Emptiness. #Z2AChallenge

"What are you thinking about?", asked my dad when I was sitting in the balcony on one winter night after dinner. It was cold, the wind slowly making its way into the warm embrace of home. "Nothing", I replied, like it was the only feasible answer to the question vibrating in the soft breeze. But what was I thinking about? Really nothing. It is hard to explain the empty thoughts. They don't have a beginning or an end. They are just pointless, random, hazy thoughts dancing around the vastness of the limbo.

"What are you thinking about?", the very question offsets the balance of the randomness and lets it trip over. Imagine it like this : The random thoughts are tandem walking on a thin wire from one point to the another suspended in the limbo. When the foreign entity such as a question comes barging in without a knock, each thought trips and falls into the darkness. Now, its just empty space and you see the questioning eyes staring at you for an answer, and you have it. "Nothing". Easier right? 

But I would be lying if I really said Nothing. Did I convince you with the explanation, I just made? I was pretty convincing right? Now, let's rephrase and get to the bottom of the truth. "What are you thinking about?", the question that has been a constant ring in my ears for a very long time, until I moved out of home for college. But still, it was always there during holidays. Because curiosity. A curious mind always asks questions and now it's about finding what is actually going on inside the head. But as life happens the thoughts change accordingly and not everything can be answered the way they appear. So, no, it wasn't nothing that I was thinking about. I was thinking about the miserable life that it is and why it is getting difficult to even breathe properly. And sometimes, it just feels easier to put is all behind and just end it all. Wouldn't that be easy? At that precise moment, the question makes its way. The thoughts are still there, fresh like the cake out of the oven, but it's not that easy to explain the magnitude at which the thoughts were vibrating and the intensity of truth they hold. Its' not easy. But what's easy is saying "Nothing". I wasn't thinking anything. I was staring at the emptiness, the emptiness of life.

__________

#Z2AChallenge,

because I can spell the alphabets in reverse.

#Day22 #Emptiness #Life

#AlphabetE #TheLetterE #E

We all have a story

We all have a story we don't want to tell.

There is pain in the eyes, but you see me smiling. It might have been the joke you said or it might have been a happy moment for you. You are happy and so was I. I smiled curving my lips, assuring that I am happy. Of course I am happy. Why wouldn't I be happy? You give another hard look into my eyes, trying to leap inside the broken fragments of the soul, but you strike the doubt off the table with convincing smile I give you. I was happy or perhaps I have mastered the craft. 

"What makes one happy?", I sat down contemplating while I turned the pages of the novel that I was reading. I had covered a good fifty pages, only to realize that I was reading but my mind wasn't here. It had been somewhere else, lost. The story on the book continued, the life around continued, but I was still stuck in the limbo, the limbo of the past. And when I look at the page under the bright fluorescent light , I still remember the last scene which happened fifty pages back or was it the memory that never fades. 

I revisit the question when I saw the kid drowned in his game suddenly looks up and starts talking to me with a glow in his eyes. When he said he was a Tiger and I responded back that he wasn't. His response was rebellious yet I saw the carefreeness, a sort of freedom and happiness. After all he was a kid and he put me in a trance of thought, while I was still figuring out the answer to the question "What makes one happy?" Perhaps, I was asking the wrong question. I know what makes one happy. I have been there. May be, the question should have been "Why am I not happy?". I could give you a million reasons or one, and I still wouldn't let you in. Because some pages are better left unturned, some stories are better left untold. Perhaps, happiness is keeping the demons inside and never letting them out.

_____________

ak

Wait.

Image Courtesy

Wait. 

Hold on a second and look around you. 

What do you see ? Happy faces, sad faces, confused faces, many faces. Life, we are living it, slowly yet fast. But when you stopped and look around what did you see? What was your min thinking? What was happened around you in that frozen moment? Life. You saw life happening around you, in that frozen moment you saw a hundred perhaps a thousand emotions from people, emitting radiantly. But, we are in a hurry. The phone rings, the bus stops, the boss calls, the mother sends a message. Life, happening simultaneously, must move on. Why are people running? Why are people not in the present? Where the people? The concern for tomorrow, the present is tucked away. And what happens to the things that people forget, or should I say choose to ignore? We ignore, we ignore the present. 

So, wait. 

Hold on a second and look around. 

Sink in the multitude of emotions, beauty, people; sink in the life, the present.

A fine thread.

I saw it. I saw the life drowning in that little pond. I saw its fight for the air, fresh air at the depths of the dark blue shallows. I saw it. I see it. Crystal clear. The life now dissolved in the lifelessness. Life. Death. A fine thread balancing it. An inevitable relation bind them together. What is more precious ? Life, people say. Death, I would say! You don't follow. But, why is so hard to accept it? Aren't we living a life to accomplish one thing - death? You don't agree? Am I wrong in thinking so? May be I am, may be I am not !

In the underlying inevitability of life, death is merely a concept that we accomplish at the end of the time, our time. What is life then? A fairy tale with fairies, godmothers and magic?  Life is cruel, you know, we all know! It always has been. The kind of life you are in is not the same life everyone wishes to be. Life is impartial and so has God. God. Wait. An entity ? Once upon a time human? A living being ? A figment of our imagination? May be it was just us marginalizing the people based on their work or intellect. It was us classifying things and everything under the sun, objectifying some while probing some other. It is us who, the people, who created God. Did we not? Why? Because we were afraid, duh! We are afraid. We have always been afraid. We are afraid of ourselves. We were at the top of the world. But then we were insecure. So, we created another position to be filled in by someone who no one can see. A little odd don't you think ? Good Lord. 

I mean God Bless You.

________________________

- I am a God Fearing Atheist.

Move on.

Disclaimer : This post has more hashtags than the content. Wait, what content?

