Lost!

I was in deep thinking. I had no idea what I was thinking. So deep I was in thinking, or lets call it brain storming with innumerable unnecessary thoughts while bounced from one world to another. My room is filled with people, those we usually call friends and acquaintances. The volume on the TV was blaring out loud. Even my parents who stay two states away could also hear. No Kidding. And what were they watching? Some Comedy show, which had nothing but the double meaning dialogues. I just couldn't watch it. Neither could I leave the room, well, because basically I stay in the same room. I change the channel during advertisements and these people get into shouting at me. Oh boy! Give me a break! So, I had no other choice but to plug in my head phones and keep the volume at the maximum possible on my iPod. Phew! Thats' a relief. Thats' when I had dozed off into this vigorous thinking.

I am just amazed at some people who find their dream at their early ages. Some want to be singer, some dancer, some doctor, some Engineer (What? No one ? Seriously, No one? ). Ok, after looking at me, obviously you wouldn't dream even during night. #JustSaying. So I was saying what they want to become. Yeah, some want to become a cricketer, (..remaining sports..), IAS , Pilot, [ Ok! Ok! We got your point. Move on. ] Isn't it just amazing. So, I was thinking what drives them into such dreams. Something they watch on TV, something they hear from people around, something their parents/well wishers want them to be. Or is it a self proclaimed path which one discover during the course of journey ? If someone else decides what we want to become, isn't it their dream? I would love to choose my own path. But there is still a question. The question of How? 

Realizing what we love to do is not just a overnight thing. It takes time. What factors does it hold is solely our problem and needs solving. What we hear, what we perceive, what we think about it, what we do, all matters. I see many people working. Look at the IT industry that I currently work in. And I see thousands of people with formally dressed and go to office daily. So, is it their childhood dream or just the circumstances and others perception. We hear many people telling not to do this-that, while so many people telling us to do this-that. We want a happy life. And what does it take to get that? A good pay job so that we can take care of ourselves as well as our family. Aren't we bound with responsibility? Is it what we wanted? May be now! But as a child, as a innocent little child when we thought, "I want to become this(profession)". But as time passes by we change ourselves to the circumstances and choose what's best for us, for the people around me. I just wonder is that what we dreamed being a child? 

As I said earlier, I really appreciate many people(well almost everyone, even the people reading this) who pursed their dreams. Because it involves breaking some rules, bending them and deciding that they align with out dream. And its' not wrong. It's actually the best thing you have ever done. You have just crossed the limit you set for yourself and made a new limit in the skies far above. And let me continue by saying, You would definitely reach and cross that limit also. Because its' what we would when we all work with out heart. 

And now, I stay silent among the myriad people climbing, falling and again climbing their ladders, which they crafted themselves in the process to break the limits that they set for themselves . I am confused. I am still thinking. I have different plates in front of me. I just can't eat all the plates because we all know what happens the next morning, the day after that and the day after that as well. And I am lost in thinking. Just Lost. And its too damn dark in here. I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel, if only there was any tunnel. I want to see the sunshine that rises from the far east, if only the night did ever end. I aspire to achieve, if only I knew what that was! 

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May be, I should Dance.

OR

I love Guitar, May be this? 

Just Lost, Plain Lost.

Confused & Lost. Somebody Help !!!

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Ajay Kontham © 2013

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