Love.

This is something I have never been able to associate with myself. Over the period of time, I have tried to understand, may be I understood, or may be not. I can not be sure. When you ask me "What do I love the most in this world?". I don't have an answer. Yeah, insane. I know. But there are a lot of things I like, but whether I love or not is an entirely different question to which the answer is just a mystery. So, what is love? I can't explain. And even if I did, I could be terribly wrong at it. But anyway let me just give out my opinion from my end. 

The adolescent age when everyone is just fascinated by the word love. It was something which as a child, I have never dared to think about, for reasons unknown. I said dared! It wasn't something that complicated or something out of the extraordinary. It was just complicated, just like I don't have words to explain. I have never gone near the word. Not during my schooling, not during my college. Never. But I have heard about it a lot many times. I never got the chance to be in the feeling. Sure being loved is something that parents always do and it comes naturally. But I wasn't speaking about family. 

So, when a dear friend, a teenager mentioned about the love, I realized that I wasn't a teenager anymore and umm, the love-factor has faded in history. I feel like I am all grown up, though I don't quite feel so. I just feel too old. And now I am working and I still feel hopeless about the whole business or should I call it the institution of love. Some of my friends said that one should get hold of someone special when one is in their high school else it becomes difficult to find or get any. Is that right? I don't know. May be it is true to some extent. And to point the obvious, all these great thoughts came from all the 'single' friends. But it just didn't happen. What can we do about it? If I were to repeat my past, probably it will be the same as of now and I am sure of it.

It can happen anytime, anywhere. It just doesn't have a specific age or restriction of any sort. It is what makes it great. I have seen people deeply in love with someone other, but never been able to express it. Some did and they succeeded, but then again it was just temporary. And that made me wonder, Is love temporary? No, it isn't. Only that these madly-in-love people were teenagers and were experimenting it, they didn't think ahead of their time. That is the consequence of young people in love. It is pure and exquisite, but it is vulnerable also. And then there is our society which points fingers at everything that they find out of the ordinary just because they never had the chance or should I call it the moral ethics. What bullshit?

The conservative society that we live in prohibits from turning a healthy love into a future that could be even more beautiful. But it is how our society works. Love doesn't have anything to do with age, gender, race, caste, region, whatnot. But all this comes into picture in the eyes of the society. Yes, we substitute the so-called-society, but it is not us who will be judging others but we are still part of that culture of judging. And this is one of the reason why people just don't out in the open. They hide among themselves and where does all that love go? Curbed and digested, because they can't defy the society or their parents. 

So, what's wrong with me? Why have I never fallen in something that is never to be missed? I wish I knew. May be someday I will be able to reason with myself, may be not. I don't see myself hopeful of such a situation. I have admired people, infatuated about a lot many, but was it all love? I just can't tell. I could never tell, unless I experience first hand. I have been in the shoes of people explaining their side of the story and I felt like Okayyy..So, this happens. I am better off without it. I have had similar experience with the people I had a little infatuation about. I have felt that betrayal, that wait for a single message, that heart quenching feeling when someone else gets the attention that I should be getting, that wait for recognition( being noticed), that awkward feeling when someone is always in our mind always thinking about them and what they might have been doing, whatnot.  But can I call it love? I guess not. I don't know. I wish I knew. 

But like I have told a hundred times, it always depends on us. How we perceive things and how we conclude the same. It is all us. And in my case, I just can't expect someone else to like/love me, because I have never been in terms with myself in that aspect, for reasons many. If you feel fulfilled, then only you will be able to invite someone else into you. Else you struggle to perfect your imperfectness. May be you are not imperfect, it might just be a notion on the mind. But since you feel like that about oneself, you can't expect others to feel any different. But if a person loves their imperfection and are in terms with it, they are more accomplished than anyone. Not only in love, in life as well. So, 

Love yourself. 

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you`re alone with." 

– Wayne Dyer

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” 

― Rita Mae Brown

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The post for the fourteenth day (L) of the April month is titled 'Love' for April A2Z Challenge .