#ThisIsNotMe #seriously #youGottoBelieveMe

He stepped out feeling the bright sun warming up in the summer morning, until he broke a sweat and never stopped sweating. Global warming, they say. "Its' getting out of hand", he said as he swiped that sweat on his forehead. He was wearing this what looked like a cap, which looked crazy though. By crazy, please note that it means weird in this context. It was black, well most part of it. It might have been a old one, because it looked faded a bit, discolored and a lot shabby like it hasn't been washed  or a decade. And then it was sparkling, not the good kind, but it was more like Wait-whats-that-now! No it wasn't the diamonds or anything remotely similar, it had these white strips like the one we find on the road which illuminate when light falls on it, something like that. I had to ask him whats up with that cap of his. I even suggested that he could opt going out without that "cap". He stared at me like I committed some dreadful sin and said, "What are you talking about? I don't have a cap on. Its' just my hair".

#bloggerComment #Blogger #twitter #Motivate

" A small intermission will fill more energy afresh in your mind". I had to bring this up. The comment went on to say, " So I am sure with new topics and novel ideas you will be on the track". Now, I feel like I haven't been able to meet up with the expectations. The Blogger had been sweet enough to encourage me, like many other on the social media. I was like that crazy person bragging about not being able to write as if that is a good thing. I have seen many people being there to support and offer guidance. They have been really sweet. Where as I on the other hand, still bragging. I feat I might be the most disappointing thing on the blogosphere, even after all that! 

#pact #LetsMeetUp #randomRealization

I always wanted to do this thing called "Lets' meet up". Like when you are high on success or failure or alcohol or whatnot, you look at your friend sitting beside you while you sip that beer and say, "Hey dude, you know what we should do. We should meet at this place ten years from now. No matter what situation we might be in, lets' make it a thing". This sounds so cool, doesn't it? Then I realized I don't drink beer, or alcohol (beer and alcohol belong to the same family, duh!) or success or failure or friends (close enough to make the pact). That's the saddest part. As a matter of fact, I can count on my fingers. 

#marriage #Friends #theDistance

What marriage does to friends, I never realized. A few of my friends got married and are on the way of getting married. And you could clearly see the change when I am eating the whole tub of popcorn alone, when I am going to conventions and concerts alone and feeling like "Let me just get out of this". Believe me, it is no fun going there alone when you are bound to see countless people enjoying in the company of their friends. One year ago, when someone in the group said, "How about a movie this weekend", everybody else agreed to it. Now, the response is like, "I have to go my in-laws house", "I have to go shopping with my wife", "I have to take care of some things at home", and the list just goes on and on. Time changes people, umm, I mean marriage. I am still the same, that's a shocker good thing, right?

P.S. : Just a random update, until I update more of the likes of these. 

"Nooooo". 

Did anyone say anything? I couldn't hear it over the sound of my braggings. 

Love Thyself.

When the love is overrated and a lot undermined. And then there are people who becomes experts with "doctorates", as if they know quat. These people suggest not to get into, but what do they know about it. They say they saw, they have been there, they know things. But they haven't been in my shoes. How can they know how it feels, how empty I feel? How can they know that heaviness the heart carries each day? How can they know the pain that something/someone is just that arms length, yet too far away? How can they possibly know? How can they possible relate their story to mine?  And then they say it is the same every where, with every one. It happens the same way, just the journey to begin it is different. Well, something we both agree on.

They don't stop. They say Don't do it. She isn't suitable for you. She is out of your league. You are not qualified. You are dreaming too much. You are this, you are that. But no one in the right sense encourages the feelings that keep eating me inside. Whats with the eating, you ask? The words fail me, as I find myself lost in the normal conversations. The mind remains preoccupied all the time. The thoughts slur. I dig myself into ways to express, to let the feelings known, speak out, or perhaps write. But I am lost. A hole is dug, a deep hole that is filled with emptiness. Emptiness, the feeling that feels the void in the mind, or is it the heart. They say heart. I know its the heart speaking, being a little crazy, a little stupid, for that one person.

Then I finally met her, her vibrant charm giving me goosebumps, as I float in the soft clouds, drifting in the voice, that sweet voice. I want the conversation to go on. But then I realize that I am just babbling, words that didn't make sense. She laughs at my troubles, the smile the melts the heart like the april snow. I smile and continue my struggle to keep up the conversation, just to keep her at my sight, involved in my conversations and perhaps hope for the magic to happen. But time. Time has always been the enemy, the one thing evil I had ever known. She leaves with a smile, giving me assurance to meet again, that we will continue, but some other time. I feel hopeful, but at the same time I feel the emptiness, even though its been just a second. I stare as she fades in my sight as she takes the turn at the end of the corner.

Call me crazy, but I have never felt the void so heavy, the emptiness so dull, the world so monotonic. The void which she fills up when I am in her presence, even if it for a moment. And the heaviness when she leaves. What is this, but not love? I assured myself to complete me. I was ready to take the chance. I knew that a life without her, would be a life lost. I look up in the mirror as I rehearse the script I wrote while the hundred torn pages lie on the floor withered. I feel hopeful as I imagine my reflection as hers and recite that lines that keep playing in my mind. I could find the heart beat fast already. Her reflection in the mirror fades into mine. I see my nervous self, a person torn between the moment that next, and what's tearing him apart, you ask! Perhaps, it is love. And then it hits him. He knows that he would love her, forever. But will she? Will she be able to be like him for the rest of their lives, imparting the same love he feels he has for her. He brushes away the thoughts, shakes himself, adjusts the tie and is about to leave. Then he hears the reflection in the mirror which stops him from taking a step out, his reflection speak, "Love thyself first".

____________________________________

#iAmYou #youAreI #TheCroniclesOfYouAndI

"Houston, we have a problem!"

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. I always liked this quote. Everyone has a unique quality that they possess and not everybody sees it. It always comes to the other person how they perceive and interpret things. I do that almost all the time. I perceive the things as they are and in my mind I interpret what I have seen. Do I stop there? No, I take a step forward and try to connect the dots, only that there are no dots to connect. And what do I do, I create the dots. A story for each dot and what is left for me to do is to just join then. Eventually, after a lot of creating and joining the dots, I end up intermingling them. Like the one you find in your pocket, yes, the earphones. And in the process of setting those intermingled lines, I end up messing it up. Eventually, after to much hard work and whatnot, I wake up. " Wow, that was a beautiful dream", I react to the morning light preventing me to open my eyes. A moment later, that dream just fades like the million other dreams that faded away. Or darn, I hate that feeling. 

