Happiness. #Z2AChallenge

Let me ask you something, do you believe in balance? Do you believe that everything that is around us is in balance, of entities that we don't even know of. Do you believe that the nature does the noble deed at balancing everything? As a matter of fact, do you have a balanced life? Because, if you don't believe in balance, going further won't be such a good idea.

I once had a conversation with a short period friend where we discussed abou...what? Why are you looking so confused? Are you wondering what the short-period-friend is? I got acquainted with a person who blogs and started conversing over emails. This was going fine until my friend decided to take some time off, for reasons completely unknown to me. I was being anonymous which was one of the concern. I did feel bad and since there would be no more exchange of emails, I decided to spin the magic 8 ball and reveal what card she was talking to. That was the least I could do, considering I knew my friend's name, work and all the essentials. I didn't expect what came next. My friend was angry at the revelation. That was when the last email was exchanged. So, anger. Feeling. Yes, I am going to talk about two most prominent sides of the coin. 

"Everything in this world is balanced", my friend said. I believed it too. I usually, end up disagreeing, always. But this wasn't one of those cases. The topic we were discussing was happiness. Now, I said I usually disagree to things, even when I know I am on the wrong side. The reason for agreeing this time was the mention of the balance of happiness and sadness. These two are opposite ends of the pole. And that's what attracts them the most. If you have a happy day, you will have a sad day too. "What? This sounds preposterous! I don't agree to it", I hear someone shouting. "I can be happy all my life. I am happy now. I was happy yesterday, I will be tomorrow as well". Yes, you were, are and will be, may be. But I believe you are here because you believe in balance. 

I believed it. No, actually I lived it. So, I believe it. If you are happy for one day, you will be sad for one day. But you wouldn't want to remember that sad day, or as a matter of fact any sad day. If you smiled for a day, you would cry for a day. Am I sounding childish? Think whatever you want. But if you don't believe in the balance, at this point, you just lied to yourself. Anyhow, you are enjoying the happy days and collecting memories while you are at it, because like I said, we don't want to remember the sad days. But what happens when you have the sadder days more than the usual as the happier days become gradually scarce? You become conscious of the fact that you are sad, were sad, and the future becomes an uncertain possibility. I am the product of that deranged conclusion. At one point, I completely forgot all the happy days. And at another point, I got scared of laughing, smiling and enjoying. Because well, the balance is a crass manipulation of unsettling emotions, and I stepped on the wrong stone, every single time.

So, excuse me when I see everywhere #100HappyDays. But after that?

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#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Day19 #Happiness 

#AlphabetH #TheLetterH #H

If Only. #Z2AChallenge

If only happiness was contagious.

ak

As I traverse through the multitudes and the abstractness of today, the maligned reality of life, the world befalls in a transcendence. What  is reality? What is fantasy? What is happiness? What is sadness? The questions form a web of complicated mess. Yet, the intriguing part of the endeavour of searching for the unknown and questioning the morality is understanding the stories they have to tell. For life is nothing but a carefully structured stories. 

They say eyes are the gateway to one's soul. 

The obvious question to which is how much can be learnt from the most incredible pair. The much more obvious question is how much truth is there to it. No science can prove that eyes told a story. But science does tell you that eyes are the most expressive even when they don't have to do anything. I fell at the behest of understanding the stories, said and unsaid. The animated conversing eyes, the silent preservering, the dark gloomy, the blazing angry, the sympathetic soft , the expressive deep, the reserved shy, the sleepy lazy, the happy content.

The most intriguing part of understanding the language of eyes is that when you find the happy eyes, you feel that involuntary happiness. It's more of a reflex than a conscious decision. You slowly sink into that feeling and it doesn't matter whether you understand the reason or not, but you are a part of their surreal world as you embrace the happiness. That's when the conscious kicks in. Because it just got comfortable with something sad and this alien emotion called happiness is invading its' space, trying to take over the their kingdom and it does its best to keep it out. Then it takes over. There is no more surreal world. The eyes, those eyes still beam with happiness inviting you to embrace it, sand forget about everything that haunts and distraughts you. But it's too late and you just look at the happy eyes and hope that one day you will see those same eyes, that same feeling in the person standing in the mirror. 

_________

#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Happiness #Feelings #IfOnly #Emotion

#AlphabetO #LetterO #Day12 ( Day 14)

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This is written under #IfOnly series

Zenith. #Z2AChallenge

"We want to reach the stars..."(I will let the irony sink in)

-ak

Sometimes we try,

And we try to be a little better

While we have a feeling

A feeling, that we were never good enough

We are not worthy enough

While we dwell in the past, thinking

What we could have done, 

What else we could have done, differently

We are lost, in the space that so binds us

So vast, yet so suffocating.

