6. Love

There is a never ending debate. The debate on infatuation. The debate on love. The debate on most unlikely circumstances. A debate about the opposite sexes. So, when we in a group of friends who well, are all single, there will be a lot of debating going on. The agreement and disagreement are part of this debating. But never the less we still end up poking or teasing others. There is always a figment of infatuation that builds up when we see people in groups of two animatedly talking. 

A few days back, I was sitting in the coffee shop , as usual , drinking my second cup of coffee. Okay, get this. I was in the coffee shop by around three in the afternoon. I was sitting there for like 3 hours and the coffee (grande - biggest cup at that shop) and the pastry were over a long ago. And also the people at the coffee shop have changed since the time I had been sitting at the center of the shop awkwardly looking, stupidly typing on my laptop as I had made it a point to take my laptop to the coffee shop no matter what! And then there were these coffee guys, who were taking orders and stuff looking awkwardly at me. These people also rotated, I guess time shifts. The people when I was just in and after three hours were entirely different. So, since they were looking at me like I was some I-don't-know-what-they-were-thinking . Anyway, I ordered another coffee. Believe me, that large cup of coffee was still in my stomach. But I felt a little awkward sitting in the center occupying all of the table with my laptop, a novel , my phone and an oversized tissue paper which they provided. Another coffee kicks in as I realize that my laptop battery is about to die. It has already been over 3 hours and one more hour of battery was remaining and then my phone's battery as well started showing signs of dying even though I was using the laptop battery to power it up, but the hotspot on my phone was sucking the life out of it. 

I got interrupted by a tweet. The post till now was written in the morning. Now, this tweet was so interesting that I stopped writing this post altogether and got busy. So, lets head to over that.

It involves one of the famous young writers I had ever known, a brilliant one who claims to have gone to school on a day which is supposed to be a holiday. This fact, that it is a holiday, is voluntarily denied by this so-called-writer who goes by the name of Wanderer. May be the name, Wanderer might have something to do with her wandering in the school on a holiday. If the so-called-writer were ever to read this, the immediate response would be an atom bomb directed exactly on head, or may be worse, one just can't imagine. Believe me, highly lethal and extremely dangerous. Don't get carried away by the sweet looks of this 'so-called-writer'. It was then the most renowned writer came into picture. With this renowned-writer's flawless thoughts, it made clear the exact reason why Wanderer had to wander around the school on a holiday. After some chasing and talking through the hi-end speakers and not to mention the famous iStalker app, I kind of chased the wandering person who was chasing 'I-shouldn't-mention' person. (I already got a target on my head and telling that might end me up in hell, though I am proclaimed immortal, but still they, as in the bullet wounds and atom bombs, leave scars which well doesn't suit me ). So, after a battle between love and infatuation, suddenly the tables turned and this was getting out of my hand. I mean I am great at chasing, but being chased, and that too when I can't say anything, is kind of difficult for me, you understand. The scary part is the it's imaginary, imaginary in just my case, not in Wanderers' case. It is true, I believe it, IQ(renowned-writer) believes it. But in my case, though it is all imaginary, I kind of not able to speak anything. Thats' how they deal with things. Phew. 

Office Diaries 
A month ago, there were some ramping down in the newly project that I was recently taken into. And that ramping down involved releasing some of the astonishing people and well, your's sincerely was one among them. But I was vouched by a team member and I was kind of taken back, but that process is still under process. The thing is not about me. But another friend of mine, who worked like hell, like day and night, learning and doing stuff. And a day before yesterday, the business changed the technology, which means that everything has to be done from like scratch, though we may be using something from the earlier module. The lack of foresightedness is what scares me. Not only that, the reason they stopped the work I was doing was because we were kind of delivering things in time. That, delivering things in time, was totally unexpected from their side. They were with the idea they we, will take a hell lot of time. But we were true to our word and delivered everything in time. And that, my friend, made us kind of Jobless with a "JOB". 

