The Interview-Drama!

On 9th of September, the drama began. Like everybody else I was also borne with the same role. But the procedure was quite different. Well, if you have read my previous post, though you haven't except for a few. And the number can be counted, I mean the number of people who read. For those who haven't, I will provide with the necessary link : Experience (un)Certainity. Hmm, really(?) you would go back to this link. I frankly think that you won't. Well anyways for the very few, I am continuing with this. And even if no-one is interested, I still would. :D .

We had two rounds of interview. One was the Technical Round(TR/ Drama Part 1) and the other Human Resource Round (HR/ Drama Part 2). There was long wait before we were to be called. So the person before me in number was getting kind of scary and nervous type. He saw me and I was not doing anything, like preparing or anything of that sort. I told him that I had lost interest and probably I might be rejected in the TR itself. Adding to this I even said that for getting rejected, I came another day dressed like a joker. This could have ended smooth and simple the previous night itself if you hadn't said anything of postponing to this very day. Dad called I said the same thing. Mom called and I repeated the same thing. I was about to attend just for an experience so that the I might know what changes I had to make in me before I attend the next interview. Well the hour came within no time. So, the Drama Part 1 began : 

Technical Round :

 As I walked towards the so designated place I had forgotten what I had to tell in the beginning and also that I was going for an interview. Lastly I convinced myself that this was an interview. And which went like this...

Interviewer: So, You are Ajay Kontham. Take you seat.

Ajay Kontham : Good afternoon Sir. (I said thank you, but it wasn't audible to me either).

Interviewer: Tell me something about yourself.

AK :  Sir, My name is Aja.....  I continued smoothly ... until he stopped me where I was telling about my academics...  specifically my schooling !

Interviewer:  So you know Gujarati?

AK : No Sir.

Interviewer: You can understand it.?

AK : Yes Sir, a little bit. Mostly, the people over there speak Hindi Sir.  
[ Frankly I don't a word in Gujarati except hai/hello. ]

[Long Pause! I didn't know what to do whether I had to continue my about myself or wait for another question]

Interviewer: Which place is better Gandhinagar or Visakhapatnam?

AK : Sir, My school is in Ghandinagar but I stayed in Ahmedabad.

Interviewer: (He repeated the previous question) 

AK : Ahmedabad, Sir I replied.

Interviewer: So, You are having good CGPA, I don't want to ask you any questions. I will give you a puzzle. Will you solve it.  

AK : Yes, Sir. 

Interviewer:This puzzle. (He hands over a book to me referring to a question number).

[ For a moment, sorry, moments my mind went blank. I read half of the question without realizing that I read the previous half. So I started trying to solve the question. Well actually the question was kinda tricky. And Seriously, me... under pressure... very bad combination. I got to a conclusion after trying for some ten minutes and I told the answer. Frankly, I don't know whether its the answer or not.]

AK : 60 , Sir.

Interviewer: mhmm, okay. I will give you another question. Try solving it.

AK : (Confidently, though I wasn't) Okay sir.

[ Damn, the question was not only lengthy, it was far far tricky. I wrote on the paper trying hard to solve it. I scrambled almost half of the page making rigorous movements and spoiling the page. Time was kinda running out. At least that was my feeling. If I am not wrong, I took nearly fifteen minutes. Later in the end, (to hell), I said a random answer. I don't know the answer, neither did I get anything from solving it. I just said it because the time was running out. ] 

AK : Allen sir.

Interviewer: (He looks back of the puzzle book for the answer). What did you say?

AK : Allen Sir,

Interviewer: (He looks like "? ! "). Are you sure?

AK : (Confidently, which I wasn't even in the slightest proportion) Yes SIR.

Interviewer: Thank you, You may go now. Nice talking to you. (Extends his hand for shaking).

AK : Thanks you Sir. 

Look at my stupidity. Is this even sharable ? If anyone asks me what he asked me in the TR, what am I supposed to say ! He gave me two puzzles! The previous night one of the girl whose father was there till the end told us all her questions so that we might prepare for our turn. That was an half an hour interview. She told us questions and frankly speaking I haven't heard of some of them. The person sitting to me was asking her to tell the answers and though I didn't ask; which doesn't mean I knew the answers. I gave myself a raised eyebrow sighing that the interview was pretty tough and I am sure to get eliminated. Now what happened? Puzzles ! , which I didn't answer correctly. After waiting for another three hours a list came which had the rejected people list. WOW! Mine wasn't there.  I didn't know what that he (*the interviewer saw in me). I was in for the next round. Good to know that, I convinced myself. After some time the drama part 2 also started which was like this...( don't judge me with that, I know I am kind of weird...)

Human Resource Round :

Interviewer: You are (while she was searching for my name by looking at the photo) Ajay Ko.....  This madam looked tough, I swear. She really did.

AK : Yes Ma'am. Good Afternoon.

Interviewer: Please take your seat.

AK : Thank you ma'am.

Interviewer:  What is the difference between 2G and 3G ?

AK : (What? Anyways, I knew the answer).. [ I started telling about it with all the stuff I knew.. GPRS... GSM...EDGE....2G...2.5G...2.75G...3G...3.5G... I told everything I knew, probably all mixed up. ]

Interviewer:  On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself in terms of communication and why ?

AK : Ma'am I would give myself 8 out of 10. ( and continued with the stupidest of the reason available that I could think of... and I still continued..)

Interviewer: I think you didn't get my question clearly. I said (repeated the same question..adding to it..) a person or a larger mass of people.?

AK : Ma'am, In that case also, I would give myself 8. (Hell, I thought. What did I just tell.. '8' really? really? really?) 

Interviewer: How would you justify it?

AK : [I started giving the same but a little bit modified even more lamer reply.]

Interviewer: So, as you claim yourself 8/10 in communication, I will give you a topic. Speak on it for 3 minutes.

AK : (I am so f_'d !!) Okay ma'am.

Interviewer:  The topic is "Unity in Diversity".

[ I was completely blackened. What should I say? I thought for nearly 10 seconds or so. Still nothing stuck me. She peeked at me after 10 seconds or so.]

AK : (So I started ...speaking about India .... the recent ANNA Hazare movement... then I stopped. Nothing came to my mind after that. She again looked at me sternly sort of. I was silent for sometime)

Interviewer:  What do you think you lack in yourself that you didn't give yourself 10!? (The actual question was somewhat different, but this was the meaning)

AK : [ I said something though, but she wasn't convinced. At least I knew that.]

