Ironically.

 "I could feel the blood draining from me. My hands went cold, the heart started beating faster. There was chaos in the mind. The breaths became heavy as I shivered and a cold sweat drained from me. The hearing became numb as I saw the stars in the bright luminous light. The vision became blurry. This can't be happening. No. No. No. I shouted in silence of my mind."

____________________________

Disclaimer : The following post will consist of the timely valuation of self and the "shit" that happened in real time(almost). "Tread with caution". Why? Because it will be total BS and a rambling of a, well one fairly unlucky guy who happened to look for a change, a fresh start only to get trapped in the misery that life / fate (or please do feel free to suggest the the appropriate attribute) throws at us. 

Author's Note : I had a feeling that I might have been a little forthcoming without actually stating the facts which might have led to it. This is the follow up of the previous post which will probably give an insight about what happened. Update : Thanks Red, for the kind words. But I still have a hard time believing that everything will be fine.

____________________________

Continued from here : It's ironic, actually!

08 : 25 AM 

I wake up as usual, a little late messing up my plan to go to office a little early because I have plans in the evening. The alarm had been ringing for the past 2 hours or may be may be more. Because I had a missed call from a the room in the other room, probably to tell me to shut-the-damn-alarm. The evening plan that I had might require ditching the office a little early, or a lot early if I got to office the usual time. Hence, the plan was to make to office early and then I could get out of office on time without much fuss. But, I was late, way too late. So much for the talk, right? Oh wait, it gets interesting. That was just the beginning.

10 : 40 AM

I was on my phone checking the messages and Twitter updates for the "Blogger meet" which was in the evening. My phone rings and it is the Airtel Customer care for the 4G broadband. I had already blocked four numbers and still I get calls. The funny part is when I really have a problem which I still do, I don't get any call. Oh they do call alright, saying that they will look into the issue and get back to me. But they never do. This has been happening for the past 4 months. I have sent numerous emails and raised complaints and it doesn't get resolved ever. But the one time I was interested in the Broadband connection and accidentally gave my number, I am being showered with constant calls. Anyway, I hit the ignore button and it rings silently. A moment later I get a call from the IndiBlogger (which  they do to confirm whether I would be able to come to the meet or not). I assumed that this was the call from the Airtel and let it ring silently, and then it hit me that it must be them. But by then, I was a little too late to respond. 

11 : 05 AM

I had been working on something for the past two weeks and the earlier day I finally managed to almost complete it. I was kind of new to the whole thing, so it took a way too long time. And the remaining part also was new which I had no idea about. So, the plan was to take the help of a friend and complete it. It might take a couple of minutes or a half an hour at top for it. But if I were to learn and do it, it might take the whole day or may be more. So, the idea was to owe my friend one and get over with this work. And did I mention that it was the last day in the project and I wanted to get out with a positive note. So, I reach office and something stirs in my mind. I feel something wrong, or I don't know, something was off and I could sense something, a bad feeling perhaps, but I brushed them aside because well remember-the-talk? So, I sat comfortably in my place and then log in to start my work, or probably finish it. 

A few minutes later as I stared at the computer taking my eyes off the mobile, just like that, I could feel the blood draining from me. My hands went cold, the heart started beating faster, there was a chaos, a struggle to breath as the hands shivered under the cold. I was staring at the blank screen. The work! My work! All gone! Just like that. The back up of the work, gone! I got nothing! For a second, or probably a minute I didn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it. I had no idea what to do. The due date was the previous day and I took the liberty of one more day because well, I was new to it. I had a million things going through my mind that very instant and I still couldn't figure out to recover my work. Unfortunately, it couldn't be recovered. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think. This wasn't happening. No, this just can't happen. It can't happen to me. Not today. No. No. No. I was in denial. I chose to take a walk and drank the whole three glasses of water and walked back. It still wasn't there. This was real. This was actually happening, to me. After everything I have been through this year and after all the talk the previous night, this just has to happen to me, that too today,the very next day. Today was the last day in the project and I wanted to leave on a good note. And this! I was in total denial but the reality woke me up. I was done, for sure. I looked at my watch. 12 o'clock. 

12 : 00 PM

I started calculating the time and the only way was trying to re-do everything, the two weeks work in 4 hours. I got down to business, yet again. But then, this wasn't my day and it had all the intentions to break me down. So, the " software" I was supposed to be working on had to make my already worse day even more worse. It took another little over 2 hours just to get it to work, thanks to the friend who helped me set it up whilst it would take it forever. 

