Isolated.

Life is a perfect cycle of mysterious happenings at every turn of the clock. We expect something and we do get something, but not what we expected. We design it in a way that is according to the circumstances we live with, but we get things which are designed to serve some other's purpose. But we cant beat it nor destroy it nor leave it and stick to our own big small world. We want change. Sometimes we get and we are happy for that. And sometimes we don't and we are really disheartened with it. It is always a test, Life. Sometimes we break the code, we elope with amazing results. And sometimes heart-broken. So what happens to the guy with broken heart. Does he try to stick together the broken pieces of heart or let the animosity take a turn and exploit the struggling heart. We never know, oh sorry, I might never know. May be I am also the one with such qualifications. I don't know. But what I know is that I am Isolated but not Isolated. What does this even mean? (Right?) You got this question, didn't you. See sometimes, I know things, especially like these.  May be I will try to enlighten with my meager mind and hope that you understand. 

We always think of taking the less used path, as we all think and do know that it would make a big difference. It sure does because it is difficult. But how many of us try to choose  the difficult one. Some do and some don't. Those who do are determined & perfection-ed. They know the consequences and are ready to face them no matter what. They tend to sacrifice everything they have to get what they need and devote themselves to the work. And there are people who think to be like the rest. Some depend on others and some do the work in their own way. But all this is the decision that we, the people make. In any of the circumstances, the important thing would the relation with people. One can't be isolated and work on his own. People needs friends as they say Human is a Social Animal. Sp people make friends, acquaintances and even enemies also. They all are part of the life. But what we hold on to are 'friends'. And how does one become friends; and you all know, I guess. But sometimes, the people you know and think that they are your friends aren't really what they are. What are they then? You tell me after you read this whole post.




I do have friends, a lot of good friends. When I was in Assam, where I had no idea about the language Hindi, the only people I could talk to, were the people with the same language as mine. Later when I moved on, my circle of friends became bigger and bigger. Until my 10 grade, I was a frisky guy making fun of the things with my friends. I used to be a talking guy though looked calm and silent. I also used to make fun and was also made fun of. I was sometimes even punished for mistakes which I didn't do and mistake which I did. Now, people won't believe me as I speak. This all happens when we are with friends. But even with the innocence of the mind, people were intelligent enough to distinguish between the people based on their academic performance. I remember when we had different group for the people who secured good marks and the rest was another group. And the geek group also had some rules of some sort. As I wasn't one among them, I don't know those things. One thing I know is that they needed a specific count of people for their group while playing, so when one person used to get absent, they used to pick up from the not-so-famous group for their games. That was  the intelligence of the 4th standard student. Imagine now! While the times changed and people changed, I don't know what happened to the geek-group as I moved to another school. Now, this new school had a limited number of students, so there weren't any groups. 




Was I isolated when I was in school? Or did I feel so? No. May be I didn't know what the word meant those days. Or may be I wasn't led to such apt thinking. School is where we meet people with serene innocence and we live with that innocence. As we grow, we grew bolder in thinking and our priority changes. We feel grown up. And the way we think changes. So does that mean that I grew up and am  getting such feeling. I won't say, I am not a grown up. And I won't even abide with the notion that grown ups gets new kind of feelings. I got a reason.




Time is like a whirlwind. It passes years in months, months in days, and days in hours. I finally see myself in the last year of the under graduation stream. It seems like yesterday that I completed my 10th and my intermediate (+2). And may be after 10 years or so, I might look back upon this day and say, it was yesterday that I completed my engineering. Well, life has to go on. There is no stopping back. If you intend to stop, then you intend to lose a precious moment. Among these journeys of so called life, we encounter many fascinating things. apart from exams, which happen to decide our future, there are another important part of our life, they are called friends. Actually I adore my friends and I may do almost anything (expect those things which I can't do and shouldn't do). I used to have friends, good friends. I still have. But ow, I am very much surprised when I understand "How I could?".




From Intermediate a.k.a. +2 or 12th grade, I don't know what happened, but I became very naive and extremely calm & silent. Still I managed friends who gradually became good friends in just a span of two years. May be I think, the sudden change of atmosphere and the environment around me made to change myself. I finally got used to it and started as usual. While again three years back, I had to again change place. Though I was used to migrating and adapting to environment, but moving into and with the crowd is a bit difficult in the early stages. The old me came back to life. I was again like unseen and unheard. Later as time passed and fate might have decided, people floated around me. Not that I am famous or something like that. Just that they used to live along with me and some probably from the same class. So, my classroom and the hostel where I stayed were my limits. Within the limitation also, the criteria in which I belong surprised me as I learnt the cause for having people hanging around me, or say knowing me, or whatever. A person like me, who had never talked to a guy in the hostel managed to make atleast half of the total people staying at hostel as friends and acquaintances(some). How ? Seriously, I don't know. Ask those people who saw something in me which I actually don't have!! While I run my  thinking over the process, I am surprised. The reason here is not important, though. So I am not telling. This is because, though I may be naive, I do think a lot about others even if they don't think about me or even people who don't like me. Every person who dislikes me should have a reason for such a feeling which I caused. So, I do think what I did which caused such a feeling against / for me. Not only this, there are a  lot of things which I am made to think. Not just disliking, there are many other things starting from a frowned look to anywhere it can extend to. So the reason for now is confidential (for the time being). 




