Hilarious Stupidity 4.0

Chocolate stained fingers. A trendy new phone. Messed up laptop. Cozy bed. Two remotes in hand. Twitter buzzes on phone. Muted gossip. Piled up Novels. Piled up chocolate wrappers. Too much Biryani. Friends hair-loss cries. Uncanny cravings. Brawling stomach. Just another crazy mind. 

1. So the other day, my jeans got caught up in something while I was getting down from a bus. The result was that it was torn a little bit, a bit more actually. Though people could have mistaken it for new fashion, which probably is on the streets these days. But it was making me uncomfortable. The other thing was that it was a new one, like a month old and all the remaining jeans that I have are a lot older which is why I stopped wearing them altogether. So, the following weekend I went out to buy a pair of jeans. And what I find? My jeans over there. Well, not exactly. But there was this corner where all the jeans looked a little worn out, restitched and a little bit torn. In that big pile of jeans there were a couple of jeans which looked exactly like mine. I am referring to the torn part. And it was almost like double the price of my jeans. Boy, I could open a shop and sell all my torn jeans at triple the prices, may be. People would just consider it a new fashion. 

2. The weekend is usually my movie day. The Saturday, particularly and preferably the first show of the day. The prices are less and more over I get a rest of the weekend to do something else. So, like a month back I was on my routine Saturday-movie-day-out sitting comfortably in my seat that I booked online and playing songs in my iPod just to escape the boring advertisements by 'Vicco'. And eventually the movie was about to get started. Then a bunch of people like ten of them enter the theater with their hands full. Each one was carrying either a popcorn tub or a nachos or a Pepsi or other things ...which I couldn't figure them out as the lights dimmed. So, these army was supposed to be sitting right behind my row. That middle row has exactly ten seats but eight of them were already occupied. And they started demanding the people sitting that those seats were theirs. After a fifteen minute of a short battle the confusion was settled when that army found out that those tickets were for Sunday and not Saturday. Now that is foresightedness and a very perfect punctual group.

3. Now that you must have observed if you are Twitter that I am going crazy over the name that I have changed it more than I can remember. And not to mention, adorning the cloak of invisibility is just not as easy as I thought it would be. The first reason being I am out of names. The second thing was / is, well actually the display picture. Now, most of the people would say that it looks creepy. Well, that was the point. So, my name was also something like that. Unfortunately, it was worse than I thought. And now I am literally and practically banging my head on the wall for a new crazy, yet cool name. Now what? The last photo of yours had you in a hat, so the name was 'The Guy in the Hat', now you are in a hood, so does that make you 'The Guy in the Hood' or what ? 

4. Boy, size does matter. The last time I went home, my parent were like "Are you eating at all? You should resign from your job and come home. You are not eating at all!" So after spending like  80 % of my money on food, when they claim such preposterous things, well, what else can I say? I sent a picture of me to a cousin sister trying to tease her that even after eating all the junk food like anything, I am still slim. Now I should have used Photoshop and made myself look a little fat. Because then I was getting calls from all my relatives asking why I wasn't eating properly. Yeah, I dug my own pit. Now, the point wasn't that. Later I went shopping with my younger brother who was cursing me when I said that the trousers that I tried on was a size larger which apparently was a number less than my brother's waist. Okay, the point I wanted to make wasn't that either. Since I was a kid, I used to buy clothes keeping in mind that I would grow a little taller, a little fat (may be) . So, I was like lets take a one size up so that I could use it for a little longer time. But what I never realized that the little  longer was never even close and I had to buy a whole set of clothes again. It like a rule now, whenever I go for shopping, I tend to think that I might gain a few pounds , so why not take a size larger and moreover some clothes shrink. So, a month back when I purchased a few jeans, I applied the same rule. The blow-back came a few days later when I came back to Bangalore from home. The jeans was literally sliding down and clearly my jeans could accommodate two persons. Okay, that's too much. One and a half person, approximately.   

5. The other day, I sneaked out of office a little early. We are supposed to work for like nine hours each day, but who wants to work on a Friday. And more over it was the day after the Independence day and almost the whole office was empty. People have gone on leave. Anyway, I sneaked out and went straight to the KFC! Now, I don't know whether those people at KFC are noticing it or not, I have been there like almost every day. 12 days out of 16 days at KFC. Now, where is my privilege card ? I will collect it later. Anyway, after having a nice meal of chicken legs and a burger, which supposedly was my dinner I headed back to my room. I felt like I should buy a few chocolates. Now, if you aren't aware of my schedule , I eat chocolates more often than I drink water. And moreover, it was Friday night, on which I usually stay up all night. So, chocolates are a must. Since I was feeling a little lazy, I gave chocolates a pass for this night. Just.For.One.Night. I said to my mind. I came to my room and it was not even seven in the evening. And there was this Nestle Alpino advertisement on TV in every channel and that too on repeat mode. Damn you, Nestle! I was controlling myself, you know, not to go over that. And that for one night lets just keep chocolates away. I was doing fine until 10, when I gave in. Took my hoddie out and went to buy some. At the shop, I was like collecting chocolates like a 10 year old grabbing as many as possible. My hands were almost full and the guy at the counter eyes me suspiciously. I was having a set of 4, each of Dairy Milk, that Nestle Alpino, Munch, Perk, 5 Star, Coffee Bite. That's it. And that guy at the counter swipes each of the chocolate with the bar-code reader instead of multiplying all of them by 4. The Aunty behind me also gives a weird look. After swiping each one for like eternity, the guy asks "Birthday?" . I say, "Yeah, cousin's brother!" and gave him a weird reassuring smile. Now, 'Why are you people giving me a weird look?' 

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Hello There! 

Hello, My dear friends , fellow bloggers, secret crushes, everyone.

How have you been? Let me come straight to the point. I am not okay. And hey by the way, I hope you people do recognize me. Well, AK is going crazy these days. He has changed my epic, rocking, not to mention the most liked display photo on the Facebook wall  and replaced with that-crazy-half-headed photo. I even reported it as spam on Facebook and tried to remove it. AK just updated the security while I was trying to figure a way out of his messed up mind and thoughts. Please don't get me started on that. He wants a new name now. Anonymity. He says. Like, being cut out from the world should help him. Like getting a name could end him up in Jail like for 'Harry Clifton' in Jeffery Archers' "The Sins of a Father". Oh, you haven't come across it? Forget that I ever mentioned it. And those crazy-messed up thoughts of his are keeping me away from thinking straight and apparently from writing as well. This guy needs help. Look at this pic, which would clear any doubts if you have any.

AK - Blowing Brains Out on stupid things.

See! You getting what I am saying ? Anyways, I have taken a lot of your time. Will see you around. 

Sayonara

Your-Friendly-Neighborhood-Stranger's-Alter-Ego

The Guy in the Hat.