The Tiger

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies.

Burnt the fire of thine eyes?

On what wings dare he aspire?

What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art

Could twist the sinews of thy heart?

And when thy heart began to beat.

What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?

In what furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil? What dread grasp

Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,

And watered heaven with their tears,

Did he smile his work to see?

Did he who made the  lamb make thee?

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

-William Blake.

Why I wrote this poem, I mean copied, the reason is that I had been watching a TV serial called Mentalist in which this poem is used by the criminal. It did sound nice when they speak about it "Tiger, tiger burning bright......" So I wanted to know the meaning. Though a part of the poem's meaning is described by one of the character in the serial, it was my interest to know. So, in the process I wanted to make a copy of it in my post here. 

19th January!

Its' just another day. Actually, it's my birthday. And most amazingly, its my dad's birthday also. Fascinating, isn't it? In some way, it is, that I share the same date of birth as my dad. How exciting that could be? Right ? After all it passes like any other day, except that today I wear some new clothes. It is just the feeling that spurns inside me on this day. The phone calls, texts and Facebook Timeline posts ( initially wall, now called timeline) ! A good delicious meal at home and a movie are just an addition to this. 

Frankly speaking, I never did look forward for any of my birthdays. There is no obvious reason. And this is the reason also. What about gifts? Well, about that, I kind of gets some things well before my birthday and we call it an advance birthday present. *Money saving !dea* . Yeah, I agree. Whatever. So, as I don't wait in excitement about this very day, I am not even bothered about the gifts or anything. Speaking of wishes, I got 95 wishes from friends 'n family, 75 on Facebook timeline, 17 calls and 3 texts. I don't know why I maintained a count, but just that I wanted to see how many people did. Thank you guys for the wishes. And I replied for all the timeline posts, and thanks once again. 

I don't know why I am stopping this post here. May be it's the movie. Yeah, I watched a movie today. That's the reason I am having a head-ache. And for this reason this post will be posted on Jan 20th. It seriously is the movie. It was one *beeped* up movie. Hang on, I will write about it as soon as I feel better. May be tomorrow. But that movie review is for sure. May be its a week old, but never mind. Its' just my pleasure and you can enjoy / criticize if you want to. Probably, I guess you won't risk it. 

By the way, thanks a lot guys. 

-Ajay Kontham [2012]

A Mind Game.

There are people all round me. And there is Me. I deal with most of the people almost all the time, whether it is by contact, talking or whatever the means be and even without with talking / touching, but just by watching. I always appreciated myself as a good watcher. This  is the easiest thing to do unless it is a girl who would mind if she catches me and I too would mind that. Sometimes, watching becomes hard. The reasons for that are complex but it does happen. Then, what I would do is pull out my cell phone and pretend reading a text or doing something. I do this most of the times. The most probable reason for the same is that I don't talk much. I sit alone. Both the seats to my sides remain vacant most of the times. And even if it is occupied, I don't make past time talking about anything, unless I am a little bit out of my mind. So, People call me Silent. And so do I consider myself. For this reason, (what reason : being silent? Why the hell are you supposed to be silent and try to keep everything to yourself like an i-d-i-o-t). Okay, I just didn't hear that. I never knew the reason. The hell you know. Hmm, I think I know but I always thought it would be difficult to make people understand it. (Just tell that you are a d-u-m-b idiot who thinks he is the only unique person who is f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g genius. To h-e-l-l with it !) Whatever.  And also as I said I am a good watcher (or so I think) I don't usually spend much time on that. ( Now, don't start all over again )! Okay, Whatever!

...{ Topic Changed }...

My mind has been so deceived by the talks of the people that it starts thinking without my knowledge in most aspects. The people say a lot of things and this rusted mind captures all the things that they say about the people and about them. But never does it captures a lesson taught by the lecturer. So, there were a lot of things people talked about others. What else does any body do? Seriously, It is either about you or your thought of interest or obviously other people. So, all those things get recorded in the mind somewhere which are more easily reached than anything else. Technically it is called cache memory, I guess. 

