Love.

This is something I have never been able to associate with myself. Over the period of time, I have tried to understand, may be I understood, or may be not. I can not be sure. When you ask me "What do I love the most in this world?". I don't have an answer. Yeah, insane. I know. But there are a lot of things I like, but whether I love or not is an entirely different question to which the answer is just a mystery. So, what is love? I can't explain. And even if I did, I could be terribly wrong at it. But anyway let me just give out my opinion from my end. 

The adolescent age when everyone is just fascinated by the word love. It was something which as a child, I have never dared to think about, for reasons unknown. I said dared! It wasn't something that complicated or something out of the extraordinary. It was just complicated, just like I don't have words to explain. I have never gone near the word. Not during my schooling, not during my college. Never. But I have heard about it a lot many times. I never got the chance to be in the feeling. Sure being loved is something that parents always do and it comes naturally. But I wasn't speaking about family. 

So, when a dear friend, a teenager mentioned about the love, I realized that I wasn't a teenager anymore and umm, the love-factor has faded in history. I feel like I am all grown up, though I don't quite feel so. I just feel too old. And now I am working and I still feel hopeless about the whole business or should I call it the institution of love. Some of my friends said that one should get hold of someone special when one is in their high school else it becomes difficult to find or get any. Is that right? I don't know. May be it is true to some extent. And to point the obvious, all these great thoughts came from all the 'single' friends. But it just didn't happen. What can we do about it? If I were to repeat my past, probably it will be the same as of now and I am sure of it.

It can happen anytime, anywhere. It just doesn't have a specific age or restriction of any sort. It is what makes it great. I have seen people deeply in love with someone other, but never been able to express it. Some did and they succeeded, but then again it was just temporary. And that made me wonder, Is love temporary? No, it isn't. Only that these madly-in-love people were teenagers and were experimenting it, they didn't think ahead of their time. That is the consequence of young people in love. It is pure and exquisite, but it is vulnerable also. And then there is our society which points fingers at everything that they find out of the ordinary just because they never had the chance or should I call it the moral ethics. What bullshit?

The conservative society that we live in prohibits from turning a healthy love into a future that could be even more beautiful. But it is how our society works. Love doesn't have anything to do with age, gender, race, caste, region, whatnot. But all this comes into picture in the eyes of the society. Yes, we substitute the so-called-society, but it is not us who will be judging others but we are still part of that culture of judging. And this is one of the reason why people just don't out in the open. They hide among themselves and where does all that love go? Curbed and digested, because they can't defy the society or their parents. 

So, what's wrong with me? Why have I never fallen in something that is never to be missed? I wish I knew. May be someday I will be able to reason with myself, may be not. I don't see myself hopeful of such a situation. I have admired people, infatuated about a lot many, but was it all love? I just can't tell. I could never tell, unless I experience first hand. I have been in the shoes of people explaining their side of the story and I felt like Okayyy..So, this happens. I am better off without it. I have had similar experience with the people I had a little infatuation about. I have felt that betrayal, that wait for a single message, that heart quenching feeling when someone else gets the attention that I should be getting, that wait for recognition( being noticed), that awkward feeling when someone is always in our mind always thinking about them and what they might have been doing, whatnot.  But can I call it love? I guess not. I don't know. I wish I knew. 

But like I have told a hundred times, it always depends on us. How we perceive things and how we conclude the same. It is all us. And in my case, I just can't expect someone else to like/love me, because I have never been in terms with myself in that aspect, for reasons many. If you feel fulfilled, then only you will be able to invite someone else into you. Else you struggle to perfect your imperfectness. May be you are not imperfect, it might just be a notion on the mind. But since you feel like that about oneself, you can't expect others to feel any different. But if a person loves their imperfection and are in terms with it, they are more accomplished than anyone. Not only in love, in life as well. So, 

Love yourself. 

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you`re alone with." 