Interviewer: What is your native place?

AK : Rajahmundry, I said.

Interviewer: Speak about it.!

AK : (What!?) Ma'am I haven't been in my hometown since my birth. So I don't know much about it.
[ What the hell was I supposed to say. I actually don't know myself what to tell which place my native place is. How was I supposed to tell about a place where I hardly stayed for 2 years. !!!! ]

Interviewer:  mhmm... Tell about your family.

AK :  I started speaking about my family starting from my dad... occupation... mom....till my brother.. and the so related things. 

Interviewer:  That even your friend who knows you or anyone who finds about you can tell ! What else can you apart from this ? 

AK : [ Now this is weird. I told almost everything. There was nothing left actually ! Still I told something from the previously told things. ]

Interviewer: So, which question did you prepare? 

AK : [ Actually I had this in my mind that I didn't specifically prepare for a question. I just prepared for all the basic questions equally. But you know, what I said? This was the weirdest-stupidest-lamest ever of all !! ]

               Ma'am I wanted to give spontaneous answers.

[ What the hell? Where did this come from? Man, I am ruined for sure. ]

Interviewer: Oh, you wanted to give spontaneous answers, (!!). And you give yourself 8 out of 10 in communication and can't even speak for 20 seconds! And You didn;t even tell know about your native place. Now, how am I supposed to evaluate you ?

AK : [ I could see stars, I couldn't even look into her eyes. For more than 10 seconds I thought what to tell. Finally I said ] 

                       Ask another question ma'am. 

Interviewer:  mhm, Do you know about Android?

[ Thank god, I knew about it. ]

AK : Yes, ma'am.

Interviewer: What is it? 

AK : [ I told everything I knew... about it.  ]

Interviewer: Can I use it in my phone? My phone is a Nokia. (Rest was my duty to observe...  It was Nokia C5 touch. I could at least tell that, but she didnt ask about it) !

AK : No ma'am, I replied adding that in the future there is a possibility of using  Android on Nokia ( Context changed to the farthest extent).

Interviewer:  [ Rest was the bond, in case of mismatch of documents...... etc et cetera !! ]

                Thank you, You may go.

AK : Thank you ma'am.  

I was very much sure that, I had to try my luck for the next coming companies. So, keeping that in mind, I even went to give my clothes for washing well in advance. 

PS. : If this post is in small text, I don't know what happened. Blogger-Error! (Too much editing, I guess ) Ignore it ! And If possible Ignore the POST also . Okay, Now don't make fun of me, you got it ?? 

P.PS : I still don't believe, my name is there in the list. Or may be I saw it wrong. If so, I would be the jobless guy.(!!) 
 
P.P.PS : For you information (FYI), AK= Ajay Kontham, if in case you still watch POGO !! 

SMS.

Dear Phone,

I know you are most eager to buzz in the most inappropriate time and always have the habit of not buzzing when free. Seriously, I have unsubscribed to all the SMS channels. So you will have the liberty to take rest for much more time. You don't have to expect messages from the Google either. The other day, my dad saw and said you have 25 unread messages. Oh, when I saw, I wasn't at all surprised to find that all the messages from the Google SMS Channels, which I had subscribed a long time back. And seriously, none of my friends would forward a message until its a national holiday or lets say a friendship day. Though you may receive some like one in a week or a fortnight, or even a month. Gone were the days when I used to send 20-40 messages per day to all the people in my contact list. It was just to finish the monthly message offer. Even now and then I recharge, I get the least to send the forwards. Even if I send, I am pretty sure, it would go directly to the trash after viewing. Never-the-less, thanks for the weekly/fortnightly messages from some of my friends. Thank you.  And now the service providers are also playing some stupid games mingling with the existing offer. So, I wouldn't over burden you with any more messages and its related recharges. You might ask what's the need of the existing 2500+ forward messages in you phone. Never mind. I will keep them for some time and forward one by one to the weekly/fortnightly messaging people. And the feature of the blinking thing on my Nokia 5800 Music Xpress whenever I get a new message, I get eager to know what it is and from whom it is just to find it from the stupid advertisement offering a 80% discount. I sometimes ought to believe such things, you know ! Well now, trying to bid farewell to the tiring messages. Hope, I will. Till then, wait ! What? You still here reading this. Really? Com'n dude. Really? Seriously? Man, I thought atleast by now you might have got bored of these never ending trashy, unproductive and really destructive posts of mine. If you have subscribed, I know you haven't but even then if by chance, if you have, I recommend you to unsubscribe and for those following me also !

Frankly,
Tired User

Experience (un)Certainty.

The silence of the mind was broken for once when we heard about the mid examinations approximately two months earlier. There was a hype, but none seemed to concerned or say afraid of it. Everyone was as casual as they could be, atleast for me. A week later, exactly a week before the mid examinations were scheduled, we were told that the Campus-Recruitment will start from the coming month and the first company to visit will be TCS (Tata Consultancy Services) on September 7th, 2011. The so cautious mind which had been preparing to face the mids just got a little shock, shock to that the placements were starting to early. 

 Eventually, this disrupted the daily schedule of the college. The addition was the CRT classes. CRT here refers to Campus Recruitment Training Classes. But there was always a talk about the mids in between giving a little more shocks to the existing one. The classes were held as scheduled and they were pretty fine also, though I didn't learn much of it. I had to attend, no escaping was allowed, but for some they didn't care. Finally, the day came, without me keeping track of the days. And what did I prepare.? Seriously, nothing,  when compared to others. Really, you ought to believe me.  I was kinda lame in this. Though I knew that this was an opportunity, seriously, I don't actually knew what happened to me. 

One thing was that there was no written exam for the people having the aggregate above and ezual to 75%. Thank god, for that. Else I would have been eliminated in the written exam only. Phew. :) . The day before it was scheduled to begin, we had to submit the applications, and so we did. And the night the panel numbers were displayed and surprisingly my name wasn't there. When asked upon, I was told that they might have misplaced and will be told the next morning itself. So, the next morning then, I convinced myself. And later opened a book, and slept after doing some reading or better say skimming, rather fast; nothing actually going to the mind.

