Sometimes...

“I was at the dead end of the world and looked back. I saw the trails of the journey. I saw the unsuccessful stories, the difficulties of the life. I thought I was at the end and looked forward again, I saw something similar. Something, which I had seen long back where it all had started there. I then realised that the World id round and I was at the very beginning.”

“Was it the beginning of the end?

 OR. 

Was it the end of the beginning?”

Life is a Paradox. Sometimes we achieve what we want and sometimes we get even if we don’t want. And sometimes we don’t get what we want. And sometimes we don’t want and we don’t get anything.

Sometimes I feel someone has put a gun at point-blank range and is getting his desired work done. I reluctantly accept with the fear of being killed or say love for life. And sometimes I feel to let him pull the trigger and let it all end. This was sadness in me. The depression in me. Why am I depressed? Why am I sad? What is the cause, the reason? Well, I am not bothered. Are you?

I am at the hill top and feel the peace of the height and the calm wind making mw forget who I am and leaving all worries I stand there for hours. But the mind is never at ease and neither is the heavy heart. It breaks the happiness into pieces and lest upon me again the inverted U face. It searches for the ultimate fault in me and strikes me back saying, “Don’t you remember this, that?” Somewhere deep beneath the heart, I feel like jumping off the cliff but cannot. Don’t ask me why? Because I too don’t know. I pause.

I feel like shouting and let the agony, pain, distress, misery in me vanish into the sands and let them dissolve in the ocean by the stream of tears. But, there is something supernatural beholding me which forbids me in doing anything. WHY ME? Sometimes I can’t sustain the acquisitions. I can’t take anymore. Sometimes the single mistake haunts me more than the mid night ghost. Sometimes I feel, I am burned to ashes, but I am the single piece of paper un-burnt with tattered pieces of ash.

Solace, comfort, relief, peace is what I am searching for. I searched everywhere, but not the place where they are available and I don’t know where it is. I can’t think anymore. The agony has swept away me from thinking. The darkness has overwhelmed me. I am in the shadows of the daylight and darkness of the night moon.

Sometimes… sometimes… Isn’t there an end to these? I could hear a voice inside me say, “ NO ”.

P.S.:: Sometimes I like rubbish like this. I can’t tell anything more. So, simply thanks for reading. And don’t forget to mark the check-boxes below as “Weird”. 

Passion !!!

Passion. Compassion. Enthusiasm. Patience. Zeal. Here goes the list of doing something whole-heartedily. Why is that we are driven by our dreams, a small dream which is planted in our young mind and we water it almost everyday for its fruits. The fruits of success which we had been longing since inception. And the fruits, aah, they are pretty sweet. Because, the fruits aren't artificial. They are real. They were not born or the trees didn't bear them just like that. They impersonated the work, the lifetime work, the HARD WORK. They are sweet, nothing artificial and nothing that we have to look back to point the defects. They are carved out of one's perfection and the never ending zeal and enthusiasm. Why would they won't be sweet when you had been with it the whole time waiting endlessly to see it evolve into what you had dreamed of long back? That's why PASSION matters.

We live in a world where we can define WHAT, WHEN, HOW, WHERE, WHY. 

"We can think and decide what to do when and how to do what & where and why  to do what". 

I apologise. This might drive you nuts or consider me, but read it again carefully. You might understand. Any way, it was nonsense. Right? All I wanted to tell is that sometimes Passion drives us crazy. Isn't it? No. Okay, I won't disappoint you. That was my opinion. I am here writing some non-sense, real-serious non-sense. It's more like, writing is my passion. Don't get me wrong. I am not a good writer after all. I know it and probably you might also be knowing it. It is more like my hobby. Let me get the line clear. I was talking about blogging, writing blogs. I find the pleasure in writing, though I accept the fact of all the non-sensetial facts and the rubbish theories which I tend to explain. The explanation has no end, but I keep on blabering even when no one's there to take up my meticulous theories. But what is more non-sense than wasting time idlely than writing something that crosses my mind. 

