I Live !!!

" Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter."

- Eileen Caddy

" The strangeness of time. Not in its passsing, which can seem infinite, like a tunnel whose beginning you have forgotten, but in the sudden realization that something finite, has passed, and is irretrievable."

- Joyce Carol Oates

"A man starts to live when he can live outside himself."

- Albert Einstein

"Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart"

- Anonymous

" To live is the rarest thing in the world, Most people exist, that is all."

- Oscar Fingall O'Flahertie Wills Wilde

I live in the wilderness of man’s unseen, unknown and undesirable thoughts. I live with a stupid notion of the life waiting for when will it all end. I live in the craziest of the happenings when its hard to decide what actually I am doing. I live in the critical stage of life when I could see the time pass by me and I don’t give a damn care about it.

  I live with the prejority. I live in the whole ego world. There is a strong human alibi called EGO which sometimes never leaves the man.

I live with the stupidity of the people thinking something, telling  something and doing something else. I live with a greatest desire of achieving what no one has ever achieved. I live with the thoughts of my own . Clearly uncared and untamed.

I live in the humorous society which have some principles just to giggle and make the hell out of it.I live in the complete boredom of today's unbiased work and the laziness of the next moment.

I live in the generous state where team work seldom means one does the work and the others take the credit. I live in the pre-dominal state where the people always have to depend on others for their and every single work. I live in a seducing society where money is much more preference than the people and their thoughts. And people would get down to the meanest things for the sake of money.

I live in a diversified state where promises are broken like the old glass and blown to ashes. And as if no promises were made and cherish their own insignificant in-adolescent behavior. 

I live in a self determined state of achieving  where reaching goal is the limit. I live in an educational society where everyone is educated but doesn't act like one. I live in the complexity of the human character where the so called protectors  are themselves corrupt .

I live in  a human grooving incapability where a word given is forgotten.I live in a ever criticizing human artificiality and duplicity. I live in the mans stubbornness of in-perplexity. I live in the human obsessed and attractive world where there is desire for everything and if not achieved leads to fatal consequences.

I live in  a harmony of good company where they respect my ideologies and I accept and respect theirs. And there is mutual understanding among each other and everyone.I live in patriarchal society where there is  male dominance and the dominance is sometimes wrongly utilized. 

I live in a state-of-unknown where people realize their calibre only after they have achieved which they never thought could achieve and when pointed by a foreigner  I live in a excellence at extremities  of human thinking where one spends money for work and the other thrives for the same money.

I live in the complexity of the future which is unknown and optimism is a path for it. But sometimes ruled by pessimism.I live in the frustrating present and the ever criticizing un-liad future thoughts. I live in the rebellion of mankind who consider themselves superiors and the rest trash.

I live in the uncertainty of tomorrow and the gruesome of the ticking clock. I live in a multitude of people where there is every liability of wrong conception. I live at the edge of everyone’s wrongly guided  misconception.I live in the odessay of human unlikeliness spending much time in the ugliness rather than creative.

I live in the whole rational world and awkwardness of reality. I live with the irrational, unbiased, critical and revolutionized thoughts.

P.S. :: There are too many thoughts in the beginning. Hope you like the post. And kindly drop a comment, whether I wrote was appropriate or not. Thank you.
Image Courtesy :: Google Images.

P.P.S :: Exams are round the corner, so I won't be writing posts often. I suggest to keep up with the older posts of mine, if they may interest you.

One Night.

NOTE :: This is an attempt by me in fiction. Read in a 'Narrative tone' and visualizing the scenes if possible. 

 