Well, the next day I went to college where it was supposed to happen at 8.30 am. Later what I found was that the people who haven't been listed had to wait for some time, till their panel is set. So I waited and waited until the panels came which was nearly 10.30 am by that time. Hell, i exclaimed. As time still passed  by, I was still unaware of the panel number. I was repeatedly asking the concerned placement coordinator for my section, for which he always replied "It will take some time, the panels haven't been decided yet". What happened to be in the meanwhile as all my friends started attending the interview and coming back also,  I started losing interest. Really don't know why! . Finally, I lost interest and the only thing that was holding me was that it might give me an experience for the next interview. So, I had to be patient & so was I. After some time, i left the premises with a thought in the mind that it will take much more than anticipated. So, I come back to my room take a long nap. Later, I thought of giving a visit so as to know about any news about the proceedings. One of my classmate, who was also not given a panel like me was holding himself there itself since morning. Upon calling I found that they were going to finish it today itself. So I kinda rushed back. Many of my friends had finished their turn and were set to move back to their rooms/home. As time ticked away, the room started getting less populated. And finally nearly at 9 pm, we were given the panel. Thank god, I said. It was gonna end today itself. I had no tension, no worry, nothing. When I went there I was 3rd followed by a classmate of mine & I was followed by two other girls of my class itself. What those girls wanted was to go in before us. What could I do? One of the girl had brought her father along with her, who I think was there since the morning. So, we call it fate/ or bad luck. :( . After the half an hour spending for the first one, the second girl went in.  Luck also plays serious nasty games sometimes. By the time she was about to finish, we came to know that that particular panel was being closed and we might be allotted to another panel. The supposedly fearful person who was to go in next was so afraid of the interview that he wanted it to be held tomorrow. And so he told the person in-charge, without saying a word to me. As I said, I lost total faith in it and was just attending for experience, I had no idea this thing happened. What else could I do? Fcuk^n ! I had waited for this since morning and later I find that it will happen the next day. I called my dad and said what happened. To which he replied, " Don't worry, they are testing your patience". What the hell.!!!!  Those people don't even know that I would be interviewed, and they were testing my patience. Real Funny. Really very funny.

That night I couldn't sleep. I didn't had breakfast in the morning and the lunch was freaking cold, which I left in the middle and the dinner was sold for nothing. And moreover I stood for almost most part of the day so for that reason, my legs were acing real bad. For almost three hours I struggled to sleep and in my mind I was having really weird kind of thoughts about the day and myself scolding those people for such nuisance. I had almost spent the entire night thinking about it without sleeping, though I was trying real hard to sleep.

So finally the next morning came. As I had no idea what panel I would be in, I went at the same time as the previous day. After some irritating talks the drama of the day began. The people who were supposed to be interviewed  after me were done way ahead of me and again my name wasn't heard for a long time. By now, I totally totally lost the interest. And also forgot everything(which was nothing) I studied. I told my mom also the same thing. After some time, I was pleased to hear my name. Thank god, at least my name is there, I convinced myself. The person who was before me was really freaking out like the last night. He was squandering here and there asking people what was happening in the interview and was really trying hard, which I was observing. So the panel number was 16 and my number in that panel was also 16. As the count incremented, finally my number did come.




PS. : Really? You read the whole thing. WOW. Really, I appreciate your patience. I will test it again in the next post of mine which will be about my experience in the Interview.!
Till then, take care. :)

The Believer

Dear Believer/Optimist/Hard-Worker,

Success comes to those who believe in themselves.

I have been  to a lot of places since my childhood. All the people whom I met had some or the other talent; unique talent. But when it comes to you, I found extra-ordinary talent. Not only are you hard-working, but a self-believer. I have never seen any person so confident of himself and ready to accept challenges. Believing is Self is the hardest part, which I consider. And when I saw you, I saw the spark. It requires the strength to say no, because you are not interested. But it requires even more strength to face the next challenge. During this process, one may be dis-heartened by seeing at others' performance and may sometimes degrade his confidence. But a hard-worker would never find it difficult to face challenges. The challenges seem like a piece of cake. And at last congratulations.


Sincerly,

So-called-Friend

PS.: This post was intended to be lengthy, but don't know what happened, I slept and forgot what I wanted to write. My apologies.

Wall-Seeker

Dear Wall-Seeker,

You have never known what is being talked behind your back. You claim to hold supreme knowledge and also the voice. And with one redundant sentence of yours, has claimed you a brand nick name "Daddy". I hope you do know what that sentence is, "I consider you all as my children". I frankly don't know why you boast about it so much, it ends up making fun of you. And never-the-less the impressions you keep on the students is remarkably worst ever. You really think I am a 'knowledgeable guy'. If I was I wouldn't have joined this college, in the first place and second of all I would have looked for some better company than TCS.  Sometimes it is hard to tell when you ask the questions which I don't know. What ever I do is to defend myself and in this process, the answers you get are purely fictional. You shouldn't depend on me. I don't know a damn that you ask. But I pretend as if I know. Today, you thanked me more than I have ever wished you in the college till now. And what did I do. Nothing. I just narrated the lines as it is and for that you call me a GOOD guy and a person with good explanation. Hell. Well, the truth is that I don't know a thing, I mean I don't remember a single thing.It's been a long while, like 1 year . I don't even remember the subjects I studied at that time. What more? I don't even know the present semester subjects while I am having a mid exam tomorrow. Today, whatever I told was BULLSH*T. Don't even think that it was the right one. And the comment you made," You give good explanation". I would have laughed my ass off, but couldn't because I was in a staff room. I hope you do a lot of homework. So the text book will be great help than me. I observed your notes. Each line had an explanation, when each line was the explanation of the topic. Well, that is you. I just wanted to tell that I am not as Intelligent as you think, I am. I am far worse. If you want, I will show you the real talent of the people which you still didn't find. And I am not even comparable to them. And the name Wall-Seeker is just a name given by me. Reason? (will be told upon request).

Sincerely,

NOT-SO-INTELLIGENT

Lettre de l'auto.