Everything that comes to the mind is artificial, artificial thoughts, artificial ideas, artificial theories. We need to channel the artificialty of the numerous thoughts and ideas and transform them into living artifacts. I mean we should transform them in such a way that the writings have 'life'. The life replicating the original sense of the prime inception. It's an art. The art of transforming the so called human thoughts into living thoughts and make the people understand and feel the real sense of the writings. But I don't have that art. This so-called art which I had said isn't so easy to achieve, or atleast for me. How does it feel when the whole world falls on you. It's too heavy, eh? I was talking about the thoughts. How does it feel when all the worldly thoughts just sprung onto your mind and like kangarooes start hopping through every corner. I guess it would be still heavy, isn't it? The over-burdened thoughts are to be laid to rest by making the maximum possible use by creating a way where they could live happily in the form of writings. Sometimes, it's too difficult to catch up with the thoughts. We need to pick the best and forget the rest. Sometimes we forget. Similar is the case with me. I also get all sorts of ideas or say thoughts and when I sit to implement them I tend to forget. Even when the mind is at peace, it becomes too difficult to remember what I had thought earlier. But our peace in the mind never ever disappoints us. We get much better and much more adventerous thought revolutionizing the atmosphere in the peaceful mind. I set down and pen those thoughts here, in my blog. I find blogging as a passion. A statistical tool to channelize the ideas and thoughts into a meaningful and revolutionised writings. So in the way to achieve the so called goal, I end up making blunders.  Well, I am not holding anything back. So, this one is also a result of it. So what do you think about my posts. Excellent, Superb? Or Weird? Okay, you don't want to disappoint me and probably chose the first option. But unfortunately, I know about it. 

There are millions of people writing some on Blogger, Word Press, et cetera. Some write about topics related to education, business, technology, et cetera and personal. I actually belong to the last mentioned. I write  not because "I have to write" but "I want to write" and let the endless thoughts enjoy the freedom and share it with others. But there should be someone to share and probably to read all the thing that I write. Many expect a large number of followers to follow their writings/ blogs. And probably one would achieve that if at all the matter he writes makes sense and is good and yeah, not like mine. 

So, now let me give you about the journey so far in my one and a half year of experience in "Blogger". I started blogging in the month of February, 2009. I was actually inspired by my cousin brother after reading his note-worthy and mind-blowing writings. I thought at that time that this could lay a foundation to my writings and give a perfect base and shape in writings skills and make sure I hold on to the best English. So the new venture started and I started writing. And I know all posts until now have been some sort foolish and some might even drive people nuts. Or you could name me so. Hmm, well leave about you and me. After I wrote my first post, wrote another one, then another one. Now I wanted some one to read and tell their opinion. 

" Hey, I started writing something in Blogger. So I thoug...", I was telling this to one of my friends and by looking at his face, I clearly understood that he wasn't at all interested. But even then I continued, " ..thought you might look and give your opinion on it". His immediate response was, " What is a blog? & what does blogger mean?" . Well, I anticipated such a question from him but I was happy to explain it to him. But at last he listened and said, " So, what did you write?". 

"Something, Just read and tell me how you feel" I replied looking at his face straight in his eyes. But he was still darting at me a, " So, whats up to me?" look. So I stopped telling about it, I mean about the blog. I never wanted, "Oh my GOD! This is AWESOME. I have never seen such a post" like remarks. Even, " This post is full of nonsense. Are you mad or what?" will do. 

But I never gave up writing this so-called nonsense posts. I kept on writing and didn't care about the others to read. Slowly, some got interested and some did not. In my last summer vacation, I succeeded in motivating a person to write and who really took interest in writing. I felt happy as I succeeded in motivating a person in writing what they felt and let the others know the true sense. And I try motivating someof the people in my class also subsiding the outer feelings which they express. Now, there are six people of my friends writing posts. So you think I motivated them? Nah, you are wrong. They were inspired and came to know what they are capable of and probably to make me realise ," What a dumb I am". 

"I read your post yesterday", says one of my friends to me. I smile back and ask him, " How was it?" . " It is good". I knew this answer, but I wanted to hear from him. Now what more the twitter and the Google Buzz is half-filled with the links to the posts which they wrote. What more? I even get texts saying, "Hey, I wrote a new post and www.abcefg.com is the link. Please drop by to give your opinions". If it was about publisizing about their posts, some try to publize others post when he is trying to attract a huge crowd and highlighting the crowd. By crowd I mean friends. I drop by every post and leave a comment for sure. But when I write something, I get response later in class. Some asking me doubts and some appreciating and some casually making fun of it. And some even texting me, " Hey, I read your post". This is all good. I would have felt much more happy if it was still virtual, on the world wide web rather than a verbal conversation. But anyhow I appreciate it also. Thanks. :)

So, what was I talking about? PASSION. I went off the page. So, this is my passion. So you people also keep up your passion and strive for it. But not like me. 

