Damn. #Z2AChallenge

I don't have a lot of conversations online. The other day, my phone buzzed in the middle of the day. I don't get any messages in the middle of the day. But this time, it caught my eye, because the icon that was visible was that of a burning fire with a background, if you are wondering what it is, take a guess. Let me give you a hint : It is the most popular dating app. You got it, didn't you? So, the message from Tinder said " Congratulations! You have a new match". I left my work in between and jumped in my seat. As you might have guessed, this was my first Tinder match, after well Domino's Weekend Damaka offer for Valentines Day. Wait, are you too, like me, excited to know who this mystery match is? Well, it's a mystery after all. I navigate to the matches screen and there was nothing. Empty. Blank space. Umm, not exactly. It said, "Get Swiping : When you match with other users, they'll appear where you can send them a message". But, but I just got a match. I. JUST. GOT. A. MATCH. What happened to it? Why you do this to me, Tinder? Why?

Clearly, even the Tinder is also mocking me. Also, I guess you observed the word. So, who else was mocking me? I, myself. Because for *cough* celebrities *cough* like me, love is a distant dream. Here is a conversation I had with a friend of mine just yesterday, while I was mocking myself. Please note that the following conversation took place on Facebook messenger, and all the actions thus indicated in the asterisks are actually emojis! 

Friend :  Congratulations. Looks like you're finally in love .

Me : I am? *completely confused*

Friend : *sounding disappointed* You're sucha liar .

Me : *even more confused and trying to figure out what gave that impression* I have no idea...

Friend : * sounding a bit angry * oh plz shut up okay

Me : * couldn't keep up with the suspense * Why do you think so?

At least tell me that.

Friend : This is why :

Me : That's John Cena.

Friend : *as if I didn't know look* don't start now.

Me : "You can't see me" is his tag line.

Friend :  Yes but the smiley that you attached to the post. How will you explain that?

Me : *grinning* Just have a lot of crushes

Friend : *grinning* Idiot.

Me : That's all I can do. * pretending to be sad, or actually being sad*

Friend : *kinda angry* I'll give you a kick. Someday, your parents will get you on an arranged marriage. Then, you will understand.

Me : Help a friend out, please.

Friend : *squinting* Now, asking for help! Shameless. Fight your own battles.

Me : *emotional blackmail* A friend can only help a friend out, right? 

Friend : Ok.

Me : So? 

Friend : ... [ Seen at 5 : 23 PM  ].

I am still waiting for that reply, I mean help though. Well, you can help me out, meanwhile. You are a good friend to me. And you always want to help your friends, especially good friends like me. Thank you, in advance.

__________

#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Day23 #Damn #Disappointing #Life #Love 

#AlphabetD #TheLetterD #d

Unrequited Love. #Z2AChallenge

Love is a beautiful feeling. Well, I don't know. That's what I have heard. 

Prove me right, may be?

___________

It was a late afternoon and the silence beheld the chatter of the lunch break. He was late for his lunch. He had a meeting he had to attend and it got extended a little but longer than he had thought. As the stomach made noises and pleading to be fed, he slowly walked up to the food section of the canteen hoping that there is still some food. He thanked his stars as the food was there, however a little cold, he could calm his crying stomach. He took his plate and made his way to his usual spot at the canteen. Usually it is always filled during lunch time. As he got busy gulping the food as soon as he sat down, he stopped in his tracks. Something, someone caught his eye. He froze as she went past him, talking to her friend talking animatedly and with that cutest smile ever. The heart took over his body and there was no hunger. He had not even taken a proper bite and he completely forget about his wailing stomach. As she went to the far end of the canteen to get a coffee, the mind gave the hint for him to wake up and tend to the crying stomach. He wasn't hungry anymore. Even though he continued taking slow bites and stuffing the stomach, he was not aware of what he was doing. Clearly, the mind had no chance convincing him to get out of that trance. The phone beeped. It was a message from his colleague asking him to join as soon as possible. He didn't realize he had got the message. The phone buzzed again with another message to hurry up. He was completely awry of that. But the buzzing never stopped. Apparently, it was important. H woke up from his trance, finally realizing that he had already finished his lunch and he didn't even know about eating it. "One last good look", he said to himself. But she turned to the other side right at the very moment. "Arrgh", he sighed audibly. He wasn't sure he was going to see her again. He was already scared of losing her, her memory, however momentary it was.

On his way back to his meeting room again, he was cursing his colleague for not giving enough time to sink in her thoughts when he could. May be he could have talked. He was already scripting what he would have said and how he would have approached her. And he told himself not to be too cheesy on the first time. May be a little of introduction and compliment. But before he could get a perfect script, the client greeted him. He brushed everything aside at once and turned that lost face to a smile and greeted back. He was still recovering from the trance, which was quite evident by the way he was missing the words and not looking to be all over the place. He somehow managed to pull off the meeting without much damage. He walked back to his seat shaking his head about the almost blunderbuss meeting. Then as he settled he thought about the reason for this. "It was her", he exclaimed, quite audibly that the person next to him gave him a confused look. He exclaimed as she walked past on the other end of the room. She was in his floor and he had completely missed seeing her till that very day. He was in that trance again, only to be woken up again by his confused colleague who was asking what he was mumbling.