I was walking back home after a busy day at work. It was 21st of November and mid winter. The cold was killing and freezing my nerves. It was night and pitch dark/ The roads were silent. I could hear the ticking sound of my wrist watch. I gave it a glance. It showed 2330 hours. The calmness of the night was killing me. I have never been so late at work. And that day it was rather unusual. The roads aren't empty even if the clock strikes twelve. A vibration in my right pocket of my overcoat caught my attention. My phone was ringing. I slipped my old sleazy phone and flipped it open to check who was calling. It was the call from the customer care, saying that if I don't pay the due by tomorrow, my connection will be invalid. I just ignored it and kept it safely back in the pocket. I was on the pavement striding back to my rented house. "Oh my god!!", I exclaimed remembering the ugly old house owner. He was so stubborn. He was never interested in giving the room to me, as if the room was once visited and stayed by Queen Elizabeth. It was one ugly broken room. If I had not taken it, no one else would have taken it. I found it much cheaper than the remaining houses, at that time. It was a small room with a broken window and a small shabby bathroom. The public bathrooms are much better that that one. A small broken bed, which I think was used by his great-great grandfather. And the room was almost falling apart. I guess it was built is some early 16th century. I can tell this by the architecture it had and the material with which it was made, which was so weak. I had no other choice. I just came with a few clothes and a few books in my hand to do my studying thing. I knew no one in this foreign land. All were busy with their work and not even during graduation. I found no one quite helpful to me. I was alone.

The chilling night froze my legs and I could walk no further. I saw a park near by. It was calm and had a bench. I went near it collected some dry leaves and lit it with the lighter. And I sat down thinking of making money as fast as I can. My eyes caught the attention of the beauty of the night. The night working clad and the buildings lit up the dark night. The reflection of the light in the river was mesmerising to watch. I totally forgot about myself and let the images of my childhood play in front of my eyes. My hand slowly went into the left pocket of my overcoat, where I usually keep my cigarettes. "Damn", exclaimed I. I didn't had the money to buy that even. I woke up from my childhood-projection and started feeling the warmth of the burnt dry leaves. The night owls were out for their preys and making conversations to each other. The squealing noise of the blind bats was too much annoying. There was a swing at the corner of the park. Actually, it was no more a park and no more a playing area for the kids. It was an abandoned park. All that were left were the traces of the things which were used and left behind. The cold wind gave me a small chill in the spine. The heat was dying out, the leaves were flying randomly and I could not sustain the cold. I collected much more dry leaves and broken twigs and made the fire. Again my hand went to the left pocket for a cigarette as a habit. But I could find one. I just wasn't feeling well. I had a very bad day at work. I was pinned up by my boss for the mistake I never did. I knew a man, who was too jealous of me. This was my fifth job this year, and I could not just lose it again, due to some ugly bastard eying my work. I was too much sincere and though I did the projects and work, he always took the credit for an excuse to be in my group. I should have never allowed that and should have asked for a different group. I never knew his ugly thoughts and ideas for getting up the rank utilizing others hard work. I should have realized it much earlier. Today, he just made it a big issue by claiming me to the culprit in not submitting the project. But in reality, I had submitted it the previous day. I had to stay up the evening and re-submit it. It made me late. I was the last one to leave the workplace. It was cold outside and I just couldn't bear it. I was breaking the twigs in my hand as i was thinking about the events that happened in the morning. It made me angry, but I could do nothing.


The fire went down the fury and ended into the smoke while I recovered myself from the eventful history of the day. I could feel a sort of comfort in me with the small heat I made. I was now capable of making the journey back to my room. The streets were damn too silent. I looked at my watch. It was 0030 hours. It was too dark and the street lights were flickering. The incandescent light fell on the pavement on which I was walking. I was still in deep thought about the person who was acting so loyal but actually wasn't. I was way too far from my room. Actually, it takes me almost an hour to reach my room on a crowded evening. But today, I didn't feel like going to my room. But the cold was compelling to go as fast as I could. But I could walk faster. I saw a man pass by me fast on the other side of the road. I thought he was also late and hence was walking fast to reach his destination. Seconds passes by and the man disappeared in the turn at the end of the street.


"Somebody Help", a fine lady's voice broke the silence of the night. The voice revealed some sort of frightfulness. I quickly ran to the direction o the noise. It was the same path which the man took. I reached the corner of the road and gave a peek at the side road. It was dark, much darker than the remaining area. But the slightly glowing street light was sufficient to know what was happening. A man was holding a gun. I don't know what type of gun it was. He didn't see me nor did the lady. The man was holding a purse in the other hand and I saw her giving the cell phone also. She was literally crying, but with no voice. As he had already ordered her to remain silent or else he would shoot. I slowly crawled behind the shadows and tried to go near the scene. As I was crawling a hard thing in my pocket hit my hand. It was my phone. I immediately dialed 911.


"Hello, you have reached the emergency services", said a voice in the other side.