What I hate more is when I am in that spot where I want to do something and I am just not able to. The reason, you ask? If I had known, I would be trying to battle it, wouldn't I? To escape all this melodrama, I turn to fiction. Lets's write some fiction, let me just create stuff out of thin air, or may be break?, or may be I will fly or, perhaps die. But I will live, in words, for eternity.The pen is refilled with new ink and it beams with uber freshness to let the beholder exploit it. The hourglass is turned upside down. A few moments passes by, the pen firmly between the fingers wait patiently in silence. The hourglass is turned over a hundred times now. The ink feels disappointed, drying in the thoughts that never made a move, the pages left hungry for the precious touch. Progressively, or perhaps with no progress, the sky loses the crimson red only to be followed by the dazzling starry night who lay in the soft clouds in anticipation to be etched, or be an inspiration. Like a kid eagerly waiting for a story to be told, they wait with hands on their cheeks. Patiently. Slowly it also fades as the slim streak of light make its presence over the horizon. I rub my eyes to the soft awakening from the beautiful dream, to be crafted on the eagerly waiting pages. 

As a last resort, I bury myself in the pages of a book, the world of the written word.Fascinated is too little of a word to be able to comprehend that feeling. It is much more than that. Though it doesn't take long, when I want to be a creator of a tale that lingers in the sub conscious. I try to find words in everything. Everything I see, I feel needs to be put down, put on paper. Every walk I take becomes a narration of the story that was thus far imprinted, only to be faded in the misty wind that blew. But that side of the mind which speaks inside describing in words, striking, rewriting whatever is seen never leaves me. Admiration takes a front seat when the eye catches a beauty followed by the words that silently try to tell a tale. But then " staring" is not advisable. They don't understand that I was admiringrather than staring. As the only remedy for it being "keeping it to myself", I am bound to withdraw myself to something called imagination. I let it drive its course. But the fuel, the fuel of inspiration is empty desolate.

I still try to let the thoughts take the shape of the vessel of imagination. Usually, I'm an addicted to the motion pictures. I claim myself to be a photographer, but the world- karma-whatever-whoever says otherwise. Anyway, there is a fascination in the those pictures as they capture the moment in a frozen version. A moment which has a story to tell. Well, being the inquisitive creature that I am, I am bound to learn the stories they sing. So, don't mind me pondering over those stories in the confinement of my mind. And like I said, the motion pictures, they have a different view. When the books are adapted into movies, or even if it their original adaptation, someone has to bring those words into life, drag into their world and let the people see things the way they see. Isn't that great. And what do I do? In my sub conscious mind, I re-write the story in my own words and I look for the details to be put in alphabets and words. I observe the details. I create new stories, I try to find that inspiration that I have been missing. And by the end of the movie, I don't really know the story of the movie as I was more into the screenplay, the characters, their voices, the background score, the dress, the expression of the people, almost everything but the story. And what am I left with? You see those casualties that get caught up in the crossfire, what is their story? The main lead, the hero takes the revenge or puts an end to (almost ) all evil. He stays happily ever after, unless of course there is a sequel. But those nameless people who are caught in the between, what about them? What happens if they die for no reason, what goes around in their family, what course of action they will take? No body really thinks about them. "That's the price they have to pay". "A war has casualties". "There is nothing that can be done!" The just fade away, don't they? Forgotten! Thats' exactly what would happen if we are the by-standers in our story! 

I think too much, don't I? Leaving all the necessary things that need attention. I run after the things out of my reach and I get tired real easy, may be its the breakfast routine that I don't follow daily. But, this is a problem, right? Houston, we do have a problem! A real one.

A Beautiful Mistake.

The eyes never left the wall, they couldn't. The wall where the evening crimson sun rays illuminated the center piece like a limelight in the dark theater. It was an art, a masterpiece. The world around him stopped as the seconds turned into hours. Each moment glorifying a memory, a gift, which seldom felt like freedom, like solace. It was pure bliss. 

The masterpiece that hung on the vibrant wall was a monochrome picture engulfed in the colors of black and white. It was odd considering the bright color of the wall, but that framed possession could put any background to shame. It was simple yet unique piece. Everything was odd for a normal eye from the wall to the picture, the frame to the color. Everything. That's what made it more exquisite. No. That wasn't the reason.

It was a sunny afternoon. They had gone for a long drive, striking another item from their To-Do-Before-25. They were passing through the hilly landscape of lush greenery and wheat colored  grass . They had to stop and breathe in the serenity. That pleasant air that brushed the golden grass flakes on the hilly side brought the much needed calmness in their tiresome journey . There was something magical and this being their first rodeo, they never wanted to forget this, this memory, this memory of their togetherness, this memory of the beautiful bond they shared, this memory of their happiness. He was an artist, a painter. He would have loved to have his canvas and he could embrace that memory in the crimson colors of serendipity. She was an artist too, a  sculptor. She would have loved a piece of clay and rest would be splendid. But instead she showed him a Polaroid camera, one from her rare collections, an antique gifted by her father on her marriage. They both were artists sure, but they were no good with a camera. They both fumbled and finished the whole film that they had at their disposal. They had a wonderful time, having fun and a lot of memories to remember. 

He feared the worst for the photos, but he found the one that stood out among them. The one which captured her natural self, her happiness, her shimmering beauty in the sunkissed afternoon, the one which was the product of an innocent accidental snap. Everything about her was perfectly tuned in that accidental capture which spoke about volumes about her. He had to cherish this memory, this mistake, this beautiful mistake which to this day brought back all the memories of them both and the years they spent together. Though he lost her a few years back, but he relived every day with her, staring at her.

Ramification.

