Decode.

What is it, I asked. Only time could tell, they said. The other day I was reading a blog, after a long time, per say. But I did read. What intrigued me was the writer, of course who is a dear friend. And no that wasn't the intriguing part. The part where the author wrote a small story of her life. A small and elegant story which comprised to only Love. It was/is a really sweet story. It takes us back to the age of not-knowing-anything and brings back to this present day. And whatsoever, however long the time might have traveled and however far the people stayed apart, the author proved that somethings don't change, at all. 

I must confess before I say anything further. I really envy the author. Not envying in a jealous kind of way, but envying in a why-not-me kind of way, if that makes any sense. I told her the same and I got the same reply that every person in love have told- It will happen when it is supposed to happen. I was like, "Yeah, sure. Why won't it? Lemme just wait and look at the sky and wonder". But it is not that simple, is it? If it were, I wouldn't have been envying or trying to decode this extra-terrestrial phenomenon. 

I just believe that it happens in the places where we least expect them to happen. Let me take the example of two of my friends. I wouldn't even have dreamed about them being together. When we know people, we feel that we understand them, mostly by what they say and do. So, when I believed that something is going to happen, I sided with the heart-breaking sob story from him or her. But turns out they are together and are happy about them. It is mysterious, believe me. May be I just have to live it to know it. 

One of my other friend is deeply and madly in love with a person who used to work with him. He said he was thinking about her all the time. He was even getting dreams about her. Once he even got a dream of getting married and both being happy together, but then he woke up. He was so happy but was disappointed because it turned out to be a dream. And nevertheless, he is afraid. Afraid of losing a friend. Afraid of rejection. What might happen? I said, it is a risk he should be willing to take. Yeah, I told that as if I am an expert in this stuff. And then I look at the mirror and laugh about it. I and giving advice, really sweet of me. NOT. He makes it so obvious as if he is giving hints or something. But he is such a drag. I don't know what he will do. I feel that people in love are/should be brave enough and take responsibility or something like that. Not that others don't have to. But this kind is a little rebellious, don't you think? I may be wrong. Well, what do I know about love, anyway.

So, then again I was back on that hope thing. They said, eyes are the doorway to a women's heart. Or whoever said that must have been an handsome hunk, nearly 6 feet tall, 6 pack well toned buff-body, green/blue eyes, bla bla, you get the gist right? And whenever he looked at the girls, they would just melt in his gaze or whatever. Now lets just get back to reality and do that. Yeah, it was my chance to open that door. And when I did, I didn't hear their thoughts but the look was quite self-explanatory. I don't think I would have to explain it. And then college happened, where every freaking guy was using that same principle. I guess it has worked on a few but it left a whole new impression on them - that guys are creeps. From that day, I didn't wanted that tag on my face. So what did I do? I stopped looking at them altogether. Even if they were like drooling hot, I wasn't going to watch. I will just walk right past them without any care in the world. Yes, I guess I had become a real human then. So, no staring since then, not opening that door. And eventually, all that might have happened never happened. 

Sometimes when I am travelling, I come across people. Nothing interesting, except when it comes to couples. I look at the guy and I am like what the hell? I have a better chance than that dude. But then again it is not about how one looks, is it? If only, that were true. And then again, I doubt it when I am on the other side of the question line. When will I understand that it is not something anyone could decode or something. Its' not a code or a mystery or a puzzle of any sort. May be I just have to wait. And before I end my stupidity, I feel I am getting old. When I told this to the above mentioned author, she assured me that I am not and that time will make it happen. And today I realized that I have more grey hair than my dad. I have no idea where they came from. But it is spreading like a wildfire. And I really can't do much about it. 

Mindless Thoughts.

The dull morning light peeking through the slight openings in the window elating the morning after-sleeps. The perky little dreams are withered as the bright light hits the lazy eyes. The innocence of the lazy eyes being laughed by the sun-beamed rays. The promise of yet another day and the enthusiasm to work it out. The time keeps running, fast enough while I mend the time according to the need.