01 : 30 PM 

There was a lunch treat from a friend and the occasion was that it was her last day too. And she insisted that I be present for the lunch-treat. So lunch it was. One more  hour or so just vanished just in front of my eyes. The whole lunch time I was constantly checking the time and the time left and wandering lost in thought whether I would be able to make to the meet. Yes, I can. I will complete and make it in time for the evening plan. I kept saying this to myself under my breath. I was physically present, but mentally I was lost, totally lost.

02 : 45 PM

We complete lunch and head back to the office. I didn't want to ruin it for the other people, so I kept that plan and work schedule that I had to myself. But these guys were walking as slow as a snail. It took another solid ten minutes to reach the office and then finish setting up the computer for work. 

03: 26 PM

I started working. 30 more minutes and can I make it? It would be superlous but I did make the effort to complete it. First of all, I wasn't thinking strain keeping the half an hour deadline which was torturing me and making my mind literally numb. I had to recollect everything, the two weeks of work. I had done that on my own, by hit-and-trail method. So, there were a lot of things coming to my mind and filtering all through them and figuring out which one is the best one to implement was a whole other  struggle altogether. Believe me, I was lost. I couldn't think, I mean I literally can't think under pressure. And this pressure was killing me. And secondly, I am not a big fan of remembering things.

4 : 00 PM

Again, I had done a lot of things to get that perfection, that precision and recollecting it was way above me at this point. Anyway, the plan to leave was postponed from 4 o'clock to 5 o'clock. One hour to go and I got down to business again. I dug up, deep into my brain and did everything I did the last two weeks, trying to retracing my steps the same exact way from the start. I did remember a few things, but that's just bits and pieces. So, hit and trail method was in play. The minute hand in the watch was zooming like it is on fire with a nitrous boost. I was feeling it, the numbness in my mind while the decisions lay hanging me. I knew that I was screwed. I actually was.

05 : 00 PM

5 o'clock and still a little work is left. Another 10-15 minutes would do, but it takes up another half a hour for the perfection and the precision that I achieved the day earlier. 5 :30 pm. The bus leaves now. I need to waltz out just now, like right now. It is now or never. Though, I managed to complete the work of two weeks, there was still something left which I actually scheduled for today. I had  no idea how to do it. And learning it would take a pretty long time, while the plan before I entered the office today was to take the help of a friend and owe him one for it. But the tables were turned and I was in a big pile of shit or misery or whatever you call it. 

05 : 30 PM

The time was up and I though may be I will come tomorrow and do the honors of completing it. But then again, there was a complete electrical shut down for  the whole day, the whole Saturday which was basically for maintenance purpose. Awesome. Just great. Just effing great.  I think I had that coming, well, it is me here so, nothing could go right, just for once in my life. The time was 5:30 PM and I was still processing whether to just ditch the remaining work and make it up on Sunday may be, and then I see a message from a friend with whom I have been meaning to catch up for like 3 weeks now. I messed up something ( the classic me, right?) and I wanted to catch up to check whether we were still fine. There I was, basically and literally banging my head on the wall so as what decision to be made. I was totally losing it. Eventually, I lost it. I lost the plan of ditching the office to go ahead with the evening plan, and then I did agree to catch up, I was too late to reply. I was raging inside with what we call anger, shouting at the top of my voice within and having thoughts of breaking some things. But I keep my calm outside as if nothing had happened. I just could do anything. I sat there staring at and thinking  I-don't-even-know-what! So, lose-lose, I mean the biggest lost ever. Well, that pretty much sums up me - the classic me. So, I just wanted to stare at the light and pretend to lost in thought, thinking about the day that just blew me up into pieces, inside out, and crushed my "faith" or "whatever bullshit it is called - fate? or just bad luck or fuck, if I know".I have had it neck deep and that was it, I had to break down, but still I was doing this inside. All this "with in" thing was nothing new, but that day the magnitude was very huge and it just blew off all the charts crushing me inside. That talk, Fuck that shit!          

For the next three hours I literally did nothing but try to comprehend the day, how real it was and how worse I was in handling it. I understand that life is hard. But what in the fucks name is this? I do believe in the concept of " what goes around comes around", but what went around that this had to pierce through the heart, crushing it. There has to be some sort of explanation. You say bad luck, karma, whatnot! Okay, may be they are real and screw people over. But how do they know the exact time and place to do it ? There is something happening, something which is not so right and screwing people over for no apparent reason.

_________________________________

Luck - A Superpower.

"I am freaking LUCKY!"

