The Idiot I am.

Some day last week : *Bangs the head to the table* *Bangs the head at whatever is in front of me*

Some other day last week : *Bangs the head on the table*

" Its' better to stay calm and be stupid, than speak and remove all the doubt"

So goes a line which I read somewhere. Exactly is the situation with me. So, I manage to make fun/fool of myself today completely. If there was any doubt till now, I just removed that. So, you get the gist right, I am Stupid. 

Let me take you to a week back. Now that you know I reached this place called Trivandrum, Kerala a.k.a God's Own Country. I wonder why they kept such a name. I mean seriously, Man; here the food is made from coconut oil and god knows who manages to eat it. Well, keeping aside the talk about food because its' just waste of time or lets say I don't want to. I would keep myself without eating rather than buying and leaving it again. My mom says eat whatever is available. But the hell!, nothing eatable is available here. When rice is sweetened by pineapple pieces there is no spice in the food as a matter of fact no salt sometimes. That was the scenario for the past week. This week we changed to the place for eating and this is far better than the previous location. 

So going back to the joining date : 4th June onward...

I reached Trivandrum on 3rd June. I was picked by my cousin brother. Where ever I go, I have someone or the other especially relatives. It is good in some aspects and not so good in other aspects. So, I thought of going to my room and checking in my room and then go back to their house. But, I being the less talker, my cousin bro did the talking and I went to their house with all that huge luggage. And I forgot to tell, my cousin sister had a daughter last week and what would be called? Uncle, right? So, I went to their home, saw the kid. She is cute and very small. I mean very very small. She was just 11 days by then. Getting back to me. I thought I could get back to my room, have some privacy and some Me-time as well. But, my bad. The next day I had to report by 0745hours at the office. After all the hush-hush, I start exactly at 0720 hours despite my knowing that the journey takes over 45 minutes. The car was fast and the traffic was minimal which helped me to reach on time which was exactly at 0800. I get into the line while my bro comments on looking at the line which had only girls. I too was shocked and wondered whether I was at the right place or not. Seriously, that was a pretty big queue. And I could't see any guy anywhere. But I didn't care so I didn't worry. I complete the formalities and next I am led into a seminar hall. As I entered, I was shocked to the core. The hall was filled with girls. But I acted as if I dint mind and went on casually. The thing that was bothering me was that I didn't arrange my documents and so I dint mind any of the other big shockers. 

A guy comes in and says that we get some time for breakfast. So, I get out first only to find that all the guys were in some other room opposite to the hall I was in. Then they collected Phase I of the documents. And they dint collect the remaining documents so far. The Next two days were similar while they killed us showing the boring videos. And there was a test on the second day of the joining which was used to test us obviously and the top 10% of the people i.e. 40 people would have the privilege to choose their stream. Me? Duh! I wasn't in the list. They dragged it to the third say as well and then they divided into batches and also gave the posting after the training, the base location. I got 2nd preference which was Bangalore. I was having mixed feeling at that tome. My parents were in Ahmedabad, which was where my dad got transferred recently. And my first preference was Ahmedabad. But unfortunately, my bad was at it peaks, so yeah, *sad face* and mixed crazy thoughts.

On fourth day, my training classes began. I thought what might happen in the starting classes. They will just explain about what they will be doing for the next 60 days. After the first period, I got a blow when a Business Skill faculty comes into the class and tell that we have to choose a quality and we will be paired up with another person who should not belong to the same gender or same college. That was a real hard thing to do. All the people were paired while I and other guy were remaining. And God, this guy kept on talking. You got the task right ? - Sir gave small cut outs on which there was a value or quality that a person has. There were like 50 something. The task was to speak about the partners' quality and the reason why he choose that value. I choose the value 'Helpfulness'. And I didn't think when I selected that value and I don't think I am that much helpful either. So, this guy choose Determination. So he tells about the Sir and his problem with communication and stage fear and ends up saying that he is determined to improve himself or somewhat like that. And he told me what I should be saying about him. So this Sir comes into the class and smiles at everybody and tells that we should smile at others more often and we should give a smile at other people irrespective of what they are or where they stand. And continues saying that all the people of this organisation were one big family. Sir : *Coughs*  and Looks around. and continues that he isn't much concerned about the other relations among the colleagues. 


*Continuing the draft. And didn't read what I wrote before this. So this may vary a bit and let be start afresh from the moment I stopped*


So, we were given a choice to choose a value and the other person has to speak about it. We went at the start after 3 people-pair. Firstly, everything I had to speak was in my mind and still I was shivering, I mean my legs were shaking. And to add to it the AC got just cooler and my hands froze like a dead meat. Though, I stored what I have to say in the cache memory thinking that I will remember everything, but I was too bound to forget what I was about to say. My partner told a lot of things of which many were irrelevant. I had to synchronize with his thoughts and also I had to pick up what I had to tell about. I am not that of a speaker, I mean like normally also I don't speak. What I was supposed to speak in front of the crowd with the thudding heart beating like a full volume bass / dobly music system while I try hard to recollect whatever was supposed to be spoken. I go there speak out while I am told to speak a little louder three times. Everybody say I speak in a low voice. But I feel like I am perfectly fine and audible to others. But I think I need to crosscheck the pitch of my voice. Anyways, after stumbling and after I had made a fool of myself, I end it while my colleague continues about me. I took the value Helpfullness. I didn't say anything about me. But he stitched it up with the key points I gave him. So! Whatever I thought it was finally over.


After two days, we had to give a presentation. While I came to my relatives home that weekend, my batch-mate tried something to develop the presentation. The presentation day finally arrived and we didn't even prepare a little bit. Only thing that I was in the fifth batch added some time in which we had got time to summarize what we had to say. I selected a part and was pretty confident that I will manage to get through it somehow. But when the time came, I forgot half of what I had to tell while I was already babbling about the things randomly with consistent breaks and jumps and flickering voice. I end up while my mouth was totally dry and I couldn't even conclude the sentence. But my colleague continued his part with total excellence and presented it effing awesomely that I was shocked at first and thought I was the center piece of being a idiot. 


I was petty much in shock while I tried hard to get out it. The next day there, when the day was about to end and I was sitting in the class thinking that there is nothing today that I should be afraid of especially that BizSkill class. But thoughts were drained down the flush and I did get a blow like a tornado. Three topics were written on the board and we were supposed to speak about it. If I was told to write about it, I might have rocked but speaking is totally not my area. But still I made up mind to say as if I was writing a blog - Like total nonsense and full of cr*p and s*it. So, I start there something like confident and tell everything that comes to my mind without even thinking what I was saying and I end the topic. But Sir says to continue. I was like, I spoke for a long time and still what else do I have to tell. I fumble and finally sit down when Sir says to the next person to continue. 


Ok, Fine. I clearly don't know why I wrote this. I am guessing you already know how much of an as* I am and there is nothing new to it. So, you get the gist right? The Idiot I am. 


I also analyzed about me and why I am such a, such an Idiot. The primary concern I found was my appearance. I don't think I look at all good. Not even close to okay. I am the odd one out and its the actual scenario. So, thats' one of the reason. And my flow of thoughts is not properly organized. I should get it right. And yeah, I think I might need to undego a Plastic Surgery or something like that. Thats' a joke, you got it right ?