– Wayne Dyer

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” 

― Rita Mae Brown

---

The post for the fourteenth day (L) of the April month is titled 'Love' for April A2Z Challenge .

6. Love

There is a never ending debate. The debate on infatuation. The debate on love. The debate on most unlikely circumstances. A debate about the opposite sexes. So, when we in a group of friends who well, are all single, there will be a lot of debating going on. The agreement and disagreement are part of this debating. But never the less we still end up poking or teasing others. There is always a figment of infatuation that builds up when we see people in groups of two animatedly talking. 

A few days back, I was sitting in the coffee shop , as usual , drinking my second cup of coffee. Okay, get this. I was in the coffee shop by around three in the afternoon. I was sitting there for like 3 hours and the coffee (grande - biggest cup at that shop) and the pastry were over a long ago. And also the people at the coffee shop have changed since the time I had been sitting at the center of the shop awkwardly looking, stupidly typing on my laptop as I had made it a point to take my laptop to the coffee shop no matter what! And then there were these coffee guys, who were taking orders and stuff looking awkwardly at me. These people also rotated, I guess time shifts. The people when I was just in and after three hours were entirely different. So, since they were looking at me like I was some I-don't-know-what-they-were-thinking . Anyway, I ordered another coffee. Believe me, that large cup of coffee was still in my stomach. But I felt a little awkward sitting in the center occupying all of the table with my laptop, a novel , my phone and an oversized tissue paper which they provided. Another coffee kicks in as I realize that my laptop battery is about to die. It has already been over 3 hours and one more hour of battery was remaining and then my phone's battery as well started showing signs of dying even though I was using the laptop battery to power it up, but the hotspot on my phone was sucking the life out of it. 

I got interrupted by a tweet. The post till now was written in the morning. Now, this tweet was so interesting that I stopped writing this post altogether and got busy. So, lets head to over that.

It involves one of the famous young writers I had ever known, a brilliant one who claims to have gone to school on a day which is supposed to be a holiday. This fact, that it is a holiday, is voluntarily denied by this so-called-writer who goes by the name of Wanderer. May be the name, Wanderer might have something to do with her wandering in the school on a holiday. If the so-called-writer were ever to read this, the immediate response would be an atom bomb directed exactly on head, or may be worse, one just can't imagine. Believe me, highly lethal and extremely dangerous. Don't get carried away by the sweet looks of this 'so-called-writer'. It was then the most renowned writer came into picture. With this renowned-writer's flawless thoughts, it made clear the exact reason why Wanderer had to wander around the school on a holiday. After some chasing and talking through the hi-end speakers and not to mention the famous iStalker app, I kind of chased the wandering person who was chasing 'I-shouldn't-mention' person. (I already got a target on my head and telling that might end me up in hell, though I am proclaimed immortal, but still they, as in the bullet wounds and atom bombs, leave scars which well doesn't suit me ). So, after a battle between love and infatuation, suddenly the tables turned and this was getting out of my hand. I mean I am great at chasing, but being chased, and that too when I can't say anything, is kind of difficult for me, you understand. The scary part is the it's imaginary, imaginary in just my case, not in Wanderers' case. It is true, I believe it, IQ(renowned-writer) believes it. But in my case, though it is all imaginary, I kind of not able to speak anything. Thats' how they deal with things. Phew. 

Office Diaries 
A month ago, there were some ramping down in the newly project that I was recently taken into. And that ramping down involved releasing some of the astonishing people and well, your's sincerely was one among them. But I was vouched by a team member and I was kind of taken back, but that process is still under process. The thing is not about me. But another friend of mine, who worked like hell, like day and night, learning and doing stuff. And a day before yesterday, the business changed the technology, which means that everything has to be done from like scratch, though we may be using something from the earlier module. The lack of foresightedness is what scares me. Not only that, the reason they stopped the work I was doing was because we were kind of delivering things in time. That, delivering things in time, was totally unexpected from their side. They were with the idea they we, will take a hell lot of time. But we were true to our word and delivered everything in time. And that, my friend, made us kind of Jobless with a "JOB". 