While I deliberately sit in my place which is self-chosen second bench in my present classroom, I would find no one besides me unless there are no vacant places at the back. Well the situation was a quite different a little while ago. I actually don't mind with the situation, which I live with. I am very well habituated with such kind of atmosphere. While I live with the walls, the stones, the roads and with my camera and also most importantly my laptop, I do get into some of the people old funny jokes. While the name(long back) which made sense only once and that to be mistakenly is still the people's most favorite word for teasing me or should I say making fun. Actually, I don't like name because it doesn't represent me in the minute sense. NO, IT IS KINDA INAPPROPRIATE TO CALL A NAME WHICH DOESN'T BELONG TO A PERSON AND IMPORTANTLY DOESNT EVEN REMIND OF ME. I've tried telling these people. I don't know who is stubborn, me or them? So, as of now I am living at college hostel alone. I got roommates and some (1)  left and some(1) was changed by the hostel authorities. So, I ended where I started. I am blaming anyone for this and not even holding grudges on the people who call me names. I am sorry if I have compelled you to call me so. Anyways, whatever comes, I can't speak a word but nod with a smile. Like I said, Life is a Circle, a funny one though. 




So, where do I come into picture? I was the most contacted last year, which gradually decreased as they started learning more about me that I am not that competent of dealing with things (which I don't know whether I am or not). Isolated, I am until something comes up with the college work. Lets start with Assignments. Everybody has the ability to copy from the textbook. BUT no, some dont want to open the textbooks and lately knock on my door while the others have rejected to help. Who are these others? The ones who don't want their work to be shared and  cant bear the credit to be taken by others. Well, these are some self-centered people who see success as themselves holding the position. Mind you, that position can't be shared (so is their thinking). May be they are doing the right thing, I dont know. But when someone shows up on my door, it isn't really easy to woo then off and make a excuse to escape. Sorry. I am not a good liar (though i repent it because I was once). I get easily caught. So I try not to tell many excuses. They get the work and leave with a note of thanks for the time I spared and the work which they finished. They feel satisfied, I too, just in the sense that I helped someone in some way. Then, what's next. NOTHING. Until there is an assignment or say an exam next week/(& even)tomorrow I get invisible kind. No one calls, texts. None, until the day before the exam when some people show up outside my room to clear some doubts and also to explain some things. I aint any EINSTEIN, nor a person holding 100 diplomas in any subject. They show as if I know everything, which I dont. Unfortunately, because of my not-no-character never says no, while in my mind I do say 'damn'. Though I start telling, I realize I dont know more than half of the things. With the meager knowledge I try my level best to get them what they wanted. I don't really know whether they are satisfied or not. I don't care at that moment, may be b'cause I too have an exam the other day and  I too don't know anything. Now again, the invisible me walks down the lane, until I am spotted by a guy, who calls me with again the stupid name, I am bound to continue with whatever comes ahead. 




Am I not  Isolated ? What do you think? No? / Yes? Whatever you think after reading the above length non-sensual feelings of a lonely 'freak', I said what I have to tell and got cemented in the mind. Hope, with this I might feel good which I obviously won't. Just another boring post by me. Dislike me for what I am, I won't mind.

The Disaster.

A week ago I was totally in the state of tension for the coming week. TENSION? What for? I will come to it later. Firstly as the academic year started, I was in a constant state of tension till now. Starting with the fees to till date. A trade of complexity of life just overwhelmed me like anything. What is the matter with the fees? Well, about the fees as I have told earlier in the previous post was a disparity in my knowledge and the actual value. I had to run helter-skelter for that while it got solved. But it was that only thing. All the classes I was haunted by the thoughts of the same and I couldn't concentrate on the classes, as if I would have concentrated. At least I would have heard the classes with out any sort of burden on me. As it got a kind of solved, it took a week off. It here refers to the tension. 




Finally last week, it got a chance back again and struck right through me. I felt devasted as I am feeling now. This whole week I had been artificial. I could not laugh like normal. Last week I went to home with an elite plan. This plan I had since 10th grade. I tried implementing this plan over a 50 times. May be it might have reached 100 as I stopped counting. Well the point is that I couldn't implement my plan. And I had a Get-Together by my 12th grade friends hoping to meet one more before eloping with the jobs or higher education. I will write about it in another post. And frankly speaking I really couldn't enjoy because I had something else in my mind bothering. Later was the time for the plan. I think I made the point clear that the plan which I intended to work upon just failed. 


Now as my plan had failed, I was left with no other choice than to deal with it. Well, an unhealthy man needs an inspiration and positive motivation that he would get alright. A deranged person needs enlightenment. A jerk needs to learn moral values. Well, so I had to do something. The visions and the dreams which we have play an important role. These motivate and inspire us saying that the thing which you are about to deal with is a small thing only and it can be easily handled. So was the case with me also. This happened at night before the day I was to leave. I convinced myself to give it a try and try to make a beginning. Well it lasted for the night before I left for hostel from home. As I arrived at hostel, it was like a haunting ghost. I started with the process of creating the presentation slides. As days grew nearer and nearer, the light which I had ignited the spark. Well actually, that spark didn't last for even a day. I also had to submit the report in addition to the presentation. Well, the report was getting disastrous each day. I almost got the whole lot of the A4 pages. It's a pretty mess. Finally I was done with the report and was left with a mess of papers. Cutting the story short, finally the day arrived and as usual I was pretty tensed. I had been expecting this day since a week. But this day wasn't my day. As the seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, the time finally arrived. Just before I had the presantation seminar, I had to submit the report. I was pretty frustrated and kind of out of my mind sort of thing. The actual procedure was that on each day of the lab, Every five members have to give the seminar, which is on the Industrial Training which was supposed o be done by the students during the summer break. Unfortunately, there were only two who were giving the seminar. Of which myself bearing the freaking roll no.1, I was one of them in the first. Luckily for the other guys they took the permission. They just escaped intimating that they would give their presentation in one of the coming weeks. This left me the only one to give the presentation. But fortunately, a friend of mine volunteered to give his seminar on the same day as mine, as he had some exam on his seminar day. This left with only two guys to give the seminar. As I was in a 'out-of-mind'  state, I told my friend that we will also give the presentation next week. So, as I went to the concerned teacher to submit the report he told the same thing I told. But the madam was quite mad at that and we were left with no other choice than to give the seminar. 