"He..e..ll..o", I was speaking, but I realised that the cold had freezed my jaws.

"What type of service do you want... Police, Ambulance, .. " continued the voice in the other side. I have never called for any emergency service and I never knew there was so much of ado in the procedure. I immediately responded

"Police, please. Its urgent. 27th street,Math street. Immediately please.", I said these with utmost caution without alarming the man and the lady.

"We will be sending a patrol car in a few seconds", said the voice from the control room and I was relieved from the call. I never knew that I could make a call. I forgot about the due in my phone balance.

Meanwhile....

"I have give you everything, I have. And I don't have anything else with me. Please let me go", said the lady from whom the man in the black overcoat took everything from her.He checked the money in the purse. It was huge and was sufficient for two months for a person like me.

"I am not satisfied with the money", said a hoarse voice, the voice of the man in the black overcoat. I anticipated his ugly desire. I no longer could stay in the dark and slowly came to light. The woman caught my attention and now I could see her face clearly. She was in a complete helpless state. And I no longer could take it.

"Please help me, he robbed me of everything and..." the lady was addressing me and the man turned towards me. I don't know what happened to me. I was bold enough to face him.

"Leave the lady alone. You got what you wanted. You got the money. So, now leave her alone.", I said in sort of a commanding voice.

"Its none of your business. Gett the helll out of here and better mind your work." darted the man pointing the revolver on me.

"I guess you also got what you wanted. So, now leavee..",  as I was saying, i was moving forward towards the lady.
I was moving slowly, but he could see me moving a opened fire in the empty air above. I could not it. It was rather too loud. I was shivering in one side and trying to protect the lady too. I was almost in the lion's den now. I was in the middle of both of them.

"Hey, don't you move a inch further or else I will shoot. Now, get the hell out of here.C'mon move your ass off here".
He pointed the gun towards me and the lady. I had a phone in my hand and I wasn't sure what to do. The cops haven't yet arrived. Its been some fifteen minutes and I couldn't the sight of them. I held the phone harder and thought of aiming it at the gun. I wasn't good at aim-hitting. I quickly pulled out my hand and threw it in the direction of the gun. I wasn't thinking. I could not. Luckily, it did hit the gun, but before it he had already shot the bullet. I could hear it in the silence of the night. I quickly gave a glance at the lady. She was fine. She wasn't hit. I thought, he missed the shot. The gun fell far from his reach. I quickly moved toward him to catch him. But was prepared for it and welcomed me with a punch. But luckily, I wasn't fast enough to receive it. I signalled the lady to run and call the cops. I stumbled and fell on him. This he didn't expect. This time, I tried giving him a nice shot. Though I did, but the frozen-stricken hands did not do much impact on him. I gave him another one. By now, he was ready to face it and defended it and gave me one hard hit. I moved back and fell on the ground. I could hear the siren of the cops. The could not feel anything. Just a small pain in the chest. But he hit me in the face. I saw blood oozing out of my chest. Now, it was hurting me much more. Was I shot? I went unconscious.


NEXT DAY NEWSPAPERS::

"A heroic man dies in an attempt to save a lady".


P.S. :: This is my first attempt on fiction. Actually I didn't want to end up like this. I am working on a similar genre of the story. So, if you people like this or have any suggestions to add, please drop by your suggestions. I would be glad to hear from you and would try to make it much more interesting.

Self Hypnosis !!!

 So, I guess you people might have been bored up with my work. Actually, I am in a sort of 'frustration', so while writing I think I am getting that into words and spoiling the whole agenda of my writings.The result is that my posts are 'Awesomely weird' not 'Weirdly awesome'. So, now I am with few tips which might help you relax. I actually found them in an application in my iPod and felt that I should share it with you people. 

