You are at the bottom of the deepest ocean and have hit the rock bottom and it can' be any deeper. You struggle under your own breath, try to pinch yourself. You weren't dreaming. This was happening for real. But still, you choose not to believe and stay up for a fight. A little something called hope slowly makes its presence and you wait patiently for a miracle to happen. A miracle that might wake you up from this terrible nightmare. You never believed in miracles. You have been such a logical and considered yourself to be an intellect. But now you have changed your opinion. A miracle is the only last resort left now for you. You close your eyes and pray for the first time in ages for a miracle. And just as then something happens. A miracle, but not what you had expected. The rock bottom, the deepest depth just dug itself and there you are drowning, again. You battle for a pint of air just to see the bright sunshine one more time.The time slows down while the depth clouds your thinking, your judgment. You are stuck there, in that darkest depth for reason unknown. But the only thing you know is to fight, and fight you do. You feel tired. You feel the energy draining out with each frozen second. You know that you should be dead by now but you aren't. You want to give yo. But there is still some strength for a little more battle and you fight back, even when you know that you are stuck there, until a miracle were to happen.It gets a little darker and you stop suffocating under the weight of a million gallons of water. You aren't dead. Thank God. Yes. You are very much alive. Slowly, you open your eyes as you lay still in the silence of the depth. You lose the only hope you had, the faith you had left in you. There was nothing good at all, you conclude. You say you give up. You cry your lungs out. You shout till the silent depth makes ripples even under that depth. You made a choice. You chose to give up. Of course, you couldn't take it anymore. You just want it to end. You want to be free.
You wake up to the bright sunlight burning you up. You take deep breaths of life, for your life. You realize you just had a bad dream, or was it? You look around. You see the bare naked sun glaring at you with all its might. The cold of the depth vanishes under the sand. You are all alone. This wasn't you home. This is a nowhere. You fall down on your knees and try to take it in, slowly. It's just barren land without a sign of soul. Just white gravel for miles all around. You are just lost. Which way? The relief that you felt from the water just disappeared in the thin air. You are becoming weak. You already lost hope once. You already chose to give up once. You can't find any other option. I am dreaming. I am dreaming. Wake up. Wake up. This is just one terrible dream. Just wake up. You see yourself on your knees, lost in thought, under the burning sun. You feel the warmth turning into burns. You can feel that burns all over your body, only that it looks normal but it actually isn't. You close your eyes to pray. Pray! you exclaim. To whom? For what? You are just totally lost. You curse under your breath, you shout. Its' just you. Only you could hear your voice turning into silence while you give up. You give up, once again. You just can't do it anymore. You couldn't even fight this time. "GOD!" you call him after what seems like ages. You question his existence, his faith, him being a beacon of hope. You finally ask him to show himself, for once. You ask him to do something, that was the least he could do after all this. You final resort just didn't pan out. You ask him to leave you alone and just stay away from him. "Give up, give up", the voice shouted in your conscious. I can't take it anymore, you shout. Just leave me alone, you plead. It's over, I want it to be over, you hear me. You make a choice. You feel so right. You have lost yourself in the process. But you don't care anymore. You gave up, so you chose to ignore everything else. Your eyes become weak under the blazing sun.
You see the world. You are in the crown. People swirling around you. You are just a spectator. You gave up. But then what is this? What is wrong with you. Suddenly, you feel the eyes, the people around you. Then you see the fingers pointed at you. You can feel them judging you."What is wrong with me?", you shout at the top of your voice, the voice entrapped in the conscious of the mind. You feel the anger raging inside, the blood boiling within and you know that you are at the verge of exploding. Massacre, it would be if you let your demons out. But you don't! You ignore the pointed fingers, the awkward looks and get into your own bubble. You question yourself "Why did I stop myself? Why not beat the shit of him? May be there is some morale left inside me. Perhaps, I am still me!". You stare into the oblivion.
The day was bright and shining. The sun rays kiss you with a breath of fresh air. The birds chirped in their soothing self. It felt different. It felt new. Something has changed. Something new is happening. You can feel it, in yourself. You feel that hope, in the shadows of the past, hiding, struggling to take the spot under the limelight. You see it. You see it clearly with your own naked eyes. With that hope plastered on your face, you take the step into the bright sunshine carrying a new self, new you. You open the door and see the water gushing at you like an storm. You swirl round and round, while the water drags you to the depth, the deepest darkest depth. You hit the rock bottom. This can't be a dream. You are a mess. You are in a mess. You are in this never ending labyrinth of endless despair where hope drowns in the deepest ocean and life lingers in the shadows of the dimmed shadowy past. No, you can't escape it. You know it. But that stupid conscious keeps saying that you can. And then you chose to end it, end it now before you live being stuck in the misery of life.