The thoughts are broken. Ideas are scattered. There is a melodrama in the brain. The disparity and the confusion driving the little mind crazy. The lucid summer and the varying thoughts mustered. There is an insane feeling. The feeling of one losing a mind, the feeling of being locked up in the dark room. The sea is vast and the mind being a ship is set sail. The thoughts being the wind drive the ship. Thoughts being unclear, the course is unclear. The ship is lost among the confusion. The hurled thoughts has caused a cyclone. Suddenly there is calmness and the wind is silent. The sea is at peace. The ship has stopped. The thoughts have stopped. The mind is in search of the relative peace. The ship is nowhere unknown as for the thoughts are being ridiculed with the vivid situation. They need a course, a path, a guidance and a light in the darkness. 

Life is such. An aimlessly driven ship wasting the human force of mind on the quest to unknown. Dreams and the ambitions set the course. For my course is ever changing, following the path which ever may please 'n this has led to an isolated land. Lost in the unknown and desperate to know whats' to come. In times of trouble, God is the only solace one can seek and the only path one can follow. The anguish cry is unheard, the desperate pain is not felt & the loss is engulfed by self. Mind is consumed by the thoughtless desires of freedom, the freedom from pain, the suffering and whatever that causes the dilemma in the state of mind. 

Is it a game of Chess? I ask. For every move defines the state of winning and an equal chance of losing the pretty little game of Life. For every move defines the loss or gain of the little space of freedom. For every move defines the chance of being hunted down. For every move defines the glorious victory. For every move is with held by another subjective move. For every righteous move rises an equally cruel-some opposition. When it all ends there is only one winner. The game of Life is such. You may not agree with me. Or You may agree with me. Aren't we the different pieces of this little game?

Is it a Puzzle?, I ask. For every piece is needed to make it a complete set. For every piece draws a connection between the other. For every piece holds an important place in its attire. For every piece signifies us. Doesn't it lie in the hands of the player, Us ! The little decisions we take, the little difficulties we face align the pieces of the puzzle in its rightful place. And when it is all done, aren't we the one to complete our puzzle of life?

Baffled with the questions and the heated argument with self, I lay down to look upon myself in a different perspective. All I find is a hollow space. A puzzle unsolved, a game left out. What is Life? Do you know even a bit? Somewhere the voice echoes in my mind as my conscious tries to warn me of the unknown. The echoes subside in the mist of the foggy thoughts as I try to find the answers. The questions fade and I become relentless. I ask myself what am I? Just another human being trying to find a place in this society. A society where work is wealth, where patience is money and perseverance is a peace of mind. Not only that. A society where deceit is precious, fake is real and hard work is undermined. 


Oh pretty mind of mine, Let the thoughts rest in peace and let it find its own way out. Don't just baffle it with the insidious of the future yet to come. Don't cease the present with the fears of tomorrow. Now is the moment. Let it live in the present. Future is a distant world. Tomorrow is just another day ahead. Today is the moment where your actions can define the actions of tomorrow. So worry about now and not the undisclosed-unknown-ever changing future. Live the moment and let the thoughts capture the situations at hand. The Present it is then ! 




Foot-Note : Wait ! No ! No no no ! You didn't ! You did read the whole part upto here? My mind is pretty messed up, for the holidays are killing the thought-provoking neurons in my mind and all I get are these thoughts. Warning : "This is just the beginning". I was just saying to myself that now I got some decent people reading my blog and taking time to comment. And now this !?  I shall try to apprehend my mind somehow and set it straight before its too late. But don't curse me if I get a little more stupider. I can't help it sometimes ! My Bad ! :(

The Interview-Drama!

On 9th of September, the drama began. Like everybody else I was also borne with the same role. But the procedure was quite different. Well, if you have read my previous post, though you haven't except for a few. And the number can be counted, I mean the number of people who read. For those who haven't, I will provide with the necessary link : Experience (un)Certainity. Hmm, really(?) you would go back to this link. I frankly think that you won't. Well anyways for the very few, I am continuing with this. And even if no-one is interested, I still would. :D .

