Lost & Drowned.

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Lost and Drowned

Tapping thy Feet, Forgetting

Melancholy to the Blues.

This Haiku is written for Carpe Diem under the prompt Blues.

Happiness, huh ?

Days faded away midst the mist as I slowly drifted from one place to another, one thought to another. Thoughts were haunted which scared the hell out of the pleasant mind, finally ending up in the thoughtless zone. But the mind was filled; never empty. While a thought advanced its step to grab the little space in the vast emptiness of the mind. But alas, thoughts got baffled by the unsteadiness of the mind. They left. 

The day seems fine, with a morning sunshine clearing the fog of the chilly night. I play with time, realizing it was moving fast than I would have thought. I realize I'm late. I become late. Late for what? I don't know. I am just late, hmm..er.. for everything. I try to reason, with time, with myself. I end up clueless spending more time. So, Life they say is Beautiful. I find it hard to believe it. So, they say, You have to make it beautiful. Well said, I reply. And I leave. After some time, it hits me. How does anyone do that? Life. huh, Life. 

It seems like an open book with empty pages. The book is to be filled and gets filled daily with the immense of the daily routines. There are moments. So open it is that it as vivid  & as clear, it could possibly be. But, then again it is our book where we can draw, create and make miracles happen. Its just what is within us. Miracles? I laugh. I say to myself, lets start living a normal life first, then we can decide about Miracles.

The empty pages are left empty as I lazy around each day trying to figure out how to write and make it worthy. Well, that seems to be a distant dream. My mind is actually playing a game, may be. The rules for the game are, what rules? . Just give me a break, will ya? I get up confused, I sleep confused. May be I dream confused. Oh yeah, I don't remember most dreams - So, am confused right! 

But then I realize, all this long, I have been criticizing about the things that should not have happened, but happened. And among those unwelcoming, un-forecasted things, some were good. But why bother about the good when we can just criticize the bad things that had happened? But they were BAD and we had a really really bad experience out of it. Human tendency to point out the bad, leaving aside whatever little good was done.

So just sit down, lie down, relax. There must have been a lot of good things that might have happened. But one bad thing destroys it all, either a small one or a very big one. Some might lose hope, some get depressed, some feel low, or whatever. But the countless happy moments just get lost in the thin air. 

Life is one such thing where we can do whatever we want. We can make the good out of the bad and make it right, given we take chances and curb the little sadness/whatever that is. Indeed, Life is Beautiful. We just have to find it, on our own how to make our life  beautiful. 

So, Where was I ? How does one even do that - that - Making life beautiful ? 

P.S. : So, yeah, I had nothing new to write, though there is like a library of things that the mind is thinking. So, just ranted out something which I have no idea what it is. Well, whatever. 

Old Habits Die Hard.

There is void, empty spaces in the heart. The severity of human patience , sympathy, caring have bound the little fore walls of the heart. Clenched and it makes the heart heavy.

The memories fade as time passes by. But some don't. I look outside the window of my room. The clouds drifting apart, losing the nicely formed white cloud of some shape. The vehicles passing by. I ponder. I think. I wonder whether this would ever stop. Well, then life would cease to exist, won't it?

Life is a never ending journey. I don't know how many times I used this sentence. We come by a lot of people. The empty void spaces are filled with happiness, sadness love and care. The heart is fulfilled and enjoys its very state, or just burdens itself with the pain. The empty spaces are created again. But the cherished memories/moments will be remembered for ever. Life is too short to think otherwise.

A Hard Reality

I've never been happy with the way my life is and how it is going to be. The future is uncertain but its predicable, though not always. It tells me to learn from the experiences and be a better man. The question  : Am I not a better man, now?  No. I wish I were.

I am in a constant battle in my head. Trying to figure out what's right, what's wrong? The result of the tiny battle is undisclosed, though it stays in front of my eyes. But whereever I end, it's exactly the wrong choice. Life goes on, but I am still stuck here - Analyzing and rebuilding. But it goes wrong. My mind says, Eff it. And I leave it. 

I ponder over the lost moments and time. I feel I could have done more, done better. But again reality strikes me and asks me in hell raging voice "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?". I search for answers. After a lot of time, I then realize I was doing the wrong thing searching for the answers to which the question is so unclear, for it wasn't a question at all in the first place. My mind says, "Eff, man". 

I realize the question was the motivation for me to do, not find. It meant work, not fooling around. It meant realization, not constipation. I now feel time was left a long time back and I am still at the station waiting for something, something to pick me up. From somewhere unknown I hear a voice saying, "You are still doing it wrong!" Old habits die hard. I was still sitting there analyzing what went wrong and where & what did I do wrong. 

Then It struck me. I was just sitting. I was thinking. I wasn't thinking 'right'. I was wondering. I wasn't channeling the thoughts properly. I wasn't working. I was't DOING. I stand up and realize, its' time to Do. It is never too late to start afresh. Now, I walk the empty roads. Roads, which lead to different distinct destinations. Now, I find myself lost. 

"What's my destination? "

Old Habits Die Hard. 

I again sit down and think. I don't think right.

