The Existential Crisis.

I am a very confused person. As confused as one can be. And then there is this supernatural existence called God. I have never really understood this supreme power that exists above all of us. But I still believe. Sometimes even I don't, there is always this tinge, somewhere in the deepest corner that makes me feel that I am wrong and there is this supreme power who takes care of us, <quote> magically <unquote>. If not magically, then how? If I were to ask that question, I might be bombarded with a lot of things such as one might say that he shows the path and it the person who has to follow. He is just a shepherd and not a magical persona. 

So, as per the believers and the noble servants of God, he is alive in form of unknown. And no one has seen him. And the people who have, which I don't know how, but those people still would agree to the question of his existence. So, practically he is over a million (or billion) years old, right? If scientists were to be believed, our planet itself has been in existence from over some billions of years ago. Don't we all agree? It is not like all this dust that was floating about in this vast universe just came together and became earth and then suddenly there was god and thought of making life form and whoosh there was life and sun and moon and stars and everything that we see under the sun and stars. Umm, I guess thats' what happened right? Exactly, my point. God is a genius. 

So, why am I being an atheist all of a sudden and commenting on God's existence and giving all this nonsense gyan,  which people are already aware of. I have been thinking a lot about this God figure for a lot of time. And I am confused. But today that is not the reason, I came across a post in Facebook : 

Is religion really worth killing for? I mean I have seen people bringing the religion topic almost every place, either it is politics, daily routine or whatever. But religion does play an important role. I believed god to be someone with whom we can trust upon. Like a person with whom we share our troubles and with whom we can totally rely on. It is just for out peace of mind that there is someone who takes cares of us, someone who looks after us, someone who protects us, someone who is always there for us, no matter what. Correct me if I am wrong! But aren't these the reasons why we believe in god? 

But what happens when one's beliefs are collided with others? When their version of thinking is different from others? When their ideologies don't subside with others? Because when god created man, he created RULES? DID HE CREATE A PLAYBOOK/RULEBOOK OR SOMETHING? Don't you think that was all man who did that? Some old man who wanted to keep everyone in check and put some weird rules to do so. Because that's what he believed to be the only way to honor / worship god. Coming back to the question of rulebook, many of us do believe that he did, not directly himself but through his disciples who were so moved by his presence and the vision he had. 

According to man, the existence of God came into being from a couple of thousand years back. There was so much suffering on the god's creation that he had to step down and make history. There was a revolution back then, but all that ended up in creating a new face to the word God. Over years many other's came or should I say many other's were believed to be God, each different from other and each having a set of new rules. What I don't understand are these classification and the differences? Why not accept everyone as equals and believe in it? Because what went wrong was Humans happened. And there was nothing anyone could do. Before we knew it, the classification was done, rules were set and the people believing ought to follow it, even if wasn't a choice to be made. 

In short, let me end this by saying that practically God is a Billion years old person listening to like 7 billion people almost every day, or should I say 7 billion prayers on a daily basis (approx.) and all we expect is that our prayers are heard in someway or the other. I agree that I am no God, but isn't that practically impossible. 7 Billion people. I myself call the name of God like a hundred times on a daily basis, okay that was a little exaggeration, at least 2-3 times on an average. Thats' not the point here. The point being Is it possible for a single person to do all that ? Even though we ponder over these questions, we really don't want the answers. Believe me. You question today, forget tomorrow and again believe that God is always there for you along with the other billions of people and still cares and protects you. You a bottom low and then question God's existence and the the next day, you are still on the same track as before. I know this, because that's what I do. I do believe, but then again sometimes I don't know what to believe.