Attraction.

The image lingers at the corner of the eye as she is engaged in a conversation, the voice you fathomed for so long and yet you make your utmost attempts to stay focused and not give to the image. The mind plays tricks - making you 'believe' that the eyes you are so desperate to see are staring at yours, fixated, examining you, piercing right through every fabric of your soul and wanting to stared back and searching for a friend in the your eyes, screaming to know the story being the struggling focused eyes. Believe. Make Belief.

And in that one vulnerable moment, they meet yours. Your weren't expecting. You weren't ready. Your heart slips a little, pacing faster and finding the lost rhythm. Impulse takes over and you shift the gaze at something else, something that doesn't even make sense, that corroded part of the wall that no one cared to look at, becomes your hindsight, just to disguise that you weren't staring at those gorgeous eyes, thin lined with slight mascara, almost invisible. 

Damn! A sigh you let out because you got caught, red handed. 

Damn! A sigh you let out a moment ago at the essence of beauty concealed behind those inquisitive eyes. You are lost. You don't understand why you are so scared to meet the eyes.

The heart races a bit against time. Rhythmic beats, loud and the face turns red. It is not normal. She is near, very near. You pretend as if you are busy, like solving a complex Heisenberg equation in thin air. But why? Why are you avoiding, if you don't want to be avoided? Why do you have to pretend? Why does your heart crush a little everytime she passes by? How does she do that? Why does she do that? 

Why not just let it out? Why play the game of cat and mouse, the cat and the mouse being you! Why ? Why is this so hard? What is happening? What is wrong with you? With me ? 

________________________

PS : My fellow readers and good friends think that I shouldn't move to Wordpress ! I don't know now. I am confused. 

The stranger you haven't met. Yet.

The morning is bright and shining its glorious light waking you up from your dreadful sleep. You never gave it much thought. It has always been the kind of feeling, that your mind and heart are at battle over something, which you are not quite sure what it is. You have been thinking, which is unusual. It is not like you don't think, you do think occasionally but you don't think too long on a something or to be precise about her. You are still not sure who she is, what she is, but still, you ponder into the oblivion trying to figure out what is it that you are feeling, what it is that is keeping you awake all night. You saw her a couple of times and you felt the same thing every single time she made her presence felt to your eyes. You are confused. 

You see her again. The first time was more of a glimpse, a blurred image dangling in your conscious and that, which left you sleepless. You are not feeling quite right. Something is happening, is it your mind or your heart? 'Argh',  You let out sigh because you feel that no matter how round the earth might be, there was no way you would be able to see her again. But may be it was your fate or destiny or some similar catch-phrases or perhaps say a miracle, you rub your eyes just to make sure you didn't slide into that small bubble called dream. She was real. She is real. You see her. You forget something, to look away. Your eyes trail her every move. You slowly realize that everything except her is in the colors of two, black and white. She was in bright colors, looking splendidly under the warm morning sun.

She takes a seat across you, but a little far. You have the urge to take a closer look, may be even sit just right across her. But you don't want to give her an impression that girls get when they realize that a guy is creeping up closer. You want to sweep her off her feet with the agility and charm and you realize that you need to work out a bit. You shake the thoughts and drown into the dream like reality. You are awake yet lost. You see the bright brown eyes shining with charm as of there is a twinkle in them and you realize that they are smiling. You watch the  eyes brimming with innocence and which could smile. You have looked at the mirror a million times and your's never did. She takes out her book to read and trails the spoon in the across the edges of the coffee cup. She drowns herself into that book. She is in another place, another world that the book had to offer. She smiles once in a while and your heart melts as if she looked at you smiled. You see the dimples in that brief moment and sink in the candidness of her perfection. You see the curve they make and  you feel the heart racing, beating loudly as if you had sprinted non stop for a very long stretch. Your eyes do the magic of taking it all in, slowly sinking in the beauty as the breaths become heavy.

Your phone rings a couple of times. Probably it was work or some customer care trying to promote their new offers on the network or may be it was your mom checking up on you whether you had your lunch or not. But you are too busy, or perhaps too lost to respond. You slowly notice the soft curls dangling, like a chandelier, bright, think and dark, shining and exquisitely beautiful. May be you are smitten by her beauty that you find everything beautiful, but no. You have never seen anyone like her who would keep your heart racing and on your toes and lost at the same time. You are pushed back to earth when someone stands in front of you obstructing a beautiful view. Your colleague tracks you down and literally drags you to work. You know that it was an important day at work, but you had forgotten about it. You shake your head and embrace the reality. You turn to give her a final look before you dissolve into the crowd hoping that she gives you a peek. You have this weird feeling, churning in your stomach that this will be the last time you will see her. But, hope is all you are left with.