-  Ajay Kontham [2013]

P.S. : I thought for a long time about the title of this post. Many came up. My Insanity , Wrongly, Right, bla bla. So, at last I did select a weird one.

Misery.

Author's Note : Another recollection of the post previously made. #2 : Misery

"

Mellowed Life of Hazy Situations,

Instituted thoughts of Un-classical and Confused Ideas,

Stimulated Pessimistic Aggressive Decisions,

Eloping burden of the Past Hurted-Feelings,

Rouge-ly driving Simplicity onto Complexity,

Yearning the Miseries of Life sadly.

"

P.S. : Yeah, Insane ! I get it. Your question : "What the hell is this?" ! If you looking for an answer, probably you will not find it. Because, I don't have it ! So, enjoy at the worst.

Misery !!!

"

Mellowed Life of Hazy Situations,

Instituted thoughts of Un-classical and Confused Ideas,

Stimulated Pessimistic Aggressive Decisions,

Eloping burden of the Past Hurted-Feelings,

Rougely driving Simplicity onto Complexity,

Yearning the Miseries of Life sadly.

"

This year...

A week is over. Another came by and went off in a dilemma. "Hey buddy, it's December", heard this while I was walking back to my room. I barely remember this year,2010. Its DECEMBER. It was so fast. I never knew when time flew by and left me to the last month of the year. What about the resolutions I made at the start of the year? Do I remember any of those? Frankly speaking, "I do not remember even a single resolution!" . I guess, it's time to make new ones. Right?




I am not worried about making a new set of resolutions by the beginning of the next year. I am feeling it quite awkward. It is because, when I try to make some things straight and absolutely nothing goes well, then what is the point in making such attempts and wasting time. I would like to make a long list of resolutions and with full determination to implement the very first day of the month January. But, sometimes things don't work as we think and always gives us a blow at the right and the perfect time. The new year starts and with in no time its December. It's hard to believe though, but time flies at the speed of light. Before, I could even think and even try to implement any of my so called resolutions, the year comes to an end and I write the same old thing. Another passes by and I question myself, "What did do this year?". The answer from inside me echoes,"Nothing".




Nothing. I just can't believe it. 350 days passed, just like a whoosh. This is quite obsolete. Some days were longer and some days were shorter, but none of the days were like, "Wow, what a day is today? Surely I want to remember this day. I had some bad hiccups last night. And some bad days this year. Sometimes, I wish somethings shouldn't have happened. I do not know how this year is going to end, but I can tell with surety that this was not a good year. I realized so many things. I wish they never happened. I am stuck with one thing. I don't know whether it is for good or for bad. But, I just wish that didn't have happened, but somewhere in my heart, I wanted it to happen. I am not telling it, margining it as my personal thing. So, please don't mind about it. Besides that many unexpected things happened. 




Firstly, I wasn't stable. Stable in the sense, I was never in a fixed place. Once I bagged a College Hostel seat, which I never wanted, I had to settle here. I had to move on. Frankly, I hate the idea of college hostel and when the reason is so weird, " I don't eat food well, if I stay outside". Precisely, I was in four different places this year, constantly moving a shifting the heavy load. I guess it was in August, when I reached the last stand-out and I was told to stay here for another two years, until I complete my under-graduation. Well, so it is. Four months have passed and stepped deliberately into the fifth month. About academics, it's hard to say. The higher the difficulty and and the meaner are the subjects. The tougher the job gets to subside the literal weight on the shoulders. And I had a very unusual experience this time, while I was writing the exams. A typical feeling overcame my pestilent little brain. I just knew that something was wrong, but had nothing to straighten up the things. 




I had been finding a bit difficulty in adjusting the sudden changes in places. "Did I overcame it yet?". The answer is still a 'No'. I had been trying to figure it out, but I being so poor at statistics, couldn't actually figured it out correctly. Now, leaving about the odd things of the, "Has anything good happened to me this year?" . Hmm, as far as I can think of, "Nope, nothing good". The college had started and the atmosphere is getting a bit turgid. With the new semester on the start and a way too long time for competence, look forward to this semester to be good, if possible. Anyways leaving about the odds and the evens, I hope to make the best of this year and the coming year. So moving ahead..

Puzzle of the day !!! : Puzzle # 2

If you take a marker & start from a corner on a cube, what is the maximum number of edges you can trace across if you never trace across the same edge twice, never remove the marker from the cube, & never trace anywhere on the cube, except for the corners & edges?

And answer to the Puzzle#1::

18

Assume that initial there were 3*X bullets. 

So they got X bullets each after division. 

All of them shot 4 bullets. So now they have (X - 4) bullets each. 

But it is given that, after they shot 4 bullets each, total number of bullets remaining is equal to the bullets each had after division i.e. X 

Therefore, the equation is 

3 * (X - 4) = X 

3 * X - 12 = X 

2 * X = 12 

X = 6 

Therefore the total bullets before division is = 3 * X = 18

P.S. : I am not feeling well now, so may be the post could be boring and off the hood like thing. If you have read it,  I truly appreciate your patience and thank you.