So, this is the procedure to perform self-hypnosis ::

Steps :

a. Go to a quiet room and sit in any comfortable chair or couch. Although some people prefer to lie down, you are more susceptible to sleep than when sitting up. Whether you sit or lie, ensure you do not cross your legs or any part of your body. You may be in this position for a while and this could end up being uncomfortable.

b.Make sure you are not going to be disturbed for at least half an hour.

c.Close your eyes and work to rid your mind of any feelings of fear, stress, or anxiety. When you begin, you might find it difficult not to think. You may find that thoughts keep intruding. When this happens, don't try to force the thoughts out. Observe them impartially, and then let them slip away.

d.Recognize the tension in your body. Beginning with your toes, imagine the tension slowly falling away from your body and vanishing. Imagine it freeing each body part one at a time starting with your toes and working its way up your body. Visualize each part of your body becoming lighter and lighter as the tension is removed. Relax your toes, then your feet. Continue with your calves, thighs, hips, stomach and so on, until you've relaxed each portion, including your face and head. Using imagery techniques of something you find comforting or soothing, such as water (feel the water rushing over your feet and ankles, cleansing them of tension) can be effective as well.

e.Take slow, deep breaths. When you exhale, see the tension and negativity leaving in a dark cloud. As you inhale, see the air returning as a bright force filled with life and energy.

f.Appreciate the fact that you are now extremely relaxed. Imagine you are at the top of a flight of 10 stairs which at the fifth step start to submerge into water. Picture every detail of this scene from the top to the bottom. Tell yourself that you are going to descend the stairs, counting each step down, starting at 10. Picture each number in your mind. Imagine that each number you count is further down and one step closer to the bottom. After each number, you will feel yourself drifting further and further into deep relaxation. As you take each step, imagine the feel of the step under your feet. Once you are at the fifth step imagine and truly feel the refreshing coolness of the water and tell yourself that you are stepping into an oasis of purity and cleanliness. As you begin to descend the last five steps, start to feel the water getting higher and higher up your body. You should now start to feel somewhat numb and your heart will start to race a bit, but notice it and let any qualms about the situation just drift away into the water.

g.At this point at the bottom of the water you shouldn't really feel anything just a floating sensation you may even feel like you're spinning. Once you have achieved this state you should proceed to address your problems and decide upon what it is you want from where you are. [Note: if you do not feel as stated above, try again, slower with a will to grasp what is happening]. Now start to narrate what you are doing, speak in the present and future tense quietly to yourself, or as if you are reading it from a page. Start to picture three boxes under the water that you have to swim to get to. Once you have found the boxes open them slowly one at a time and narrate to yourself what is happening when you open the box. For example 'As i open the box i feel a radiant light engulf me, i feel it becoming a part of me, this light is my new found confidence that i can not ever lose as it is now apart of me' and then proceed on to the next box. You should avoid using statements with negative connotation such as I don't want to be tired and irritable. Instead, say, am becoming calm and relaxed.Examples of positive statements I am strong and slender, I am successful and positive, and, if you have pain, My back is beginning to feel wonderful.(see warning on PAIN)

h.Repeat your statement(s) to yourself as many times as you wish. 2 or 3 times should be enough.

i.Once you are satisfied with what you have done and embraced swim back to the stairs and feel with each step you take the water becoming lower and lower until you have once again reached that fifth step. Once you are out of the water and are on the sixth step you may start to feel heavy or as if there is a weight on your chest. Merely wait on the step until this passes, constantly repeating your aforementioned statements. Once it passes continue up the stairs visualizing each step by its number, feeling the steps under neath you, will yourself to carry on up the stairs.

j.Once you have ascended, give yourself a few moments before opening your eyes (you may want to visualise yourself opening a door to the outside world, do this slowly and imagine the light that pours in through the door way, this should make your eyes open)(also it sometimes help telling yourself that when you open your eyes you will be smiling, if you are indeed smiling when you open your eyes you will have some sort of proof that it has worked) and take your time getting up. Then out loud tell yourself Wide awake, Wide awake or something maybe that your mother used to say when she woke you up in the morning as a child. This will put your mind back in the conscious state.You will be totaly relaxed and feel refreshed.