Recently, I watched a movie "Faces in the Crowd" . That's a nice movie. What I came to know from the movie is about the Human Mind. We all see many faces everyday. We have a lot of faces in our mind. When we look at a person, the mind automatically matches with that in the memory and we recollect everything associated with that face. Its' actually amazing when we realize the fact. And in this movie, the lead actress has the problem with this very part of the brain which identifies people with their faces.More to this problem was that the faces kept changing for the same person. It would be one hell of a problem in reality. I found this ability of the brain very compelling. I wonder how the mind stores information. Neurons, or some thing like that I guess, if I am not wrong. In another instance, some while back on the eve of New Year, I attended a party for the New Year at my dad's office. I don't know anyone in that crowd except a few of my dad's colleagues. Rest are all aliens. But when I saw one person, I felt I saw him somewhere. I just couldn't make it where and when. After sometime, when his mom came to speak to my mom and introduced me to him, I realized, Yeah, this is the person whom I saw 13 / 14 years back. I didn't realize the power of the mind then, but eventually when I think about it, it feels good. Good because when I saw him I was small & was in 2nd grade and also saw him in 3rd grade if I am not wrong. So after so many years, people would change a lot and so did he and also so did I. But still I kind of recognized the face from somewhere. His name is Rahul. And god save me, when I learnt about his academics. He studied from IIIT, then did his M.S. in US, then got a job in Amazon, worked there for some time and realized that he wanted to study more and so he is doing his PhD right now in US. My God! I am tired of studying now only. My mind stops right here.

P.S. : The opening paragraph was supposed to the the beginning paragraph of some other post in some other blog. But as I started writing, I thought it was more relevant over here and also I could link it with some of the facts. And the italicized text is a person called Inner-self speaking / saying / commenting on the situation.

Symbian Anna 7.5 !

Back to Symbian Anna 7.5 OS for Nokia 5800 Music Xpress. :) ;) :D B-)

It might not be implied to everyone that this happens to be awesome. This is no iPhone or anything like that. Just that iPhone is out of my range presently and so are all other sleek 'n slim new trendy phones in the market. I won't be given a new phone because I already have one. The old s-u-c-k-i-n-g Nokia 5800 Music Xpress. There is lot of time till I get an iPhone or something like that. So for now, I have to bear with this old r-o-t-t-e-n phone. Earlier I said Back to Symb..... here I meant that I had updated the firmware to the Anna Os some while back but again due to deception I had to go back to the Symbian v60. 

 Some 5 months back or so, I heard of a new firmware for my phone. That was totally awesome. But the problem was that it requires flashing of the phone which means that the phone will no longer have any kind of warranty and also the software would not be original. But w-h-a-t t-h-e h-e-l-l, my phone was already sucking at its peaks. So I made a bold attempt to make it better with the new OS called as Symbian Anna. My present phone version was v52.(something). And that Anna firmware was for this version only, which I came to know later. The actual thing is that this software OS was released for other phones, but it can also be used for my phone but the phone needed to be flashed. Those Nokia people should have updated the current version to that software. It would have been better. But no. So, It took me a long time to understand the steps and download the software. Finally, I flashed my phone following the steps given in the Internet. The phone was flashed in a single attempt. If it wouldn't have flashed in the first attempt, I would have panicked with my hearts out. But, alas, the phone was updated. The new Anna OS was superb. I installed all the new applications and all other stuff. My happiness with the new OS was limited. The Nokia Ovi Suite popped a notification that there is a new software update for the phone. Without thinking, I started updating the phone. After the update was installed, I realized that the phone OS was totally changed back to the sucking Nokia symbian OS v 60.something . I was hyper angry. I couldn't think of anything. I tried flashing my phone like I did earlier. This time, the software version had changed. So, the software with which I was flashing was obsolete now. It was only valid for the previous update. D-a-r-n... D-a-m-n.! Now the result was that my phone had nothing. It wont start. I finally made up my mind and told my mom and then dad. But I kept on searching the net for some way to get it back. So, finally I did find a way to get back the sucking Nokia Symbian v60 OS. After many attempts, it did come back to the disgusting old look. There was no new update for the Symbian Anna for the new release of V60. Luckily, I found one the previous night. I downloaded it this morning and flashed once again. There were some technical difficulties in the beginning. When all was done, the phone remained white for a long time. But the new Anna 7.5 did appear again. I was later busy updating the software  applications. So, Symbian Anna is back for my Nokia 5800 Music Xpress.

