. It didn't take much for him to pass along the details of his complicated relationship status to his friend. They will not be together in the future which both of them knew it, but they are together now, sometimes. 

"Complicated? Bloody hell, it doesn't seem to do justice", his friend expressed his agony but then again there was no better word for it. He told his friend that he was still holding on to those invisible strings, swimming in it and letting the stream to take its natural course.

For a while these complicated strings had kept him awry of social life and also from his usual escapades for quite some time now. He and his friend made last minute calls and would meet up but there was no fun at all. They would hang out sitting in the shopping mall staring "at" people(read : girls), and feeling bad (read : sad) about the recent developments in the love lives of all these people, which they are missing/missed out on while they were of their age. While they were sulking in silence, as the year was coming to an end and hence, they decided to go on a different directive this year, something they had always wanted to do but lacked the company of a few more whilst it won't be fun. So, the plan was drafted and the timeline was mapped for the last few hours of the last day of the year. His philosophical-friend was all excited for the year coming to an end realizing that this would be the first time he will be doing something other than his ordinary-boring stay-at-home-and-sulk adventure. Time took an express train and it was new years' eve finally and the plan was still in play. As his philosophical-friend was a little excited and that there were on the clock, he camouflaged through the shadows and bunked his office to be that punctual guy he always was. The day turned out to be the busiest day as the traffic had almost come to a standstill or perhaps moved at snails pace. No one could really put a finger.

While his philosophical-friend was stuck in traffic all this time, he went to one of his other friends' home and was eventually added into our group or two. But they had an early celebration when the new member was called for a night shift. They popped up a few chilled beers and got down to the business of sinking in the early celebration. For him it was the first time while the new guy was a regular. He was slowly getting the kick of the soar tasting chilled beer that slowly made its way down and then up. Eventually he got used to it and he sank into its influence floating in that reserved space that was left unexplored till now. 

Image Courtesy : Google Images

He looked at his buzzing mobile to find his philosophical-friend's number blinking who was still stuck in traffic. He made the small talk and decided to meet up and then proceed with the plan. But by then he had just started his experiment with the soar drink. And time did its magic and whosh fast forward one hour, he felt he was still ready for the big plan while the time slipped away. His philosophical-friend on the other end of the phone had already started feeling that the plan was going sidetracked for the obvious reason thought he never had any clue what was happening on the other side. Fast forward one more hour, he was still making up promises and assuring that he would come and pick him up in another half hour. His philosophical-friend on the other end now knew for sure that he shouldn't have made that plan with him. "This wasn't the first time he had kept someone hanging midway", his philosophical-friend thought feeling like a fool. He silently went for a dramatic long walk, had something and returned back, all by himself. Then the phone buzzed. It was the now-drunk guy, the one who just bailed on the plan perfecting the art of breaking trust and not living up to the word.

"Hey, I had a few too many drinks for the first time. And I can't make it. I am really sorry about it. Don't mind", he sounded almost convincing and sorry he was.

"Hey. Wow, really? It's all right. Don't bother about it. We could do this some other time", his philosophical-friend responded.

"This was the first time I got drunk and I am sorry. Don't mind", he responded with his train of thoughts that he could make up from the aftermath of being drunk.

"Don't worry about it. It's no big deal. Next time may be" his friend sounded almost-normal hiding the disappointment. 

"We will meet next weekend. Sorry. Happy New Year"

"Okay, next weekend, sure thing! Oh, thanks! Happy New Year to you too. Have Fun".

The philosophical-friend reached his room, opened his laptop and started his annual stay-at-home-and-sulk adventure. The ritual he followed almost every year without fail, it seems. This year was supposed to be different. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't. It didn't go according to the so-called-plan. That rest of the night was spent on the internet replying and forwarding the New Year Wishes to each and everyone one in the contact list.

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That day his philosophical-friend learnt an important lesson, though history almost repeated itself. He had quite a few similar experiences in the past and that was the reason he wasn't as disappointed as he should be. A prominent one of them happened few years back on his 8th birthday. A lesson that some people just could not be make up to the for what they promised or gave their word for. And those whom he considered friends always had another friend that usually didn't include him. And the next fifteen years just solidified his misconception, or was it the truth he choose not the believe in? Eventually he learned to keep everything to himself. But he felt too rooted in this anomaly and wanted something new, something that kept him at par with others. And he felt he was turning a new leaf in his diary and decided to let go of this deeply rooted old notion that he bothered himself for almost all his life. He was on the right track finally, he thought. But the dilemma that whether he was too late to realize or may be that he just didn't fit in bothered him. And he just realized that he made a grave mistake. He thought he could simply turn a new leaf and hoped that everything would just fall into place. He was wrong.

All these years made him self dependent, or perhaps self centered and reminded him everyday that he could never be involved completely as a friend. Each person in his so called friends circle had their separate group of friends. And guess who was left behind when each one of them were to team up. "Please divide yourself into separate groups" always had him wondering where to go while each of the other person knew where they belonged, their place among the multitude of people. What was he battling through? Was it the scar that the life, over all these years left him with? Was it bad or was it a blessing? Or was it those few people who left him scarred. No, it was him, and only him. A pointed finger indirectly points three more fingers at self. That concludes the discussion. It was him. Or was it him really?