The plan for tonight is not to sleep and write a new series about my folks at office and turn it into something interesting. I am pretty bad at story writing or story telling, per say. But let's see, how this turns out. 

-Ajay Kontham [ 6 / 365 ]

So, the topic AK started off today, Infatuation . Love. Affection. Let me just brief something about this dude. It's kind of scary. Believe me, you will agree with me when I finish this. So, I asked him, 'Why not love someone?' 'Why not get/find someone who might love you?' I also added unless you try, you won't be able to achieve what you dream of. The first thing he said was something like this : 
How can one love one person, when every time I see my eyes deceive  myself. I see the beauty like no other, in not one but many. And then you say, true happens only once. I kind of feel that it happens over a million times. 
I respond to that saying that it is called infatuation. 
And now you disregard my love and name it something else. May be it is indeed infatuation. A studious study of beauty perhaps. I divulge in the vastness behind the candid eyes. The stories they withhold, the adventures they experienced, the likes, the dislikes.Whatnot? I know I am doing it all wrong, but that's how somethings work, and somethings here refers to 'my mind'. But there is serenity that the expression without speech could tell, perhaps shout. I call it beauty. So, whenever I eye someone really good looking and no matter how "hot" they might look, there is this thing that my mind will never put an end to. It is a side-effect of a calculated human-evolution, the kind of evolution which I created, which I called it self-evolution. See, I am a genius. NOT. EXACTLY. *Poeple shout : "ALL AGREE" * 

And then you tell me to wander in search of "so-called-love". May be there is no such thing as true love, or may be I could be totally blind to it. Or may be I don't know how to love, how to find love. May be I am lost in my own darkness, which I feel comfortable even though the light, the shining beauty of 'love' seems appalling alluring, but I am still in the zone where I find darkness dearer than the brightness that shines the very soul of the human being. May be I am just a lost cause, who is just unaware of the fundamentals of 'love' poems or the literary works that tell the depth of a great feeling called love. I see beauty. I understand it. I love it. But still I can't decipher when you tell me to find love. I am lost, help me here. 
*Shoots myself* What the hell was that? I ask in response to that. May be that makes sense, may be that doesn't. But it still feels the two sides of the same coin. But that is not all. When he said this, I was left helpless, a little speechless.
I could tell without hesitation that I don't love myself, and that my friend, is something that limits my vast ocean of so-called-love to flow outside, in a way some other person could swim in the stream of that and reciprocate the same. When I have failed to love myself, I really can't expect to love someone, or earn their love in return. I failed myself. I won't expect the others to make the same mistake. And inspite of all this, (strike that) well, isn't it evident that I have already lost the battle even before I fought in it, for it. 
Hmm..umm...*Raises a finger to state a point or something, but then stops* Well, what can one reply to that. Something like, "Dude, Love yourself first. Other's will follow. There is no greater love than loving yourself. (Okay, that doesn't sound quite right. And what the hell am I even saying? ). It isn't something as easy as eating a pie, but I could tell it sure is a great feeling. And the feeling of being loved, well, I could tell from the people I have seen, is inexplicably beautiful. There have been wars, nations has collapsed, monuments have been built. Whatnot! All in the name of Love." I think I should let the experienced people take a stand on this. I am just a imaginative-self-explanatory of the actual thing, like a silent observer with a magnifying lens trying to understand the simple yet the most complex theory / phenomenon of the "so-called-love". 

- The Guy in the Hat 

(stealing AK's thoughts, text in blue)

#BlogEveryDay
#365Challenge
#TheGuyInTheHat
#IQ #Wanderer 
#Twitter

And I am going to make a has-tag of every person whom I might be mentioning. Because they are worth it and well, I sure as hell can create hash-tags of my own. 