Dear Self,

You haven't been yourself for the past six months. It seems like you are thinking one and doing something else, which is nothing. I could just warn you and get back to you senses before it's too late. What happened to you? Why all of a sudden you are like the every other person you had meet so far.? I believe you have your own identity, and i would ask you to get back to it. No matter what.This freaking you is completely insane. This man has taken everything for granted. And never-the-less is behaving like a new person I had never known, never seen. The weight of the word 'light' is playing the best role possible. And I warn you, this is dangerous. This isn't you at all. You have been influenced ? Or what ? I believed that no one could influence you in any way. What happened to you? You were the best with what you were. I liked it very much, though the every person hated it. Because after all it was YOU, not someone else.  I clearly don't get what actually happened to you and what caused such a drastic change in your behavior. I am seriously warning and giving you a sound advice that you get back to what you were. I know it sounds idiotic, as the old you was as such. But after all you weren't imitating others and not having an artificial face to cover your feelings. Now, you are not only acting weird, you are thinking weird also. All that I ask is get back, even if its impossible, Just try.

Expecting Change.

Sincerly,
Self

Dear Player.

Dear Player,

I thought of making the point clear today. But the problem is that you never read my blog and you would never understand. I am trying to get over you as soon as possible before I do something more weird. But it seems its quite hard to make you understand. Anyways you are happy with what you are because you are yourself. Thanks for the short time. I wouldn't expect much. Hope you don't realize this that you are a damn player playing the game with people's emotions. You made it very clear today. And I am happy to know that. Thank you. And don't expect me to be like you. NEVER will that happen. Not even in dreams. I am what I am; and you be yourself. One mistake you did was that you shared one important thing and didn't realize it till now. This made my job much more easier. Just because you are .... I gave the little freedom you ever wanted and even played your dirty puppet. But I still knew that it was all a bloody forsaken drama; Fcuking drama.! Well, I haven't been a good actor and surely you deserve better people. And so do I, I guess. So lets just end this the easy way. mln !

Extremely Seriously,

Played One.

Changes.

Dear Readers,

Isn't it funny that I say 'Readers', when there is utmost  one in a year.  So, I have been observing since a long time. I am sorry that I haven't been able to visit many of the blogs in the recent months. Sorry for that. But atleast someone could have dropped by atleast mine and added a comment which would have given me a power boost. Well, if you did visit then THANKS. So, with the preliminary observation, I concluded that there is no point in hiding and being good by writing my ugliest write-ups and no one reads. That is quite clear. So, from now onwards there might be usage of some vulgar words, not many though. I will keep only the famous words which the people most frequently use; even more than the word 'hello'. 

Thanks for your patience. I know that I am talking to the wall and simply no one is reading even this. It is just my satisfaction.

Simply

-The Writer

Dear Player

Dear Player,

I have been patient and I have always honored you for whatever you are.I have always known that I have always been played. But I just wanted you to realize that you know this fact. But you people came out to be really selfish , stubborn people. Well, whatever you are, I won't change myself. Though, I want to change myself very very badly. But in the end its the same me. So, whatever I try to change doesn't lead to any good as I may know. I don't want to make an agreement with yourself. You cannot change. I know. Nor with the played one/me. I just want you to realize this fact and not be a player again.

Seriously,

Played One.

Gracias.

This is a small post. Its dedicated to some of my friends, which is not a great figure though : Three.

I felt the need to write about this. This means a lot to me as a person.

If I guessed correctly, you might not have read my previous post Isolated. I know, you didn't. Well one of my friend did read. The next moment, I get a call from him. I was spellbound for a moment when he said he read my post. Well thanks for reading and much more thanks for calling me. Thank you, Vijeth Bhat (Facebook). Thanks a lot dude.

Second is Rajani Patnaik (Facebook). He do call me sometimes. Well thanks for that.

And last but not the least, the only good friend I had till now GPrithviNathR (Facebook). Even when I still didnt know whether I was placed or not, he called. And no one else did. Thanks buddy. :)

Life - Choice.

Life is a struggle.
We live it with our choices.
Battling with the decisions we made, and have to make.
We encounter ourselves in a constant tug-of-war; with the choices/decisions.
The alternative option seems so satisfying than the choice we make. 
But we cant alter it. We are bound with the choices.


We dream ourselves to be rich; even richer. 
But when we look at the present condition, we find it difficult to achieve.
Make Sky the limit, people say. How many have touched it; I may ask?
We are inspired, sometimes.
Sometimes, we are dejected. 
We can't stop at other's competence.


To reach a goal, It needs hard-work.
Motivation, Inspiration sometimes help.
Even failures does inspire some.
For the rest, its a back-bone for more.
Isn't the mind overloaded, frustrated?
Can we help it ? After all its our destiny, isn't it ?


Aren't we in a constant rambling, from our childhood.
Television has created a false notion for a child with the Happy endings.
Rarely does in real life we encounter a happy ending.
If at all we do, it's with ultimate struggle.
Struggle is the definition of life. 
Unless you struggle, life isn't as easy you want it to be.


Till when, do we have to keep battling?
Battling with the decisions, choices & life! 
Aren't we losing life in the struggle for existence?
Darwin's theory holds well for the evolution of mankind.
But it doesn't quite well define the exact meaning of struggle for existence.
I too know, without struggle nothing can be achieved. 


With all the peer pressure and the unbalancing human mind,
What is easy, to live or to die?
Living is a struggle for a life-time,
Death is a momentary struggle.
Isn't it cowardliness to end life, just because we can't decide. 

Just because, we failed in making the right choices.
Just because, we see life as a constant struggle, rather than a way to live life.
Just because, we are summoned/discouraged/disrespected.
Just because, we can't face challenges and find problems as a problem.


Life is never easy, I say. I know.
It isn't a struggle also. 
Its a way to live life. Struggle is just a part.
Life isn't fun without struggle/problems/difficulties.
Once we overcome them, we feel the unknown happiness.
The one thing which can never be bought.
We feel alive. Alive with the achievement.
So, all that you have to do is live life as it comes your way.


After all, we end at where we began, the CHOICE.
Whatever we choose, we have are bonded it with for the rest of life.


SO CHOOSE WISELY. Whatever you decide with your life, take it seriously. Life is serious . Don't ever think that it's easy. It is, when you have dad who gives you money at the expense of nothing. For the rest, which covers the whole world, your choices do make a difference. Think and act. You still got a life time to enjoy for the right choices you make. 

Isolated.

