Ramification.

The vacant silence haunted the blistering rage which crushed the soul into pieces like shattered glass. The question of the perplexed relation between silence and darkness daunts the mind. The silence that beamed in the dark, echoed in the vast emptiness, yet, it wasn't an hollow vessel. May be it was the darkness. Darkness, exclamation mark. Doesn't it divulge into the so called emptiness while the mind wonders how did all of this place into perfect place, and how did all of this took perfect shape. The emptiness that filled the bright light. It wasn't the light filling the emptiness; imparting light and serving as the hope, as anticipated. But, devoid of light, the loss of hope. Hope, the binding element that keeps everything alive and in sync. Nature is mysterious. Life too. As a moment passes by in the dimness of the waking light with or without the aforementioned element of hope. Hope is everything. Without it, it is just emptiness. A big dark vacant space like the black hole. It depends on what we chose to believe in. And What do we chose to believe in? What is the power that has been bestowed upon the life species? 

The blinded manifestation of the thought that there is someone, something superior and powerful, someone magical and completely out of the world literally, making decisions for us is a big misconception. There is power in everything, everyone, in you. It just needs realization, like the tiny light in the darkness. The tiny ray of light that shines in the emptiness of the darkness. Hope. One unique distant dream. The conception that future is uncertain and that the choices and actions lay the foundations for the tomorrow, a better tomorrow, or even the best tomorrow. But isn't it all hope and nothing more or less. Hope? What is it? An uncertainty that something good might happen amid all the chaos that surrounds us. Good. Chaos. The former is left for fate and the later is our creation. Another anagram, another battle. Mind is the best battle ground, if you chose to believe it. You. We. I. It is us and just I everywhere and no where. 

But then again, just hope. Is it enough? Hoping for something good to turn up, despite the odds that take place or forced to have taken place. Forced to take place as in our own creation, our actions, and its consequences, precisely. It does require quite a lot of elements to ensure that the tiny hope that lingered in the mind is not just a distant dream, beyond the reach. Hard work, preservation, determination, integrity, commitment, bla bla and the list goes on. The point is that it is just not one thing that gives us what we require, but a combination of a few hundred other things. Though the outcome is uncertain, ofcourse, unless the question isn't about the perfect perfectionist. Perfection. Being perfect! Aren't we all perfect? Perfect, in our own way, in the little space that we surround ourselves with, by being ourself, following what we believe to be true. Even though the question of imperfectly perfect is a commendable one or even perfectly imperfect.

As the silence grew darker amid the glowing present of bewildered thoughts, the destination was certainly uncertain. But a binding feeling that one is not too far from destiny, or that is what one chose to believe, is indeed the driving force. Yet the uncertainty of the future still prevails and the amalgam of million things makes the future possible if one believes to make it happen. But that is for another day to ponder about. The night is still young and there is more one could than they could possible imagine.

Old Habits Die Hard.

There is void, empty spaces in the heart. The severity of human patience , sympathy, caring have bound the little fore walls of the heart. Clenched and it makes the heart heavy.

The memories fade as time passes by. But some don't. I look outside the window of my room. The clouds drifting apart, losing the nicely formed white cloud of some shape. The vehicles passing by. I ponder. I think. I wonder whether this would ever stop. Well, then life would cease to exist, won't it?

Life is a never ending journey. I don't know how many times I used this sentence. We come by a lot of people. The empty void spaces are filled with happiness, sadness love and care. The heart is fulfilled and enjoys its very state, or just burdens itself with the pain. The empty spaces are created again. But the cherished memories/moments will be remembered for ever. Life is too short to think otherwise.

A Hard Reality

I've never been happy with the way my life is and how it is going to be. The future is uncertain but its predicable, though not always. It tells me to learn from the experiences and be a better man. The question  : Am I not a better man, now?  No. I wish I were.

I am in a constant battle in my head. Trying to figure out what's right, what's wrong? The result of the tiny battle is undisclosed, though it stays in front of my eyes. But whereever I end, it's exactly the wrong choice. Life goes on, but I am still stuck here - Analyzing and rebuilding. But it goes wrong. My mind says, Eff it. And I leave it. 

I ponder over the lost moments and time. I feel I could have done more, done better. But again reality strikes me and asks me in hell raging voice "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?". I search for answers. After a lot of time, I then realize I was doing the wrong thing searching for the answers to which the question is so unclear, for it wasn't a question at all in the first place. My mind says, "Eff, man". 

I realize the question was the motivation for me to do, not find. It meant work, not fooling around. It meant realization, not constipation. I now feel time was left a long time back and I am still at the station waiting for something, something to pick me up. From somewhere unknown I hear a voice saying, "You are still doing it wrong!" Old habits die hard. I was still sitting there analyzing what went wrong and where & what did I do wrong. 

Then It struck me. I was just sitting. I was thinking. I wasn't thinking 'right'. I was wondering. I wasn't channeling the thoughts properly. I wasn't working. I was't DOING. I stand up and realize, its' time to Do. It is never too late to start afresh. Now, I walk the empty roads. Roads, which lead to different distinct destinations. Now, I find myself lost. 

"What's my destination? "

Old Habits Die Hard. 

I again sit down and think. I don't think right.

-  Ajay Kontham [2013]

P.S. : I thought for a long time about the title of this post. Many came up. My Insanity , Wrongly, Right, bla bla. So, at last I did select a weird one.