Resolutions, huh?

I sense the silent atmosphere after the long party music which blared non stop for like eternity. I see a year go away and people hugging and welcoming a new year. And people wishing each other New Year greetings. And myself copy-pasting "Happy New Year" on the blogger comments, Google talk and Facebook chats. People partying and people busy on phones & on internet wishing, laughing, Enjoying the New year. It's everywhere, the New Year vibe which surely brings happiness and a hope for a better and prosperous year to follow.

The Night slept in the silent echoes. There was utter silence, except the clock made its rupturing ticking sound. I tried to be careful not to make a noise, for it was two hours past midnight not to wake anybody up. The keyboard, the softer I pressed, still resonated the whole room making me much more careful. I was like a thief at night being extra cautious. Or may be even more careful than any thief. 

A day has passed. A year had started. I remember yesterday's afternoon when my dad asked me my resolution. I told him the truth - I haven't made one. He gave me till evening to decide on my New Year Resolution. I replied, I will. But evening came and went by, finally night came and this also passed by, my dad forgot. I knew he would. I also knew I wouldn't make one. Why bother, I ask? We scribble on our long pages of what we will do the year to follow, but it is just the temptation that is so intoxicating as the hope that something good will turn up. But come on, "What gonna happen will happen!" Ain't it so?

Last year the world could have ended, but it didn't. We had some predictions may be not accurate but still something was there for us to worry. But we didn't. If I am not wrong, most people wanted the world to end. At least count me in. The New Year Stigma is just like that. We all have our dreams and aspirations and other bla bla things and we hope and pray to god that we achieve whatever we are working on. And in addition to that we make some resolutions. But, what do we do? I am not talking about serious people who really make up a plan and do whatever it takes to make it right. I am talking about the rest who just make a list for the name-sake to carry forward it to the next year. If you are wondering, I was talking about me. Probably, you belong to the group of people who do.

This period of time, when the whole world is celebrating Christmas and New year was never so good for me. Mostly because during this period only the exam results were declared. However bad or good I may write, I just had to fear that something worse might turn up. No, I ain't optimistic as most people are. Most of the times it turn up good. Yeah, Thank GOD. I said most of the time which is like 60%. Rest was a total disaster. So, what else would be the New Year Resolution. I will get better marks next time. The so called next time came and this gets carried forward to another next time. So, you might as well say, "You may not have put your best effort". I totally agree. And you are right, indeed. I didn't. And now when I think back, I ask myself, Why didn't I? 

Now, I have a Job, though not doing practically speaking. And I don't have to worry about the results. But still I don't feel it. The inner sense that ignites the light of celebration that I outlived one year and that I have been blessed to enter another year. May be I am taking everything for granted. But still, I don't feel it, that something that makes people hope for a better life in the days to come. Oh, No, I don't already have better life. I still haven't don't anything. There's a lot to be done and there's a lot less time. But I seem to find time, but not the anxiety to do or what do we call it, the zeal or interest. 

And that's why I wish the World ended, so that I could have had a fresh start. Now there's this thing. It is never too late to start, and its really not late to start afresh. You may be right. But, still it would take a life time for a fresh start and by then I would be old, really old by the time I refreshed everything I wanted to change. So, may be another life. Somehow, I have to make something out of the 40 something more years ( I am 21 and 60 is the normal life expectancy right, give or take!) 

So, what's your resolution, eh? 
Like I mentioned in my previous post, I haven't made one and if I make one it will probably the opposite of what I really want to change? So, what's that? What's what? Those things that you really want to change. Hmm, let me check. 
I don't smoke. 
I don't drink.
I don't study. 
Yeah, this one.
I would like write nice posts. 
This one also.
Well, I sleep less. 
This ain't gonna change. 
I talk less with people. I mean really less, like NIL [ZERO]. 
This has to change, "Big time".
I don't have a girlfriend. 
Well, That's not gonna change. LOL. Come on, its you we are talking about.
I want a new Laptop. 
WAIT A MINUTE. You are supposed to tell the resolutions not what you want/don't want/have/don't have. 
Ok. Fine. hmm... *Thinking*  
... *Thinking* ...
Well, there ends my thinking capability. So, Let me say what everybody would probably say.. hmm.
I won't will exercise daily. 
I won't will Eat proper food. No Junk Food.
I won't will sleep on time.
I won't will study a lot. 
I won't will work hard, or whatever.
I won't will write more. At least some nice posts and may be fiction and poetry as well.
Since, I have a tendency of not following a schedule/time table/to-do list/whatever-synonyms-that-word-has. I am writing exactly the opposite. :D So, at the end of the year, I can gladly say I followed my resolution list. 
Wait a minute, Who is that striking off what I just wrote and changing the words. WHO?

Anyways, I won't be asking your resolutions. May be it will be more ideas to increase the incredibly small list of mine. So, I won't ask. 

What are your New Year Resolutions? 

Ajay Kontham [2013]

- Blogger Gone Crazy

(Shh!  Just Keep it Low.)

Anyways, before you close this window, two illustrative images from my collection. 

And

P.S. : So the text in the this font is the conscious/subconscious/whatever! speaking. Probably, you must be  unable to go with two contradictory statements in one line. I should have mentioned about it at the beginning. Sorry about that. :/