NOTE :: Thanks for reading. Sorry. I mean bearing with my post upto here. So if you have anything to say, drop in your opinions. Anything is accepted. Thank you. 

The Ten(s) !!!

It's the 10th of the 10 month of 2010. I know you obviously know this day. Nothing much, but it kind of looks good when we look at the day and peculiarily when all are the same numbers, that is 10.

• I slept exactly at 3.10 am in the earliest morning. Okay, let me be frank. I made up to bed at 3.00 am, but rather thought of closing my eyes at 3.10 am. 

• I woke up at 5.10 am. This was intentional. I made myself wake up at the earliest hour with an dangerous alarm in my cell phone.

• It's been exactly 10 days since my balance in my phone was over. This was acute coincidence. And the balance being Rs 0.101 . Don't get shocked to see such a number. Actually, I was after suddenly the phone got disconnected in between ten days back and I didn't notice the balance to be a fancy number. 

• I have completed watching seven movies so far and hopefully make 10 by the time I sleep. They are

1. 500 Days of Summer [Blue Ray]
2. The Mask [ Though it was old, I kind of like it ]
3. The A-Team
4. V for Vendatta [Blue Ray]
5. Torque
6. Uncertainty
7. Avatar [Blue Ray]

• Of all, Avatar was the best on Blue Ray and was thrilled to watch it.

• Actually, now I am watching 'The Spy Next door', taking a break to write this thing.

• I am resuming writing this post after two point five divided by ten[10] hours. I had finally completed watching ten movies.

1. The Spy Next Door
2. Shutter Island
3. Khaleja [Telugu]

• Shutter Island was superb. I would say you should also give it a try. 

P.S. :: I started writing this post yesterday. But due to lack of time, I could not post last night. My sincere apologies. :( 

The Invasion !!!

The day begins and ends in a four-walled room of mine. It is the place where I spend most of my time. So, I guess it knows me much better than my friends. Its MY ROOM. Well let me give you a clear scenario of my room. Hmm.. my room is a part of the POST GRADUATE block known by the name “Santhi Sadan”. The rooms are divided into suites. And each suite comprises of four rooms, a kitchen and a hall and each are two-bed roomed. And there are only 3 single rooms and the remaining all are two-bed roomed. And there is one TV room also, I guess because I haven’t been there nor have I seen it. Well, I stay in the ground floor and I abide with the room number GS-3D.

The entrance to my suite faces north and mine is the last room but the first to appear from the entrance.  My door faces west quite oppositely to the sun-rise. And there is a window also though almost covered with a mosquito net and dust and the small dead insects. Though, my room is for two members, the other bed is still vacant making me the only king of the room. I rule in my kingdom that is precisely my room. About the liking thing, I like my room but I don’t like hostel as I said earlier. My room comprises of two cup-boards for storing the clothes and other essential things. And I use both of them. [ :P ]. And two beds, but of different size. I don’t know why are they of different sizes, but I took the bigger one. [ *Wicked smile :P* ]. 

I filled the remaining emptiness of the room by a Study Table from an adjacent room which was empty; I mean there were no students over there. That was the description of the things residing on the floor. And there seems to be some sort of wrong calculations or may be that they (the hostel authorities) didn’t plan before. I am talking about the Electrical connection setup. I guess by looking at my ceiling and the plastic tubes hanging all around the room that they surely didn’t plan about it before construction. It looks so weird all around in the room hanging, just taking out the inner beauty of my room. And to add to its disgust, the people who resided in this room well before me spoiled the remaining with the stickers, Pokémon tattoos and football league stickers. That just annoys me much more. 