P.S. : The post title was actually "K-E-W-L" which probably means cool. The internet adaptation of the same. Frankly, I couldn't think of a proper post title, so after much thought changed it to this more awkward title. Another thing that I wanted to add in this post was a photo of my phone with the new OS, but for that I have to get the DSLR Camera from my study table, then take a picture, then find the USB cable, then upload the photo into the Laptop and then upload here. Doesn't it sound like a lengthy process.?So did I thought. Whatever! Finally, I have some time to to be happy for my phone or something like that. :-|

Hmm, Er.. !!

Well finally I started another blog. Are you kiddin' me ? How many blogs are you going to create? I am not kidding and I have no idea as of how many I will be creating. I am a total (Yeah, you got it right, whatever you think I am). Moving on. 

Dude, what is wrong with movies these days. They are really not at all good. I have to turn away my face  to escape those idiotic scenes. Tollywood & Bollywood are my concerns here. Hollywood is very much advanced. Atleast they don't make up those bogus idiotic out of mind movies, at least not all. But here the Tollywood really sucks man. Really. Though it is a copy of Bollywood movies, most of them, still they don't create much appeal. And Bollywood also copies from other languages even Tollywood, still it sucks big time. Bollywood goes Hollywood and start remaking with the Indian actors. They just take the story and turn it into a bogus and unbearable script and take up idiotic actors to work out the movie. Seriously. I get sick of watching those movies. It is a misconception of reality. I really don't know what the directors think when they direct the movie. If the movie is fiction, let it be, but don't make it too obsolete that it sickens the movie on the whole. In most of the movies here, a single person defeats the whole army of enemies with a small wound. He is called Hero. I appreciate his strength. But I would have appreciated more if he were a Superman or some kind of superhero. But no, he isn't. He is just another ordinary person with extra-orinary strength. He doesn't even look like a WWF fighter or anyone compared to the likes. He looks just like any other person with good physic and body. That's enough for scrambling the eggs and even the WWF fighters with a single blow. Grow up man. Atleast use the technology. Oh you do use it. But not in a effective manner. I can't even speak of it. The difference between the west and the east is that they work, but here they don't. They just follow the trend of the west and try to implement them. Seriously, it is way too much awkward. The new trend is the showing off finger. I don't know why do they even put that scene even when it is not necessary. What can they do? Its' the trend of the present. Even short films are also implementing it. God save the world. 

I don't know why I wrote this. I have No Idea. Now please don't tell, Get Idea. It is another idiotic advertisement. 

The (un)Steadiness !

Fourteen days have passed in this year and I feel nothing new. I didnt even feel the sense of new year. Why? I never knew. No. I never wanted to tell. There are many reasons. Now I feel so devastated. Seriously. I feel so s-c-r-e-w-e-d. I am in deep deep trouble. I know that I have eyes on my back. Sometimes I can't actually think what to do! I can't believe that I made some serious mistakes. That't not the problem. The problem is that I am unable to get out of the trouble. I was good at getting out of troubles. But now, my mind is totally numb. There is nothing that my mind can think of. There are so many things in my mind. And all those things are totally absurd and rubbish. Still, I am not getting a clear mind. Darn. 

Seriously, I lost touch of everything. Why? Fear? Frustration? wth..? Those two things are there. Fear of what ? Of future ! I have no answer to that. Actually I have the answer, but on this public forum, it is not so appropriate to tell. Frustration is when what I intended to do doesn't happen the way I want it to. (Its not anything new) . I know. The mind thing. It plays at the expense of (I don't know what to call it). 

I had a plan to work all this out. Really, I made one. If that had worked out perfectly, I wouldn't be here writing this nonsense post. I can't help it. I have to think of something else and this time I have to make it work. Somehow. 