Now, something to help increase your memory :: 

Steps:

a.Relax. When you are ready, gently close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and say to yourself the word 'relax' on each held breath. Now, notice how enjoyably relaxing this feels. Continue doing this for a little while. Notice how each breath helps you feel deeper and deeper relaxed.

b.Relieve any tension. Allow any tension in your jaw to relax away. Allow any tension in your neck and in your shoulders to simply melt away, leaving you completely relaxed.

c.Imagine a large library. You might imagine you stood outside a large magnificent library. Notice how the building looks. Visualize the large wooden doors inviting you to go in. This library is the library of your mind. Everything you have ever known or experienced is in this library. Just like your mind, everything you have known or experienced is in there. Whenever you can't remember something the memory is still there, but it's just difficult to find it among the vast, vast arrays of information.

d.Begin to study the books in the library. If you are studying or have a particular topic of interest or quickly locate the book that contains all your knowledge on this subject, you may have a quick look through the pages if you wish. Feel safe in the knowledge that whenever you absorb any information on this topic it will be added to this book. You will easily be able to find the information in your mind. You will easily be able to recall the information. Now, place this book back exactly where you found it. If you are not sure, a librarian will help you. Take a look around at the other books. Again, any of the information related to these books will be added to them whenever you learn or experience something.

e.Recall old memories. As a result of your mind being more organized, not only will you be able to recall memories much more easily, your mind will also feel calmer and more relaxed. You will find that just about anything you do will be simpler and easier. You'll feel happier. Your mind is more organized and relaxed, and you will be more successful with an organized and more relaxed mind.

P.S. :: This is an application from my iPod. I felt like sharing it with you people. The application and the pictures can be found at : http://www.feathermoor.com.

People and their Stories !!!

From my childhood, the stories have always been fascinating. Stories, which my grandmother used to tell, I used to listen without sleeping, In between, she used to check whether I had fallen asleep. But I never slept until she finished it. If she did finish, I would ask for another story. Bed time stories have always been very fascinating. I used to enjoy all the stories, though some were repeated many times, but as my young mind could generate the stories visually differently every time I learnt a new story.

Time passes by and the bed-time stories began to decease. I was growing up. So now, I was capable of sleeping with out the stories. But for the stories, there was never an end. When I look back in my past, all seems so new to me, and I keep wondering ,was that me that I did that, this!? There were many such instances when I myself cannot believe doing. Drastically, the stories changed. From the fascinating English text-book stories to the novels and much more. I experienced all new variety and varsity in the stories which I leant newly. As time passed by, as it sure does, the stories were different. Nothing like I used to read in the story books or the novels. These were the life stories. Some were absolutely genuine and heart-touching. Really heart touching, some made me cry, some made me feel sad and some were woven out of thin air. Now that was something to laugh about. Well, relating to the stories which I heard during my schooling. As far I know one was really really true and heart-touching. So here are two of the stories which I remember with distinction. 

Way back some seven years or so, we had a new social teacher with discipline ‘Geography’. Well, I was not that much good at geography and what happened more was that she was our class teacher. I think it was the ninth standard. I guess it was. When ever she had a free time, she used to tell about her childhood and what happened back there. Well, I am not mentioning her name. I would address her as the geography teacher, as for what she teaches. So once in a while she tells us about her childhood. So our dear ma’am never liked geography as a subject during her childhood. And she was never interested in hearing the classes also. So, once in a while, she was caught up by her lecturer as she was having a small nap in his class. He angrily called her to the front of class and she realized that she to point a landmark on the map. And she placed the landmark quite opposite to the place it must be and for that she got a nice little scolding and as she says she hated geography much more. But for the present, she was teaching ‘Geography’ and I hated it too. So, does that mean, I will also be a geography teacher. “Hell no”. Now, wait, there is much more about this ma’am. Check this out. She was an expert gemologist also, as she says. And she was the topper in her batch and had studied all sorts of gems and their characteristics and so so things. And once during and art sale where the jewels were being sold, she was a sort of entrepreneur selling the jewels to the visitors and the customers. And with her expertise in the gems and adding to the beauty of her description about the gems which were there, people thronged to buy them and she got a higher pay for selling the most jewels that day. Even then, she left the job and started teaching a subject which she hated the most. Hmm... Can I count this to be a true story? Can you? Like wise were some of the stories about the teachers, who used to tell that they are teaching the subject which they hated the most. They call it ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’. Well, I too call it so. But sometimes destiny takes a turn and fate leads to unexpected results. I was much more concerned about another teacher of mine. 