The vacant silence haunted the blistering rage which crushed the soul into pieces like shattered glass. The question of the perplexed relation between silence and darkness daunts the mind. The silence that beamed in the dark, echoed in the vast emptiness, yet, it wasn't an hollow vessel. May be it was the darkness. Darkness, exclamation mark. Doesn't it divulge into the so called emptiness while the mind wonders how did all of this place into perfect place, and how did all of this took perfect shape. The emptiness that filled the bright light. It wasn't the light filling the emptiness; imparting light and serving as the hope, as anticipated. But, devoid of light, the loss of hope. Hope, the binding element that keeps everything alive and in sync. Nature is mysterious. Life too. As a moment passes by in the dimness of the waking light with or without the aforementioned element of hope. Hope is everything. Without it, it is just emptiness. A big dark vacant space like the black hole. It depends on what we chose to believe in. And What do we chose to believe in? What is the power that has been bestowed upon the life species? 

The blinded manifestation of the thought that there is someone, something superior and powerful, someone magical and completely out of the world literally, making decisions for us is a big misconception. There is power in everything, everyone, in you. It just needs realization, like the tiny light in the darkness. The tiny ray of light that shines in the emptiness of the darkness. Hope. One unique distant dream. The conception that future is uncertain and that the choices and actions lay the foundations for the tomorrow, a better tomorrow, or even the best tomorrow. But isn't it all hope and nothing more or less. Hope? What is it? An uncertainty that something good might happen amid all the chaos that surrounds us. Good. Chaos. The former is left for fate and the later is our creation. Another anagram, another battle. Mind is the best battle ground, if you chose to believe it. You. We. I. It is us and just I everywhere and no where. 

But then again, just hope. Is it enough? Hoping for something good to turn up, despite the odds that take place or forced to have taken place. Forced to take place as in our own creation, our actions, and its consequences, precisely. It does require quite a lot of elements to ensure that the tiny hope that lingered in the mind is not just a distant dream, beyond the reach. Hard work, preservation, determination, integrity, commitment, bla bla and the list goes on. The point is that it is just not one thing that gives us what we require, but a combination of a few hundred other things. Though the outcome is uncertain, ofcourse, unless the question isn't about the perfect perfectionist. Perfection. Being perfect! Aren't we all perfect? Perfect, in our own way, in the little space that we surround ourselves with, by being ourself, following what we believe to be true. Even though the question of imperfectly perfect is a commendable one or even perfectly imperfect.

As the silence grew darker amid the glowing present of bewildered thoughts, the destination was certainly uncertain. But a binding feeling that one is not too far from destiny, or that is what one chose to believe, is indeed the driving force. Yet the uncertainty of the future still prevails and the amalgam of million things makes the future possible if one believes to make it happen. But that is for another day to ponder about. The night is still young and there is more one could than they could possible imagine.

Liebstered.

I have been quite inconsistent. I write sometimes, I get inspired a lot many times and then when I try to pen down with the little inspiration I got, I am at loss of words. I mean I am at loss of the idea, the thought behind which I was inspired. I get like a few words and that's it. I have lost my inspiration, or should I say the thought. Then I feel like writing that inconsistent and small invaluable thought no matter what, but then again its like writing an essay forcing myself to put on the topic and scribble than to let the words flow on their own. I won't be writing, will I? Well, I am not here to complain about everything thats' happening with me under the sky. Midst all this, I got a surprise.

So, I was busy passing time doing nothing literally, actually not, but what happened was that I was not able to follow I was supposed to be doing. It was going over my head. Then there was this ping from a dear blogger. No body pings in Facebook chat. I mean not most of us use that. And moreover there is whatsapp for that chatting purpose. I agree that most of my friends (on facebook) don't have my number per say to send a whatsapp message. Any which way, I received a ping and the content was even more thrilling. It was regarding an award. Oh YEAH. It has been ages since I received an award. So let me start by thanking the author of the "LIFE...as it is" who goes by the name of Srishti. Thank you Srishti for the award. I got Liebstered once again. Oh wait, I remember checking out the meaning a while back, then again I am not that good with memory. But alas! What matters is that I have been bestowed upon by an award from this wonderful person. So let the water flow in the stream. But there are a few rules, as always. Lets start by answering the questions asked by her.

1. How would you introduce yourself to anyone?
This is an interesting question. I have been asked to introduce myself but not how do I do that? So, let me ponder over it for a few seconds before I made a complete fool of myself. Whenever we have been asked to tell about ourselves like introducing ourselves in office, we start with the name and then wait.... and wait... and then wonder what else is there to tell about ourselves. Then the person who asked, hints us with college, hobbies, etc. And how would I? I am no different, you see. I am just like the rest who would start with a name and then jump into hobbies. Because that is the next best thing. I feel a little proud when I say I blog and take pictures. But the fact that no one acknowledges that is a little disappointing. No one knows what a blog is about. #WhatsABlog? And then comes photography. "So, whenever we need a new profile picture, we can call you". #Ouch 

I am an Engineer with little knowledge of the same. Agnostic. Writer. Photographer. And most of all, I am the most silent person, until you get to know me. 

2. What do you adore more? Your past or present?
I would be lying if I choose either of them. Past has been an integral part, but if asked whether I adore it or not, I would have to decline. And what about the present? Ah, Pass. May be I am still learning all the fundas of life or whatever because the present sucks as much as the past. But if I were given a chance to go back to the past, I woul definitely adore the present, hands down. Even though the author hasn't asked about the future but I will any which way speak about that as well. Yes, I am stupid. Guess I forgot to mention that in the introducing part. The present will be tomorrow's past. And I don't really adore the past, by this formula, I am bound to say that the future is also out of the list. #MyCrazyTheory7.0

3. Night, nature, rain or people? What makes you want to write a poem?
I believe a poem is a form of expression which we write to express our hidden emotions by not revealing them. Yeah, I go by that logic. What I mean to say is that poem is an expression. When I write a poem (if that is called a poem at all) it includes every component that you asked for, plus or minus one/few attribute(s). 

