Misery. #Z2AChallenge

"

Mellowed life of hazy situations,

Instituted thoughts of unclassical confused ideologies

Stimulated pessimistic aggressive decisions,

Eloping burden of the hurtful feelings,

Roughly dragging simplicity to complexity,

Yearning the life, one memory at a time.

"

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#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Misery #Memory #Life

#AlphabetM #LetterM #Day14 ( Day 16)

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 #ReVisit

This post is modified version of one of my very (not-so) old post.

A distant memory.

The overnight rain laid out a clear sky, well almost. The sun shone through the clouds that formed huge boulders. The sky was blue yet looked a little tired. Perhaps it was the inconsistent rain from the previous night. Or perhaps it was my insomnia that made me late yet again. 

I drowned in my chair realizing the work at hand and the deadlines that I had to meet. This wasn't how I had hoped the melancholic Monday to start of with. Yes, I understand the irony. "Coffee", my mind shouted. Oh, yes Coffee- A perfect remedy to get back to the real world. I took out my coffee mug from from the drawer and examined the weahter outside looked at the floor-to-roof window on the far end. It was pretty chilled inside and thanks to the centralized air conditioner and a warm coffee could really do wonders. I grabbed my cup and was about to...

She happened. My eyes were transfixed. Perhaps, they were lost. She walked past, but I still stuck at the moment I saw her. Even though she went past like a flash, I froze revisiting the moment that just passed by, the cup in my hand suspended in the air, like someone pulled a gun and shouted "Freeze".  That brief moment temporarily numbed my mind, my conscious. I kept staring at the window long after she brisked past my sight, like I was just lost in thought. I can only see the shadow, an outline of the shadow of her, moving slowly as if time had stopped for a while, a blurred image trailed in front of me. I woke up from my lost state a moment later realizing I was stating at the empty glass plane.

"Where did she go?", I shouted under my breath. I couldn't find her. I felt the blood drain from my face. I never understood the reason behind it. But suddenly, I felt that gaping hole in my chest. Perhaps it was the heart that stopped listening, or the mind that stopped thinking. I kept the cup down which was still in the air. For a while I forgot what I was doing, what I wanted to do, what I should be doing. I just sank deep into my chair comprehending what just happened. Beauty. Elegance. Charm. Cute. The words, left me astray to even describe her. It was a shame that I couldn't get a perfect word to describe her. Beauty in simplicity. Elegance in how she carried herself. Cute the way she smiled. Charismatic in her energetic self and her talks. I can't even find the right words for her. The heart was a confused place right now. 

In the days that followed, I saw her again. Relieved. Happy. Content. But the heart, the heart made more noise than the empty vessel. I picked myself up from the apparent daydream encompassing the perfection. I wanted to etch her in words. I wanted the her image to be a memory, a forever memory. I saw her a couple of times, but I had a feeling that staring at her just might give the impression that I was 'checking' her out and the usual conclusion of the guys who check girls out are called creepy guys. I was in no position to bring myself to that impression. Yes, to put in right words, I was afraid to look at her. I don't know why. I didn't have answers then, nor do I have now. But I caught her graceful eyes this one time between the crowded multitude of people. A millisecond later they stared back. And my heart had a massive panic attack. Instead of leaping into those eyes, I went astray and blew my one chance. It took a while for my face to come back to normal from the flushed state. I mentally kicked myself for blowing my first impression. 

Eyes are a crazy thing. I am always searching for her,even when I pretend to be working or talking to somebody or no matter what I was doing. All the time. She is still a image, a beautiful shadow indeed, but I still didn't have the details to perfectly portray her. This one time the corner of my eye catches her while I was still looking at the screen in front of me. I saw her walk towards me. For a second, my mind raced with gazillion thoughts and my face was flushed red. She stood behind me for a very very brief moment. I thought this was the moment she would talk. And I was already preparing how to respond and assuring myself not to screw this up curling my lips, smiling inside. A faint of perfume brushed past me while my heart slipped into my mouth. I swear it really did. I turned back to respond even with all the quietness that surrounded me but she was already gone. Holy mother of God. That almost gave me a heartache. I kicked myself again mentally for being so stupid. 

My tenure was over and my initial idea of inscribing her in words was left as a distant dream. She is still blurred image, but a beautiful one. I wanted her as a memory for as long as I can. But I never got a chance to know her. I never got a chancet o tell her what I felt. I never gota chance to carve a perfect image in my mind, in paper. All I had was an image, a shadow in bits and pieces and a hell lot of emotions, the feelings which I still don't even understand.

Memory Palace

September 2015

Kolkata

Self Hypnosis !!!

 So, I guess you people might have been bored up with my work. Actually, I am in a sort of 'frustration', so while writing I think I am getting that into words and spoiling the whole agenda of my writings.The result is that my posts are 'Awesomely weird' not 'Weirdly awesome'. So, now I am with few tips which might help you relax. I actually found them in an application in my iPod and felt that I should share it with you people. 