Text in Red : The Guy in the Hat ( Can anyone suggest a shorter name, I am kind of confused what I should name myself. All look good, and then equally not-so-good)

Text In Blue : AK's thoughts, which, believe me would never come out even if he was drunk like hell or even medically like say hypnosis can't help him to say that. So, you should thank me for that. You are welcome. 

The Chemistry.

"Don't Judge the book by its cover."

Recently, I had a grave encounter which surpassed my normal thinking capability as I tried to bind it away and never to re-open it ever. But, I was forced to. I had long thought of writing about this Topic - The Chemistry.

It all began when I was on my bike and raging roaming the roads ( I was on a beach road, to be precise) of the City of Destiny, when I saw a girl on her Scooty zoomed from behind me. I was not at all surprised at that. I rather thought I had a competition to win and beat then by raising my acceleration and leap so fast that I fade in front of them. Just as I was preparing my mind in a span of a few seconds, a bike sped past me having two dudes' on it and they were following the Scooty which had just sprung besides me. Now, though the competition was over, I mean I forfeit because my bike can't even match one-tenth of that dudes' bike. The matter is not about the bikes, its about chemistry. Period.

There was this girl in my class who looked a little better than the rest of the people. A guy points at some other guy who was staring incisively at her. It is obvious he has a secret crush on her. It was quite evident when asked about it later, when he blushes. The question now is, the guy who pointed out about the staring-guy, was also staring at her. Later just to make sure no one saw him staring, he caught his likely self and made him the culprit because I was looking at the first dude did all that. Now you imagine the behind-the-scenes story. Period.

Movies are a bad influence. Is there any movie with no love story attached to it ? Hmm, let me think.. hmm..filter all the horror movies, or may be not. If some movie doesn't have a love story, it means it is one really sick psycho movie. The matter at hand is not about love, it is about how people are crazy about it. I can give you some examples, but you probably know more than I do.

_____________________________________________________________________________

The Enthusiasts. 

Now, tell me who doesn't want to know a love story. Be it girls or boys, we just want to know. During this training period, I have been to some small trips in and around the place where I usually stay- Trivandrum, in God's Own Country. But seriously, I don't know whats' here that it got this name. The trips usually consisted of journey of minimum four hours or so. While in the journey people keep some games and something like that. I don't usually particiapate much, because I don't know any regional songs and also I suck at acting. Apart from that, they ask these questions about crush, love, exes if any and all related things. Once, it was going on. There were both girls and boys. Girls have prepared the acts for the boys to be performed, before hand and each guy was given a unique thing to do. But, guys didn't have any such preparation for girls. After all the guys were done expressing their love, past experience , a song , a proposal demo et cetera, except me - Well, I was sleep-acting just to escape those stupid questions/acts. Now it was the boys turn. The question was same for all the girls except that the girls changed. How many people proposed ? Why didn't you like/accept? Why did you accept? How did he do that? 

Last week, we had a very long trip. And while we were returning, out of a blue some idiot told the rest of the crew that the least active person in the group will be called upon and the rest can ask any questions they like. I was the first to be called. But seriously, I was active this time in-spite of me reading the novel for a major part of the journey. And anyhow, I was standing there and all those stupid questions came darting at me. 

Idea of Love?
Waste of Time. I would rather spend travelling and taking photos.
Idea of Friendship?
Well, I value it. 
Do you have any crush? 
I said No. But I ask you, what does it mean? I like a lot of gals, I mean, look at them, they look seriously good. If I have crush, then there will be a pretty looooooong list. 
Why don't you like any girl ? (in response to my reply that I don't like any and I was pretty assuring when I said that. Some might have also thought that I might be *you know* but I am not.)
I just don't like. Now I wasn't going to tell them that I like a lot of people and also they don't leave easily. If I say, I like someone, then they are prepared with the adjoining question about who? where ? the rest of the bulls#it questions! I preferred to tell a lie. 
And there were some more stupid questions which I am rather skipping. 

The Boy's Perspective.