After I had thought, I had completely settled in my room, I was relaxing. One day without my knowing there was an Invasion. There was a stream of copper headed tiny insects passing through me. As I was lying on the bed and they were passing through my head, I could see them distinctly and pretty big. I jumped back and came to a sitting position and saw those invaders, the ants. I thought they were only a few. But out of my amazement, there was a rather big stream of invaders. I could not estimate such a thing and that to be so fast. As I had landed in this place just two days earlier. They were enormous in number. I tried to clean off my bed and later after doing so, I drowned into thinking about how they came. The first thing is that I had no eatables and that to be sweet. I thought those were the only few and there would be no more as I had succeeded in wooing them out. So I lay back on my bed and dissolved into sleep. Later about after a hour or so, I found myself scratching the itching part on my hand. I looked at it with blurred eyes and estimated it to be red and the result of scratching. When I woke up completely, I found the ants, the ugly invaders. 

But now I didn't try to clean up my bed. Because by that time I was already late to college. I hurried with my daily work and set off to college. Not to mention, the classes were much more boring.After my retrieval from college, I found my room clean, I mean without much ants to see. But I guess I was wrong. They were resting, I suppose. Resting? They don't rest, right? Anyhow, they weren't seen when I entered the room. But later their diplomacy started to rise and tried to drive me impatient. Rather, I was driven impatient. But I preferred them to enjoy their expedition in my room. I found them quivering around everywhere. They didn't even leave my cup-board. All the clothes and even the books. I failed to understand their prime motive. I still don't know yet. Their territory wasn't limited to my room only as I anticipated. The person residing next to my room thought of changing the bed itself to escape the frightful and annoying torture of the copper-headed ants. But, he ended up changing the mattress from my room, instead of the bed. I thought how foolish he was. I think he doesn't know the thing that ants don't depend on mattress or the bed. Do they?

"MAY DAY! MAY DAY!", "I just got the required repellents to drive the ants crazy", "OVER AND OUT". The coming day I came equipped to teach those tress-passers a lesson. I succeeded in making so. After implementing my renowned plan, I could see no more ants in my room. I was happy as I finally got rid of them. And I almost forgot about them for almost two months. Until some three days back, when I was again hit by a small ant. This time the number doubles and the invasion areas also increased. They invaded the books, clothes, newspapers, dustbin, my phone and they didn't even leave my laptop. OH MY GOD! What on earth was happening? And What the hell was the ants idea of taking everything under their custody? No matter what, those ants continue to do their job, and I should be doing mine. Right? My job was unfortunately to drive them out. Hmm !! And I guess this continues.

P.S. :: This post is a random post of one of the daily foes and probably a funny and never-the-less boring one. Anyways thanks for reading. :)

Wake up !!!

“Why did you sit there? I was shocked to see you sitting there. Didn’t anybody tell you about it?”

About a couple of months ago, I too was a happy-going day scholar to my college. It was good to make the boring journeys in a crushed auto-rickshaw or the flooded RTC bus. I enjoyed, in the sense that everyday had to make through the beach. With the enormous layout and the salt-stricken air causing some sort of much un-needed humidity, my journey back to my room/house was followed every day. But the most annoying part of the journeys was the comfort. There was no comfort making the journeys. The people, I mean the ‘Auto-wallas’ are really crocked minded and would stuff the normal 3-seater plus children seat plus the sides of the driver’s seat with the students, Engineering students. And some sort of respite would be there, once on a blue moon day. And some are the trusted customers of the ‘BUS’ and would prefer to travel by bus flagging their ‘Bus-passes’ and others with the money from their purse. But even then, ‘standing’ and ‘hanging on one leg’ are simply un-escapable.

One day, while suffocating myself with the daily foes, I was bewildered on hearing about the seat in the college hostel. I said a big “DAMN” to myself. I wasn’t quite expecting such a disaster ever since the inception by my parents. I knew that it won’t be possible with some sort of recommendation. But somehow, for hell’s disaster and my misfortune hit me real bad and I landed over here; two months ago from this very date.  Now common, don’t wish me for completing two freaking months.

Now, to hit me more hard, they got some rules which I didn’t have previously. And to add to it, this place is quite far from the city. Though, my hostel is located near the beach and surrounded by mountains and also a cool room, I don’t like being here because “I don’t like the idea of HOSTEL”. The place is very calm. My sincere apologies. I just said a lie, white lie. It is preferably a calm place, but there is never ending hip-hop going around in the hostel. It seems almost every day, it is someone’s Birthday. Even if there are no such birthdays, these people don’t take a step back to turn on their mini-surround system and play music. The rock music from the top floor is distinctly heard from the ground floor where I stay. But that is still the top floor and the competition never dies. Soon, it takes a minute from a person from my adjacent room to turn the ‘Woofers’ on and get the impatience out of me.