With minor problems and also tackling them, the final moment came. That moment made me forget everything. Everything. Everything that I had prepared for the seminar. So I started with reading the presentation slides and with steady interruption of questioning and awkward feeling of mine while I wasn't able to answer the questions and the look of the teachers. I continued reading the slides, which when I was reading also I felt a kind of guilty or say shame or say (anything you like,) when I was pointed out that I was reading them rather than explaining them. I was quite embarrassed. Totally Embarrassed. I know that there is no escape from that. So, it was a big Disaster. Now, I feel like (I don't know,/okay lets say I don't know how to put the words/ or may be I don't know the words for such kind of a feeling) devastated. "__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________". I don't know what I should write in those spaces. I feel like _________. Sorry, don't know again. DAMN. I can't write any more. If I do it would be very inappropriate. So, excuse me. I will catch up later with myself. I myself don't know where I am wandering. 


P.S. I don't why I wrote this. I just felt like writing. And I know that most of my friends would be thinking what an 'a_h_ 'I am. And though they would be calling me with more inappropriate word than calling me 'jerk'. By the was I am sorry, I've no idea what I am writing.

The Succession.

Six hours of continuous watching has taken the toll on me today. Yesterday, I made it big by watching three movies in a row, with fifteen minutes gap for each movie. I was fine yesterday. But now, dizziness, headache. Is it due to the continous watching of movies? Or something else? Because I was having another trouble, which got solved today only, but last night was almost a hell with its haunting. By the way the succession is not about the movies. It's about the problems. Well, I would be telling about it later. But now , it's about the movies.


X-Men : First Stand

Well finally I did watch this movie. It was good. I am not reviewing the movie here, you could probably read them anywhere else. Just my opinion on the movie. Actually I have nothing to tell about the movie. Just have to admire the super powers which those mutants have and wish I had some also. If not all clubed, atleast some. Finally, movie was good as usual, enjoyed with a coke and popcorn.


The Green Lantern

The first one, I mean probably the sequel would be made later, hopefully. The movie was beautifully written and screenplayed.It was the second action movie of the day. And I wasn't bored, at all. If the story had been the same as that of the cartoon flick, then I might have been bored with the routine of the movie? Even then, cartoon is so much different that a movie. Finally, the movie ended well and was worth watching.


Kung Fu Panda 2

No matter what this movie has a unique sense of humor. The Panda itself is so adorable, and his never ending hunger makes the humor part much more interesting. And even with such big appetite, he could do Kung Fu so fluently, the moves are expounding. Well, I don't have to make a special note of appreciation, everybody knows it. So a Kung Fu finished the day with a lighter tone of laughter. Finally, it ended well without instigating a feeling of boredom as I had been watching movies since the past four hours before this one. In conclusion , all the movies were good and worth watching.


As I said before I had trouble sleeping the other night. It was related to academics. The college hasn't started yet & what problem was I having beforehand? It was about the fees. The total fees as I remembered was a lot amount X. So for that I took a demand draft for te sale amount. Later I found out that it was actually X, but X+500. before I could even think, I already paid the fees with the demand draft amounting to X. But the worst part was that the handler who was typing the challan form, made it for the actual amount. I thought, as he had seen the DD, he might be aware that it was for X amount only. Then I went to te bank to pay. I paid it there and returned to submit the receipt when I realized that the receipt had the actual amount and not X, which I thought was X only. I got tensed for a moment and later thought to take it lite. But some part of my mind wasn't in the same page. It was telling me to do something fast. So finally, I went to a near by bank in the college and started filling the demand draft for the amount which I had to pay. By it required account number, and clearly I didn't had an account in that particular bank. Hell was it then. But still I was in harmony with the other part of the mind. I went to the movies, when in between I got a call from my dad enquiring about the payment of the fees. Then it stroke again. Now I needed a DD. I had a uncle working in a bank, so I immediately called him andesite for a DD. After the movie, I took the DD, and reached hostel. It was fine untill I had my dinner and then I was left alone to my thoughts and the only thought was how to table the situation tomorrow? Hiw to handle it swiftly with out causing any damage and problem? I came up with many lame excuses. And thought to implement any one of the innumerable lame excuses, but it became worse. I couldn't sleep. I finally made up my mind to handle the situation swiftly and wanted not to thi k about it anymore. But I couldn't help thinking.


And today as I battled with one problem, another came up. That's when I started feeling dizzy and headache. And after I end with this one would there be another one? For sure, any doubts?

A Maniac.

The darkness became dearer. The light lost his hope. He lost his anxious character. He started stumbling. The room was always dark. Even in mornings the room filled with TV, laptop and other home theatre systems, along with a softy comfy couch. The curtains were always in place hiding the morning sunshine ray to the evening last blespathetic ray. The room flickered with the ambient colors, fluorescent in appeal, illuminated the dark corners of the room. The potato chips favor lied on the floor along with the pizza left overs.