Its common that people like other people. And people like more of the opposite gender. Now the next step that involves is talking. We see a stranger and who happens to be good looking more like smoking HOT, what can one do? Some man up, some just stare and some keep staring. But in most cases it happens that they are already seeing someone. I mean look at them, who would not have tried and who would not have succeeded, keeping aside the failures. Like I just said, I like a lot of people. But I don't give myself easily. I mean I would pretend as if I care the least and I am pretty convincing at that. Now, don't tell me that you don't have fantasies. I just stay there and don't come to reality often because what I learnt is reality is a bitter truth and look at me! I am not a bf-material, seriously I am not. So, I don't give a try. Let me share something, I am not the bf-material but I could try if it starts from the other side. I may, I am not sure. Now, I have confused myself. It always happens that where ever I go, my class doesn't meet to the expectations of most people, as a matter of fact any. Some adjust. I have an example. 

What can someone do to win over the other person. There is this girl who didn't fare well in one of the exam that was conducted and there is this guy who was trying to console her. I was not sure whether he was trying to console her or make her cry. First thing is that we don't know much about the subject on which we had the test. And there was a bonus for the week performers.  Bonus in the sense that those people would be made to stay for training for another week or so. So, in order to avoid that we had to show what we got. This guy was all over her advising. I have no idea as of how much he knows, but he is now the preacher. And last week, it was the friendship day and we were on the trip and some people were getting friendship bands. This guy comes all the way and gets it specially tied with someone whom I mentioned earlier. After early two weeks, the band still stays in his right pocket and is occasionally seen on his hand. Am I judging? No. I was just observing all these and making notes in mentally as of how can people be and how does one act to attract someone. Period.

 I will brief about myself in such situations. I mean dealing with them. I mentioned already. But still, Now I making it even clear. Like most people, I find many attractive and sometimes find even better than the previous. And these keep piling up. And if you want me to count, I might lose track of numbers. And then I don't bother them because may be I don't deserve or may be I just can't talk or may be I am not bf-material or may be I like to give their space. And now I don't show off. Something I am never good at. I tried but I end up in a worse place than I was before, so I backed off. And I don't talk because I kind of know what they might think even before I even speak and look at me, well don't. You might get nightmares. So, you get the point right. Enough  said. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

I started writing this post some 6 months back or more. And I just ruined a perfectly thought-pre planned post with I-don't-know-what-I-just-wrote. May be I will come up again with a clear thought and precise content in version 2.0. 
Did I just hear someone shout "NOOOO!"? I usually over-think and over-hear sometimes. 

 - A Favour - 

And a small request - If anyone can write or enlighten us with the female/gal side, I would be more than happy. I would refer that as a guest post. So, if anyone is interested, please lemme know. Write in the comments below. 

Crazy-Stupid-Life #2.

Note: You will find some of the text in the other font, which are the 'voice(s) in my head'.

Ground Zero.

Back to square one. "Bigity bigity bang bang", I don't where I heard this but it is kind of stuck in my mind. And I say the phrase whenever I get into trouble. And this is a synonymous gesture to banging the head either on a table/wall/or both. Day before yesterday, we had a presentation. One thing is for sure, I suck. Tell something new, its' an old story on repeat mode. The thing called reading in mind doesn't usually work. I knew it earlier but didn't care much. Now, though I know, still I don't care much. Grow up, dude. Learn and avoid making mistakes. Thanks, but who was that ? Its' the same old story. In short, I go there, forget everything, stammer a lot, create something new, give a bad presentation despite of the individual feedback and the key points on which I was supposed to improve myself upon by my faculty who monitors these things. 

...Reflection

Its deceiving, you know ? Everyone is not alike and every single person is not alike all the time. I am the 6E-ist at home and the time till step outside my room. I don't know what happens outside, but the next moment I see myself and say to myself, He is such an idiot, when I get back to my senses that the person that I was referring to is a reflection of a person who seems totally like me, Wait, thats' you only d#a#. I don't care much, I say so all the time , but I effing care about it all the time. Why dude ? Why bother ? You have a gf ? You want to impress someone or what ? The highlighter is that I have no such avocations. But then again, I want to impress. Who man? Sir? Madam? Who ? I am a man, so I think you get the rest of the story. So, the point is that "Nothing goes the way I plan" and I end up being a fool. 