-AK 

I am in a constant debate with myself about the supernatural entity called Luck.Well, it has helped me a lot many times, I think ( I guess I am just being nice). But it has also drowned me a lot many times as well. So, what should we make of this supernatural power called LUCK ? I have never, I mean I could never associate myself to being the lucky one. Because sometimes life's a bi*ch and there is nothing we could do about it. 

When I have associated myself for a random pleasure of playing poker online ( for fake money obviously) I realized how lucky I was when I lost over a million dollars in succession. And I can't imagine what I would have gotten myself into if I played that game for real. I can't begin to imagine my fate, or should I call it Luck, and moving a little further can I call Life.          

When after a week long debacle of keeping my hairstyle intact for a week since I feared that taking a shower might ruin the alignment of the hair (which was looking awesome by the way though however messy or dusty and need I say Dandruff might have been accumulated, if I should point out) and it would never be the same ( in perspective of looking good/awesome). So, when I finally decide to take the shower, a few moments later(while I was mid way) I was welcomed with air through the shower. I was like what the hell? Yeah, you guessed it right! There was no water in the water tank in the middle of the afternoon, when I or anyone would least expect it. So, I had to clean myself up with the little drops that were pouring out of the shower. It happened not once, not twice, but thrice in succession.Someone sure is pissed off at me. Can we call him God. Or is it just my bad, very very bad LUCK.

I went to a movie last week. And since all my friends were busy, I went alone. Plus my friends are not a fan of English action movies as much as I am. And to add to that they are selective about what kind of movies they would be watching. Anyway, I went alone and as I as waiting outside the theater since the previous movie stretched a little longer than expected. So, I came across this girl who looked like WOW, like really WOW!, not jaw dropping but just Wow! As I was the good guy that I am, I preferred not to stare creepily and started minding my own business. I really don't give the better looking people much of my eyes. If I do, there will be a well enough reason. So, when the movie started and grabbed my seat in the theater, I was smiling wide when that very girl sat beside me. The first thing I did was tweet about it. *People collectively shouting in unison WHATTT?* What did I do now? I was tweeting. So, what's wron.. Oh I get it. Your question is "What the hell am I doing tweeting at that time?". I missed the part where I forgot to mention she came with her boyfriend, who (uneasy for me ) was holding her hand all the time and never let it go even once. Lets get back into the theater. And wait, it gets more interesting when they swap their seats and now that guy is sitting beside me. Simply Great! 

When everything is going just fine, I start worrying, almost each day because it is an bad sign. Something bad has to happen, no matter what, no matter how good you(I) might be feeling or however lucky I might be. A day which goes without any incident(preferably bad/unlucky) is like a miracle. So, the day before yesterday was such day. I currently have no work at office ( remember my reference "Jobless with a Job" : THAT) and I was feeling pretty bored being at office. So when I called my friend who was also in similar shoes, he was playing caroms. I was like, Oh yeah, we have a games room in office right? When I went there, they were playing the game and I saw the empty Table Tennis table, so I decided to play TT from then on. That very day, I bought a pair, which I got for a cheap rate which was surprising. All this about the night before the actual day. So, I reach office leisurely and to check my hair I went into the restroom. It was okay, which was unusual because it is always messed up and I have to spend literally an hour to get it into shape and then I frown when it doesn't turn out into what I expected it to be. So when it was fine after a bumpy bus ride, I was like "Ah, my lucky day!". It was short lived when my zipper malfunctioned. It was fine in the morning when I started but now I have no idea what happened. It didn't open. And when it did open, it was gone, as if it was torn. I was just into office. If I were just leaving, then I could have covered it with something and silently made an exit. The problem was that I just reached and promised all my friends that I would play TT with them and it gets interesting as my next bus back home it in the evening after nearly 6 hours. And imagine my situation with an open zipper. Oh wait, don't (what was I thinking! My sincere apologies) It would be disgusting. I had hell of a time covering it. I think my attempts in covering itself might have given away what I was trying to hide. And well, I just couldn't leave it like that. Then I thought, I should have a spare shirt and trousers ready in my bag. Oh God! It is really not a good experience at all. Fortunately ( yeah, I missed the 'Un' in front of it) I didn't take the pullover which I usually keep ready in my bad or the sweater. None. 

Yay! I sure as hell am the LUCKY one! I have no idea whom should I blame. Wait, why should I blame anyone for the mishaps that happen to me. And with that I reveal my superpower : Unlucky! I am currently working on a symbol and done a rough drafts for the costume. It will out soon. Don't forget to buy then on OLX. Yeah,  I was kidding about buying them on OLX. Who wants to be unlucky? Stupid me! 