She was our English teacher, in the same ninth standard. She was P.B.  We used to like the subject, but hated the role play and everybody hesitated to do it. So once in a while she was tires of shouting and told her story. She loved English and she loved teaching. Not to mention, she was awesome in her teaching and her skills in vocabulary were unmatched. No one else could do it. I would bet. And she was beautiful, much more beautiful than the rest of the crew that used the teaching stuff to us, the students. And we as students adorned her of her beauty and knowledge she with-hold. Every thing was beautiful and perfect. But she had a problem. I am not mentioning the problem, as I don’t want to make it complicated. But can mention this that her problem compelled her not to shout and she should avoid much stress on the esophagus, the breath canal. This caused her some minor problems as the intake of air; I mean the oxygen supply decreased and sometimes get choked. As she told this, we held our breath. We had never heard such a sorrowful story from anyone. And she shared it with us and ended with a tear in her eyes and ours too. We didn’t feel like having lunch that afternoon and later in the afternoon, we didn’t feel like enjoying the only games hour of the week. It just touched our heart and that made her much more dearer to us. This was a real story and I was an eye-witness also. She once became unconscious, while we were sitting behind her during one of the free periods. Our hearts throbbed faster. We immediately called other teachers as we were in a complete shock state. Well, that was it. I still can’t forget her face and the moments she spent with us. May god bless her and let her have a happy life.

Moving on. Now that I have succeeded in making you feel something. Let me give you the present scenario and why actually I thought of writing this post. So, these are the stories of the people around me.

I finished my schooling and ended up at college. The atmosphere is quite different and not like the good old days. I get so much tired of answering the questions by which I am constantly asked upon. Actually that not quite easy to take when they don’t believe anything I say. Now picture this: Exams are almost near, say a month left for the battle to begin. And to our amazement, we get three days holiday. Wow!? That was unexpected and I would try to implement my plans which I had been planning since some time. I go to a movie, write some posts in my blog and read some blogs and add a comment. Time flies and the college begin again. I look back and say “Oh gosh, I wasted all my holidays, I could have studied something”. But I anticipate some questions from my friends as “What did you do these days?” I try to weave some sort of a story and plan to tell them when asked upon. They ask the question which I most expected, because that was a routine of their asking. Even if we have a half-day break, they want to know what actually I did. As if, they are much more concerned about me. “Oh god, leave me alone”. They care. !? That is far, even to think. They are much more worried about me with respect to studies. They think I might have studied. But to their happiness, I never do and they don’t believe it. So they ask me the much anticipated question,” Hey, what did you do these holidays?”. Though I had the script ready in my hand, I don’t know what happens, I tell the series of events that really happened and finally they don’t believe them. I can’t help them or make them to understand that it was what actually had happened. And to keep up the conversation, I ask them back. They weave it so perfectly that it becomes hard to find that they are actually telling a lie. Now if they tell that they did study, now I will be fires up and I will also start such stunts. And they actually don’t want that to happen. So they cleverly make up the story from the thin air and present it to me. Rather, I being an idiot believe it. Sometimes, I don’t believe it. I know their behavior and the woven story doesn’t match with their personality and character. That’s basic human psychology. I can understand that. They actually do the studying thing, but don’t want others to know that they studied. And they think it’s hard to make out if they don’t tell the truth. These are some stupid behavior of some of the people around me. You know what they even make the lie a truth by updating all their Facebook and Twitter status. Hell, please stop it. Nobody actually cares  to know what you did with the studies thing and what was so difficult to learn and what made to pull your hair and what made you sick of learning and what made you mad about the subject and what made you to neglect your studies and spend the time wasting in non-commercial purposes. I just want you guys to be truthful and don’t lie about yourself. It shucks, you know. Please avoid it and I suggest you guys to be frank, even if it makes hard to share. 

P.S. :: I have done so much editing to this post and keeping in mind the people, I have deleted so many facts, which I think might have bored you much more. Though, the purpose of "Why?" I wrote this post didn't meet its purpose, as I failed in expressing the true sense which I had thought of. Well, anyways I think I might have given you a picture of reality. Please, bear with my innocence and respond with your comments.

The Exams !!!

" Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequences of consistency applying the basic fundamentals."