His thinking declined as he was too much attached to tv & laptop rather than anything else. the cells slowly started dying. He became untamable, just like a fierce beast hungry for ages. The slightest attempt to recover that maniac into normal condition failed when he denied listening. It became unbearable. The continuously running tv and the laptop was taking the toll on the high power consumption. Frequent gaps of power cuts was a relief on the burdened power cable. Something had be done, real fast. The person developed a pot belly, though rather considered himself as a thin and athletic person. Really? Asked the people around him. This guy? Impossible! Dynamic was this guy, with rational ideas And idealogies. Steadfast was he in thinking and acting his goals, once. This guy? Laughed the people.


Writing was his hobby, a passion which he intrusted in himself. What was he write about? The scorching heat of the corrupted politicians? Or the suicidal lovers fateful story? Or the unhappily-happy divorced families? The Global Warming? Or about the Osama Bin Laden's fateful death? Or the mad politics? Enough! It was for him. The indespensible mankind with their utter flawless thinking of hatred, power, money has driven this man against the society. The complicated lies of the heated politics and the broken promises of the promising leaders stand at no level. The whole crap of untamable world and wasting time to bring change in the behavior of reckless rascals and the beasts has let the heart down for that maniac person. What was he to write about? When the voice raised is suppressed like a sponge and disposed off like garbage. When the people concerned play with time and justice investing their money to bail out their conspired illegacy. When power is ruled by power and money, the filthy rich. When the poorer are suppressed and the injustice is justly done the weaker section. Here The Power is Money and Money is Power. And no other stand in the way, none otherwise rich with power. They win no matter what. No matter even they are wrong, totally. Frustrated was that person when people called him maniac and those people leaders. Hell bent was that man when he tried to change till he realized that change is easy; which changed him. No matter what, those people couldn't be changed. They might change you, make you suffer, torture you with the finest equipment ultimately changing yourself and finally decide not to take a risk again. Who can change them? Justice is INJUSTICE. May be GOD could help. Said who? They are gods. They rule. They supress. INJUSTICE is new JUSTICE.


Who can change?? CAN YOU?

Lazy Morning.

I was running in the dark, when suddenly I was tamed with the red beam of light which flashed in my eyes and kept me wondering what the heck did the sun come in the middle of the night. I even felt someone pulling my hand. It was until I finally woke up, and realized that it was almost afternoon, well still an hour was left to strike 12. But the sun had already came to the top, with the clouds covering it up. Actually, I was in a kind of deep sleep, really deep sleep. All my body parts were tamed to rest, and when I tried to wake up, it was utter difficult to make those things move and most importantly, my brain wasn't working either. Well, after some minutes of struggle, not actually struggle-struggle, I finally made up and began with my daily routine. 

But what happened was that the current was gone. No power, that to be at this hour of the day. I moved from one laptop to another utilizing the battery to keep me entertained, while I realized that the battery also drained out in a could of minutes. Finally, I had nothing, even my iPod was down with battery, and it was like that since last night. Well, for my phone it was working but, I ain't got anything to do with my phone. So I lazily moved around in the house from one room to the another. There was no TV, no INTERNET, no MUSIC, no LAPTOP. NOTHING. It was quite difficult to manage in absence of either of these. And that to be in holidays, it would be like hell. I even got tired of moving around. I finally got back to my bed, and again slept for some while which was approximately 3 hours, when I was again woken up for lunch. The same feeling of 'difficulty of movement of body' stroke again. After lunch, I checked out the facebook, which again showed "NO NOTIFICATION". But, my phone had some messages, which was from Google, and which was because I recently subscribed for more channels the other night. And there was a message from a friend of mine also. Actually, every time my friend messages me either when I am online or to my cell, I literally am away from both of them and sometimes the battery goes off. My Bad. This is happening for the past two weeks. I have no idea how to make that up.

My college is going to begin in another 3 days or so and as intimated that this is the last academic year, and the most important one also. While, the theories of the work hard  continue. These theory is the same for every year though. When in 10th class, I was told to work hard for this year and then the rest of the life will be easy. But it doesn't end there. Then came the +2. And now Engineering and later higher studies and later Job-related works and its accomplices. Well, this thing never ends as of such. But what else could we do? Can we just sit down and let everything fall in place just like it without giving a shot atleast. This sure is not gonna happen. Most of the times things don't fall in place even after working very hard. Then, how can without working help achieve the falling things in order and in perfect place. Impossible.  Well, I am not here to lecture about the work hard theory. I was just quoting that.

Moving on. I thought of mastering one thing. I tried to master "No Thinking". Actually, as I know that human mind always thinks about something either we know it or we don't. It doesn't matter. But, it works almost all the day, even when we are asleep and makes it in the form of dreams. So, I tried to think about nothing for some time. Well, this was difficult and no doubt impossible. Though, I didn't apply my one hundred percent and even if I did I would have achieved it. I am thinking of writing some fictional stories as soon as I can. I just wanted to keep up to date and make sure that my mind is working, which I have concluded that it isn't. While I try to brush up my brain, I would be posting some nonsense posts, for which I am sorry. I have got more things on mind that I could imagine and clearly i don't have a clue about any. I don't even know what they are all about. Well, I would try to improve upon this.

Idealy Idle.

It was pitch dark, as I  looked out of the foggy window. The rain had made it lusturous and incredibly clean. Predictably, nothing was visible. I lied down back to my too much comfortous sofa while I continued watching the TV. The clock showed nearly 0230 hours. It was last night. I could see the moon, as it was a Lunar day. Huh, anyways I let myself drain away with the battling tv channels as I could not stay on one single channel. The dark room made florescent colors blinking at each second. But who cares, everybody else was asleep. My  eyes are totally glued to the TV, as I was reading the subtitles. Why? I kept the volume to mute, so as not to disturb anybody. 