We had two rounds of interview. One was the Technical Round(TR/ Drama Part 1) and the other Human Resource Round (HR/ Drama Part 2). There was long wait before we were to be called. So the person before me in number was getting kind of scary and nervous type. He saw me and I was not doing anything, like preparing or anything of that sort. I told him that I had lost interest and probably I might be rejected in the TR itself. Adding to this I even said that for getting rejected, I came another day dressed like a joker. This could have ended smooth and simple the previous night itself if you hadn't said anything of postponing to this very day. Dad called I said the same thing. Mom called and I repeated the same thing. I was about to attend just for an experience so that the I might know what changes I had to make in me before I attend the next interview. Well the hour came within no time. So, the Drama Part 1 began : 

Technical Round :

 As I walked towards the so designated place I had forgotten what I had to tell in the beginning and also that I was going for an interview. Lastly I convinced myself that this was an interview. And which went like this...

Interviewer: So, You are Ajay Kontham. Take you seat.

Ajay Kontham : Good afternoon Sir. (I said thank you, but it wasn't audible to me either).

Interviewer: Tell me something about yourself.

AK :  Sir, My name is Aja.....  I continued smoothly ... until he stopped me where I was telling about my academics...  specifically my schooling !

Interviewer:  So you know Gujarati?

AK : No Sir.

Interviewer: You can understand it.?

AK : Yes Sir, a little bit. Mostly, the people over there speak Hindi Sir.  
[ Frankly I don't a word in Gujarati except hai/hello. ]

[Long Pause! I didn't know what to do whether I had to continue my about myself or wait for another question]

Interviewer: Which place is better Gandhinagar or Visakhapatnam?

AK : Sir, My school is in Ghandinagar but I stayed in Ahmedabad.

Interviewer: (He repeated the previous question) 

AK : Ahmedabad, Sir I replied.

Interviewer: So, You are having good CGPA, I don't want to ask you any questions. I will give you a puzzle. Will you solve it.  

AK : Yes, Sir. 

Interviewer:This puzzle. (He hands over a book to me referring to a question number).

[ For a moment, sorry, moments my mind went blank. I read half of the question without realizing that I read the previous half. So I started trying to solve the question. Well actually the question was kinda tricky. And Seriously, me... under pressure... very bad combination. I got to a conclusion after trying for some ten minutes and I told the answer. Frankly, I don't know whether its the answer or not.]

AK : 60 , Sir.

Interviewer: mhmm, okay. I will give you another question. Try solving it.

AK : (Confidently, though I wasn't) Okay sir.

[ Damn, the question was not only lengthy, it was far far tricky. I wrote on the paper trying hard to solve it. I scrambled almost half of the page making rigorous movements and spoiling the page. Time was kinda running out. At least that was my feeling. If I am not wrong, I took nearly fifteen minutes. Later in the end, (to hell), I said a random answer. I don't know the answer, neither did I get anything from solving it. I just said it because the time was running out. ] 

AK : Allen sir.

Interviewer: (He looks back of the puzzle book for the answer). What did you say?

AK : Allen Sir,

Interviewer: (He looks like "? ! "). Are you sure?

AK : (Confidently, which I wasn't even in the slightest proportion) Yes SIR.

Interviewer: Thank you, You may go now. Nice talking to you. (Extends his hand for shaking).

AK : Thanks you Sir. 

Look at my stupidity. Is this even sharable ? If anyone asks me what he asked me in the TR, what am I supposed to say ! He gave me two puzzles! The previous night one of the girl whose father was there till the end told us all her questions so that we might prepare for our turn. That was an half an hour interview. She told us questions and frankly speaking I haven't heard of some of them. The person sitting to me was asking her to tell the answers and though I didn't ask; which doesn't mean I knew the answers. I gave myself a raised eyebrow sighing that the interview was pretty tough and I am sure to get eliminated. Now what happened? Puzzles ! , which I didn't answer correctly. After waiting for another three hours a list came which had the rejected people list. WOW! Mine wasn't there.  I didn't know what that he (*the interviewer saw in me). I was in for the next round. Good to know that, I convinced myself. After some time the drama part 2 also started which was like this...( don't judge me with that, I know I am kind of weird...)

Human Resource Round :

Interviewer: You are (while she was searching for my name by looking at the photo) Ajay Ko.....  This madam looked tough, I swear. She really did.

AK : Yes Ma'am. Good Afternoon.