Recursive

For starters or for the people who don't know me, here is a brief about the person who is wasting your time. Dude, come on, Nobody knows you here and those who know you don't give a rats ass about what you write or have to say. May be because you don't speak much. Well, this guy just broke the ice and took all the thunder away. So, heres the thing. I don't speak much. Buckle up! I know that. Get to the point where you explain the reason for that. Reason ? Why bother? Isn't it easier and better to categorize me into something called "Stupid People". Enough of your bulls#it, get to the point. I don't really know the reason why I don't. Is it because 

• I over think the other person's response before I even deliver my thoughts ?
• I am not sure what the response would be when I say something ?
• I can see the other persons' feelings on their face ? 
• I am not sure what the other person would feel about my opinion ? 
• If I speak out, I might remove the little doubt about how stupid I am? 

May be, these could be the reasons. So, in short I tend to think what the other person would feel/think when I say something. If they don't reply back, it will be evident from the expression they project. Isn't it obvious to find out when someone thinks that the other person is such a boring person. And this is the reason why don't get into everybody's business and poke everyone every time. I leave the people to their thoughts and their dreams. :P

Its' a whole different story altogether over the net. I usually can't see the other person's face. I could speak anything may be because I don't see the others reaction to it except what they reply. Call me a (well, your choice) . 

So, recently I kind of made an online friend. Don't go through the 1190 people in my facebook, more than half of them are photographers from all over the world and the half of the remaining half are the profiles to share the photos and the rest is those people whom I know which filter out to nearly 300, lets say. Well, AruP..PAru... Pari (Jumbled the letters and came up with that). Thats' something, right? Ok, fine! AP (fine with that?).  Man, You totally suck at that! [And if you(AruP) are reading this, don't kill me]. The common thing is that we both blog and the difference is that I come up with nonsense in my blog while AP comes up with mind-blowing posts. Well, anyway AP is really a nice person. Moving On. 


Now, coming the to side-header. People keep asking me, telling me, referring me, etc things that I am one silent person and they've quite made up their minds, well at least some of them. The new people I meet would ask me the reason and tell me to speak up more often , while some of the other new think I am pretending to be a nice guy and does things perfectly. Thats' a sarcastic remark, dude. Yeah, I know that, thanks for mentioning again. 


By the way, I mentioned about the online friend because AP would be surprised if we meet in person and then I would be the silent guy and AP would be pretty confused whether I am the same person who met over the web at Twitter. So, what do you want me to do about it, huh? Now, loose the baloon, cut the chase, skip the topic. 

...Awkwardness. 

Okay, Now I have to tell this. Till now, I would get some sort of Super Power in some point of time. But when I shared a photo on the facebook, more like a meme kind of thing, I cam to know there are so many other people like me hoping that some miracle would happen and get to one of the super hero of their dreams. Well, now on, I might have to subside this pat of my imagination. Hmm... that would mean I have to stop thinking 90% of what I think. Seriously, thats' something man. You are a superhero for 90% of your thoughts.


I've another super-quality. I can over think and just don't see what going on in front of me. Lemme simplify it a bit. We usually have classes and I, as a known fact don't know anything. Each morning I make up my mind that I will have to buckle up and show what I got (though, I got nothing, just like some inspiration to work on). So, the classes begin and I am attentive the first few minutes, hmm... more like 1 minute. Then I don't know what happens, I get to my senses when the person teaching makes eye contact with me. I was projecting some movie in my mind which hmm, well I shouldn't say. You can relate it to the above mentioned para and rest of the time its me kicking some ass where ever the mind pleases to go. 