Suddenly, the wind made a comeback from the early evening blow. Literally, the windows were wide open for circulation of the air, and indeed, I hate Air Conditioner, I prefer sleeping under the fan. I quickly ran to shut them so as to avoid the blasting noise of the windows and the doors. After closing all the wind inlet and probable break-prone windows, I went to my study room where the download of some tv serials and software was going on. And frankly speaking, I haven't switched off the laptop for nearly a fortnight or even more. I lost the count. Well, mine is not a hi-speed broadband so that I could wind up all my bulky downloads in an hour or a day. I checked the status and returned to the TV and continued with the subtitles thing. 

I looked at my cell, while the advertisements were bothering the show, "NO NEW MESSAGES". Later I looked up the FABEBOOK, "NO NOTIFICATIONS" read the tiny blue transparent world picture. Though, I found people online, some 8 to 10 people, I guess none was interested in chatting at this hour of the night and more-over to a boy. HELL NO. I again came back to TV, while the show continued and I had to read real fast as the subtitles were moving very very fast. Later, I switched off the TV, though I wasn't feeling sleepy. I lay down and looked in the darkness of the room. The room was silent, literally meaning no sound of the tv and the flickering florescent light. 

I was led into thinking. Well, actually I haven't used my mind for over a month and to be precise, nearly 40 days. REALLY. I did attend the Industrial Training, but I didn't find anything to get my mind and learn something new. I was least interested in that. Almost the summer vacation is over and the 4th semester year is gonna begin in a week, I don't have a minimum of the tension which my colleagues are having. They worked hard, I could say. They were writing GRE, one of the many competitive exams. But I sat consistently in front of the TV and the laptop and doing the most easiest work ever, NOTHING. 

I recently started a page of my own for the bogus photography with which I am obsessed with. You see, I like publishing and frankly no one gives a s*it about it. But I still persuade them by uploading some of  my favorite pictures which happens to be of the same genre and almost exact location and nearly the same pictures. Well, you could find the page here on the right side. I really like photography, but when ever I find something interesting and fascinating, everything goes the opposite for me. My battery suddenly goes dead before I could even click. And sometimes, I don't even have a camera. And sometimes and most common, people around stare as if like they haven't seen a camera before, or may be probably thinking "What the hell is there that that dude is clicking photos". And moreover I haven't moved of my home, since last month, so I dont have anything fascinating to keep up with my photographic skills ( :P ). 

Well, "What happened to writing, blogging?" . I always wanted to write something new but how could I? I never used my mind, so gradually I lost the lust and the thoughts section of my mind and I guess its quite rusted now? Well, I got some questions for myself.

How many hours do you sleep daily? 

Nearly SIX hours. That's a lot for an INSOMNIAC person.

How may hours I spend on Facebook daily?

5 hours tops. That basically includes all the notification checking and messages, which frankly are zero.

How many hours does you chat shows that you are online?

Almost all the time. I never keep my chat to offline. So was the case fort the past 40 days also. So, it would be 24 x 7 .

 

How many hours do I spend on TV daily?

The rest of the time is for TV only.

How many people on facebook do you think have blocked my updates on their wall?

Nearly 10-15 people. This is a guess. Mostly, this would coincide with reality.

Well, enough questions for today and I got some stories to write. I was just trying to ease my rusted brain and let some thought flow as I write after two months gap. I suppose, I will keep up with my writing and the stories also.

A Thought.

A thought ! The observation and deduction of a specific thing which causes the excitation of the enzymes in the brain causing a lustrous flow of thoughts expanding with the related things and adding the unknown factors and finally ending somewhere called nowhere near the thought which arouse in the mind. Well, its not any kind of definition or anything like that. Right now, I am writing. The implicate feeling when something needs to be expressed but words aren't sufficient. The pulsating feeling and the thirst for writing, the passion is emanating the bright fluorescence in the arguing mind. An eminent light with an urge to depict the implications and obligations along with the extrinsic anxiety implicating to write.

        Why? What for? For Whom? A fraction of second spent in the simple thought, a bunch of minutes for accumulating the intricate data in the complicated minds and then arranging them systematically. The multitude of effort in scripting the matter in the mind for the comfort of the readers is an extravagant feeling. But nothing is as easy as we might conclude it to be. How is this possible? Our minds are not made of any kind of silicon chips so that they could arrange everything systematically and could be used whenever we need it to be used. The encoding, decoding and retrieval of the information in the clustered brain is a biological phenomenon for sure, and it also amazing too. But on a practical view when I compare it with the hideous big book consisting of over a thousand pages for just understanding how the information i stored in the silicon chips using all the software, hardware and such stuff is an enormous and freaking head ache as i would say because it never ends in any way. It goes on and on. But as I have never taken the liberty of going through how the brain stores the information and interprets. Don't you think its amazing. 

How fascinating it is when we write what is on our mind with flawless words and with extreme caution for the better implication of the critical thought which hindered us to take time from our daily routine and spend a portion of our time to express ourselves. How can thinking help us? Actually, it does help. Some people are totally lost in their world not knowing what is happening around them until they are woken up by the person besides him or by the teacher. This case is seldom sensed by me during the rigorous lectures which tend to happen for every lecture in the college. I am totally lost in my own world creating the bubbles of imagination drawing the cut outs of the lecturers slightly erased figures and manipulating with my own creative yet disastrous imagination. "ROLL NO.1" , is the phrase I am totally woken up from my eyes wide open dreamy world, but by the time the lecture has already been completed and the next lecturer/teacher is already waiting outside the classroom and myself also unknowingly lost in my own world again. Sometimes I also tend to read the book without my mind in it. After I complete the page, I realize that I wasn't paying attention to what I was reading and what was I thinking? Sorry, don't know. In my academic life I have come across different variety of people. These people really think 'Out of the BOX'. Really. They have vibrant ideas and they sure implement them not knowing where it might lead for some, the accelerate towards their 'THOUGHT' or lets call it 'IDEA'.