As night dawned in the innocence of life

The rain lashed over his face

As the calmness outgrew the chaos

The tiny droplets masked his tears

As the agony he withheld shuddered

The little hope withered in the darkness.... 

....( can be continued) ... 

Okay, It isn't a poem. I call it worambling (Words Rambling - Rambling with words). And you can stop laughing at my creativity. So, the point is it is not the visual things that make a poem, its what we interpret from the visuals. We might just see a person, or just the landscape or just the night, or anything as a matter of fact, but our interpretation is what makes it a poem, our version of the story in words. Do I sound too stupid right now ? Moving on...

4. What kind of a person you believe yourself to be? One who gives in to the demands of the situation, or the one who stays stiff, come what may?
Another interesting question. In my mind I already got a hypothetical answer. But well, that was too hypothetical to be told. :P . I believe myself to be an opportunist for this kind of situations. Whether I give in to the demands of the situation? Yes, I do, if I believe that it benefits me on some grounds, if not all. And once I have made that decision, I stay stiff, come what may. The other day when I was asked to put an adjective to our name which a condition that that it should start with the same alphabet as our name, the first thing that came with the letter was "Adamant" after "Agnostic". I was about to tell agnostic, but then again I would have to explain to the 40 something crowd, so Adamant it was. I am not denying it or anything. I am adamant to say the least, believe me I can be hell once I have made my decision. And then again these decisions depend on the situation and the circumstances that I put myself into or forced into. You see, I can't put a finger on something. Sorry for such a blatant answer.

5. Best compliment(s) you got on any of your blog posts?
To start of with, all these award nominations were the best compliment I have ever received. I wonder what makes people nominate me. I mean seriously! So, if the person who nominated me is reading this, please state the reason. I believe you have already specified in your blog about the same. But still. 

But keeping the awards and recognition part aside, I have had a few comments from my fellow bloggers and I consider then to be friends, if I can call them so. Well, I believe them to be even if they disagree, invisible friends. Because what I have found out is that they speak their mind, no matter what which is mostly missing in people these days. So, their remarks and comments have been quite interesting and inspiring. If you ask me to point then out, it is a pretty long list. So, let me put it this way, All of my comments have been a compliment even if they weren't.

6. Do you like your name? If not, then what name would you choose for yourself, and why?
Haha. I have wondered about my name for as long as I can remember. Do I like my name? I really don't have a choice, do I? I am compelled to like it. Sometime, I call my name out loud and wonder who that person is and how weird my name sounds to me.

If I were to choose a different name for myself, I would be pulling out my hair in the process to get a better name. You have no idea how many times I have changed the name of my screen name that I lost count and I barely recognize myself. And believe me I am planning to change this as well. Okay okay, you don't have to pull out your gun. I will not change. 

7.What controls you more? Heart or brain?
Heart. Mind. No no. Heart. Umm, Mind. Now you have to be the judge here, what is controlling me? There is a conflict, you see. But let me break down the conflict. It's all well and fine until the heart starts desiring something, everything will be normal thinking. But once this heart starts stepping up, the mind has to oblige. I guess that's how this works. Logically, heart can't think for itself. It's job is to just pump blood. Dude, don't start now. Okay okay, whatever! These guys. So I was saying whatever we desire is associated with heart and what we want is associated with mind, but it's all mind. Told you not to start with your quote crazy theories unquote. So stop. Oh man, okay. So, what controls me more? I wonder that myself. Heart. Umm.. Mind, Heart. Mind. Heart. Mind. *Gun fires* 

8. One book you think every living being should read at least once?
This is an easy question. Wait for a few years. There will be a book authored by none other than yours lovingly. DO READ THAT. And its an ORDER. And yes, this is a book I think everyone should read at least thrice ( to understand *sigh*). 

I would have picked up book, but I am not that of an avid reader myself. So, I haven't explored the most, I mean any books. So, I don't have an answer to this question. But I would highly recommend the above mentioned book in a few years time. Wait for it. It's going to be legendary.

9. Your take on the inflow of so many phone applications?
Wish I had the brains to develop something like whatsapp or something and sell it to Facebook or something like that. I wouldn't have to do any job anymore. Okay, I was kidding. My phone is overflowing with applications that I rarely use. I mean come on, the battery is like hell in these smart phones. You use an application, the next thing you know is that you are switching it off because the battery just drained off. I have nearly 300 apps ( or may be more, last time I checked it was 320 something, then I added a few more). OH.MY.GOD, right? Yeah, same expression here as well. I have all these apps but I disabled like 90% of them, because well battery. I can't use proper apps and find a good deal of battery at the end of the day, I mean mid day as well. Nope. Not gonna happen. 

Applications are supposed to make life easier. They do in some way. But I believe more are to come and technology is going to make life easier. Or messier. Or lazy. We tend to imply ourselves to simplicity and apps and technology does that. But at what cost? We don't ask these questions. What might happen down the lane? Again, the future is inconclusive. So lets just focus on the present. Apps are needed, but not all. Only a few built constructively would be a great help for us. But then again there is competition. we can't stop at just good. We oblige to create something better and ultimately the best. And the result million, or a billion apps. 

10. A movie you wish you were a part of? And which character, of course?
Oh, Wow. Umm.. It's really hard to choose. I am a fantasy fan. But then again there have been so many fantasy movies and the problem is I like 'em all. I wish to be all of them. So which movie and character you ask? And I don't have a definite answer.

11. A few (honest) words for my blog, please? (anything to complete 11 questions!)
Just one word. Awesome. Now another word. Amazing. Words are something that needs to be heard in a way, either in the form of fiction or write ups. And when I read your blog, I hear them speak. It is more about how you write than what you write and that 'how' is simply superb. Keep writing. I'll be reading. :D

Before I end this, let me thank the author, Srishti who writes at "Life...as it is" for the award. I know I am supposed to pass this along and also create a few questions for the people whom I will be nominating. I am just feeling too lazy to do all that. I was just going to skip this one. But whatever, here they are : 

A Walk Across the Bridge by Confused Soul

My Cactus Dress by Dhara

 0÷0 | The Undefined by Keirthana

One such story by Maithlili

~Nil by Nil

Dreams by Wanderer

LOL: Life of Leo by Soumya

Blahblaholic by Nirati 

Confessions of a Chocolate Obsessed by PeeVee

The Enchantress by Nikita Goel

Congratulations to all the people I have nominated. But I must apologize for I have left a lot many people. I feel bad about it. But I will make up to them as well. So for the these are the few.