Infatuation.
Here, someone got to help me. Here's the thing. There are so many good looking people around. There have been and there are and probably there will be. Its always about the other sex, right? My post on the same is resting in the drafts which I will publish once I am through it. So, here me again, silent,calm, minding my own business ( WHICH IS ?)  , not-giving-a-s#it-about-anything, or so I pretend. There are some people that get stuck in the mind, and no matter I try I can't get rid of them. So, I ask myself? Do I like them ? Hell No. Do I love them ? Common, man, its me here. Love? *shrugs*.What is that supposes to mean ? What? You got to be kidding me ! You are asking the wrong question. (Moving on with the questions). At least do I know them or vice versa. Hmm, I know some, some know me( I guess so). Well, the point is or the question is : What is that supposed to mean ?  Throw some light, if you happen to know anything about it. Why I mentioned this is because referring above to sentence where I mentioned about the 90% thing, contains one of these characters also. And AP(AruP, Pari), this is what I wanted to ask.(Not exactly, but its something like a beginning which I said I would mention).


Dear God Damn Voice(s) in the head,
Why don't you effing work with me when I am writing an exam where you could help me with some of the answers? There you won't, but here you will make me the stupidest person. I wonder how many voices speak in my head that I loose track of what I am doing /thinking , which sometimes is insanely insane. And one more thing, SHUT UP, will you ? 
Sufferer.


P.S. : Such a waste of time. You could have watched that Abraham Lincoln and the Vampire Hunter Movie instead, right ? 

Uncanny Day.

A total rip off day. Saturday, it is. But I had an exam today. Something related to the Post-Graduate. The exam was scheduled at 9.30 am as most of the exams do. But the reporting time was 8 o'clock. Yeah, very early; so did I thought. And moreover I had no idea where the Exam center was, in terms of location specific. Though, I google-ed it, but last time it gave me a bad feeling. So, I said myself Whateve' and wanted to risk it. So inspite of my laziness and late wake-ups in the mornings, I tried to play bold. Well, it was indeed. But as with the fact, I woke up late. The time was 7:32 a.m. I thought "I am Screwed". I had a thought of not attending the exam but thought of giving it a try. I get ready as fast as I can. I set out on my bike, fast; very fast. The morning blush has made my eyes glow up with the exposure to the sun and as a result the watered eyes. I head out in the direction that I could best make out. I took a left turn as I remember from the Google Maps which I checked last night. And also my Phone went rouge last night or say this morning. I didn't hear the F8 alarm. I was sure that I couldn't wake up so early in the morning and that's why I made attempts to wake myself up with the help of alarm. I don't know whether it buzzed me or made the horrifying noise/music , but I didn't wake up. So none of that matters. And the next thing which I discovered was that my phone was under the bed. "How on earth did it even end up, i mean down there?" ! I had no idea. What puzzled me was that there was a warning on the phone saying "LOW BATTERY". F4 ! All these were supposed to happen today only. Damn B#Sh!7 ! As I was saying I was on my way, I opened my phone to verify that what I saw was correct and I also wanted to know the exact way. But luckily I was on the right way. The left turn which I took was a right turn. After a little help with the local people, I reached my destination as on time exactly. But I looked like a whole lot messed up sh!t. 