Why? Why do we have to sit in front of the computer screen and making a sore ass and jot down or say write down the idea. What for? What do we gain in doing so? Money is anticipated by many. But I am far behind those people. Money isn't a concern for me. Is it for you? Yes? Then you got a purpose. When I write this nonsense, do I gain anything? Or let's ask you, the reader. What do you gain from this hazardous write-up? Anything? Well, if you ask me, I would say you just wasted 20 minutes of your time. So as you have wasted your time, I would like to extend your time for a moment more and write a comment on this or the next out-coming blog-posts.

One Incident.

The starting of a year always begins with a smile in the face and an urge to do something great in the coming year. I guess everyone in the world would have been happy and with no worries they stepped into the glorious new year. But, as far as I know it wasn't the same for some people. One of the person is my cousin sister, who studies in a different college. We both are at hostel at the same place, Visakhapatnam. Before I continue with the incident which happened last year on the last day of the year, let me give an insight of the people here, I distinctly mean the youth. 




This age is intense. The teenagers face a lot of hard times and never the less they manage to tackle all of them. Because we have the potential to face it. We have different mind sets but that doesn't mean we are always right and always wrong. We never know what happens when. All we know is that we are here to study, as some say and the others are carefree teens. There is no problem with the people obeying their elders or the teachers. But the real problem rises with the care-free kids. The mind is faster in growth of a ugly virus which manipulates the intention of these people. They are very much and well influenced with the wrong things. I sometimes wonder how these people are so 'STUBBORN'. It is never wrong to get the things do your way. But there are people who don't care about the minutest of the thing about others. But they speak of friendship like philosophers. Friends are a part of life, not the life. There are other people also who stand in the way to guide us to what we want to achieve. But we don't very much care about them. We try to follow our own rules even tough they scold us not once, not twice, but many times. I am writing about this because of the horrible situation in my class. People are like 'Jack-as*es'. Really, I mean it. And I really don't care what they think, because what they think is ultimate c*ap. Instead of repeated telling scolding, when these people continue to be the same, what do you call them. I really don't have a name/term for those people. And there are people who don't take anything seriously, even the things which are dead-serious. I guess that's called attitude. The people with the same attitude love the others with this kind of attitude. But, I REALLY HATE SUCH KIND OF ATTITUDE. 




Well, I am very much upset with the behavior of the people who happen to be my classmates. So, there was so much non-sense about them. So, back to the incident which happened on the last day of the last year in some college, where my cousin sister studies as of I know goes like this. I may not have grasped the whole incident, but as for I know I am gonna tell. 




My cousin sis' is in the final year of Engineering and happens to have got a job recently during the campus interviews. Some days earlier, some of her friends were studying in the library during the free time when a junior approaches them and says, " You seniors are really waste. You don't know how to do ragging. If you want to do ragging, call me. You people can rag me." [Now see the nerve of this person. She is a junior, a first year student in the first place and goes to the seniors and tells them in that kind of tone and attitude. I just can imagine the scene which might be going on in those seniors mind with all their facial expressions. Now, are these seniors such a fool?] These seniors got angry. [It's obvious to get angry, when some junior comes and tell them to rag her.] They told her friends and they decided to get her repent for what she has said. They selected some day in the last week of December as their hunting day. On that day her roommates did their kind of ragging (don't know whether it was good, or brutal) to that person, who aspired to be ragged. Next day there seems an complaint in their department office. The girl herself seems to have told her father, who wanted to take action against the incident. 




A room usually has three members each in their hostel. And when this ragging was going on, two of my sis's roommates and their whole junta was busy with their task of bullying while she slept silently. But the next day seems to be nightmare for the three of the roommates. These people were said to be expelled from the hostel. Some questions arise. "Who's mistake is it?" "Who is suffering for someone else's deeds?" "Who did the ragging and who is being expelled?"  That lil girl tells that she hasn't given the complaint. My sis' along with one of her roommate are innocent as they were not involved in any such activity, but they know the whole incident. It was the junior's father who seemed to have given the complaint to their Vice-Principal, as the VC said, but actually there was no such written complaint. As usual there was an individual interrogation and everybody told what hey did. But, he finally said three of the people to leave the hostel. My sis got angry about the VC's decision, but could do nothing. He said to bring their parents. Fortunately, my sis has an Aunt over here. So she took her the next day. 




And the VC started counseling each of their parents/gaurdian.  And you would be shocked if you hear what he told to each of the parents by giving certain weird examples. I myself couldn't hear when she was telling. I can say just this that it is totally not suitable for telling and not at all appropriate to hear it as a parent. That day passed with so much of un-clear decisions and moving here and there with no appropriate inclusions to draw. The whole day was wasted like the burnt tar. All came back with a grinned face and sceptical loss of their defeat to make the things work their way as some people were accused without any involvement in the incident. My sis's dad came over here and they all worked out a strategy to follow. That evening the room was filled with hot debates and explanation and stuff like that. They even decided to call the "PRESS". It indeed needed such thing because some people were wrongly accused. The discussions also included the "girls hostel warden". "What was she doing when the ragging was going on?" . Already the warden and the students have a grudge among each other as like every other hostel. There were so much discussion and I was actually sitting between three solid-debaters arguing about the incident and all went through me. So, this is a reason why I couldn't recollect all the incidents. All the students already have a dis-looking feeling towards the VC. And they weren't able to tolerate the amount of stress he was giving to the parents and the students.  After a series of discussions and odd behavior of a parent (who was speaking big-big words like killing herself, including the whole family because of the humiliation caused to them ), the VC was terrified with such advancement and the rawness of the situation. He finally convinced the people with three choices, but one of them already made a decision of her not to stay at the hostel, while the other two shifted to another hostel, but a little bit far. My sis could have gone back to the previous hostel, but they made complaints about the warden, so to avoid any more conflict, she decided to stay where she is presently staying. 