We are suffocating in our own breath.

We want a way out, while we battle

Battle for the last fragments we so hold dear.

Pause, we pause with deep breaths

Deep breaths, that should have soothed

That should have calmed the mind,

Instead, it begins to drown us

Drown in the perpetual misery 

The world we created around us.

We were never perfect

We were never right

We only know what we were led to believe

Then why do we feel so lost.

Then why do we feel so alone

We never understood life. 

We thought we knew

We thought we knew better

But we never understood

We were at the zenith once

But the silent whispers gave us away

"For it has all been a lie."

___________________________________________________________________

There is a world that rhymes when you sing.

- ak

#Z2AChallenge , because I can spell the alphabets in reverse!

College-Aftermath.

I don't feel it. I don't feel the turbulence, I don't feel the anxiety, I don't feel anything. I don't feel satisfied. I don't feel completed. I don't feel sad. I don't feel happy. I feel nothing. What might be the reason? I asked myself. I didn't feel the answer as well. Well, literally I can say that I am done with my Engineering. But still I am done with it,right? Why don't I feel anything?  The Facebook status of my friends were just beyond my idea of what I should be feeling. Some are missing the others while some are tagging the BTECH  word at the end of their name. What should I be doing?  No . No. Don't look at me and serve the question back to me. No. I was thinking I should also do it. Whatsay? Ajay Kontham,X,XII,B-Tech. So far so. So what do you think? Don't tell me it sounds lame. It does?  I don't think so. Even if it does, just go with it because it is true to the fact and probably I may print my visiting cards like this only. And any additions will be added if at all I get a little lucky just like you, yeah! like you. 

So, my Engineering is over. I wanted to post a Kick-ass Post and also wanted to create a meme. Well, I am not good at meme's nor at writing a kickass post.I was just thinking. So now the question : How was my BTech Engineering Life? (Something like Self-Interview) so that I can reference it from the future when need be. By the way I wanted to tell another thing. Out of a class of 66, hmm...err... say about 1 or 0 people would remember me a decade from now, or as a matter of fact 2 years from now! I can surely bet on the decade part, but the 2 years part is little bit difficult because these guys have amazing memory power. Then what about a decade from now? No, I am not saying that their memory would deteriorate or something. Its just that they would choose not to remember. Yes! I am not a popular guy. And also, I will write about each and every guy I can remember. My friends don't know but I have a very bad memory power. I bet they would disagree with that, but 'fact' is a 'fact', right? 

So, coming to the question about the four years of explicit engineering. Let me start with the experience and the extent of knowledge I might have engulfed. I think its' a lot. And also that's a lot to take in! My dad would have studied the half of what I had studied in the whole 4 years. But still when he says "You are saying as if we didn't study Engineering" , It just pisses me off. That was well over 15 years, somewhere near 20 years may be and still compares with the present. Not good. Wait a minute, I got off the line. 


Now coming back.. My friends got a little sentimental. Some did give a speech about it in the Get-Together party. He was getting all emotional and all, and I was dumbstruck. I had a camera in my hand and I had no idea what to do when he was getting all emotional. And some of the other people also in my hostel haven't revealed it, but they are all senti from inside. Seriously, I don't feel a thing. Must be something is seriously wrong with me, right?  I second your thoughts. Well, whatever, my Engineering Life ended at the blink of an eye. Seriously! There were days when I thought when this day would come. And now I feel like it was just yesterday that I joined the Engineering and now I am leaving it. Most probably, what I am gonna miss is the BEACH. No other place has a serene beauty as this. Well, so far I haven't been to any other beaches. So, yeah! This is the best so far!

The post ended at the earlier para. This is an extension. I am writing this because, I didn't get a topic for my post. So, i googled "Person with no feelings is called?" and the results showed 'Sociopath', 'Heartless', 'Insensitive', 'Cold-Hearted' ,etc ! And now I am wondering....

Dear Player.

Dear Player,

I thought of making the point clear today. But the problem is that you never read my blog and you would never understand. I am trying to get over you as soon as possible before I do something more weird. But it seems its quite hard to make you understand. Anyways you are happy with what you are because you are yourself. Thanks for the short time. I wouldn't expect much. Hope you don't realize this that you are a damn player playing the game with people's emotions. You made it very clear today. And I am happy to know that. Thank you. And don't expect me to be like you. NEVER will that happen. Not even in dreams. I am what I am; and you be yourself. One mistake you did was that you shared one important thing and didn't realize it till now. This made my job much more easier. Just because you are .... I gave the little freedom you ever wanted and even played your dirty puppet. But I still knew that it was all a bloody forsaken drama; Fcuking drama.! Well, I haven't been a good actor and surely you deserve better people. And so do I, I guess. So lets just end this the easy way. mln !