The plan for tonight is not to sleep and write a new series about my folks at office and turn it into something interesting. I am pretty bad at story writing or story telling, per say. But let's see, how this turns out. 

-Ajay Kontham [ 6 / 365 ]

So, the topic AK started off today, Infatuation . Love. Affection. Let me just brief something about this dude. It's kind of scary. Believe me, you will agree with me when I finish this. So, I asked him, 'Why not love someone?' 'Why not get/find someone who might love you?' I also added unless you try, you won't be able to achieve what you dream of. The first thing he said was something like this : 
How can one love one person, when every time I see my eyes deceive  myself. I see the beauty like no other, in not one but many. And then you say, true happens only once. I kind of feel that it happens over a million times. 
I respond to that saying that it is called infatuation. 
And now you disregard my love and name it something else. May be it is indeed infatuation. A studious study of beauty perhaps. I divulge in the vastness behind the candid eyes. The stories they withhold, the adventures they experienced, the likes, the dislikes.Whatnot? I know I am doing it all wrong, but that's how somethings work, and somethings here refers to 'my mind'. But there is serenity that the expression without speech could tell, perhaps shout. I call it beauty. So, whenever I eye someone really good looking and no matter how "hot" they might look, there is this thing that my mind will never put an end to. It is a side-effect of a calculated human-evolution, the kind of evolution which I created, which I called it self-evolution. See, I am a genius. NOT. EXACTLY. *Poeple shout : "ALL AGREE" * 

And then you tell me to wander in search of "so-called-love". May be there is no such thing as true love, or may be I could be totally blind to it. Or may be I don't know how to love, how to find love. May be I am lost in my own darkness, which I feel comfortable even though the light, the shining beauty of 'love' seems appalling alluring, but I am still in the zone where I find darkness dearer than the brightness that shines the very soul of the human being. May be I am just a lost cause, who is just unaware of the fundamentals of 'love' poems or the literary works that tell the depth of a great feeling called love. I see beauty. I understand it. I love it. But still I can't decipher when you tell me to find love. I am lost, help me here. 
*Shoots myself* What the hell was that? I ask in response to that. May be that makes sense, may be that doesn't. But it still feels the two sides of the same coin. But that is not all. When he said this, I was left helpless, a little speechless.
I could tell without hesitation that I don't love myself, and that my friend, is something that limits my vast ocean of so-called-love to flow outside, in a way some other person could swim in the stream of that and reciprocate the same. When I have failed to love myself, I really can't expect to love someone, or earn their love in return. I failed myself. I won't expect the others to make the same mistake. And inspite of all this, (strike that) well, isn't it evident that I have already lost the battle even before I fought in it, for it. 
Hmm..umm...*Raises a finger to state a point or something, but then stops* Well, what can one reply to that. Something like, "Dude, Love yourself first. Other's will follow. There is no greater love than loving yourself. (Okay, that doesn't sound quite right. And what the hell am I even saying? ). It isn't something as easy as eating a pie, but I could tell it sure is a great feeling. And the feeling of being loved, well, I could tell from the people I have seen, is inexplicably beautiful. There have been wars, nations has collapsed, monuments have been built. Whatnot! All in the name of Love." I think I should let the experienced people take a stand on this. I am just a imaginative-self-explanatory of the actual thing, like a silent observer with a magnifying lens trying to understand the simple yet the most complex theory / phenomenon of the "so-called-love". 

- The Guy in the Hat 

(stealing AK's thoughts, text in blue)

#BlogEveryDay
#365Challenge
#TheGuyInTheHat
#IQ #Wanderer 
#Twitter

And I am going to make a has-tag of every person whom I might be mentioning. Because they are worth it and well, I sure as hell can create hash-tags of my own. 

Text in Red : The Guy in the Hat ( Can anyone suggest a shorter name, I am kind of confused what I should name myself. All look good, and then equally not-so-good)

Text In Blue : AK's thoughts, which, believe me would never come out even if he was drunk like hell or even medically like say hypnosis can't help him to say that. So, you should thank me for that. You are welcome.