Life is a perfect cycle of mysterious happenings at every turn of the clock. We expect something and we do get something, but not what we expected. We design it in a way that is according to the circumstances we live with, but we get things which are designed to serve some other's purpose. But we cant beat it nor destroy it nor leave it and stick to our own big small world. We want change. Sometimes we get and we are happy for that. And sometimes we don't and we are really disheartened with it. It is always a test, Life. Sometimes we break the code, we elope with amazing results. And sometimes heart-broken. So what happens to the guy with broken heart. Does he try to stick together the broken pieces of heart or let the animosity take a turn and exploit the struggling heart. We never know, oh sorry, I might never know. May be I am also the one with such qualifications. I don't know. But what I know is that I am Isolated but not Isolated. What does this even mean? (Right?) You got this question, didn't you. See sometimes, I know things, especially like these.  May be I will try to enlighten with my meager mind and hope that you understand. 

We always think of taking the less used path, as we all think and do know that it would make a big difference. It sure does because it is difficult. But how many of us try to choose  the difficult one. Some do and some don't. Those who do are determined & perfection-ed. They know the consequences and are ready to face them no matter what. They tend to sacrifice everything they have to get what they need and devote themselves to the work. And there are people who think to be like the rest. Some depend on others and some do the work in their own way. But all this is the decision that we, the people make. In any of the circumstances, the important thing would the relation with people. One can't be isolated and work on his own. People needs friends as they say Human is a Social Animal. Sp people make friends, acquaintances and even enemies also. They all are part of the life. But what we hold on to are 'friends'. And how does one become friends; and you all know, I guess. But sometimes, the people you know and think that they are your friends aren't really what they are. What are they then? You tell me after you read this whole post.




I do have friends, a lot of good friends. When I was in Assam, where I had no idea about the language Hindi, the only people I could talk to, were the people with the same language as mine. Later when I moved on, my circle of friends became bigger and bigger. Until my 10 grade, I was a frisky guy making fun of the things with my friends. I used to be a talking guy though looked calm and silent. I also used to make fun and was also made fun of. I was sometimes even punished for mistakes which I didn't do and mistake which I did. Now, people won't believe me as I speak. This all happens when we are with friends. But even with the innocence of the mind, people were intelligent enough to distinguish between the people based on their academic performance. I remember when we had different group for the people who secured good marks and the rest was another group. And the geek group also had some rules of some sort. As I wasn't one among them, I don't know those things. One thing I know is that they needed a specific count of people for their group while playing, so when one person used to get absent, they used to pick up from the not-so-famous group for their games. That was  the intelligence of the 4th standard student. Imagine now! While the times changed and people changed, I don't know what happened to the geek-group as I moved to another school. Now, this new school had a limited number of students, so there weren't any groups. 




Was I isolated when I was in school? Or did I feel so? No. May be I didn't know what the word meant those days. Or may be I wasn't led to such apt thinking. School is where we meet people with serene innocence and we live with that innocence. As we grow, we grew bolder in thinking and our priority changes. We feel grown up. And the way we think changes. So does that mean that I grew up and am  getting such feeling. I won't say, I am not a grown up. And I won't even abide with the notion that grown ups gets new kind of feelings. I got a reason.




Time is like a whirlwind. It passes years in months, months in days, and days in hours. I finally see myself in the last year of the under graduation stream. It seems like yesterday that I completed my 10th and my intermediate (+2). And may be after 10 years or so, I might look back upon this day and say, it was yesterday that I completed my engineering. Well, life has to go on. There is no stopping back. If you intend to stop, then you intend to lose a precious moment. Among these journeys of so called life, we encounter many fascinating things. apart from exams, which happen to decide our future, there are another important part of our life, they are called friends. Actually I adore my friends and I may do almost anything (expect those things which I can't do and shouldn't do). I used to have friends, good friends. I still have. But ow, I am very much surprised when I understand "How I could?".




From Intermediate a.k.a. +2 or 12th grade, I don't know what happened, but I became very naive and extremely calm & silent. Still I managed friends who gradually became good friends in just a span of two years. May be I think, the sudden change of atmosphere and the environment around me made to change myself. I finally got used to it and started as usual. While again three years back, I had to again change place. Though I was used to migrating and adapting to environment, but moving into and with the crowd is a bit difficult in the early stages. The old me came back to life. I was again like unseen and unheard. Later as time passed and fate might have decided, people floated around me. Not that I am famous or something like that. Just that they used to live along with me and some probably from the same class. So, my classroom and the hostel where I stayed were my limits. Within the limitation also, the criteria in which I belong surprised me as I learnt the cause for having people hanging around me, or say knowing me, or whatever. A person like me, who had never talked to a guy in the hostel managed to make atleast half of the total people staying at hostel as friends and acquaintances(some). How ? Seriously, I don't know. Ask those people who saw something in me which I actually don't have!! While I run my  thinking over the process, I am surprised. The reason here is not important, though. So I am not telling. This is because, though I may be naive, I do think a lot about others even if they don't think about me or even people who don't like me. Every person who dislikes me should have a reason for such a feeling which I caused. So, I do think what I did which caused such a feeling against / for me. Not only this, there are a  lot of things which I am made to think. Not just disliking, there are many other things starting from a frowned look to anywhere it can extend to. So the reason for now is confidential (for the time being). 




While I deliberately sit in my place which is self-chosen second bench in my present classroom, I would find no one besides me unless there are no vacant places at the back. Well the situation was a quite different a little while ago. I actually don't mind with the situation, which I live with. I am very well habituated with such kind of atmosphere. While I live with the walls, the stones, the roads and with my camera and also most importantly my laptop, I do get into some of the people old funny jokes. While the name(long back) which made sense only once and that to be mistakenly is still the people's most favorite word for teasing me or should I say making fun. Actually, I don't like name because it doesn't represent me in the minute sense. NO, IT IS KINDA INAPPROPRIATE TO CALL A NAME WHICH DOESN'T BELONG TO A PERSON AND IMPORTANTLY DOESNT EVEN REMIND OF ME. I've tried telling these people. I don't know who is stubborn, me or them? So, as of now I am living at college hostel alone. I got roommates and some (1)  left and some(1) was changed by the hostel authorities. So, I ended where I started. I am blaming anyone for this and not even holding grudges on the people who call me names. I am sorry if I have compelled you to call me so. Anyways, whatever comes, I can't speak a word but nod with a smile. Like I said, Life is a Circle, a funny one though. 