That day marked the start of silent stares and contemplating about how to make a great first impression. His days and nights we re mostly spent on thinking how to make it happen. One fine day, there was a team lunch and some good soul introduced her to him. He wasn't sure that she was part of the team. Well, it was a big team and their line of work handled different part of the project. He introduced himself and she reciprocated the same. He finally could put a name to the person who kept haunting his thoughts. And that marked the beginning of a new friendship. As he get to know her a little more, his feelings for her started increasing. Though he told himself that it was just infatuation and this will pass. But it was not just her thoughts. He started seeing her everywhere. Everyone looked like her. Every voice he hears, he wishes it was hers. Well, she also invaded his dreams as well. He finally concluded that he was in love.

While he was contemplating how to express his feelings, as scared as he was, finally got a shocking news. He was needed elsewhere and he had to stay there for half an year. His task was to set up and get the work started. He couldn't leave now. He was at this crucial stage of love where he can't go past even a single day without looking or talking to her. And 6 months was a pretty long time. Even though he wanted to hand it over to someone like... Oh snap...there was no one else to hand over the task to. He was eventually given the responsibility. With a heavy heart, he moved to the new place and made sure that he did not bid farewell to her. Because he felt if he did that he could not meet her again. And how long can 6 months be. It will go in a jiffy, before he knew it. As time moves by, he has a hard time adjusting to pass the days without talking to her. He had thought that he should have proposed before going. And this very thought haunts him everyday when he looks over his cubicle only to realize that he isn't in the same city as she was. And something keeps killing him inside. On one side he has "Just propose" and on the other "What if she rejects and I would lose a great friend. And she is not into stuff like this". "But I think I should". "No. I shouldn't". "I can't compromise the friendship". His friends knew about this and have always encouraged to take the leap of faith. "See, if you love her, you should propose. Two things can happen. One, in which she agrees and two, she doesn't agree. Now, she is a good sport so, you can still be friends with her. But if you don't and keep staying in such a dilemma, you will never know. And down the line, you will definitely regret not trying. So, take the leap of faith", one of his friends said. Eventually he has finally come up with a plan, even though he was dead scared.

While there were days when he really wanted to propose and there were days when he thought that being staying as a friend was better than taking the risk. In one of such latter days, she informed him about the new developments in her life and that she was taking a step forward with her which was followed by a wedding invitation. He sunk into his chair, confused and telling himself that it is still a dream and he would wake up any moment now. Only that he was waking up. He pinched himself to wake himself up. But nothing worked. He just couldn't come to terms with it. He couldn't even go to the marriage even though he was completely free. He just couldn't bear the thought of her getting married to someone else. Eventually he seemed to have moved on, or so he thought! Even the six months planned stay was extended due to some new requirements and expanding the work. 

After nearly ten months, he finally got back to the city. His place is still there and even though he has moved past the whole love-thing, he saw her walking past on the other end of just like she did a year ago. All those bottled up feelings that he so secured buried, just came out rushing. 

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Express, before its' too late.

#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse!

#Day6 #U #UnrequitedLove #TheLetterU #AlphabetU

Break a leg.

You will not know how weak you are, unless you break a leg or two.

-ak

There is always a thing or two or perhaps a word or may be a sentence that gets stuck in our head. Yes, like a song. You got that right. So, let's say if I said "I 'hate' you" all and also say "I 'love' you", Now, which one do you think has the most impact and you will ponder or may be even pester me. I'm one hundred percent sure that the majority of votes will be on the former side. Because that word, that feeling really gets stuck because it stings a bit. Now I'll be labelled as heartless, sociopath and a very cold person. But I also said the later, but who really cares, right?

Before we proceed, I didn't mean what I said just above. I was using it to make a point as an example. Coming to talking some real stuff, if you are reading my blog, either by choice or even if you have a gun to your head, you might have come across the 'About Me' widget on the side of the blog. There is a particular word called 'Dance'. If you have just thought it was some random babbling and boasting, you are absolutely right. But then again, why do I have to lie? 

I have always loved dance and always gave the world's best performance in closed doors and under the stream of water, while showering I mean. But being the socially introvert and naturally unskilled, was never the front runner for stage performances or even group performances. But, I would have won an award in 'So, you think you can dance', of course if they were hosted by me and I was the judge, jury and the executioner...wait, this isn't a court. I mean judge, audience and the performer. Having said that, it was my seventh grade. And being the first batch of the school, the school was implementing new things, experimenting and adapting. So, a new period was introduced - Dance. While some were excited, some of my friends just discarded it with a "Phew, whatever! We can have better periods than dance. And dance is so boring, so lame. I can't even move my hand." and I repeated the exact same words, even though it killed. It killed because the class was Hip-Hop ( say whaaaat!?) and I saw my awards crumble and melt away through my hands like sand on a beach. If it was classical, I would have been at par with these guys. So the deal was that they will select a random few based on the performance, which they will guide and form a hip hop dance team. Sweet, right?