There were only a few people who had made it by then. So I was lonely and what the best way to look busy? Take out you cell phone and pretend as if there was a message or just click random buttons and look busy. But the whole thing was quite a flop as the Phone was bloody DEAD. But still, I was trying to pretend busy and looked damn serious; for there were people and not that they were watching me or anything like that. It is just a human behavior or lets say a human reaction to situations like these. And who is going to pretend less when there is a girl around? Hell No! Not me! My nature is quite distinctive and there is no approach to it. I just mind my own Business and I really do; I think! So there was some registration and stuff like that which consumed all the time. I met a acquaintance of mine who was also attending the exam and an old senior. Though I knew that he wouldn't recognize me, for I am just know to my classmates, I guess. And this senior was kind of popular guy. I saw him a lot of times in college. And you bet, I could recognize people if I had seen them somewhere very distinctly. Finally, after all the necessary bullcr*p the exam commenced. There was still a 15 minutes gap for getting to know about the rules and other related stuff. Then suddenly there was some foul smell which I encountered. It was repelling, I say. After a minute or two I realized that there were fumes coming out from the switchboard and immediately I informed the people roaming around, I think they are called Invigilators. For the reason, they changed my place. Later the exam began and as time drifted along its coast I reached the 100th question, some unattended as there was negative marking. I was left with over an hour by that time. My hands were dead cold with the help of the fan and the AC. And cold hands make me pissed of as it creates an idiotic feeling about which I have no idea of how to explain. I had no thoughts of what to do! I scribbled on the rough sheet which they provided. 

"Infatuation is an unavoidable feeling."

"Insignificance lies in Indifference."

And another one non-sense thought something about education! I know I sound crazy, for I am undoubtedly ! Well I was preparing a fictional story in my mind in the meanwhile. I made the starting part and yet it has to be redone and finished. But this is not something new. There have been a lot of time when I had made up a story in my mind but never had I ever written it down. And all my imaginary fictional stories are totally SuperNatural! So, I am at the process of thinking and molding the story; but it has never come out of its cocoon which is probably my brain. Well, I had a lot of time, I could say that. The exam was over but there was another procedure to be finished. A copy of the Identify proof was to made and so there was again a fine delay in time, for I was becoming impatient for waiting so much time in dead freezing cold. I was trying to draw attention ! Whose? I ealy can't say that but I can say that I was invisible to everybody and the credits to the place where I was seated. There is whole another story which I am skipping. Well its about what I quoted earlier "infatuation"! Another day ; another time. But I surely will. 

Damn! Cadbury Dairy Milk is freaking awesome. I Just can't resist it. Oh Sorry ! I am actually eating it while I am completing this post. So ! And the story is not yet over my dear friend!

I came back to Hostel with a speed over 70, or was it 80! Whatever! I had my goggles on as I entered the college from the Back gate. I forgot that I was in the college. I cared less about it as I sped my way to the hostel. I had one awful lunch as always and later settled in my room after a refreshing bath. I watched some tv serials as I always do and later realized that I should go for an eye check up. So I set sail for the same. All the procedure at the Hospital was same. And I knew that my vision would get blurred for the eye drops which they give. I was prepared for that. But what happened was that they gave it me twice. I was basically impaired for some time and they get checking me whether the solution was diluted or not by flashing in my eye, like hundred times. I got images of the flashes whenever I closed my eyes. Another property of the eye to retain the image for quite some time. There were three stages from the starting and they were continuously flashing me in the eye. And the last and the final touch was pretty intense. That blackened  me out for quite a time. 

Later I went to my Aunt's house just as a visit and collect some of the letter they they got under my name. And the journey was hell, you bet. But I am capable enough to manage. After spending some time over there, I was back on my way to my Hostel. But actually what I had in mind was a dinner at my usual restaurant. But earlier at my aunt's house I ate something too much and also a tea to add to it. So I was in no position to take anything heavy. While on the way back, I saw the Moon with a crescent. It was beautiful so I took out my camera and started my kind of heroism with the camera. I thought I did great. I moved to another location and much more elegant and again showed my craziness which I later realized that the moon wasn't even visible and they were not so good, I mean not at all good shots. Disappointed Me! :( ! I seriously need a new lens man! Damn ! 

So was a damn day ! Nothing unusual or out of the book, I say. But something worth writing. What for ? This was seriously bullshit. I know and I totally agree with you. But remember I said something about Infatuation ! Yeah, on account of that I made this day to be marked in my memory ! 

Later then ! By the way, I hope to begin my work of fiction ! Starting from NOW ! I don' remember how many times I had told this very line. 

Happy Sunday  !