So, this is the procedure to perform self-hypnosis ::

Steps :

a. Go to a quiet room and sit in any comfortable chair or couch. Although some people prefer to lie down, you are more susceptible to sleep than when sitting up. Whether you sit or lie, ensure you do not cross your legs or any part of your body. You may be in this position for a while and this could end up being uncomfortable.

b.Make sure you are not going to be disturbed for at least half an hour.

c.Close your eyes and work to rid your mind of any feelings of fear, stress, or anxiety. When you begin, you might find it difficult not to think. You may find that thoughts keep intruding. When this happens, don't try to force the thoughts out. Observe them impartially, and then let them slip away.

d.Recognize the tension in your body. Beginning with your toes, imagine the tension slowly falling away from your body and vanishing. Imagine it freeing each body part one at a time starting with your toes and working its way up your body. Visualize each part of your body becoming lighter and lighter as the tension is removed. Relax your toes, then your feet. Continue with your calves, thighs, hips, stomach and so on, until you've relaxed each portion, including your face and head. Using imagery techniques of something you find comforting or soothing, such as water (feel the water rushing over your feet and ankles, cleansing them of tension) can be effective as well.

e.Take slow, deep breaths. When you exhale, see the tension and negativity leaving in a dark cloud. As you inhale, see the air returning as a bright force filled with life and energy.

f.Appreciate the fact that you are now extremely relaxed. Imagine you are at the top of a flight of 10 stairs which at the fifth step start to submerge into water. Picture every detail of this scene from the top to the bottom. Tell yourself that you are going to descend the stairs, counting each step down, starting at 10. Picture each number in your mind. Imagine that each number you count is further down and one step closer to the bottom. After each number, you will feel yourself drifting further and further into deep relaxation. As you take each step, imagine the feel of the step under your feet. Once you are at the fifth step imagine and truly feel the refreshing coolness of the water and tell yourself that you are stepping into an oasis of purity and cleanliness. As you begin to descend the last five steps, start to feel the water getting higher and higher up your body. You should now start to feel somewhat numb and your heart will start to race a bit, but notice it and let any qualms about the situation just drift away into the water.

g.At this point at the bottom of the water you shouldn't really feel anything just a floating sensation you may even feel like you're spinning. Once you have achieved this state you should proceed to address your problems and decide upon what it is you want from where you are. [Note: if you do not feel as stated above, try again, slower with a will to grasp what is happening]. Now start to narrate what you are doing, speak in the present and future tense quietly to yourself, or as if you are reading it from a page. Start to picture three boxes under the water that you have to swim to get to. Once you have found the boxes open them slowly one at a time and narrate to yourself what is happening when you open the box. For example 'As i open the box i feel a radiant light engulf me, i feel it becoming a part of me, this light is my new found confidence that i can not ever lose as it is now apart of me' and then proceed on to the next box. You should avoid using statements with negative connotation such as I don't want to be tired and irritable. Instead, say, am becoming calm and relaxed.Examples of positive statements I am strong and slender, I am successful and positive, and, if you have pain, My back is beginning to feel wonderful.(see warning on PAIN)

h.Repeat your statement(s) to yourself as many times as you wish. 2 or 3 times should be enough.

i.Once you are satisfied with what you have done and embraced swim back to the stairs and feel with each step you take the water becoming lower and lower until you have once again reached that fifth step. Once you are out of the water and are on the sixth step you may start to feel heavy or as if there is a weight on your chest. Merely wait on the step until this passes, constantly repeating your aforementioned statements. Once it passes continue up the stairs visualizing each step by its number, feeling the steps under neath you, will yourself to carry on up the stairs.

j.Once you have ascended, give yourself a few moments before opening your eyes (you may want to visualise yourself opening a door to the outside world, do this slowly and imagine the light that pours in through the door way, this should make your eyes open)(also it sometimes help telling yourself that when you open your eyes you will be smiling, if you are indeed smiling when you open your eyes you will have some sort of proof that it has worked) and take your time getting up. Then out loud tell yourself Wide awake, Wide awake or something maybe that your mother used to say when she woke you up in the morning as a child. This will put your mind back in the conscious state.You will be totaly relaxed and feel refreshed.

Now, something to help increase your memory :: 

Steps:

a.Relax. When you are ready, gently close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and say to yourself the word 'relax' on each held breath. Now, notice how enjoyably relaxing this feels. Continue doing this for a little while. Notice how each breath helps you feel deeper and deeper relaxed.

b.Relieve any tension. Allow any tension in your jaw to relax away. Allow any tension in your neck and in your shoulders to simply melt away, leaving you completely relaxed.

c.Imagine a large library. You might imagine you stood outside a large magnificent library. Notice how the building looks. Visualize the large wooden doors inviting you to go in. This library is the library of your mind. Everything you have ever known or experienced is in this library. Just like your mind, everything you have known or experienced is in there. Whenever you can't remember something the memory is still there, but it's just difficult to find it among the vast, vast arrays of information.

d.Begin to study the books in the library. If you are studying or have a particular topic of interest or quickly locate the book that contains all your knowledge on this subject, you may have a quick look through the pages if you wish. Feel safe in the knowledge that whenever you absorb any information on this topic it will be added to this book. You will easily be able to find the information in your mind. You will easily be able to recall the information. Now, place this book back exactly where you found it. If you are not sure, a librarian will help you. Take a look around at the other books. Again, any of the information related to these books will be added to them whenever you learn or experience something.

e.Recall old memories. As a result of your mind being more organized, not only will you be able to recall memories much more easily, your mind will also feel calmer and more relaxed. You will find that just about anything you do will be simpler and easier. You'll feel happier. Your mind is more organized and relaxed, and you will be more successful with an organized and more relaxed mind.

P.S. :: This is an application from my iPod. I felt like sharing it with you people. The application and the pictures can be found at : http://www.feathermoor.com.