- Jim Rohn

I was operating the linear integrated circuitry using some microprocessor procedure. When I realized that the the antenna wasn't working properly, I analyzed the types of antennas names YAGI-UDA. Oh wow. The names sounds good said some. I wrote the program using a compiler in C Language but after so much of ado, I finally ended up with a wrong logic. In between there was a message  to my cellular device saying that there is some disturbance in noise resulting in un-clear conversations. I finally got hold of the virtual memory in my laptop but wondered where it was stored or even hid itself from the programmers eyes. PAUSE... Digital to analog conversions and vice versa, I had been encoding using some stacks and pointers logic. May be it should not be used as logic so I took the cache memory, just for a change and implemented on the so called Intel Microprocessor Chip. Oh my GOD. It's so hard. But I moved on. The low pass filters used some of the butter-worth and using some switched capacitances, I tried to make it applicable for antenna synthesis. But my bad. It too didn't work. The beam width might have been too large for it to sustain. They said automatic gain control devices are much more better. I accepted their wish and drew a micro instruction code using it  to work on some interfacing device. The phase locked loops were pretty difficult to construct, so I shifted to some timers. I preferred the three 5's one 555 Timer. But hell, they too were difficult. But with great difficulty I manipulated the timers and gave it a break. The power was dissipated into the some spectral density which was unknown and resulted in some figure of noise. May be the noise temperature was too high. May be not. Then, there were receivers, some tuned , they called it RF tuned and some made with ganged tuning, but they produced delayed automatic control on gain. Depressed, but with out losing hope I plunged forward onto some thing different. I tried this UNIX operating system for controlling the memory and sequencing of address. Some thing worked. I guess so. The bus diagram was generated based on it, but the vertical and horizontal micro instructions didn't find the place of peace. Then there were two brothers to help me out. RISC & CISC, but they abandoned on seeing the complex stack organization on which was written Reverse Polish.  Finally I got bored up and thought of watching TV, but the plane/rod antenna wasn't working properly. So I replaced it with a dish antenna. Finally tuned the signals, but the noise wasn't audible. So I had to adjust the noise bandwidth also. Oh C'mom, gimme a break. Finally, it was night and moreover the exams were over.

All these are the implications of the messed up brain. After so much of stress and the long syllabus to be completed, the exams came such a shock. And I know all that I had written in the above para doesn't make sense. I was just trying to brief all the topics that were covered in the exams. And most importantly, I did not cover all the topics. I wrote some of the topics that came to my mind. Well, till now the second sessionals aer over and the lab internals also, but the original is yet to come. This November, we will experience something like never before. And with the great state of art of the paper, and the synthesis by the students, this will be one exhilarating phenomenal. And the performance could be seen live from the 15th of November. So hardly ten days are left. 

And now who in the world wants to write the exams. We try to escape each and every exam, but in the end we want the marks for the same. I have seen and tried also from absconding from the exams. And I too desire for getting the marks for free. Who wants to waste time writing exams, when someone can easily manipulate it. And the filling of the photocopier shops is quite common. We sometimes get irritated also at seeing the huge crowd which had been standing for more than half an hour. And more irritation is there when we have an exam the coming day. So, this is simply termed as 'last-minute-studying'. Funnily, I got a text the previous day saying that the last minute studying helps to face analytical problems and helps the students to manage time properly and obviously study well. But, the performance the the exam may vary. That's a different story. 

Then, there are people practising mal-practices. The micro-xerox. Some get hold of the whole book in just a few pages and store it somewhere not visible to the naked eye. And there are people stealing the the additional sheets after the exam and writing the answers well before the exam and slowly sliding it during the exam. Well, that needs so much skill and expertise. And I fear just the thought of it. OH MY GOD, its too scary. And this is because, I lend my brain to the consequences of it. If in case we get caught? That situation is very difficult to imagine and all that one has comes to ashes. And what I fear the more is that some guy after implementing his so desired mal-practice and throws the left-overs at my place. Oh Gosh !! I can't even think of explaining that it isn't mine. And nor can the culprit stand up and say, It is mine. Anyways, I just think too much. Right!?