So, where do I come into picture? I was the most contacted last year, which gradually decreased as they started learning more about me that I am not that competent of dealing with things (which I don't know whether I am or not). Isolated, I am until something comes up with the college work. Lets start with Assignments. Everybody has the ability to copy from the textbook. BUT no, some dont want to open the textbooks and lately knock on my door while the others have rejected to help. Who are these others? The ones who don't want their work to be shared and  cant bear the credit to be taken by others. Well, these are some self-centered people who see success as themselves holding the position. Mind you, that position can't be shared (so is their thinking). May be they are doing the right thing, I dont know. But when someone shows up on my door, it isn't really easy to woo then off and make a excuse to escape. Sorry. I am not a good liar (though i repent it because I was once). I get easily caught. So I try not to tell many excuses. They get the work and leave with a note of thanks for the time I spared and the work which they finished. They feel satisfied, I too, just in the sense that I helped someone in some way. Then, what's next. NOTHING. Until there is an assignment or say an exam next week/(& even)tomorrow I get invisible kind. No one calls, texts. None, until the day before the exam when some people show up outside my room to clear some doubts and also to explain some things. I aint any EINSTEIN, nor a person holding 100 diplomas in any subject. They show as if I know everything, which I dont. Unfortunately, because of my not-no-character never says no, while in my mind I do say 'damn'. Though I start telling, I realize I dont know more than half of the things. With the meager knowledge I try my level best to get them what they wanted. I don't really know whether they are satisfied or not. I don't care at that moment, may be b'cause I too have an exam the other day and  I too don't know anything. Now again, the invisible me walks down the lane, until I am spotted by a guy, who calls me with again the stupid name, I am bound to continue with whatever comes ahead. 




Am I not  Isolated ? What do you think? No? / Yes? Whatever you think after reading the above length non-sensual feelings of a lonely 'freak', I said what I have to tell and got cemented in the mind. Hope, with this I might feel good which I obviously won't. Just another boring post by me. Dislike me for what I am, I won't mind.

The Disaster.

A week ago I was totally in the state of tension for the coming week. TENSION? What for? I will come to it later. Firstly as the academic year started, I was in a constant state of tension till now. Starting with the fees to till date. A trade of complexity of life just overwhelmed me like anything. What is the matter with the fees? Well, about the fees as I have told earlier in the previous post was a disparity in my knowledge and the actual value. I had to run helter-skelter for that while it got solved. But it was that only thing. All the classes I was haunted by the thoughts of the same and I couldn't concentrate on the classes, as if I would have concentrated. At least I would have heard the classes with out any sort of burden on me. As it got a kind of solved, it took a week off. It here refers to the tension. 




Finally last week, it got a chance back again and struck right through me. I felt devasted as I am feeling now. This whole week I had been artificial. I could not laugh like normal. Last week I went to home with an elite plan. This plan I had since 10th grade. I tried implementing this plan over a 50 times. May be it might have reached 100 as I stopped counting. Well the point is that I couldn't implement my plan. And I had a Get-Together by my 12th grade friends hoping to meet one more before eloping with the jobs or higher education. I will write about it in another post. And frankly speaking I really couldn't enjoy because I had something else in my mind bothering. Later was the time for the plan. I think I made the point clear that the plan which I intended to work upon just failed. 


Now as my plan had failed, I was left with no other choice than to deal with it. Well, an unhealthy man needs an inspiration and positive motivation that he would get alright. A deranged person needs enlightenment. A jerk needs to learn moral values. Well, so I had to do something. The visions and the dreams which we have play an important role. These motivate and inspire us saying that the thing which you are about to deal with is a small thing only and it can be easily handled. So was the case with me also. This happened at night before the day I was to leave. I convinced myself to give it a try and try to make a beginning. Well it lasted for the night before I left for hostel from home. As I arrived at hostel, it was like a haunting ghost. I started with the process of creating the presentation slides. As days grew nearer and nearer, the light which I had ignited the spark. Well actually, that spark didn't last for even a day. I also had to submit the report in addition to the presentation. Well, the report was getting disastrous each day. I almost got the whole lot of the A4 pages. It's a pretty mess. Finally I was done with the report and was left with a mess of papers. Cutting the story short, finally the day arrived and as usual I was pretty tensed. I had been expecting this day since a week. But this day wasn't my day. As the seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, the time finally arrived. Just before I had the presantation seminar, I had to submit the report. I was pretty frustrated and kind of out of my mind sort of thing. The actual procedure was that on each day of the lab, Every five members have to give the seminar, which is on the Industrial Training which was supposed o be done by the students during the summer break. Unfortunately, there were only two who were giving the seminar. Of which myself bearing the freaking roll no.1, I was one of them in the first. Luckily for the other guys they took the permission. They just escaped intimating that they would give their presentation in one of the coming weeks. This left me the only one to give the presentation. But fortunately, a friend of mine volunteered to give his seminar on the same day as mine, as he had some exam on his seminar day. This left with only two guys to give the seminar. As I was in a 'out-of-mind'  state, I told my friend that we will also give the presentation next week. So, as I went to the concerned teacher to submit the report he told the same thing I told. But the madam was quite mad at that and we were left with no other choice than to give the seminar. 


With minor problems and also tackling them, the final moment came. That moment made me forget everything. Everything. Everything that I had prepared for the seminar. So I started with reading the presentation slides and with steady interruption of questioning and awkward feeling of mine while I wasn't able to answer the questions and the look of the teachers. I continued reading the slides, which when I was reading also I felt a kind of guilty or say shame or say (anything you like,) when I was pointed out that I was reading them rather than explaining them. I was quite embarrassed. Totally Embarrassed. I know that there is no escape from that. So, it was a big Disaster. Now, I feel like (I don't know,/okay lets say I don't know how to put the words/ or may be I don't know the words for such kind of a feeling) devastated. "__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________". I don't know what I should write in those spaces. I feel like _________. Sorry, don't know again. DAMN. I can't write any more. If I do it would be very inappropriate. So, excuse me. I will catch up later with myself. I myself don't know where I am wandering. 


P.S. I don't why I wrote this. I just felt like writing. And I know that most of my friends would be thinking what an 'a_h_ 'I am. And though they would be calling me with more inappropriate word than calling me 'jerk'. By the was I am sorry, I've no idea what I am writing.

The Succession.

Six hours of continuous watching has taken the toll on me today. Yesterday, I made it big by watching three movies in a row, with fifteen minutes gap for each movie. I was fine yesterday. But now, dizziness, headache. Is it due to the continous watching of movies? Or something else? Because I was having another trouble, which got solved today only, but last night was almost a hell with its haunting. By the way the succession is not about the movies. It's about the problems. Well, I would be telling about it later. But now , it's about the movies.