Now the questions. Well, I won't trouble the people much with the questions. I guess you just have a one thing less to worry about. But I humbly request the nominees to pass this along, as a good gesture which might help in motivating the other new/budding bloggers and at the same time appreciating the talented prolific writers out there.

- Signing off

Silent Crusader

Rambling.

People are complicated. I have always tried to understand people. And as I have peripatetic, I believed that there are indeed a wide variety of people, each different from one another possessing unique qualities that are absent in others, all of which were interesting. Because anything new other than routine is always a good sign. But as time progressed, adjusting to the newness turned out to be a little bit difficult than expected. The result was that even though I was able to keep track of the differences, but adapting to these was a hurdle of sorts. Whenever I used to get comfortable with someone, lets pack up and move. And then again, the whole process starts over again. And believe me, it isn't easy. 

So, I got so habituated to this kind of thing that I didn't show much forwardness when it came to becoming comfortable with people. Because at the end of the day, I mean a year or two we are going to part ways and come across some other new people. And I am no different to others. People have always to understand me. Me as in my behavior and what I withhold and I guess they believe myself to be a mystery. Given time, people would know the real me, more than I could even know thyself. And no, I am not that complicated of a person. But I am weird. People don't say, but it is quite evident. Because I think I can tell that about myself with surety.

When people call me silent and all, I totally agree with that because indeed, I am. Only till you know the better of me. Once I am a little bit comfortable with other people like I already mentioned earlier, they would rather think Why God, Why? Believe me, I am not that silent person anymore to them. And they would tell others that this guy isn't as silent as he appears to be. To which the obvious reply comes out to be "I want to see this guy talk". But that is totally another story altogether, probably for some other day. 

When the last month began, I was already heavy with thoughts regarding the current work that I associated myself with. I had a few sleepless nights, but that wasn't the problem, well because insomniac, duh! There was a sense of strangeness when I was trying to sleep, but the mind kept on working that I was looking here and there with my eyes closed as well. And it was something I now feel was a good thing. No, not that sleeping part but everything else. So anyway, the place where I stay was made up of 5 people, the fifth one being the extra baggage, as in like he didn't get a room and the room he was offered was declined by him after a stay of one month. Needless to say, he is totally an extra baggage, in every possible way, as in thoughts, things he say / do and whatnot, nothing in a good way. 

Guy 1 : After staying at home for a whole month, which itself was a big mystery, he gets a call immediately after getting back asking him to shift to some other location due to the work requirement. Within a week he flies off. Now the equation is Five minus one.

Guy 2 : He has had a little beef with the work he was doing for a long long time. But still he was literally stuck and could do nothing. So he went off to his home for a period of nearly 3 months, claiming to be ill, writes GRE and the last month decides to ditch the company for good. Great decision. 

Guy 3 : This person acts totally weird for the whole month with random visits to his home, calls in which he cries and shouts and what not. But the last day of the previous month, he just comes and says I am staying at my Uncles' home for a few days and then I will go to Switzerland as the Visa has been approved.

Guy 4 : The perverted guy and also the same guy whom I mentioned earlier in the para. So, this guy ditches the room which I saw coming, because he is good at it. He would ditch anything if there is a girl involved, last time I checked. You will be a nobody to him. So anyway, he plans to ditch, but leaves all his things in the room. So, as the duty of the landlord, they find a replacement for all these guys who just left with in a days' time without a little heads up. And this guy wants me to take care of his things till he comes back. Freaking Genius. 

Now, I come home to a cigarette smoke infested room. Not that the new guy stays in my room but the adjacent room and unfortunately for me, I stay in the place which is accessible by all rooms. So, I am being the victim. That isn't the problem because adjusting isn't a new thing for me, either if they are new or old, but a little intimation about the future plans would be admired. But I don't see minimum decency nor the courtesy factor. I don't know what are these people made up of. I am really glad that these people are gone, not that the new people are any good. But at least I don't know them and nor do they.

Karma. Life. Money.

When people speak about karma, the only thing that comes to my mind is a sentence which reads as "Karma is a B**ch". So, I got down to thinking as to the question of Why, why is that it always is the same and that never changes. May be once upon a time, I was a victim of it. Yes, perhaps. As a matter of fact, I am, almost everyday, in some way or the other. So, how does this karma work? 

You do a good thing, you get a good thing or precisely something good happens to you. The only rule is that when you are doing a good thing, you shouldn't think of the consequences or the karma that some day later in life something good is going to happen. It's like you will break the spell if you ever were to think of it. Just like the wishes and the shooting starts. If you tell your wish to anyone, the wish becomes void. And on the contrary, if you do a bad thing, most definitely a bad thing will happen. Either you think or not, something bad is going to happen, no matter what, no matter how small is the bad. Well, now you know the full fledged meaning of karma.

I don't usually believe in any of those things. So, whenever good, umm, I don't think there is any in my account or bad, well I haven't done any harm to anyone or killed anyone or did anything that would affect them in a way or the other. So, I am cool, right ? Or so I thought. This thing called karma works in mysterious ways. One might never anticipate why or when, but when it hits you, you get hurt real bad. The damage is visible, like a scarring on the side of your face. And it hurts and it pains.

