It all began ...

It all began ...

It was a calm afternoon. The morning had been kind of hazy. I woke up and asked myself whether I should go to office or not. "No", my mind answered back immediately. "But you should". "You don't have work, you just go to play, so take a break today". I settled back under my blanket cozying up to its warmness. I woke up again. It was afternoon. I think the growling in the stomach woke me up. I unlocked my phone as if it was the morning bible or something and one missed call already. Oh darn. I never get any calls from office when I am in office. Nor does anyone call me otherwise. But the one time I decide not to go to office, I get the calls. Anyhow, I called back. No answer. So, I declared it as a call made by mistake. I was deciding how to spend the rest of the day and where to have brunch. Meanwhile, I opened Twitter where I got in handy with someone who claimed to know my alter ego. Perhaps, they were right. I was caught red handed, per say. But I was no position to accept that. I was defending myself even though I knew that I was caught. And I wasn't in the mood to torment that failure from my side. So, I decided to not encourage and give them the power over me and stopped replying. A second later I blocked the person. By this time, I was on the road already with my laptop and for lunch, er brunch! Whaaaat the...! The plan was to go to a movie which was in the evening and in the meanwhile I had enough time to have lunch. Anyhow, Minions was a good movie. Enjoyed it. I grabbed a bite just after the movie and got on a bus to get back. I get a call again. Come on! Now what? For a moment I was just enjoying the ringtone as I haven't heard the song in a very long time. It was my manager. Oh shoot me now!

An opportunity you could say, but I wouldn't. I was not / am never good at saying No. I have no freakin' idea why it is so hard to say a stupid No. "Hey, can I borrow your camera?" Sure (even though I don't want to).  "Hey, can you give me <something>". Sure, anything you want. Take away. "Can I cut in the line?" Suuure. "Can I kill you?" Suuure.

I just can't. Though the question this time was kind of different than the ones' just mentioned earlier, but you know what I said. Eventually, the so called opportunity was becoming my nightmare because 1. I wasn't interested in it. 2. It meant that I had to move to Kolkata for a couple of weeks, which I wasn't sure I was ready to do. 3. I had no freakin' idea what they wanted me do. I was pretty comfortable with the not-so-much-work and playing-badminton. Well, in all fairness, I was good at nothing. The problem being there were expectations and I had three reasons to make a fool of myself.

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#NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) #Day3

#CantSayNo #newToTheCity #Day3 #KolkataDiaries

In Youth we learn, In age we understand.

Dawned with innocence

I played at my will

Filled with arrogance

I got what I wished

With too much tender love
Everybody spoiled me
For they gave everything
That I asked for

I grew up, slowly

Learning about life,

Facing the difficulties

Feeling lost in love

Ah! Such an experience

The pleasure of knowing something

The contemplation of love

The fear of failure

Unaware of what the future has for me

I risked almost everything

Dared to do the impossible

Fought the little battles of life

Parents guided my ambition
Teachers nurtured my aspirations
Growing was fun, I thought
And I feel so wrong now. 

As time flew by

As fate dawn upon me

I had to be careful, of myself

Careful of the step I had to take

But among all complications

Among all struggles and difficulties

Among all the unpleasant setbacks

I fought each, one at a time

With a little victories,
Many failures
I stood steady, without losing hope
Overcame each hurdle, each failure.

Now, I am grown up and old

And look back at the ancient times

Happy I feel, with myself

With the life as the young.

I see the children playing, 

Screaming and Enjoying

I see the innocence, 

I see the child in them.

As a child I never understood

The reason for their candidness

The artful ingenuity

The adolescent confusion

And now I feel so lost
As I miss the tenderness
The innocence in the work
The wait for the unexpected.

Someone rightly said, 

"In Youth we learn, 

In age we understand" 

And I couldn't agree more.

- Ajay Kontham © 2013

Written for Carry on Tuesday under the prompt, "In Youth we learn, In age we understand". 

P.S. Oh boy. I  think I am getting too bad at this. I get almost one week, and I just can't formulate the thoughts properly. I need to work on getting to work my magic around the words. I actually jot down my thoughts like brainstorming, and then I go blank. How do I add and mix and color these words and give them shape and life to mean something, to signify something? And i am just lost at it. I really appreciate the people who write the moment the topic is out. You got some talent, Sir(s) and Madam(s).