Three days back my phone kept ringing most of the day. I was surprised to see it ringing. Actually no one calls me except my mom/dad. Dad did call though. But after him, my phone was still ringing for quite some time. I didn't answer it because I had no idea what to tell. I was myself in a chromatic shock. I know about them. They are real gems and brainy people. I don't know how they got into this college, but they deserve much better college. Probably now they will be going to better and best colleges. But I am stuck in this mess. The mess is so tangled. And I can't make out of this. I wish I had a magic wand and with a spell I could get out of this tangled mess!

I managed to write this far despite my unsteadiness of the mind / brain. Great. I am losing my touch of writing (as if I had earlier) ! Whatever. 

-Troubled Person. 

New Year 2012 !

So here we are. Yet another year. Don't you think I am growing a bit faster. May be not. It just a feeling, I guess. Whatever! So firstly Happy New Year : Twenty Twelve. 

Isn't this just another day of the year. Just a casual day, No? Yeah, you are right, it is not. It is the beginning of a new year. And hence all people would be loaded with new plans and "resolutions" kind of stuff. The precise moment that everyone across the world cherishes is when the clock strikes twelve. That moment is met with hugs, kisses and lots of love. Well its Party time, man. The next day begins and I actually like it is same like any other day. The only moment that electrifies me is the strike at twelve. A momentary lapse of time when I feel real, alive! And now that moment is past, it is just like any other day. So how was the previous year? Was it fun? , exciting? or any other feeling ? The whole previous year is dizzy in front of my eyes. Just the same feeling that I get at every first day of the yea when I try to recap the whole previous year. Anyways I will shoot in the air. Lets see if you can catch it. 

There were a lot of weird instances that happened the whole previous year. I already told about it, didn't I? Well, if you still haven't read it it is in the post titled "Till Now-So Far". Still, I will summarize it.

• One of the best thing that I got is a Camera. I am actually into photography. But it is really hard to roam around the city and find the right moment which I want to capture. I have had some really great captures. 
• One shocking thing is the job in Tata Consultancy Services. I was at my worst for the interview and I had the minutest hope, I mean no hope at all. Because I know what I did during the interview and it sucked big time, really.
• An amazing thing was a night out with friends and that was a ride to a beach for a birthday party. That I mentioned in the Midnight Rampage blog-post.
• One sad thing is that i spent the most money last year than I would have ever spent in any year. 
• Another f8 shocking thing is a call from a girl which was absolutely a prank call. 
• The fourth year started with a different beat. I mean it wasn't like any of the usual beginnings like the previous years or semesters. I wasn't feeling right about what I was doing. Actually I cared less what I did. So, I landed in some small yet complicated troubles. And that carelessness is still there and I am quite messed up right now. 
• And I am very easy to buy and people take advantage of it most of the times. I realized that and am trying not to be bought. And damn I am weak, man.

These are the things that I remember so far. That was the past. Past is for the lessons and the present is to learn from the lessons and tomorrow is not to make the same mistakes. Hmm, er.. I actually forgot what I was about to write in this post. May be that loud TV noise is creating the disturbance and not letting me to think clearly. Damn. Anyways, whatever. You want me to be frank? Actually I never enjoyed a New Year Day for the past four years. And so, I never went out or for any kind of parties. Why? I am always in the thought of the day that is about to come. And I am far-sighted also. Usually, the first results of the previous semester's result come out in the first or the second week of January. And seriously, that scares the sugarhoneyicedtea out of me. And this time, I am not worried about the result of my previous semester cuz like I said I am getting a quite careless. So I am over it. But there is some other thing that scares me. The mighty CAT. Seriously, I messed it up and am totally screwed. Serious  sugarhoneyicedtea. :( ! Totally scared. Escaping from it is real difficult this time. I am so very much dead. Anyways moving ahead, let me see what I am planning to do this year. Hmm, Resolutions? I am very good at breaking the resolutions I make every time. I am not that good at keeping them up to it. I always try my best to make that happen. My bad. I always fail. :( . Still I will make them now and try to follow them atleast from this year. (The same sentence / dialogue I had been telling for all the past years). Anyways, I gotto go. See you tomorrow. 

Take Care. 

Happy New Year. :)