By the way, I was new to the hostel. Hmm... Err... I mean I have stayed in Hostel, but college hostel is some-what different. The innumerability of people quivering around the place and the  atmosphere is quite different also. In the beginning days, I rather thought to be conserved. Hmm... Actually I am a bit conserved no matter what the circumstances are. But my in-sight of the situation appealed to me that the people around are really different, say like stubborn and quickly my imagination ran over them. I made vague calculations of the human attitude and behaviour. What else could you do when you are to a place that is new to you. I think I was quite good at learning their ways of human behaviour. Suddenly, I found myself donning a “I don’t give a ‘DAMN’ care about you” attitude after looking up the “I don’t care about you” attitude. But at the end of the day I am myself, back in my room flirting with the under-laid ideas and heavy thoughts. And the bottom line is that ‘I can’t be them’ no matter how hard I try.

So, one day I happened to get bored of sitting at almost the same place in the hostel dinner area. So I thought of shifting to a place where there was considerably less population and I thought that would be a good place. So I started befriending the newly thought idea of changing the place. So, in a matter of few days it became usual until one day I was darted by a peculiar question by one of my friend who happens to be staying at the hostel for two years of so. As usual, I had my dinner and wsa sitting in the garden outside my block known as ‘Santhi Sadan’. He came to meet me and the first thing after the formal hai-hello was a question.

“Why did you sit there? I was shocked to see you sitting there. Didn’t anybody tell you about it?”

I was a bit shocked to hear a question of that height of worried-ness or say shocking. I anticipated with his feeling that he was surprised as well as a bit shocked. After seeing his shocking face and I without a change of feelings, though somewhat shocked replied casually, “Yeah, I had been sitting for a few days and more over there was Vikas, so I sat over there”. With his linking response, I woken up. He said, “That place is only used by the C-people and they don’t allow any other people to sit over there. And once, when someone sat over there, there were some minor/major hot debates. And did you not observe it? And those people don’t talk to others and once if they do, they are held back for some sort of counselling after their dinner”.

The conscious inside me replied to me, “You had been sleeping”. Probably, I was. I was completely unaware of the fact that I was living in a C-dominated region and they could do anything under their realm. I almost forgot the differences. I was just like any other kid, like the now in kinder-garden where we don’t know what that complication actually means. The complication of religion, caste and the human distinction where they are divided in into different groups through their sarcastic ideologies. I felt like, I just no came to the real world. Aah... that single sentence by him just struck me through my mind and I can’t help myself looking at that place whenever I go for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

We talk about secularism, integrity, sovereignty, et cetera that are there in the Indian Constitution, but I feel we actually don’t know what they really mean. Do we? There is a lot of difference between talking and doing. Isn’t it? We would be fighting among ourselves for piece of land on the basis of religious sentiments. I don’t understand one thing. Compromise isn’t a word in any of the religious books. Right? Is it there? Then what for it is there when the people don’t actually know the real meaning of the same. Yeah, I am talking about Ayodhya verdict. I know the case is solved, but why in the first instance they had to fight for a piece of land. Religious sentiments can't with-hold anything and can draw any person to do anything to make it the best and to achieve dominance. Am I right?  On the same day as the case’s decision, I received a text which read as, “It is a historic day. Once a long time ago, God created a place and decided where man could live. And today, the man has decided where the God should be there”. Isn’t it true?

We find a superior group of people who are trying to maintain the superiority by suppressing the people below them. The people try to maintain their standard of living of superiority. This is the basic human thinking, and probably God can only change; if at all he exists. Blah, blah, blah... I think you know about the happenings around you and it is more like I am writing an English-essay on the “Indian Scenario at Present”. I guess you people know much better than me.

Simply, but brain-strikingly, I was woken up by that question.  The question which was questioning my presence over here and the complications that one needs to follow over here when there is someone above your head. I should consider different attributes which I have to consider when these people are around excruciating behaviour I should be following to avoid ‘conflicts’. I forgot I was living in an Indian society where sometimes un-expected things happen and we don't even know where they started from. But even then, I would be a donning a “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN CARE ABOUT YOU” attitude as far as I can. Hope, I successfully accomplish the task. [ :P ,  :D ]

Rain.