Now some questions. Why did I tell this story? My intention wasn't to make fun of the people who were almost-expelled from the college hostel. Rather, it was the growing trend among the people and the ugly behavior of the people. I don't understand one thing, why are people so stubborn and are like immovable stones. Their mind is so set that its hard to understand, which is purely unnecessary and it is practically impossible to change it. Well, I can also be considered as one of them, but with more restrictions which I have for myself and the surrounding crowd !! 






P.S. :: This Write-Up, I wrote long back almost when the incident had happened, but didn't complete it. Now when I thought of completing, I found myself almost forgetting the incident ever happened. So, with the small bits of memory and my own imagination, I finally completed writing it. Phew.! But, I have to confess, I ate  didn't write the complete and exact story, which proves that I am a bad "Story-Teller". Anyways, i apologize for the half-story. Hope it is still readable. 

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As it goes...

" Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you.. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. "

- William Arthur Ward

As I looked at the time at the lower corner of my laptop, it sure was changing. Last time I saw it was passing 10:10 pm, now it is passing 12:12 am. Well, not much difference but actually there is. In these two hours, I was at the same place, same way and frankly speaking doing nothing purposeful. Well, now I sat down to write something after a long time. Last time I wrote it was from my iPod. Now, I prefer to continue no matter what. Its like a diary to me, the day I don't write and postpone it to another day, it doesn't feel good to me in any way. I keep a diary, though; but I tend to use it for writing stories. And actually didn't write much, only one so far. Next is my blog. This is my online journal and would like to continue for the days to come.




A can of 7Up or diet coke and a Veg Burger with a Veg Sandwich or either of them has been a routine for me. It would be a bottle of rum/vodka/something alcoholic with a cigarette for some other person who is endorsed with such habits. But for me, these are enough. And this has almost been a routine for quite some time. Yeah, I had been spending a lot money on junk food and this hostel fees is also enormous. So totally, I am like a spendthrift, left loose and with a few bucks in the pocket can do anything, mostly nothing but eating. Well for now, I am developing a pot belly. And if I continue like this for another one month or so, surely I would have a big stomach which would be quite difficult to satisfy. If eating junk food was one of my daily work so was driving. I go outside almost everyday, to the beach, sit for some time and drive back and do NOTHING useful. I get back and think what did I do? Why did I went outside? I do not know. But the thing to worry about is the prices of the petrol. I am spending a lot on that.




In other news, I have thought of writing a story , which I have been inspired by some other blogger. He indeed writes well, and so I too am trying for writing something related to psychoism which I guess is becoming famous these days. May be I will start a new blog for that so I am thinking of a name for it and will link to that blog from here. So, may be I will try to make it interesting. But its getting postponed daily. 




Time is running out like the wine in a drunkard's house. The more he has, the more faster is gets empty. The lesser he has the more impatient he becomes. Similar is the case with me. Now I have time, but feel too lazy to do the thing which I planned to do. But when time runs out, I think of this time and curse myself saying, " Once I had time and I wasted it". Precisely, it is now. I don't realize the importance of time when I am having it. But when I don't have, I get tensed, frustrated and I forget things. In one end time is getting scarce and in the other money. I totally hate the idea of staying in a college hostel. I have to pay more than what I actually consume and and utilize the utilities. Thats really sad because with the same money being spent by me staying outside at my home or some other place I could buy a lot of new things. Now, I and slowly getting into 0 bucks in my purse which I never thought would happen. Yeah, that's sad. And staying up at hostel and saving money and again spending the saved money on food because its not always at least good and other things.




Lately, I had been wandering around the city, the beach and the roads. Unfortunately, i was caught up by the traffic police two times. Instead of having everything in hand these idiotic people in a way to suck the money tell things which I never knew. I think may be they are right. It better not to get the vehicle impounded and circling around the nasty traffic policeman by paying the fine. Only if I knew the codes which he wrote on the fine slip, I would have dragged him out of his position. I don't know those codes. And I had met people and learnt also. What more was that I am actually having a doubt about my friends. I was wondering whether they really are my friends or not. Oh my god, you must see people pretending and it would give you a realization about yourself. And you tend to search yourself everywhere. It would be like searching something in the Yellow Pages Telephone directory without knowing what you are searching for. Anyways, wait up till I write about the amazing people around a sophisticated self. 

Puzzle #6

 A man lives in his house. He also works out of his house and his job is very important. Everyday the man must sleep with the lights on to avert from tragedy. One night the man gets so sick of the light he turns it out for the night. The next morning he reads the newspaper, takes out a gun, and shoots himself. Where did the man live? 

P.S. :: My apologies for the change in text font in this post. The earlier half was written in iPod Touch, and the latter in the blogger window. The answer to the puzzle will be given in the upcoming post. 