Well, all these days of the exams I had been in my room trying hard to study. But sometimes overcame by sleep, unknowingly and sometimes distracted and sometimes disturbed. Some think I know much better than them but the reality is that they know much better than me. The whole atmosphere becomes tense, humid and hot. But the heat generated by the mind would cancel anything from the external source. Just give it a try. After studying continuously for some four to five hours, lay you hand softly on the head and feel the heat. I guess, it would be, unless you are revising or just going through all the topics. I was talking about the stressing on the brain to understand-remember analytically. And I wasn't talking about the All-Time-Studying people. The stress on the brain becomes large and at this time what actually we need is to cool it and then again continue. But who has the time to cool it, when there is a freaking exam the other day. And these day everything is so easy. Some people get to know the questions well before the exam and text to all those concerned the day before the exam begins. And now what? We got the important questions. What's the point in wasting time learning each and every topic. Some get to prepare well, actually too well. But even then, even after the small leaking of the paper, some are still in the process of indulging in the wrong activities. It's a different story of theirs. So moving on. The preparations doesn't end even before the last minute before the exam begins. We will be handling two large books quickly skimming through all the pages and referring to all that we had studied. And then there is a call. The exam begins. The most exhilarating hours of the day.

Some come out with happy faces and with a satisfaction of completing the exam very well and on time. They are the people who worked really hard. Some come out with a small sort of depression, as the leaked-out-paper did not contain some questions. Some are way too depressed, as the question paper was something more in Greek 'n Latin to them. Some come out with the happiness of faring well and on knowing the questions before only, I mean the leaked-out-question. Though, it is very hard to depend on the leaked question, but what else can we do just before the exam. Some come out with an urge to fare well next time, saying next time definitely. So are, some of the reactions of the people. But does it end? After stepping out of the exam hall, all get gathered and start discussing the paper in detail and inquiring each and everyone about their performance. And then the next exam. This continues on until the exams end. And again begins at the next exams after six months or so.

Till then.

In Love...

"

In my dreams, I find her
In my thoughts, I remember her
In my deepest sorrow, I feel her
On my happiest times, I gratitude her
In the meanest second, I realize her
In the hardest hour I adorn her
In the loneliness she is my hope
In the lost paths she is the path

In love, With love, For my dear mom.

"

P.S. :: This is another random post. The original post can be found here at " WINGED DREAMS".

So, please drop by and leave your comments. :D   

Till now ...

" Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

- Melody Beattie

I had been quite busy with the exams-thingie going around these days. I am very much thankful to the fellow readers for their wonderful comments, which generates an urge in me to write much better and much more. I am very much fantasied by their work with words in their blogs. I appreciate.

But even then, a substantial part of the exams are over, there is still a considerate part of the time to be spent with the loamy books. The period is almost a month starting from this very day. I almost got off my senses with my weird-performance in the recent exams two days back, on which I am likely to update tomorrow. More over I am having some problems with the old lazy laptop. I had been using it for more than three years and the hardware and software and all got old and is creating the unnecessary havoc in me. Recently, the latest problem with it is two alphabets stopped working. What the hell !? The most essential alphabet 'a' & 'A' went into coma unknowingly. Another alphabet is 'q', though rarely used, it generates a small chill in the spine when I find out that theses keys aren't actually working. 

Rather I overcame this problem by using an external keyboard, but my old sleazy laptop got affected with another problem. The battery problem and the 'hang-on-charging' problem. I guess may be its a hardware problem. Never-the-less, it just restricts me from doing anything. Simply, the laptop really sucks. May be I should get a new one. NEW ONE !? Dad is not not gonna buy me a new one, as I have already made so many petitions, which are pretty costly. Damn !? I need a laptop, a brand new one. At least the "Apple Mac Air" without the CD/DVD input will do. [ :P ] . *Gadget Obsessed*.

Well, anyways I have sent the laptop for repair which is much longer time than I expected. It's been more than a month. As soon as I get the laptop back, I am on the writing spree. FULL TIME WRITING. I have so much in mind and so much to tell and so much to express. But, I am not a person to take a step back and let it go until I actually get the thing. I will surely update as soon as possible with the latest ting in my mind. Well, till then I may hope to keep you entertained with my earlier posts. In case of an extra minute to spare on my blog, lend an eye to my previous blog-posts and do write your valuable comments. 

And these are some of the thoughts I had in my mind in the mean-time.

" The unpredicted, uncherished, unprotected, unbiased unraveled mysteries lie just in front of eyes."

 ~ AJAY KONTHAM

"Playing with people's emotions is a good game, until it is played by yours. Then, you might understand the real fun in it. "

~ AJAY KONTHAM

    More to come. Take care. Till then ...