You retire for the day to the same coffee corner after a series of endless seminars, presentations and meetings. You look around. You know that it was pointless, yet that little thing called hope never gives up. He reluctantly sips his coffee re-imagining the afternoon, her. Suddenly, you smell a lavender filled the air and you feel the silk brushing your hand and someone pretty stands in front of you. It was her. You don't believe you eyes. Yet, you don't want to pinch yourself. Even if it a dream, you don't want to end. You sink in the sweetest voice, like an enchantment that is binding you in comfort, while the heart starts racing so fast that you feel like you will pass out anytime soon. You stumble to figure out what was happening around you and she says, "Is this seat taken?" holding her vanilla filled chocolate pastry melting in its warmth. You try to appear calm and coy at the same time while your mind races through a million alternatives to say to her in response and you say "No,.. please .." gesturing her to take the seat. Your mind is now an unstoppable wagon draining out of words to say, to strike a conversation. You come up with a million alternatives yet you don't know where to begin. You curse yourself under your breath. You want to make a lasting impression, but how is haunting you to death. You finally make up your mind and as you try to say it you feel a gentle push on your shoulder, "Is there anything you would like to order", says the waiter gesturing that it was time to close up. You look across your table and the realization weighs you down. You can't believe it was a dream as it felt surreal. You dozed off to her thoughts after a couple of minutes and it had been hours while the coffee became cold. And deep down you feel that there is a chance somehow, somewhere in the near future that you would see her again and strike up the conversation that you have been building up and that the next time you don't doze off.

#IAmYouChronicles

__________________

P.S. : This is a work of fiction. No, it hasn't happened to me. I wasn't describing my experience. Yes, I hope for that to happen someday to me. 

Love Thyself.

When the love is overrated and a lot undermined. And then there are people who becomes experts with "doctorates", as if they know quat. These people suggest not to get into, but what do they know about it. They say they saw, they have been there, they know things. But they haven't been in my shoes. How can they know how it feels, how empty I feel? How can they know that heaviness the heart carries each day? How can they know the pain that something/someone is just that arms length, yet too far away? How can they possibly know? How can they possible relate their story to mine?  And then they say it is the same every where, with every one. It happens the same way, just the journey to begin it is different. Well, something we both agree on.

They don't stop. They say Don't do it. She isn't suitable for you. She is out of your league. You are not qualified. You are dreaming too much. You are this, you are that. But no one in the right sense encourages the feelings that keep eating me inside. Whats with the eating, you ask? The words fail me, as I find myself lost in the normal conversations. The mind remains preoccupied all the time. The thoughts slur. I dig myself into ways to express, to let the feelings known, speak out, or perhaps write. But I am lost. A hole is dug, a deep hole that is filled with emptiness. Emptiness, the feeling that feels the void in the mind, or is it the heart. They say heart. I know its the heart speaking, being a little crazy, a little stupid, for that one person.

Then I finally met her, her vibrant charm giving me goosebumps, as I float in the soft clouds, drifting in the voice, that sweet voice. I want the conversation to go on. But then I realize that I am just babbling, words that didn't make sense. She laughs at my troubles, the smile the melts the heart like the april snow. I smile and continue my struggle to keep up the conversation, just to keep her at my sight, involved in my conversations and perhaps hope for the magic to happen. But time. Time has always been the enemy, the one thing evil I had ever known. She leaves with a smile, giving me assurance to meet again, that we will continue, but some other time. I feel hopeful, but at the same time I feel the emptiness, even though its been just a second. I stare as she fades in my sight as she takes the turn at the end of the corner.

Call me crazy, but I have never felt the void so heavy, the emptiness so dull, the world so monotonic. The void which she fills up when I am in her presence, even if it for a moment. And the heaviness when she leaves. What is this, but not love? I assured myself to complete me. I was ready to take the chance. I knew that a life without her, would be a life lost. I look up in the mirror as I rehearse the script I wrote while the hundred torn pages lie on the floor withered. I feel hopeful as I imagine my reflection as hers and recite that lines that keep playing in my mind. I could find the heart beat fast already. Her reflection in the mirror fades into mine. I see my nervous self, a person torn between the moment that next, and what's tearing him apart, you ask! Perhaps, it is love. And then it hits him. He knows that he would love her, forever. But will she? Will she be able to be like him for the rest of their lives, imparting the same love he feels he has for her. He brushes away the thoughts, shakes himself, adjusts the tie and is about to leave. Then he hears the reflection in the mirror which stops him from taking a step out, his reflection speak, "Love thyself first".

____________________________________

#iAmYou #youAreI #TheCroniclesOfYouAndI