It was a Thursday and we had our last session of the day as Dance. After lunch, everyone were already shy and feeling awkward and were planning to not-get-selected as the dance group required 4 people from each class - 2 guys and 2 girls. And we have decided not to embarrass ourselves by getting selected. And the final hour dawned upon us. As decided, a few people intentionally wronged the simple moves. It was so intentional that the instructor also knew that these guys were fooling around and intentionally did those. So the instructor made them do again. And it was my turn and you know what, I forgot about the deal we made- about being intentionally bad. Ok ok, I know what you are thinking that I am claiming myself to be a great dancer or atleast boasting about it. And my intentionally bad performance will haunt me for the rest of my life. Let me clear something up, I suck at dancing, like on a Richter scale you would get a rating of 22.5 because even the earth would crumble and plead me to stop. Wait.. Where was I? Yes, I forgot about the intentional deal and was normally trying to perfect the steps following the rhythm of  1..2..3..4..1..2..3..4. The selection process ended and only two guys were selected and one girl. Those girls really must have put up an ultimatum for their intentional deal. And guess who was not in the the dancing trio? Did you say me? I am disappointed. But like they say all good things end, we never even got to the second class of this. One of the instructor had an accident and it got sidetracked and eventually forgotten. And, I never got such a chance ever again, but I always felt that if I could have trained somehow, may be YouTube, I could have picked up some. Now imagine the YouTube through dialup. Yeeeaaahh, not gonna happen. 

Wait, you were saying something? That it's not too late? I agree, it's not. But, I am more concerned about you all. What if after my mind blowing performance you pluck out your eye balls? Too graphic, right? Well, now you know why I don't dance, for you people.

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Written under the #RealTalk started by IQ on her blog. 

#UnwrapChristmas by spreading Happiness and Love.

It only takes a spark to get the fire going.

And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing.

That’s how it is with God’s love,

Once you have experienced it

You want to sing

You feel like spring

You want to pass it on…

A few of us gathered together for Secret Santa tidings, divided by names and united through a common Christmas spirit of sharing. And it is in this spirit that we bring this blog chain to you.

I am thankful to Kala for passing on the baton of spreading Christmas joy and spirit. 

As the stars twinkled in the sky,

The carols lighted the night

With merry and melody.

For the festive thrives in joy, and

All we hear are the jingles all the way.

What does Christmas mean to you? I tried answering this, but there is no perfect answer. We may try to define it, put it in words and all, but then we will realize that it is so much deeper. It is the feeling which we could not define but only show. But then again, what does Christmas mean to you? What does Christmas mean to me? Let me put it one word : Joy. Togetherness. Love. Food. Happiness. Gifts. Santa. And so much more. And yes, I tried the one word but, like I mentioned its' an feeling we could never measure or quantify.

Every year we used to put up the decorations at school and then at home. Yes, two places, since decorating the Christmas tree has always been fun and the spirit of togetherness that it brings upon is something to remember for a lifetime (each year). And not to mention the food and the delicacies that were prepared during this time is an added bonus. As we grew up, people drifted, be it studies or work or any other reason, this one season brought everyone close, together.

Talking about gifts, we have this debate on whether there is Santa or not. Let me just ease your mind by telling the truth. Santa is real. No, he may not come on reindeer carriage bearing gifts, but he does exist. The thing is we consider Santa to be a person, but we should rather see it as a feeling, a way to share joy and happiness. But we want gifts and we will be surprised to see the gifts near the Christmas tree that you might not have told anyone. Because there are people who know you and what you want. And it is not about getting a gift, though I agree on the joy of getting a gift is unexplainable and equally the person who put the gift is equally happy. 

So, this brings me to the most popular game Secret Santa. I was actually surprised that I hadn't known about this during my college or school. The idea of the game is sharing, duh. For the past two years, we had been playing the game at office and believe me no one goes home disappointed. Well, it's the season of joy and sharing. And most importantly its the season that symbolizes togetherness. So, embrace the people around you, give them a hug, they might not need it, but they will feel much better nevertheless. And if you are stuck in an office working, or cribbing over the pages of your book for the exams, or may be just alone, remember that the warmth of the season and the close people will reach you and embrace you, Happy Christmas.

A Merry Christmas to each and every one. Let's spread Love and Happiness.

I now invite Jaibala Rao to spread the message of Christmas and new years on their blog.

An InLinkz Link-up

Can I confess?

Can I confess, asked the mind contemplating the thoughts that evade reality. The words felt heavy, the screams louder, but there was silence all along. Why do the words evade this reality? Why is it so afraid of the light of the day? Why do they find comfort in the privy of the night, lurking in the shadows, screaming yet silent? Why not let the heart ease its pain, by letting go? The turmoil and the vigor that they hold settling in the mind with a spectacular view of the life that goes by. Life, ah paradigm of reality.