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Frustrated-Self

Dear Frustrated-Self,




        This is strange but its kind of creepy too. I feel like you are concerned about me. Then what strikes my mind is, "What the hell?". Who??, you? Totally not. Please don't pretend as if you do and precisely, I do know that. And if you are totally not concerned, then shut the _ up and mind your work. Don't bother me. And more over I don't talk much, so talk to me only if you need some favor from me; which you always do. And don't even think of me after you are satisfied with the work or help by me, because I don't mind as I am a HUMAN with no feelings and a spine. Am I being too good to you? I don't like to be bad to anyone unless you spoil some thing which is of much concern to me. Did you? Ask yourself? Did I ever ask you for help? And what about you to me? Actually, I consider it as my pleasure, but lately I started to realize something very odd. Is there any difference between a tissue paper and a chocolate wafer? Or is there any difference between you and me? Realize that as soon as possible. Oh, there is, right? Nope? Anyways that's for you to decide. I just leave you with a small question, "What do you think of me when you ask me something like, some kind of help? ". Don't answer me. Ask yourself that question and keep the answer with you. Don't think of those people who are like that. It's useless and a sure waste of time. Probably, they are way too high in listening to their heart. Just let it go. Don't bother yourself. "For how long?". 




Yours frustrated
Self.

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Completely Random...

Statutory Note:: Written and published from my iPod touch. Proceed at your own risk.


"Being GOOD is not always GOOD " .


It has almost been a month since I wrote anything in me blog. Why wasn't I writing anything all this time? Did I had exams or Did I go somewhere outside the station?? Or was I sick? None. I was just not wiling to spare my time for this? Does this mean I was busy studying seriously? It's not even that. I was lazying around until I realized that my brain was getting sick because of complete impotentance and lazyiness. I was really sick at my brain. Later I thought of writing something, I found something really horrifying. The 'ANTS' were back. This time a lil' bit more improved their skill of destroying the sweetness of the things. Even mine!! This time it was my laptop and the laptop charger. What in the God's name happened, I do not know. They made their way through the gaps between the wires and connections and all the ports where it could be easy to enter to later get burnt due the voltage and burn my power adapter, which ultimately short-circuited something in the mother board of my laptop. It has been two weeks and I still couldn't get it repaired.


Outside my Room (At College) ::

I am a kind of a punctual person. So even if I woke up late in the morning, I would attend the college with out brushing my teeth, which is in rare cases. Well, that's a different story than what I was trying to tell here. As I enter the slightly filled classroom of mine, some people are always seen with some kind of book or the other. I don't have to inspect it which book it is or what they are studying? I know it. It's called 'HIGHER EDUCATION'. The future in creation in small steps but aiming for high. I don't much about them. But the question is What the heck I am doing? I?? Nothing!! When I see the people with GRE , CAT and all kind of other exams, preparing hard with the vocabulary and the mathematics, why doesn't anything strike in mind that Why don't I?? These are a kind of studious person, and definately with assurance I can tell that these guys are gonna make big. After 10 years or so, it will be quite evident with the progress they might be making. Don't even think about me. I would be no one compared to them by that time. Rather forget my name from now on, because after 10 years or so, when asked upon Do you know this guy? Who ?? *My name*. "I am busy right now, ask me sometime else", would be the obvious response. Well that won't mind me much because I am well prepared for that. And moreover it's not 10 years, deferment it to 3 years (tops). Well, that will be some other story. For now it's them who are going to a mark.


In the meanwhile, I had been attending CAT classes for the MBA. Dont ask me about it, because I rarely attend it and even if I attend I don't take the required interest. But there is one guy, a teacher over there of whom I would like to tell. Basically I don't like pin pointing at other people specifically but I too don't know why I am telling about him. He is well versed in English. And for that reason he teaches English. Most of the time he considers too superior, though he is indeed but with an ingredient called Proudness, which stirs me hard. I can't take people who act too proud of themselves. He says he could achieve anything, well then why is he still teaching over here. He could become much more than he is now, as he says. Once in a time, he takes out the money from his pocket which amounted to some 5000 bucks and he says he carries that just as pocket money, like just in case comparing it with an IIM student who would have the almost same amount of money when he goes out for a casual morning walk. Once, he asked one random student about the number of friends he and she had on Facebook. Next question was Hiw many call daily of weekly? Was that important. The question that came in my mind was : How many contacts he had in his cell phones, yeah he had two. And how many call daily or weekly?? Keeping in touch is fldifferent than calling every now and then asking how was the day. I myself have over 200 friends, no big deal. And frankly no one calls. I dint mind much. I don't need the calls also as ling as they don't delete my name from their friend list. There is much more to tell about him, but I guess this is enough for now.


And there is one more person. I had controlled myself for a long time about this person. I already posted about him in Facebook, later removed it thinking that he might improve in the classes to come. He is a lecturer who probably comes to my class and teaches a subject which he himself claims doesn't know. Okay, we can excuse him for the reason that he doesn't know anything about the subject, but he still acts as if he knows everything and again tells he doesn't know anything. There is a vast topic which he I intentionally skipped it, which is really an important topic. But he says he can't teach such big topic. My question:: what else can he teach ?? And in our curriculum there are some topics which weren't available in the textbook so he tells the students to give the seminar. Well, that's fine for the students so that they can improve. While correcting the examination papers his mood plays an imports t role and if it's bad no matter his good you write they are not gonna fare well. In almost every class he makes fun of himself directly and indirectly. I don't have a specific word with which he could be named. Anything to tell about him will ve less. He is truly incomparable personand have never seen any of his kind anywhere. So far he is a great 'Economist', I could say, for the subject the teaches.


Note:: This is so far for now. This post has been written and published from my iPod touch. So their might be a lot of spelling mistakes and obviously no formatting which I always do. So kindliness with it. Next post will soon be posted. ( I am informing as if my blog is in real demand, haha; lol. Just keep up with me.) I will try to make it interesting, which I had been trying to do since I started writing the blog. Anyways for now take care and have fun.

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