Interviewer: Please take your seat.

AK : Thank you ma'am.

Interviewer:  What is the difference between 2G and 3G ?

AK : (What? Anyways, I knew the answer).. [ I started telling about it with all the stuff I knew.. GPRS... GSM...EDGE....2G...2.5G...2.75G...3G...3.5G... I told everything I knew, probably all mixed up. ]

Interviewer:  On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself in terms of communication and why ?

AK : Ma'am I would give myself 8 out of 10. ( and continued with the stupidest of the reason available that I could think of... and I still continued..)

Interviewer: I think you didn't get my question clearly. I said (repeated the same question..adding to it..) a person or a larger mass of people.?

AK : Ma'am, In that case also, I would give myself 8. (Hell, I thought. What did I just tell.. '8' really? really? really?) 

Interviewer: How would you justify it?

AK : [I started giving the same but a little bit modified even more lamer reply.]

Interviewer: So, as you claim yourself 8/10 in communication, I will give you a topic. Speak on it for 3 minutes.

AK : (I am so f_'d !!) Okay ma'am.

Interviewer:  The topic is "Unity in Diversity".

[ I was completely blackened. What should I say? I thought for nearly 10 seconds or so. Still nothing stuck me. She peeked at me after 10 seconds or so.]

AK : (So I started ...speaking about India .... the recent ANNA Hazare movement... then I stopped. Nothing came to my mind after that. She again looked at me sternly sort of. I was silent for sometime)

Interviewer:  What do you think you lack in yourself that you didn't give yourself 10!? (The actual question was somewhat different, but this was the meaning)

AK : [ I said something though, but she wasn't convinced. At least I knew that.]

Interviewer: What is your native place?

AK : Rajahmundry, I said.

Interviewer: Speak about it.!

AK : (What!?) Ma'am I haven't been in my hometown since my birth. So I don't know much about it.
[ What the hell was I supposed to say. I actually don't know myself what to tell which place my native place is. How was I supposed to tell about a place where I hardly stayed for 2 years. !!!! ]

Interviewer:  mhmm... Tell about your family.

AK :  I started speaking about my family starting from my dad... occupation... mom....till my brother.. and the so related things. 

Interviewer:  That even your friend who knows you or anyone who finds about you can tell ! What else can you apart from this ? 

AK : [ Now this is weird. I told almost everything. There was nothing left actually ! Still I told something from the previously told things. ]

Interviewer: So, which question did you prepare? 

AK : [ Actually I had this in my mind that I didn't specifically prepare for a question. I just prepared for all the basic questions equally. But you know, what I said? This was the weirdest-stupidest-lamest ever of all !! ]

               Ma'am I wanted to give spontaneous answers.

[ What the hell? Where did this come from? Man, I am ruined for sure. ]

Interviewer: Oh, you wanted to give spontaneous answers, (!!). And you give yourself 8 out of 10 in communication and can't even speak for 20 seconds! And You didn;t even tell know about your native place. Now, how am I supposed to evaluate you ?

AK : [ I could see stars, I couldn't even look into her eyes. For more than 10 seconds I thought what to tell. Finally I said ] 

                       Ask another question ma'am. 

Interviewer:  mhm, Do you know about Android?

[ Thank god, I knew about it. ]

AK : Yes, ma'am.

Interviewer: What is it? 

AK : [ I told everything I knew... about it.  ]

Interviewer: Can I use it in my phone? My phone is a Nokia. (Rest was my duty to observe...  It was Nokia C5 touch. I could at least tell that, but she didnt ask about it) !

AK : No ma'am, I replied adding that in the future there is a possibility of using  Android on Nokia ( Context changed to the farthest extent).

Interviewer:  [ Rest was the bond, in case of mismatch of documents...... etc et cetera !! ]

                Thank you, You may go.

AK : Thank you ma'am.  

I was very much sure that, I had to try my luck for the next coming companies. So, keeping that in mind, I even went to give my clothes for washing well in advance. 

PS. : If this post is in small text, I don't know what happened. Blogger-Error! (Too much editing, I guess ) Ignore it ! And If possible Ignore the POST also . Okay, Now don't make fun of me, you got it ?? 