A dilemma surrounded the epiphany. And when asked about things that matter : Confusion. Fear. Ego. Desertion. "The weather is nice today, isn't it?" Evasion. Why? The insecurities haunt the monotony of revelation. The aftermath seems catastrophic, a word of which is like a domino in precise perfect position that could snowball down the slope, never to be recovered. Let go of things, they said. That is when the diary saw the fluorescent light of the night, warming up the pages with tears that hugged the words dearly, a solace in disguise, freedom to the caged bird. But let me take a shot : Love and Life !

Love ? You asked me a thousand times; I just evaded the answer. What is love but a coalition of two minds, two hearts beating in unison. No, I have never loved. I have never wanted to love. I kept that part of the heart blocked away, hidden so deep that I have lost it altogether. "So, whom do you love?" Your question resonated in my mind. "No one," I said. "I haven't found the right one," I said. You thought I lied. But, I did tell the truth. For love was something so far away for me, I never contemplated its presence around me. To be fair, I never deserved the love to love. I kept my promise to self.

"What do you want to do ? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" A question that haunted a few nights. You might have heard something climbing up the ladder, this place, that place. I had articulated a well rehearsed story, however different to each person. I lied. In my constant contemplations and searching for the answer, I have crossed a few five years and the result was not what I had expected. What did I expect? If I could articulate it in a word: nothing. If I could say it in an essay, it is still nothing. But if you insist, all I see is a limbo of darkness, a paradoxical emptiness, an abyss breathless.

_______________

This is written for #BlogChatter Prompt of the Week : Can I confess?

PS : Can I confess? I guess, I can't.

PPS: Thanks to IQ for editing and a brilliant comment. Forever in debt! :)

A shared emotion #2

Love needs to be shared. No, it wants to be shared. Little did he know what the world has come to. Aryan was new to the city and being brought up in a traditional society country slowly adapting to the western nomenclature in the name of ethics and social standards, he was on a expedition to explore, learn and transpire the experience. He isn't shy of what was happening in the country. But then again he wasn't ready for what he had to encounter. 

___________

A shared emotion #1 ...(continued)

Swiping the sweat from his forehead, Aryan walked away as fast as he could. from the elevator. The elevator door closed and but he was the only one to have stepped out of the elevator. He shook his head in disbelief with what just happened and hoping that it was all in his head he went on to call a cab. There were none within his reach. It was afternoon and a cloudless sky. The sun was bright. It rained the other night so the road was still a little damp. And he retorted to use the public transportation. He had to take a While he was crossing the heavily trafficked road over a pedestrian overpass he had another encounter.

He was taking the steps and when he lifted his head midway there were there in the middle of the overpass. Aryan had convinced that this wasn't all in his mind and it was happening all around him. But this time he had hoped that they would pause or walk away since it was a public setup. The girl had covered her face but that didn't stop these college kids. Aryan just walked away brushing that side from his mind. He got to the other side of the overpass and stepped down to find a park by the lakeside. Now, this had not only the college kids "busy with each other" but quite a lot of people. Though not sure whether it was the genuine love that was being shared or just an experimentation of their adulthood. But he was in for an unexpected surprise that evening.

It was nightfall and the stars fell into the ocean twinkling in their reflection. He finally managed to get the bus and as his awkward day might have it, the phone ran out of battery. He had no idea where to get down, but he was hoping that his memory would serve right and help him reach the destination. His memory did help, but he got down a stop early. Relieved that he didn't get down too far away, he made his way. It was again the lake side. There was no park, but there were benches on the sidewalk. About half way through, he stopped to take a break. He had been walking all round, standing and then again walking. So, he was fairly tired. There was a bench in a few meters so he stepped towards it. What looked like a homeless guy sleeping on the bench under the shade of a tree wasn't quite the same. As he was nearing the bench, it looked like two people. Or may be it was a very fat homeless guy covered in huge blankets. A few steps more and there were noises and now it was getting clear what was happening. One more step and he saw and heard what he wasn't supposed to. Or may what they weren't supposed to do or say in public. Without much ado, he retraced his steps back, went all the way through the sidewalk.

And that was the beginning of a sleepless night with the question that kept popping in his head "What have we come to?".

________________

#NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) #Day2

#Explore #PDA #PublicDisplayOfAffection #newToTheCity #Day2

A shared emotion.

Love needs to be shared. No, it wants to be shared. Little did he know what the world has come to. Aryan was new to the city and being brought up in a traditional society country slowly adapting to the western nomenclature in the name of ethics and social standards, he was on a expedition to explore, learn and transpire the experience. He isn't shy of what was happening in the country. But then again he wasn't ready for what he had to encounter. 

