3. Deliberate

The morning sunlight warmed the cold stricken muscles as the cold wind ruffled through my hair. It was chilly and I couldn't do anything but drown in the winter cold. I was literally shivering and the warm sweaters weren't helping the cause. I must have been sleeping in too much comfort and warmth that even a degree decrease in the temperature would have me freeze. I wonder if I could ever survive the poles, if I ever had a chance to be in those warm cozy places. Yeah, they are in my bucket list. But, umm, there are a lot other things as well besides that. 

That's the shit is what people are referring to when they say they can't understand you and that your English is above their compliance. What's up with the fancy opening lines. They always have to be something using twisted words and what not, totally repelling. When people say your English is too good that they aren't able to understand, they are actually mocking you. And you thought they were complimenting you. Phew! Please for my sake, umm... people's sake don't do the fancy openings like the South Indian flop hero. You are not helping the cause here. No. Not at all. 

So, the other day, I mentioned that my birthday was coming up. And.. umm.. I would really like to invite all my blogger friends if they are available, of course. And .. um.. it's tomorrow. I am not a person who would celebrate anything, leave alone birthday, or Christmas or New Year. None. I am an obsolete in these matters. See, I am not a hang-out-buddy. I would just curl up in my bed watch the sky change from dawn to dusk while I question my existence and well, god's as well. Then I confirm that there is not God at all. But I am compelled to change my thoughts the other day. And the same thing happens and then again I question. It is a continuous process, a cyclic waterfall ideology. 

I had a conversation with my mom, hmm... regarding my hair. Though she is miles away, she still able to sense that I have outgrown my hair. Seriously, I did. Though it is not as you might imagine. It is a hard work of umm nearly 5 months. So, you can imagine. The last time I had a hair cut was when I was at home exactly 5 months ago and that too was forced one. Because once you are home, you really can't escape that easily. Well, I am kind of going home ( read : relatives' home next week for my cousin sister's engagement. And I am pretty sure I would be kicked out of the house if they see my hair. Long hair isn't the problem, just that they feel that long hair is usually borne by the people who are uneducated, illiterate bla bla kind of people. So, it is important to look decent. Decent, in their sense is the Army hair cut cropping all the part of the hair exposing the scalp and tissue kind of. Okay, I exaggerated a little bit. But I hope you got the picture. 

But get this. If I am changing something because somebody is going to think I am kind of funky and indecent in appearance, where does that leave me ? I am not born to impress others. At least I don't give a rats ass about what other's think. So, I got nothing to do with their opinion or their feedback or their "bullshit" ( their being the people who judge other people on the basis of appearance ).  Well, if they are still up for judging or throwing a vague criticism , I would be more than happy to reciprocate the same. Believe me I am terrible at it but still I am  terrible, that should shut people up for like forever. Go burn in hell, if you still don't want to leave that club.

- Ajay Kontham [ 3/365 ]

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