And then there is Life. Ah, Life! Biology, in precise exact words. Nah, that's too mainstream. And then there is this line I saw somewhere, that hinges in my mind which is like "Life fux us all". I am not talking about the 99.99% of the population who are perfectly safe and as like the detergents are pure and clean or whatever you call it. I am talking about the remaining. And these are the not-so-successful people. Obviously, right? Because the successful people are busy in writing famous quotes and inspiring others with their life story of struggle and whatnot. They are the rich and the fabulous. We are sitting just in awe and planning to get all their fame and money putting ourselves in their shoes and then we realize, "Oh shit, we have an assignment to submit". Some of us are weak, some of are capable and resource-less, some of us are extremely talented and happy with what we have. But then again, there is one or the other thing that life gives us, we call them lemons. When life gives you lemons, make a lemonade. I laugh involuntarily at this statement. If only life gave lemons everytime, I would have been one of the richest person making margarita's, lemonades, mojitos, whatnot. If only.

"Money doesn't buy happiness". I mean Come on!!! Who on earth said that? Well, all the rich people. Half of the rich people lust for money and they plan to earn money in whichever way possible. And the rest are hard working people. So, if these people really think that money can't buy happiness, tell them to give all their money to the homeless guy at the corner of their street and tell him to just interchange their places for a month or a year perhaps. After all he can still be happy without money. But money, isn't that what we all want? You are getting a 5 digit pay check(starting with 2) at the end of the month, people say What? Are you serious? That much only? And then they get into lecturing. Once I was lectured by a driver. I was like, Chill dude. Why are you stressing out so much? And then you can imagine when that could affect the driver, what can it do to the whole family. And even though you are earning, you can't be happy, because that money isn't freaking sufficient. *Add a billion dollars* - source unknown. I can now tell, Money can't buy happiness, but I will continue to invest and look for ways to multiply the current amount. And when you look at me, I will make this sad grin and tell "Seriously, Money can't buy happiness". 

So, in a life filled with earning money and karma, what is more important? That you stay good, respect your elders, have a decent job, do good deeds by helping the old age or donating to charitable trusts, worship god diligently, provide a good life for your family and take care of their needs. And most importantly, stay happy. Then life won't F, karma wont be a B, but money will still buy happiness. No, don't say otherwise. It pays for your kids tuition, books, clothes, FOOD, iPhones, macbooks, LEDs', 4 Wheeler, 3bed room flat, and the list goes on and on and on. 

Painting.

Painting in the Sky

Flying Lanterns 

Visakhapatnam | Andhra Pradesh | India

---

The post for the eighteenth day (P) of the April month is titled 'Painting' for April A2Z Challenge .

P.S. This time I chose a photo to depict the letter which again comes under the theme 'Random'. 

A2Z Theme Reveal.

The A2Z Challenge is all over the internet. And boy, am I excited? Hell yeah. Challenges like these keep us on our toes and not every time do we get to these challenges. And there is this Writer's Block, which imperative of the situation is very prominent, especially in regards to me. So, I have been keeping myself busy these days writing whatever I wanted to write and however stupid it sounded, I didn't hesitate to post it right away. 

So, that brings me to this A2Z challenge. It is amazing because there are people from all over the world taking part in it. And it is like a wake up call for a lazy bum, such as me again. I haven't been following its' updates lately, nor have I started writing anything in particular for the challenge. Because we are supposed to write like 26 posts for the month of April and not everyday is it possible to write. I am sure people have already started writing the post and scheduling the post for each day of the month. Don't look at me, I haven't even began to think about it. I know I am very late and lazy like I have already mentioned. But lets not go into the details! 

Now this brings me to the theme reveal. I had no idea about the theme reveal. Frankly, I didn't. But lets me just come out say what I am going to write. So, my theme for the challenge is : Fiction, Life and Stories, Photography, Poetry, Just-Everything-Random. I know that's a lot of themes. But frankly speaking, I just stick to one thing and write about it everyday. That takes dedication and hard word. And well, I have none. To put in simple words my theme : Random. Sounds great right? I know. Do I hear a cheer? or Two ? Or a crowd? Well, thank you for the morale support. I appreciate it. Thank You. 

P.S. I know I am posting this pretty late by 5 days and I hope it still counts. I have never got around to write this, as well as for the April challenge. Oh boy, I got a lot to do. Customize time, write a lot, a hell lot and write sensible. 

15. Jinx

Days have passed quickly than I have anticipated. It has been more than 5 days since I posted. Now the question lies about the 365 challenge. It is not that I don't want to write. It is more of a new developed laziness that has gotten into me. Though, I have been associated with it for a time I no longer can look backward to,that deep into my history. So, it's a little bit of this and a little bit of that. What's this and that ? Laziness and umm, sleep? Okay, I have to let this out. I am usually an insomniac. And with that comes great responsibility. Yes, it is a super power. People don't understand it. But it really is. And since people don't understand it, they think its evil in all sense. And I think I have been a victim of their preposterous assumptions. Someone jinxed or cursed me may be. Because I have been sleeping a lot, like a lot lately. This is so unlike me. 

Okay, get this. I don't usually sleep at my will. Everytime I sleep is an unknown process where I slowly drift into sleep from drowsiness. Though I would be sitting and sleeping, but that is a different story altogether. I usually sleep after the clock has passed the midnight strike a few hours earlier. But this has changed and I am sleeping a few hours before mid night. This is so unlike me. So, you see. Someone has done something to me. 

Recently, I have been on a trip. Ah, about the trip. The next past ( this one precisely ) was supposed to be about it, but there has been a slight complication. I will just give the outline, like a trailer. The trip lasted for a near 3 days, which I must say has been the longest trip I have been ever to. The main purpose behind it was to attend a friend's sister marriage. To point out, I don't usually attend marriages in particular. But these days, I have to because everyone is kind of getting married. And attending friend's or colleague's marriage is one thing, but friend-colleague's sister's marriage would mean that that person is more of a good friend (or a little bit more than that). So, we attended that and it was great. But during our stay at my friend's house, I forgot my camera at his home. I realized that while we were on the way to the marriage and it was almost two hours journey away from my camera. Yeah, I cursed myself of my forgetfulness. How could I even forget my camera? Me? Camera! Me? Me? ME? I? I? Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. So, yeah, I came back without my camera and as a result the post which was supposed to be about it (with photos) is still on hold. And to add to that, my fate got kicked again in the ass. The person in whose I forgot the camera went back home for some personal reason, so I asking him to tag along the camera with him. When he messaged me that he was bringing the camera, I thought the post won't be delayed for long. But guess what I was wrong. This super dude, brought the camera, but forgot the memory card back at his home. And I was thinking everything was going excellent with my so-called-fate. Okay, people, don't jinx it even more. And to add to that already I slept the whole journey. I was like, what the hell is wrong with me? I don't usually sleep and while in journey, nah! No way! But still I slept like anything and one thing that my friends were shocked by seeing me sleep for such long hours. And to add to my glory, even the driver thought I was sleeping a little too much. So, umm *poker face* . *No comments* Period. 