Stepping out of his apartment room on the twelfth floor, he waited the elevator. It was a slow one for this tiny skyscraper apartment which had a very nice lake view. After what felt like eternity, there was a sound indicating the arrival of the elevator. He got in as the elevator started its descent. A moment later it stopped at the tenth floor. "Oh great!", he exclaimed. This wasn't the modern elevator which did things in a jiffy. It took another lifetime to open. A girl fairly well dressed, groomed and quite extremely good looking was standing as the door slowly opened like a opening scene of an actress in the movie, though it lacked the background score, Aryan played that music in his mind adjusting his jaw that was hanging in the air. As the door opened completely, she entered and a second later there was another husky guy, a bit taller than him and felt like he just swam in a pool of deodorant. 

With a creaking noise the door finally starts to close. A moment later Aryan finds himself in the most awkward position ever. He had already occupied one corner of the elevator that could take upto 15 people at a time and was acting busy on his phone. He had to admire the jaw dropping beauty just a few steps away. His jaw did drop, this time to the floor but not the way he had anticipated it to. The other two members of the three people in the elevator were engaged in a make out session, kind of intense. It was like he was the left out person in a threesome. With each floor the heat was building up, in spite of the fan running at full speed. Aryan looked at the digital screen indicating the floor number which showed 9. He kept himself busy staring at the phone. After what felt like eternity the elevator was at 7th floor. At this speed when they finally reach the ground floor, there would be three people exiting the elevator with a new born baby. It took almost 9 months to reach the ground floor just in time, to find the Ambulance waiting for the jaw-dropping-lady.

To be continued ...

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#NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) #Day1.

#Explore #PDA #PublicDisplayOfAffection #newToTheCity

Decoding.

Less than three.

Disclaimer : No animals were hurt during this post. But a few 'might' get hurt after reading this. Please keep the doctor on speed dail. Any resemblance to anyone/anything alive or dead is coincidental(ie. true). And also, Cigarette smoking is injurious to health. Not that you care. 

Disclaimer P.S : Less than three in "social term"(ie. the language of social media) can be abbreviated as " < 3". Do you understand? Plus, before you go wondering and get lost, mystery : love!

______________________

Let me be frank with you, and if you already know then just bear with me. Love has always been a complicated thing. Though I have never looked for it, I always had this nagging feeling that it just might happen. I was wrong. It doesn't work that way. I was too stupid to realize even after watching a million movies. Speaking of movies, well we will go there in a few stances. But I wanted to understand what it really felt like. So, instead of (again) not trying to find love, I retracted to much easier version - learning from others. Books are a great place to start with. But then I realized I was more of a murderous person, I mean a mystery-adventure book kind of guy. I wasn't a little bit romantic. I failed the first step to understand romanticism, in other words love. Though I haven't had the courage to read many, but I did read a few, I mean two. But then I realized that even if the story is a standpoint of a different person, the feelings and characters, the plot, but I was doing the screenplay in my mind. And as a non-romantic that I am, I censored the creepy parts. Then there were movies which did the screenplay as well, which was cool in a way. But the phrase "non" that was usually appended with a term in my self description which goes in the lines of non-romantic never faded.

However hopeless I was, however impossible it seemed, I still wanted to know. I am human after all. And all humans are romantic, what's wrong with you?! So, in the process of finding true love or atleast love I have come across some pretty interesting stories, assumptions and a few( esp. from the movies) for which I made myself the critic.

a. The critic.

Let me start with the movies, I mean I am a critic now. I recently watched a lot many movies, of which a lot a few turned out be rom-com (Romantic Comedy). I am going to point out to three movies which I felt were in the lines of yours truly (in terms of passion. On second thought strike that). So the central character (hero) is a famous writer who has either published very good novels or have scripted for very successful movies. But they hit the block where they can not move ahead with the story or novel or the script. So, they feel lost and can't even pen a word. *Drum roll* - Another central/lead Character entry -Heroine. The hero as usual is smitten by the girl. They feel the electric pulses when they first make contact. Basically there is a lot of tension between the people. But wait, oh the love does happen, but the girl already has a boyfriend ( a lover, in terms of being a romantic). Oh, that's a bummer. But our hero still doesn't care and makes out with the heroine, passionately of course. (Now, if I were that guy, I mean in Hero's shoes, I would rather respect her choice of "already having a boyfriend" and sulk in my bed or hit a bar or something. But the hero doesn't do any of that) [Critic Expert Comment :  Now, at this point we, as a spectator would love to watch the union of hero and heroine since "he" is the hero and "she" is the heroine and we are definitely wishing for them a happy ending by settling together. But come on, that Biatch(heroine, however cute or sexy) is already cheating and we are just loving it. Why? Because the hero is cute and so is the heroine. So, right on. ] But. But the heroine says she is already engaged or is already in love and that last night was a MISTAKE, which shouldn't have happened and wont' happen. Hero loses faith. His story is stopped again. He smashes things. (Light bulb in his mind) She is the one and he has to get her, at ANY COST. He runs to the airport, catches the last flight which he would have missed if he was a second late, takes a cab and tells the driver to step on it; stops the marriage just in time. They run towards each other, kiss and live happily ever after, I mean "THE END".

b. Wait, what, I mean how ? 