X-Men : First Stand

Well finally I did watch this movie. It was good. I am not reviewing the movie here, you could probably read them anywhere else. Just my opinion on the movie. Actually I have nothing to tell about the movie. Just have to admire the super powers which those mutants have and wish I had some also. If not all clubed, atleast some. Finally, movie was good as usual, enjoyed with a coke and popcorn.


The Green Lantern

The first one, I mean probably the sequel would be made later, hopefully. The movie was beautifully written and screenplayed.It was the second action movie of the day. And I wasn't bored, at all. If the story had been the same as that of the cartoon flick, then I might have been bored with the routine of the movie? Even then, cartoon is so much different that a movie. Finally, the movie ended well and was worth watching.


Kung Fu Panda 2

No matter what this movie has a unique sense of humor. The Panda itself is so adorable, and his never ending hunger makes the humor part much more interesting. And even with such big appetite, he could do Kung Fu so fluently, the moves are expounding. Well, I don't have to make a special note of appreciation, everybody knows it. So a Kung Fu finished the day with a lighter tone of laughter. Finally, it ended well without instigating a feeling of boredom as I had been watching movies since the past four hours before this one. In conclusion , all the movies were good and worth watching.


As I said before I had trouble sleeping the other night. It was related to academics. The college hasn't started yet & what problem was I having beforehand? It was about the fees. The total fees as I remembered was a lot amount X. So for that I took a demand draft for te sale amount. Later I found out that it was actually X, but X+500. before I could even think, I already paid the fees with the demand draft amounting to X. But the worst part was that the handler who was typing the challan form, made it for the actual amount. I thought, as he had seen the DD, he might be aware that it was for X amount only. Then I went to te bank to pay. I paid it there and returned to submit the receipt when I realized that the receipt had the actual amount and not X, which I thought was X only. I got tensed for a moment and later thought to take it lite. But some part of my mind wasn't in the same page. It was telling me to do something fast. So finally, I went to a near by bank in the college and started filling the demand draft for the amount which I had to pay. By it required account number, and clearly I didn't had an account in that particular bank. Hell was it then. But still I was in harmony with the other part of the mind. I went to the movies, when in between I got a call from my dad enquiring about the payment of the fees. Then it stroke again. Now I needed a DD. I had a uncle working in a bank, so I immediately called him andesite for a DD. After the movie, I took the DD, and reached hostel. It was fine untill I had my dinner and then I was left alone to my thoughts and the only thought was how to table the situation tomorrow? Hiw to handle it swiftly with out causing any damage and problem? I came up with many lame excuses. And thought to implement any one of the innumerable lame excuses, but it became worse. I couldn't sleep. I finally made up my mind to handle the situation swiftly and wanted not to thi k about it anymore. But I couldn't help thinking.


And today as I battled with one problem, another came up. That's when I started feeling dizzy and headache. And after I end with this one would there be another one? For sure, any doubts?

A Maniac.

The darkness became dearer. The light lost his hope. He lost his anxious character. He started stumbling. The room was always dark. Even in mornings the room filled with TV, laptop and other home theatre systems, along with a softy comfy couch. The curtains were always in place hiding the morning sunshine ray to the evening last blespathetic ray. The room flickered with the ambient colors, fluorescent in appeal, illuminated the dark corners of the room. The potato chips favor lied on the floor along with the pizza left overs.


His thinking declined as he was too much attached to tv & laptop rather than anything else. the cells slowly started dying. He became untamable, just like a fierce beast hungry for ages. The slightest attempt to recover that maniac into normal condition failed when he denied listening. It became unbearable. The continuously running tv and the laptop was taking the toll on the high power consumption. Frequent gaps of power cuts was a relief on the burdened power cable. Something had be done, real fast. The person developed a pot belly, though rather considered himself as a thin and athletic person. Really? Asked the people around him. This guy? Impossible! Dynamic was this guy, with rational ideas And idealogies. Steadfast was he in thinking and acting his goals, once. This guy? Laughed the people.


Writing was his hobby, a passion which he intrusted in himself. What was he write about? The scorching heat of the corrupted politicians? Or the suicidal lovers fateful story? Or the unhappily-happy divorced families? The Global Warming? Or about the Osama Bin Laden's fateful death? Or the mad politics? Enough! It was for him. The indespensible mankind with their utter flawless thinking of hatred, power, money has driven this man against the society. The complicated lies of the heated politics and the broken promises of the promising leaders stand at no level. The whole crap of untamable world and wasting time to bring change in the behavior of reckless rascals and the beasts has let the heart down for that maniac person. What was he to write about? When the voice raised is suppressed like a sponge and disposed off like garbage. When the people concerned play with time and justice investing their money to bail out their conspired illegacy. When power is ruled by power and money, the filthy rich. When the poorer are suppressed and the injustice is justly done the weaker section. Here The Power is Money and Money is Power. And no other stand in the way, none otherwise rich with power. They win no matter what. No matter even they are wrong, totally. Frustrated was that person when people called him maniac and those people leaders. Hell bent was that man when he tried to change till he realized that change is easy; which changed him. No matter what, those people couldn't be changed. They might change you, make you suffer, torture you with the finest equipment ultimately changing yourself and finally decide not to take a risk again. Who can change them? Justice is INJUSTICE. May be GOD could help. Said who? They are gods. They rule. They supress. INJUSTICE is new JUSTICE.


Who can change?? CAN YOU?

Lazy Morning.

I was running in the dark, when suddenly I was tamed with the red beam of light which flashed in my eyes and kept me wondering what the heck did the sun come in the middle of the night. I even felt someone pulling my hand. It was until I finally woke up, and realized that it was almost afternoon, well still an hour was left to strike 12. But the sun had already came to the top, with the clouds covering it up. Actually, I was in a kind of deep sleep, really deep sleep. All my body parts were tamed to rest, and when I tried to wake up, it was utter difficult to make those things move and most importantly, my brain wasn't working either. Well, after some minutes of struggle, not actually struggle-struggle, I finally made up and began with my daily routine. 