 "

I had been waiting for you so long,

 Every touch of yours 'enriches' me,

Every splash of yours 'delights' me,

Every drop of yours makes me 'rejoice',

Every sense of yours fills my soul with 'richness of life',


The pleasant breeze touches my heart,


The coolness gives me 'enthusiasm',


Walking through the wet lanes,


I find the child me again,

Hope, I enjoy the feeling forever. 
"

P.S. :: This is a short poem, as I call it. I thought of writing something too long, but lastly I dropped the thought. It may be that, this is old or may be you might have heard of it before. And I apologize if this resembles another's work on poetry.  On a contrary, these came from my mind/heart also. Déjà vu . !!! 

Random Thought 1.0 !!!

" INTERPRET,

 THINK, 

CONCLUDE.!! "

"  EMPOWER YOUR WILL

AND OVERPOWER YOUR FEAR TO SUCCEED !!  "

The Hilarious Stupidity 2.0 !!!

Over the end of a day, all goes well. We land onto a soft-puffed up mattress and let ourselves devour in the happiest thing ever know by the name “Sleeping”. We dream, dream in variedly and those dreams aren’t in our control. We always enjoy the dreams. No matter what happens; unless if it had been that we watched a horror movie. Then, the case might be a bit different with nightmares. We can’t sustain nightmares, unlike dreams. Are they both the same? The ‘Horror dreams’ and the ‘Nightmares’. Stupid thought!?

• I came across a notice in the hostel notice board. It was old, and as never look at the notice board, it looked quite new to me. It read as “The students are getting ill and are suffering with stomach ailments as they are not having the food at hostel and are eating outside. We strongly recommend the students to eat in the hostel itself to protect you from the illness”. As if the hostel food is five-star and has no problems savouring the delight. Probably the fact, everybody in the hostel knows except the person who wrote it and the concerned staff.

• I was quite head over heels for quite some time until I realized something unusual. This was about the ‘Comment’ section.  I had mentioned earlier that my comment section had been hungry for your precious feelings about the posts which I keep up. But rather I never realised that they do comment. Actually, the next day in the class. Verbally. It is called Verbal commenting. I thought they can do that in the blog itself. But where do they have the time? Speaking finds it way rather too easy that the writing. Right!? And moreover I think that there is nothing to comment on stupidity of the write-ups. It would be quite odd to write “This is quite thought-provoking stupidest post I had ever read” or “I am still fine. Are you planning to send to meet a doctor for mental check-up?” Likewise the endless thoughts of the fellow readers might be flowing through their mind. Frankly speaking, I appreciate anything written here and won’t take anything to heart. Probably, I guess you got my point.

• Some of my friends have started blogging. Relatively, many actually don’t know what the blogging is all about. Someone has/ had to explain them. I think that ‘someone’ was me. I think I succeeded in motivating them to write the blogs. This was a stupid thought. I don’t take the credit. It was rather their own decision, right?

• But there is something to mention about one of the new blogger. In the wake of anxiety and the valour to publish the best posts, he is striking really hard to get the best. And it seems that he is worried about his inability to get his BLOG in ‘Google Search Results’. So I guess he checked all the available check boxes not knowing that he also checked the “Adult Content?” also. So much of...

• Now another enlightening thing about some of the people is the in-efficient knowledge in some of the popular social networking sites. Recently, I added some of the people as a photo tag to a picture on which it was written “Give me a nick name”. Amazingly, the responses are “What the hell is this?”, “Why did you say like that?”, “I don’t know you. Who are you?”, etc. Was it so difficult to understand a simple ‘photo-tag’?

• And “Who said we can’t do it?” reads the headlines of the newspaper “Indian Express”. It was really amazing to hear that we had at last completed the task in on time. But is it the media that is boasting about the success story of the CWG opening to keep at par the Indian standard to a premier level. Anyways, that was a good news. Now, what fades is the 70,000 cr money spent on CWG 20X making it the expensive Games ever. And to add to it 1,620 cr is the official budget for hosting the Games which includes the non-sports-related infrastructure development in the city. I don’t know whether INDIA will win any gold or not in the Games, but I am pretty sure that “We will damn sure get a GOLD in CORRUPTION”. No doubt and I bet!!

This is another stupid post. I accept it. It's over all my stupidity. Don't bother yourself too much reading. I think you can skip by just looking at the 'Topic' itself.