We were a group of six and we used to hang out on weekends and made the most of the weekends, well on most days. It came as a surprise when a friend proposed another friend of mine who was a year elder, which isn't the point. We were on a road trip and this fellow who had been sitting beside me the whole journey seemed to have proposed and I had no idea about it. I came in light of this news a couple of months later. To this day, I still wonder how that happened (beside me)? Now they are happily married.

c. Missed Opportunity

I haven't felt more bad for anyone else. For almost a year, he kept this as a secret, not letting even a hint of lapse. He loved her dearly. You know what, this very guy inspired me in writing a few lines in the lines of romantic. But then he chicken out and said, it was better to let go than pursue and ruin everything that was perfect. So, one year, he kept loving her from afar. I urged him to take a leap of faith and burst that bubble - by which you will at least have the clarity on what to do next. He fought back saying it was better left un-expressed. Recently, he got wind that she was about to be married. I wanted to know how he felt about all that. "No Comment", he said. That was the last, he spoke with me and I with him. I didn't want to push him. 

d. Blood Love.

I made a new friend(now no longer) during the transition from one work to another, though I ended up where I began, literally. She said she already had a boyfriend, as if anyone would pry on her. So, one casual conversation led her to reveal her love story. It started six/seven years ago, when she was in college. Though he is staying far from her now, she was in a long distance relationship. She used to tell me how "protective" he is of her, that he doesn't allow her to go out, that he scolds her whenever she talks with any guy, likewise. That he loved her very much much but never wanted anyone to know about it in college. That his parents would ask a huge sum as dowry and that she didn't have it. That she was getting irritated by her boyfriend. I had to ask her about how it all began. She hesitated to tell, but she eventually told. He, our hero, seemed to have cut his hand pretty bad after he got rejected by her. She being the caring one, took pity on him and accepted his proposal. To which I was not only shocked and thought what kind of a stupid this person is. In her words, " Agar koi aapke liye haat kat leta hai, tho kitna pyaar karta hoga. Isliye haan keh diya" ( Translation : "If someone cuts their hand for someone they like, they must really love the person. That's why I said Yes"). I deemed her mad at that very moment and that guy the stupidest person ever. A few days later, they broke up and she was happy. But she kept telling that he was still cutting his hand / not eating / doing some other drama. Eventually, he wasn't able to convince his parents it seems, she was happy that she was alone again and ready to mingle. About time, right? Now get this, her future husband : Should be atleast an IAS. I was like Pyaar ka tho dhajiya uda diya en logo ne.

e. Don't say a word.

I have this friend who has a girlfriend and who ditches us whenever she calls to meet. The worst part of it all is when he is with us, he is not with us. He is glued to his cell phone as if Fevi Quik accidentally fell on his hands and he was holding the phone. Oh wait, there is another worst part, she is about to be married. While his story runs on endangered fossil fuel, there is another guy who was smitten by "love" so bad that he roamed the city a couple of weeks and then broke up with her when he thought he could do better and have "better" girls. Yes, its a plural. Now, he not only ogles like a maniac, he is eyeing an already married girl. (Oh, thanks for the knife. *Stabs myself*. Because.This.is.where.we.have.come.to.)

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Sometimes, I feel it is better to not get involved in all this love-shuv thing. Because of the people like these. But then again, it is still a mystery to me and I like to solve that. The thing about this so called love is that is that it isn't visible. Well, it is visible if one is hopelessly in love or a die hard romantic at heart, neither of which I can associate myself with. But for a, is it safe to say, stone-hearted person like myself, it is like unchartered territory and it is totally safe to say that it is like an onsite opportunity in my project - never going to happen. Never. Ever. Never. Ever. 

P.S. Dear People-in-Love, I know how stupid and idiotic I might sound right now. But, please don't shower the gyan on me. I will still not understand the complication unless I row that boat myself. So, please spare me. I beg of you.

Love Thyself.

When the love is overrated and a lot undermined. And then there are people who becomes experts with "doctorates", as if they know quat. These people suggest not to get into, but what do they know about it. They say they saw, they have been there, they know things. But they haven't been in my shoes. How can they know how it feels, how empty I feel? How can they know that heaviness the heart carries each day? How can they know the pain that something/someone is just that arms length, yet too far away? How can they possibly know? How can they possible relate their story to mine?  And then they say it is the same every where, with every one. It happens the same way, just the journey to begin it is different. Well, something we both agree on.

They don't stop. They say Don't do it. She isn't suitable for you. She is out of your league. You are not qualified. You are dreaming too much. You are this, you are that. But no one in the right sense encourages the feelings that keep eating me inside. Whats with the eating, you ask? The words fail me, as I find myself lost in the normal conversations. The mind remains preoccupied all the time. The thoughts slur. I dig myself into ways to express, to let the feelings known, speak out, or perhaps write. But I am lost. A hole is dug, a deep hole that is filled with emptiness. Emptiness, the feeling that feels the void in the mind, or is it the heart. They say heart. I know its the heart speaking, being a little crazy, a little stupid, for that one person.