So, the last comment ended with this : 

"can i make you my brother :D i will be your sweet lil sis and u my big cool bro ;) "

Such sweetness! Such awesomeness. This was actually sweet and frankly speaking I was grinning from ear to ear when I first read this. I am hoping to write a detailed post on that as well. But, for now lets settle with this. Like I said, I am giving the teasers for the posts-which are yet to be written. First of all, it was so sweet of her to ask, inspite of all the Valentines' Day flu flying around. And well that day is a dry day for me, as always it has been. This P.P.S on the comment made my day. Big Cool Bro !  Sounds awesome. Yeah, don't worry, I will give the details s-h-o-r-t-l-y. Only thing you have to pray for is to make sure that I don't sleep at nights. :P Umm, I mean it , actually. 

P.S. : There is no P.S. here. Just felt like adding this at the end, 'cause it was looking like empty? may be! 

Ciao guys.

Over and out. 

#365Challenge

{ 15 / 365 } 

No Title Post.

I really don't feel so good. Whenever I am travelling or sitting at office staring at the computer, I get some brilliant ideas and I make a mental note of that to write about it no matter what. I think about the whole script on my way back to my room where I have to walk like 200 feet. The music keeps playing, but I am numb to it as my mind is busy with its dwindling. And then again I don't think about it much. You see, I am kind of a superstitious as well. Let me clear the air about it. I have a feeling that when I get those great thoughts, I get in a flow, at a time. So, I just keep thinking about the topic or the starting lines. Frankly speaking I have had such experiences when I think of the whole script in my mind and then when it comes to writing, I don't get a word. So, the past couple of years, I have made it a point not to think much about the thought, as in the connections and intermingling; and just let that build up when I put it on paper or the written word. Am I confusing you? I guess I am. 

At the beginning of the month, I had received an awesome guest post by an equally awesome writer. It was a story and it was a damn good story. So, I told about it to a couple of friends and my cousin sister. When I said about the ending, that she would love it, she sat down and read the whole thing. And believe me, she is not the reading type. Because whenever I tell her to read my blog, she gives a big sigh and calls herself English-illiterate. God, did anyone look at me, my writing? What should I be called then? Since I gave a clue about the ending, and her zeal and excitement to tease me compelled her to continue reading it. But as most people kill the suspense by reading the last chapter or pages of the book, she did the same thing. And yeah like other she read the whole story as well. 

My point about that asking her and the others to read the story was to point about the detail of a character ( read : me ), a complete stranger ( umm, she would kill me if I said that. Lets say a writer and reader who has been reading my crappy posts for over a year and still doing that. And also let me add, studied me. Or is it that I gave more hints and clues about me than I know. Whatever! you get the gist , right? ) . So, the point I was referring to was about the character detail that a reader could grasp just from the writings. May be I have given more clues about me than I know or not, but everybody just can't read other people that easily. Believe me, my friends don't even know half of me even though I hang out with them almost the whole day. See, it is an art. 

Though, my sister appreciated the writer and sent praises as well, but she also kept the last part to keep teasing me. That teasing thing is mutual. She is about to get married and I tease her about that. So, she is reciprocating that. Of course she would. I have been teasing her for like a year now. You could imagine how much balance (read : revenge per se :P ) that is still left. 

So, I wanted my friends also to read the character (me) detail which I was referring to earlier. Even they too said they are English-illiterate and also that they need a dictionary to read my blog! I was like, WHAT ? You were referring to my blog, right? Mine is like th simplest language ever. Even the third grade kid would laugh at me. ( Now, you don't have to laugh ). And when they said about the dictionary, I was rendered speechless, like umm, whaaa.. ?! Even then, I forced  a guy to read that by sitting just beside him. He read exactly half and then got back to his work and then forgot about it altogether. I am kind of a little relieved about that now. I will get to that why part.

The WhatsApp Group

Recently we created a group in WhatsApp. Okay, I am guessing everybody knows what this is right? Umm.. If you don't kindly open a tab and search for it. Its the least you could do. Thanks. This group has only six members as of now. But that's sufficient. It has only been two week since we created it, but most part of the time we are busy. We here means I myself alone. I am group admin, so I have to be. #JustSaying. No, its' not like that actually. I just respond to whenever there's a ping or message from the fellow members. There is no motto for this group. But what we do the whole day is tease others about the imaginary girlfriends and the crushes. The single people's idiocy. So, you see why I am glad that my friend didn't complete the story. 

The other day when we were discussing about the crushes, I had woven a nice convincing story. Thanks to my writing and imaginative skills. *Self Praise* *Pats myself*. I just created another crush. 

The Coincidence. 

Two weeks back we went to a Go-karting. It was awesome, to speak about it. As we were hungry we went to Dominos. We ordered a few pizzas and sides. And then as we were waiting one of the guy started the topic discuss about crushes and the stuff like that. Some of the other members didn't know about his side of the story. As he mentioned his side of the story, one of the girl from his story just entered the Dominos. Now, imagine that. He was just speaking about her and she comes and sits at he adjacent table facing us. From that day, he is completely booked. There is another story related to this guy, which I will probably tell in the coming posts.

P.S. I am still fighting with the writer's block. When I started writing this, I opened the New Post almost ten time. I wrote one line and just stared at it. I was not able to write a word after it. I tried my best. But then, I just wrote this another crappy post. umm..