Extremely Seriously,

Played One.

Thoughtfull Tuesdays!!!

I remember Tuesdays as a holiday in my first year of Engineering. Though it was in the middle of the week, it actually did some favour in staying up at home for some more time. But sometimes it wouldn’t just favour. Anyways it is the only thing that I remember about Tuesdays.

1.       Tuesdays happened to be the day when I attended fellowship at Dada gardens, Visakhapatnam. Though I wasn’t actually into it, it some sort of a grinding the brain for the better good or say relaxation or say distraction. Consider it anyway. And moreover I can’t comment much on it as I had never been regular due to the boring academic schedule.

2.        And it had some real long journeys. Though I like journeying up, but the thought of the coming days work just hinders me from the beginning or the foreplay. So I call this as a distraction.

3.       The work, I mean the homework that was levied on me had some real serious brushing my knowledge on the so called almighty. And I had to call my mom sometimes to know what actually does a line means and what actually has to make of it. I wanted a flawless, perfect answer because the homework wasn’t just limited to home; there was a detailed discussion of it by analysing with each other’s answers or rather say thoughts.

4.       On a Tuesday I happened to go to the same fellowship by an Auto. I saw the by-passenger.she was a girl of some preteens and to be precise say some 10-12 years of age. She was along with her friend or brother; he was much younger than her. The first minute was fine until I came to know that she could not speak. Just then an atmosphere got blurred; I felt something hard held my heart. I could not hear the annoying noise of the Auto. She was trying to ask my name which I could not understand. I had to appreciate the intelligence she had. She immediately grabbed the pen from my pocket and wrote on my hand with her soft hands. After I had replied to the generous question, there was another question in her young mind. She was asking me my class. I couldn’t think what I should tell. Either should I tell that I am doing Engineering or what? I thought that peculiar word won’t be taken by a girl of that age, I managed with an answer. Just a few moments was she there until she dropped down at the next stop and I kept thinking about her. “Why does this happen to people”?

5.       I kept thinking for the remaining day. I couldn’t sleep. As I wrote the above paragraph, I could feel it happen in front of my eyes. That was the effect that I had on the same day. I tried for getting answers. Answers to unchangeable questions and not to mention the disparity of lives. What was the problem? Was it fate? Was it the result of previous birth? Was it that is has to happen for sure?  All this is c**p!!

6.       So now not to bore you much. Moving ahead with the ‘Tuesday’ thing. This day also marks the day of no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner. Just a small bit of energy-less snacks.

7.       And more over today is Rakshabandan. Got a 'Rakhi' from one of my classmate. The worst part is that I had nothing to give back the favour. And this came as a sudden shock to me. And this was quite not good on my part. [D M]

8.       And one of my friends birthday also. Though they didn’t invite me, they wanted to take photos from my camera. Should I call them crazy people (?) or else better give a name yourself.

9.       Six exams also called as mid-term exams and two lab internals are over. So I guess it’s time to relax. Right fellas? And still one more lab internal is left. No surprises please. Tomorrows it would be old when that would be and the obvious answer would be Thursday.  Anyway, for now I had been resting and will do so until the next shocking news of some exam to come.

10.   The worst and the best part are the people. The earth is filled with so many funny and interesting people. And I am still writing about the same.

11.   I went to buy some essential needs and found my purse to light at weight. The reason? I had been giving lending money to the substantially promise breakers. Damn you people. The thing that these people have when asking, is truly absent when they return. Actually they don’t. We have to ask for our own money. This is splendid. Asking our own things as if they belong to them and like they truly own the things or the money. What do you call these people? Senseless brainless people. Please suggest a suitable name?

12.   Hmm about money, a person borrows some money telling a lie. The lie was reflected in his eyes. But by the face he made, as if lost in the terrains of the desert. He returns the money yesterday and asks for it again today. What kind of people are these? Simply confusing in their behaviour and attitude.

13.   And I have started my laptop almost quarter a hundred times as it had been getting stuck in the middle and making me lose all my unsaved data every time.

14.   That’s all for today. Time has scaled new height today. Its 01:50 am. The reason for being so late is hanging up of my laptop every time without any specific time duration.