Then I finally met her, her vibrant charm giving me goosebumps, as I float in the soft clouds, drifting in the voice, that sweet voice. I want the conversation to go on. But then I realize that I am just babbling, words that didn't make sense. She laughs at my troubles, the smile the melts the heart like the april snow. I smile and continue my struggle to keep up the conversation, just to keep her at my sight, involved in my conversations and perhaps hope for the magic to happen. But time. Time has always been the enemy, the one thing evil I had ever known. She leaves with a smile, giving me assurance to meet again, that we will continue, but some other time. I feel hopeful, but at the same time I feel the emptiness, even though its been just a second. I stare as she fades in my sight as she takes the turn at the end of the corner.

Call me crazy, but I have never felt the void so heavy, the emptiness so dull, the world so monotonic. The void which she fills up when I am in her presence, even if it for a moment. And the heaviness when she leaves. What is this, but not love? I assured myself to complete me. I was ready to take the chance. I knew that a life without her, would be a life lost. I look up in the mirror as I rehearse the script I wrote while the hundred torn pages lie on the floor withered. I feel hopeful as I imagine my reflection as hers and recite that lines that keep playing in my mind. I could find the heart beat fast already. Her reflection in the mirror fades into mine. I see my nervous self, a person torn between the moment that next, and what's tearing him apart, you ask! Perhaps, it is love. And then it hits him. He knows that he would love her, forever. But will she? Will she be able to be like him for the rest of their lives, imparting the same love he feels he has for her. He brushes away the thoughts, shakes himself, adjusts the tie and is about to leave. Then he hears the reflection in the mirror which stops him from taking a step out, his reflection speak, "Love thyself first".

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#iAmYou #youAreI #TheCroniclesOfYouAndI

"Unlimited Powers"

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” 

― John Bunyan

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" 1 "

He woke up to the sweet voice of his mother. It was his first day to school. He was very much looking forward to it. His mother told the night earlier while telling him his usual bedtime stories that at school they will tell a lot of stories. He was a dreamer. He has always been. He was inquisitive also. His mother had a difficult time to answer all his questions, which she herself had no clue about. He was only five and no one could complain about his inquisitiveness or the curiosity. Kids are fun like that, her mother thought and always answered the innumerable questions. She always found it cute and proud that he was asking so many questions. She had a plan for him, though she would be by his side each step he would take, his decisions, his dreams, but till he starts making the choices for himself, she had a dream to make something out of him which would make him happy and her the proudest mom on the planet. And that day was his day out of home. He resented leaving home, his mom and venture outside the confines of his sweet comfy home. But her mother insisted. And so he went with a few tears in his eyes. This was hard for his mom to leave him for half a day at school as it was hard for him to stay surrounded by strangers. As time passed, he settles in meeting the new people, his inquisitiveness kicked in and he was all over asking and questioning what his teacher had to say. By the end of day he was happy for he did his part in being himself, a curious kid. The happiness just multiplied when he say his mom waiting by the car. He recited all the stories and every single thing that happened at school. He was excited for another day to go school and start learning. The moments turned into hours and it was evening, his play time after that very long nap that he just had. His mother made his favorite snack and was feeding him, while he was dancing to the songs that played on the TV. And suddenly he stopped dancing. He stood still and couldn't feel anything as his mother saw him falling in his place. He was unconscious. His mother panicked and was shaking seeing his son lying unconsciously in her lap. She didn't know what to do. She immediately picked him up and rushed to the hospital and on the way she called her husband letting him know what had happened. The kid's father assured her that he will in the hospital right away. After a while, he was conscious and his mother was relieved to see him speak again, question again! After a preliminary tests, the doctor told that he has cancer which was in the early stages. She didn't believe it. She refused to believe it. Her husband arrived at the hospital and was totally shaken up when he received the news. They were in denial, but the doctors assured that they will do everything in their capability to cure him since it is in its early stages and there is a probability that it could be cured, but yet there is still a little risk involved.