P.PS : I still don't believe, my name is there in the list. Or may be I saw it wrong. If so, I would be the jobless guy.(!!) 
 
P.P.PS : For you information (FYI), AK= Ajay Kontham, if in case you still watch POGO !! 

As it goes...

" Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you.. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. "

- William Arthur Ward

As I looked at the time at the lower corner of my laptop, it sure was changing. Last time I saw it was passing 10:10 pm, now it is passing 12:12 am. Well, not much difference but actually there is. In these two hours, I was at the same place, same way and frankly speaking doing nothing purposeful. Well, now I sat down to write something after a long time. Last time I wrote it was from my iPod. Now, I prefer to continue no matter what. Its like a diary to me, the day I don't write and postpone it to another day, it doesn't feel good to me in any way. I keep a diary, though; but I tend to use it for writing stories. And actually didn't write much, only one so far. Next is my blog. This is my online journal and would like to continue for the days to come.




A can of 7Up or diet coke and a Veg Burger with a Veg Sandwich or either of them has been a routine for me. It would be a bottle of rum/vodka/something alcoholic with a cigarette for some other person who is endorsed with such habits. But for me, these are enough. And this has almost been a routine for quite some time. Yeah, I had been spending a lot money on junk food and this hostel fees is also enormous. So totally, I am like a spendthrift, left loose and with a few bucks in the pocket can do anything, mostly nothing but eating. Well for now, I am developing a pot belly. And if I continue like this for another one month or so, surely I would have a big stomach which would be quite difficult to satisfy. If eating junk food was one of my daily work so was driving. I go outside almost everyday, to the beach, sit for some time and drive back and do NOTHING useful. I get back and think what did I do? Why did I went outside? I do not know. But the thing to worry about is the prices of the petrol. I am spending a lot on that.




In other news, I have thought of writing a story , which I have been inspired by some other blogger. He indeed writes well, and so I too am trying for writing something related to psychoism which I guess is becoming famous these days. May be I will start a new blog for that so I am thinking of a name for it and will link to that blog from here. So, may be I will try to make it interesting. But its getting postponed daily. 




Time is running out like the wine in a drunkard's house. The more he has, the more faster is gets empty. The lesser he has the more impatient he becomes. Similar is the case with me. Now I have time, but feel too lazy to do the thing which I planned to do. But when time runs out, I think of this time and curse myself saying, " Once I had time and I wasted it". Precisely, it is now. I don't realize the importance of time when I am having it. But when I don't have, I get tensed, frustrated and I forget things. In one end time is getting scarce and in the other money. I totally hate the idea of staying in a college hostel. I have to pay more than what I actually consume and and utilize the utilities. Thats really sad because with the same money being spent by me staying outside at my home or some other place I could buy a lot of new things. Now, I and slowly getting into 0 bucks in my purse which I never thought would happen. Yeah, that's sad. And staying up at hostel and saving money and again spending the saved money on food because its not always at least good and other things.




Lately, I had been wandering around the city, the beach and the roads. Unfortunately, i was caught up by the traffic police two times. Instead of having everything in hand these idiotic people in a way to suck the money tell things which I never knew. I think may be they are right. It better not to get the vehicle impounded and circling around the nasty traffic policeman by paying the fine. Only if I knew the codes which he wrote on the fine slip, I would have dragged him out of his position. I don't know those codes. And I had met people and learnt also. What more was that I am actually having a doubt about my friends. I was wondering whether they really are my friends or not. Oh my god, you must see people pretending and it would give you a realization about yourself. And you tend to search yourself everywhere. It would be like searching something in the Yellow Pages Telephone directory without knowing what you are searching for. Anyways, wait up till I write about the amazing people around a sophisticated self. 

Puzzle #6

 A man lives in his house. He also works out of his house and his job is very important. Everyday the man must sleep with the lights on to avert from tragedy. One night the man gets so sick of the light he turns it out for the night. The next morning he reads the newspaper, takes out a gun, and shoots himself. Where did the man live? 

P.S. :: My apologies for the change in text font in this post. The earlier half was written in iPod Touch, and the latter in the blogger window. The answer to the puzzle will be given in the upcoming post.