P.S. : I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on (ya ya! we get it. Dude, stop!) about all my lucky encounters. But let me tell you, the last one is the worst, so far.  I am not hopeful that it will be the last one. I am sure, I will be facing many more such incidents. If not, it is not me! It can't be. And the starting line which I wrote as if it was some quote or something, it isn't. I searched for some nice witty quotations. I didn't get any. So I made up a random one. And don't say, I know its the lamest. But it could never be lamer than my luck. 

#2. The Day When...

... When Luck just didn't favor me.

#DiaryEntry 06

The night was still young, slowly maturing and taking its time to dive into midnight. I silently made my way through the still-empty-yet-busy streets of the busy Bangalore roads. People were still on the roads. I just wondered what they might be doing. I stood there silently waiting for the bus at the oddest hour of the day, or practically night. While I was making my way to the Bus Stop, I saw a Bus moving past me. And I just missed it by two minutes. I waited there hoping that I just didn't miss the last bus of the day. I waited. I still waited. Time was doing its job with out any delay. Cars, bikes, mini vans, trucks, almost every other vehicle made its way past me, but the bus I was hoping to come hasn't showed up yet. Then, I realized I missed the last bus some while back. Now, I had no other option but to make my way back to my room and this time - by walk. As I led myself through the silent night streets almost an hour before the mid night, I covered some distance. It was then, the final last bus raced past me. Holy Mother of God! I exclaimed, then I started cursing. I had waited too long for the bus to arrive and just when I had thought I was doing the wrong thing by waiting for something that's too unlikely to show up and unfortunately I was just too wrong. Well, Luck has its' part. And you shouldn't be surprised when it doesn't favor me, as if I was surprised. We have a mutual understanding sort of. It doesn't ever favor me, and instead of its stubbornness I still hope that it might comply to my desires or whatever. 

The day wasn't good, not today, not ever. I had a pretty bad and hectic day, just another routine I follow these days. I wake up against my will, and the alarm just won't stop. And well, I had to go to office which is like another city. So, early morning waking up. Something, I never liked and never did, unless there is some sort of exam. Wait! On second thought, I didn't even do that. So bottom line, I am just not a morning person. Last time I checked, I went for jogging one early morning at like six in the morning. Now, don't you pat me on my back since I woke up early. Please hear the whole story. I was busy with some tv series and some movies the previous night and then I say the light through the curtains. I thought why not go for a run. So, I went for a run. It was then I realized that my stamina has decreased manifold. And I have to do this regularly. I came back to my room and had no other choice but to doze off into sleep in the early morning. 

So, I go to office and practically do nothing except go through some documents which totally felt like some Martian language. And that too I was feeling so damn sleepy. The usual time was up. But my fried says that the incharge is still there and we have to tell them before we leave. I wasn't sure that was necessary. Well, it isn't. I could even leave a long time before also. But I being some sort of punctual and adhering to the rules was time bound. But the time had already crossed. I was packing my stuff. But he tells me to stop doing that. I didn't quite well understand him. I said we can leave now. Well, we both were new there. And that's what he said. I couldn't agree more. I told him that I saw the incharge leave a long time ago. But he proposes to have seen again in their cubicle. I begged to differ. He wasn't leaving nor was he allowing me to. Finally, I just stood up besides his constant pestering only to find no one (In charge) present in the concerned cubicle. I frown at him for falsifying and assuming things. Well, I was a bit angry then because that time delay would just make my life even more miserable through the incandescent journeys. And to get back I would have first have to walk about one km to the bus stop - wait till the bus comes - board it - get down - again walk for another km - wait for some more time - board it - get down - Go to McDonald for dinner at around 2230 hour - miss the last bus - miss another bus (thinking that there is no other bus) - walk like 5 km back to room. That was one helluva day.

_________________________

Ajay Kontham © 2013 

_________________________

Note that this a No-Comic-Strip-post. Sorry about that. Because most people seemed to like them. I couldn't post not because I don't have any, but because some are still under construction and I am just too damn lazy feeling and sleepy at the same time. Now if you are wondering how an insomniac could feel sleepy, let me clear that doubt. I am not feeling sleepy. But if I don't sleep now, there is a one hundred percent chance that I couldn't go to office on time. And like I said, I like to be punctual. And theses days, I am getting a lot of ideas for the comic thing but I am too short of time. Damn you time. 

And before I forget, I am extremely sorry if I could't read any of your posts or comment on them even after reading. I sincerely apologize. 

Tagged under #TheDayWhen & #StrictlyNoComicStripPost.