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" 2 "

He saw her the first time a month ago, in her red dress looking elegantly. She had her face covered, perhaps it was the scorching morning sun. She went under the shade of the tree and felt relieved of the cool air that blew under the shade. It was then he saw her in all her modesty. She had a charm he never saw in anyone. And her smile just blew his mind. He was feeling weird, he was slowly falling for her without knowing. It was the first time he saw her. May be he was infatuated by the beauty, that what he reassured himself. He was feeling lost. The rest of the day he was not himself, he was constantly thinking replaying that one minute of his life that happened that morning while he was waiting for the bus. The night was spent sleepless and he was staring at the stars and making wishing in hope to see her again. The next day, he was totally disappointed when he didn't see her at the bus stop, where he saw her yesterday . He was feeling a little lost, but hope, that he had. His world just blurred in front of his eyes except her who saw in glowing colors. He was ecstatic and truly mesmerized. She was in the same office building as him but a different floor. He never knew what love felt like until he saw her. He fell for her charm, for her completely. He was at loss of words. Later, he met her eyes a couple of times and she smiled. Since she worked n the same office as him and it made it a little easier for him to break the ice and catch up randomly and talk. As the talks became more than usual, he started feeling that she completed him in every way possible. They were so alike in so many ways, their likes and dislikes almost matched. He had a feeling that she was also falling for him. A month later he finally proposed her since he couldn't wait for another month for the Valentines' Day. He was so relieved to find that she also felt the same about him the way he felt about her. He was the happiest man on the planet. But he wanted the Valentine's Day to be special. He was waiting for the right time, to make something special for her, which she will remember for eternity.

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So, what would it be like if I had unlimited powers? As a child I had always dreamed of having at least one superpower. At a certain point of time, I believed that I really had some sort of power. Like when I was staring at the sun from the window of the car, it was moving along with me. Or the moon which moved along with me. I told my cousins about my super power and they had a great laugh, but I had no idea why they were laughing. But then I grew up only to remember that day and feel utterly stupid about myself and the dream of having a superpower was left to my imagination, or perhaps a distant dream. While I was in the process of building what kind of power I wanted, I just couldn't point on just one thing, because only one wouldn't / couldn't suffice my desire. Yes, I was greedy. I am human after all. But why? Why did I ever want any power? There are a million reasons why I want to have a superpower, like I wanted to be invisible so that I could trick people while playing that soccer game, or have extreme intelligence with no match to me and impress others with the innovations and ideas, or to know what other's thoughts were and the list goes on. If you are judging me in any way, I won't stop you. I am trying to be an open book, but haven't you thought about it at least once? Like how you wanted to teleport to the destination that you desire , perhaps with that someone special, or perhaps go back in time and change that one thing which you wish didn't do and is bothering you, or to save someone you care about because you weren't there. Yeah right, that's what I thought! 

Suppose I get unlimited powers on the coming Valentine's day.

Let's assume that the guy in the second epilogue above is me. Now, as imaginary it may sound, please believe it, for a minute perhaps. Given unlimited powers for just one day, whom might I choose and what I might do using the powers to make a memorable day for that special person. Let me break something here, yeah that love vibe that you have started to feel. May be I do something that is totally out of the world and impress that someone special beyond their wildest imagination. But that is just a day of memory. Perhaps, that special someone might just totally start loving me and whatnot. We might talk about it for a few years to come. But then again that one day of unlimited power is over and down the lane I might not bring the magic back whatsoever. Because I have set the bar for the Valentines' Day so high that a normal me could never meet it even in the wildest dreams. And what if, a year later I find myself with a remark from her in the lines of "You have changed". What if I am asked to recreate that day somehow  and I fail to do so? What then? "You have changed" has ruined more relationships that one could possibly count even when they haven't changed a bit. The point being, I would want someone to love me for the person I am, not the "unlimited powers" I might / might not have ( even it's for a day). I am not perfect and I know that. And I want that special someone to just love that in me, the imperfection. Perfection is a virtue, we all know, but then again it is sometimes overrated and undermined and not all can have it, and those who have it, struggle each day to keep it intact. 

But ...

What if I track down that kid in the first epilogue and help him? I have lived long enough to understand how precious a life is. So, what if I help that kid in some way, like say cure his illness. Remember that I have unlimited powers and that means I could do anything, have anything, but the person I would be choosing will be a total stranger. So What! Because I just might bring some happiness to two people(his parents) and a chance for that kid to live a life he was yet to explore, discover and live. I would be helping a total stranger and I just make it the most memorable day for three people.

But then why stop there? There are a lot of kids like him all around the world. Yes, they are strangers, but does that even matter now? I would be having "unlimited powers" just for one day, so I would have a busy day on that Valentines Day. While I am it, I am getting a million things that I just might do, change the world, world peace, stop world hunger, a cure for cancer / AIDS, help people in dire need, whatnot! I could go on and on. But before you start resenting me for taking "advantage of the situation" or "getting out of the purview", just imagine that kid and the his family, just imagine their faces, just imagine (for one moment) their happiness and what they might be thinking and all in all I am not anticipating anything in return. I would have already got the greatest reward. Satisfaction! 

Am I exaggerating? Really ? AM I? Huh, you really think so? You think I am being totally stupid and speculating ( "too much" ) out of the boundary of the topic, right? Well, what would you do ? Do follow the link for more details and what you might do for the Valentine's day if you have "unlimited powers" - Baggout Blogging Contest.

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"This post has been written for Baggout's Blogging Contest in Valentine's Day. Baggout provides awesome deals on Flipkart, Jabong, Snapdeal, Amazon and 100+ other online stores."