But what happened was that the current was gone. No power, that to be at this hour of the day. I moved from one laptop to another utilizing the battery to keep me entertained, while I realized that the battery also drained out in a could of minutes. Finally, I had nothing, even my iPod was down with battery, and it was like that since last night. Well, for my phone it was working but, I ain't got anything to do with my phone. So I lazily moved around in the house from one room to the another. There was no TV, no INTERNET, no MUSIC, no LAPTOP. NOTHING. It was quite difficult to manage in absence of either of these. And that to be in holidays, it would be like hell. I even got tired of moving around. I finally got back to my bed, and again slept for some while which was approximately 3 hours, when I was again woken up for lunch. The same feeling of 'difficulty of movement of body' stroke again. After lunch, I checked out the facebook, which again showed "NO NOTIFICATION". But, my phone had some messages, which was from Google, and which was because I recently subscribed for more channels the other night. And there was a message from a friend of mine also. Actually, every time my friend messages me either when I am online or to my cell, I literally am away from both of them and sometimes the battery goes off. My Bad. This is happening for the past two weeks. I have no idea how to make that up.

My college is going to begin in another 3 days or so and as intimated that this is the last academic year, and the most important one also. While, the theories of the work hard  continue. These theory is the same for every year though. When in 10th class, I was told to work hard for this year and then the rest of the life will be easy. But it doesn't end there. Then came the +2. And now Engineering and later higher studies and later Job-related works and its accomplices. Well, this thing never ends as of such. But what else could we do? Can we just sit down and let everything fall in place just like it without giving a shot atleast. This sure is not gonna happen. Most of the times things don't fall in place even after working very hard. Then, how can without working help achieve the falling things in order and in perfect place. Impossible.  Well, I am not here to lecture about the work hard theory. I was just quoting that.

Moving on. I thought of mastering one thing. I tried to master "No Thinking". Actually, as I know that human mind always thinks about something either we know it or we don't. It doesn't matter. But, it works almost all the day, even when we are asleep and makes it in the form of dreams. So, I tried to think about nothing for some time. Well, this was difficult and no doubt impossible. Though, I didn't apply my one hundred percent and even if I did I would have achieved it. I am thinking of writing some fictional stories as soon as I can. I just wanted to keep up to date and make sure that my mind is working, which I have concluded that it isn't. While I try to brush up my brain, I would be posting some nonsense posts, for which I am sorry. I have got more things on mind that I could imagine and clearly i don't have a clue about any. I don't even know what they are all about. Well, I would try to improve upon this.

Idealy Idle.

It was pitch dark, as I  looked out of the foggy window. The rain had made it lusturous and incredibly clean. Predictably, nothing was visible. I lied down back to my too much comfortous sofa while I continued watching the TV. The clock showed nearly 0230 hours. It was last night. I could see the moon, as it was a Lunar day. Huh, anyways I let myself drain away with the battling tv channels as I could not stay on one single channel. The dark room made florescent colors blinking at each second. But who cares, everybody else was asleep. My  eyes are totally glued to the TV, as I was reading the subtitles. Why? I kept the volume to mute, so as not to disturb anybody. 

Suddenly, the wind made a comeback from the early evening blow. Literally, the windows were wide open for circulation of the air, and indeed, I hate Air Conditioner, I prefer sleeping under the fan. I quickly ran to shut them so as to avoid the blasting noise of the windows and the doors. After closing all the wind inlet and probable break-prone windows, I went to my study room where the download of some tv serials and software was going on. And frankly speaking, I haven't switched off the laptop for nearly a fortnight or even more. I lost the count. Well, mine is not a hi-speed broadband so that I could wind up all my bulky downloads in an hour or a day. I checked the status and returned to the TV and continued with the subtitles thing. 

I looked at my cell, while the advertisements were bothering the show, "NO NEW MESSAGES". Later I looked up the FABEBOOK, "NO NOTIFICATIONS" read the tiny blue transparent world picture. Though, I found people online, some 8 to 10 people, I guess none was interested in chatting at this hour of the night and more-over to a boy. HELL NO. I again came back to TV, while the show continued and I had to read real fast as the subtitles were moving very very fast. Later, I switched off the TV, though I wasn't feeling sleepy. I lay down and looked in the darkness of the room. The room was silent, literally meaning no sound of the tv and the flickering florescent light. 

I was led into thinking. Well, actually I haven't used my mind for over a month and to be precise, nearly 40 days. REALLY. I did attend the Industrial Training, but I didn't find anything to get my mind and learn something new. I was least interested in that. Almost the summer vacation is over and the 4th semester year is gonna begin in a week, I don't have a minimum of the tension which my colleagues are having. They worked hard, I could say. They were writing GRE, one of the many competitive exams. But I sat consistently in front of the TV and the laptop and doing the most easiest work ever, NOTHING. 

I recently started a page of my own for the bogus photography with which I am obsessed with. You see, I like publishing and frankly no one gives a s*it about it. But I still persuade them by uploading some of  my favorite pictures which happens to be of the same genre and almost exact location and nearly the same pictures. Well, you could find the page here on the right side. I really like photography, but when ever I find something interesting and fascinating, everything goes the opposite for me. My battery suddenly goes dead before I could even click. And sometimes, I don't even have a camera. And sometimes and most common, people around stare as if like they haven't seen a camera before, or may be probably thinking "What the hell is there that that dude is clicking photos". And moreover I haven't moved of my home, since last month, so I dont have anything fascinating to keep up with my photographic skills ( :P ). 

Well, "What happened to writing, blogging?" . I always wanted to write something new but how could I? I never used my mind, so gradually I lost the lust and the thoughts section of my mind and I guess its quite rusted now? Well, I got some questions for myself.

How many hours do you sleep daily? 

Nearly SIX hours. That's a lot for an INSOMNIAC person.

How may hours I spend on Facebook daily?

5 hours tops. That basically includes all the notification checking and messages, which frankly are zero.

How many hours does you chat shows that you are online?

Almost all the time. I never keep my chat to offline. So was the case fort the past 40 days also. So, it would be 24 x 7 .

 

How many hours do I spend on TV daily?

The rest of the time is for TV only.

How many people on facebook do you think have blocked my updates on their wall?

Nearly 10-15 people. This is a guess. Mostly, this would coincide with reality.

Well, enough questions for today and I got some stories to write. I was just trying to ease my rusted brain and let some thought flow as I write after two months gap. I suppose, I will keep up with my writing and the stories also.